Certain Needs Gone/Changed/Never-Present?

[SarahMarie42]

This is a rather simple question, and I should probably be in bed xD, so I will present it briefly. Though I, for a while, had the desire to dress at home frequently, I feel that much of my private dressing (not all of it) centered on a need to check my appearance so that I might determine whether I could fulfill other needs at a later point in time, and to provide a few scattered photos to my good friends so that they could be exposed to my other lateral (this is way less brief than I thought it would be :|). I don't feel a need to dress at home all too often, though I obviously still do occasionally, because I am not drawn so much to clothing in and of itself as I am to the social presentation of myself as a female. I enjoy interacting with others as a woman would, I prefer to expose those around me to the full range of my attributes, rather than the compartmentalized, highly exclusionary, "masculine" or "gender-neutral" attributes.

I often wonder if this indifference toward clothing, at least at home, bears any implication as to my identity or my place amongst all of you here and in the cd/tg community. I will add that, when I'm wearing clothing which is overtly masculine while in public, and bears no indication as to my interests (particularly those which are gender-neutral), I tend to exclude its presence from my consciousness -- as I very much dislike it.

Any thoughts?

They would be greatly appreciated (and I now admit that this isn't a very simple question x[)

-Sarah-

[Jenni Yumiko]

Are you growing bored? I know after I do by myself for a while, it gets boring with no one to affirm my looks or present myself to. Are there others around you that you could physically interact with?

[SarahMarie42]

I don't know if it's boredom. I think I just have a social need to be female, at least occasionally. However, I wonder if my not feeling a highly consistent need to dress somehow invalidates me. :|

[Jenni Yumiko]

No I don't think so. Like with anything you will have high and low points, times you feel like getting dressed (normally) just to hang out in the house all day, or times you just want to stay in your pajamas cause its just too much work that has no need.
There are a lot of times when I'm alone and am like, hmm dress opportunity, but get involved in something else and totally forget about it. Just means your not obsessing, and that's a good thing.

[SarahMarie42]

Yeah, I suppose -- though I consistently have feminine social needs which had often gone unexpressed in the past. Those will remain for the rest of my life, and I'm comfortable with them -- hell, I'm even delighted by them. But I, much like any woman would, actually, sometimes don't feel like shaving my legs when I don't have to, or feel like putting on makeup when I don't have to -- on those days, I prefer to just lounge around in my pj's, if I can help it. I still try to live out my feminine social needs through whatever means are available, though.

[Jaymees22]

Hi, I usually dress every chance I get and stay in most days. Lately I've been going out in the car for rides, trying to get my confidence back up for an outing at a store or elsewhere. Today though my wife is home from work and I feel relieved that I won't be dressing for a few days. I guess our moods change from time to time or we even tire of things we enjoy. I've cut back on the picture taking of myself lately too, I guess I know what I look like now. Jaymee

[Sara Jessica]

This all depends on where the desire to dress comes from. You describe a feminine nature to your being in that you wish to be a social creature on the female side of the spectrum rather than on the masculine side. Indeed, being social can be such a huge aspect of who we are (as opposed to being driven by what we might do).

If by being social in the way you desire it doesn't matter how you are presenting, then all the better. Seems that would make life easier. Personally, I am also very social and the cultivating of friendships on my female side has been fulfilling beyond my wildest dreams. While presenting as a female in these situations has it's advantages, and even preferences, it's not an absolute must.

Bottom line, I suspect you are not defined by what you choose to wear. Instead, it's all about what is in your heart. Merging the two, even if only some of the time, is something many of us do. Adding the social element takes it from a mere two dimensions to a third one where the opportunities for personal growth are without limit.

[Danni Renee]

Maybe the issue was never clothing based in the first place. We are all who we are. Some of us spend years fighting ourselves (and not just crossdressers or transgenders for that matter) before we finally start to feel comfortable in our own skin. It sounds to me like you are starting to feel more comfortable with your inner feelings so that the clothing and makeup are not needed as much to make your outsides match your insides.

Danni

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe you do need to get out and socialize.

[AllieSF]

I don't know if it's boredom. I think I just have a social need to be female, at least occasionally. However, I wonder if my not feeling a highly consistent need to dress somehow invalidates me. :|

Sarah, others have given you some good comments. Mine is that you do not need validation if you like yourself and what you are doing. I know that we, me included in that "we", like to receive some validation, but it really is not necessary to be happy and can actually get in the way and mess up things if we find that we one day "need" that validation. In my case, I started dressing at home with the intent to get out in the real world. Once I got out there, I only dress at home when putting together something to wear for my next outing. I too am a very social person, actually social interaction with others is my "need". i do bring both sides of myself to most conservations and interactions, because I am really just one person inside who varies my outside appearance when I can.

[Lady Catherine]

I always thought it was about the clothes until recently. I find that the feminine things I do keep me happy enough that the clothes don't matter as much. I find that when I shave my legs or do my nails or such, it makes me feel feminine enough. I'm beginning to think that I'm perhaps more transgender then I thought, and I may need to do some soul searching.