I just finished reading your postings all the way through, as I had lost track of the details since your May post, so when I read you two most recent posts my jaw dropped. I'm so sorry that everything you've both worked for has turned sour. My only hope is that the stark reality of separation overwhelms the negativity that currently exists. We all wish you the best.
tina
Spent he last two weeks in the hospital for my Crohns and other ailment.
During said time, my wife wouldn't leave, despite my protests.
We talked a lot about everything, lack of electronics and outside influences helped with our communication.
The cding wasn't really the root issue, more so other factors in our life and the general disposition of myself lately.
We are together still, when I got home, I showed her everything in had and we piled them in three piles.
Keep, amvets, toss.
As long as I communicate more, am less of a jackass and even out girl/boy time, I'm allowed to wear pretty much anything sans shoes, makeup/ wig now.
Wow...this has been a real roller coaster for both of you. If there's a way to manage it, I would work on calm and collected...focus on healing yourself and your relationship. Let the future take care of itself. The present seems a good deal better than it was a few weeks ago.
YEAAAAA!
Glad to hear that you guys are still together, and that communications still works!
I believe that if you share Jenni with your wife, she may begin to enjoy having her around, and you need to share your boy part too. Enjoy the ride. When it becomes Overwhelming, then its time to take a break and find out whats really happening. Ie CD/TG/TS.
Bobbi
Aint nothin gonna happen that aint supposed too!
Jen - I have read all of your entries in this thread. I am very happy things are currently on the positive up-swing. But, I want to warn you "PROCEED WITH CAUTION". One thing I realized from all of your comments, is that it appears not only your wife "wears the pants" in your relationship (which is fine if you like it that way), but she now has what I like to call "THE OPTION", and that is totally different from wearing the pants. The One with the Option is the One who controls just about anything in a relationship.
I had a strong sense you're in a troubled relationship very early in your posts. I do believe she's still planning her exit, though. I really want to be proven wrong, but I speak from my own experience (I was lucky to have a good therapist who coached me well). Jen - it's time you play smart. If you love your wife and want to stay with her, you have to figure out a way to take the "OPTION" away from her. Otherwise, you have no control over anything that goes on in the relationship. She has you by the balls, and she knows it. I am going to be blunt here - If I were to guess, when things dried-up between you two, she probably had an affair with someone else, thinking she wanted a real man, and wanted a divorce. But then, for some other reason, she slowed things down. Maybe she found out he's married. All I know is I think you should be careful.
Good Luck to you!
HURRY-UP, IN THE BACK SEAT!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Jen, I'm so sorry to hear of this. But, I believe the main reason is #2. Her insecurity has gotten the best of her. If it was anything else, she would have lived w/ it as part of life. It's going to be hard to let her go. I know, I'm fast approaching my divorce, I believe. I'm afraid, that my wife will be the one suffering after our marriage dissolvment. It will be by her choice that she decides too suffer emotionally for the rest of her life.Originally Posted by Jennialy
I agree with MysticLady....
HURRY-UP, IN THE BACK SEAT!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
One of the problems with a long lived post like this is that people can't keep up with developments. Jenn and her wife have reached an epiphany in just the past few posts. There's not much benefit in rehashing events that have since been superseded.
Jenni,
It seems like things are looking up for you now, make sure to take care of yourself after your hospital stay. Try and stay positive about your situation. Good luck!
Im not sure why your not allowed to wear a wig or makeup. I know when my girl and I started getting into CD it began with some shaved legs and stuff like that, then one night she did my makeup then I went in the other room and put on a wig and got dressed, when I came back she said she really thought I looked beautiful. lets be honest here without the makeup and a wig she will never see you as Jenni , you will always just be a guy in girls clothes.
I think maybe she should see you as Jenni, perhaps exposing your inner self to her like that will be a bonding experience for both of you.
then again you have been seeing therapist that are trained so what do I know.
"a little duct tape on the nipples is a small price to pay for beauty"
With the addition of makeup/wigs it crosses the "its just clothes" line that she is trying to get comfortable with.
From my perspective, the wigs and makeup are a lot of work, that can be better spent on other things. Once in a great while ill go all out, but really not that often.
What's wrong with being a guy who wears girls' clothes?
Hi Jenn, I see you're still dealing w/ the Mrs. on this. It's work ain't itThey are problematic, are they not? Tell her, too let go of the "Mental Blocks". It'll make her life much easier. I told mine. We'll see if she listens to me
At least, the emotions have faded from our talks and that in itself, is so much nicer
Glad you are having some positive things going for you now. Just remember to take care of your health.
I can totally understand her wanting to have some boundaries until she gets more comfortable with this whole situation. During my progression (long before I had anyone in my life) there were several different "lines" that I couldn't bring myself to cross. One of those was buying shoes. In my mind, having girl shoes was a huge leap from just wearing a skirt or nylons. Another line was boobs. I was fine wearing a bra, but to my mind once there were breasts inside that was a whole different story. Now I have several pairs of both silicone forms and heels.
Take it slow with your wife, and let her get comfortable at each stage. In this way, you will both follow this journey together, and that way she will feel more like a partner that just an outside observer.
Good luck!
Rather than add my two cents to an almost 6-month diary with considerable advice offered, I'd like to address the GI problems as I've had about sixty years experience starting with IBS and in the last few years ulcerated colitis. The Crohn's, as you probably already know, is an extension further into the intestines of the ulcer problem. Most of my treatment has been with VA facilities now in Florida and previously in Washington state (where U. Of W. hospital interns spend some of their time at the VA hospitals) and before that in many other states in my travels. Yes, I'm leading up to something after being long-winded here: At the VA clinic they have a large sign where the GI docs practice that in big letters reads, "Avoid Stress" the most important contributor to colitis and Crohn's --- I know, a lot easier said than to do especially when you have been in high stress conditions for some time now. How you can go about reducing stress is a problem met with some success through both certain mental and physical activities. In addition you may not be aware that there is a national Crohn Institute that connects you on a monthly or weekly basis with a paid worker (paid by them as it's a free service) who provides literature and one-on-one advice. If you need further information on that service kindly PM me. In conclusion, most of my related problems have been conquered along with a few meds to maintain better health.
Hope I've been of some value.
Julie
Yes the ups and downs and the "dragging this out" kills me inside, I would rather it all out done and fixed in a tidy little package, but that isn't going to happen. :-(
Julie - I also have had a long history of stomach issues, IBS, diverticulosis, Ulcer and now Crohns.
I really didn't think I had more stress than the person next to me or any anxiety issues, but boy was I wrong.
Indeed to get this out, this was a really crappy year, anything that could have gone wrong with the family did, I was also diagnosed with Crohns. To keep the Crohns in check, I had a temporary resection to help the inflamed part heal, I was also put on an anti depressant to keep my stress down. After the intestine headed and I was unsectioned, they took me off the anti depressant, abruptly. I went through withdrawal and severe emotional clouding. When I wrote that my wife did a 180 and said she couldn't deal with it anymore, it was via text and I skimmed the long text and picked out that statement. (I know now the entire contents of that text and her statement was if I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't take all of it) So, armed with that, all the crap that had happened this year, and coming off an anti depressant abruptly, it got in my head that life wasn't worth it. I downed a bottle of pain medication and for a few seconds thought **** it. A few minutes later I came to my senses and attempted to throw up the bottle. I counted about 50 or so pill parts in the toilet. Not good, the bottle had 90. I called my friend who in turn called 911, which in turn gave me a two week stay in the hospital under medical supervision.
I'm still in the hospital for 6 hours a day for outpatient therapy. There have been a ton of things going wrong for me this year, but one thing I will say is that my wife has been by my side this whole time and even of she didn't get or couldn't accept the crossdressing, I would stay with her anyway for the above reasons. Our whole family has since been in group therapy also (part of the post stay regiment) and while I'm pretty close to my kids, we are very very close now. I have a better understanding as to why I am the way I am in terms of the quick hostilities, the whole overcompensating my male side, talking and showing emotion, and our family is doing much better. My son and daughter were like me, never expressing their emotions or opening up to the crappy things that happen, we are now talking daily even after therapy about ourselves how we feel and how things are going in our lives.
A lot of my lifelong actions, demeanor, and feelings stem from the inner Jenni that has just been recently fully realized. While I don't think I would ever be at this point of self actualization nor emotional openness to my family without this experience, I don't recommend it as a route to go by any means.
I do thank God that I came to my senses, and honestly am kinda glad that I was taken of the antidepressant cold turkey. If the cessation symptoms weren't there, I would still be the same stereotypical alpha male I was 6 months ago.
This post. Will probably disappear, but it felt good to get it all out publicly. :-)
Quite a Road you've traveled on Jenni. You still have many miles to cruise on, hope all continues to be positive
Mindy
Member of the "Pulled Over When Dressed Club"
If I can get out there, you can too
So glad to hear of your update. Sounds like your wife is open to further consideration and I'll bet concessions. She obviously loves you as she is willing to read more about CD'ing and what level you wish to explore for yourself. You are on the right path, and the best thing you can do is to keep honest and open conversations with her just as you have been doing. I wish you both my best for a successful outcome. If further concessions are given, I'd stronly suggest that you take things very slowly to allow your wife time to adjust to this 'new' you. Best wishes to you both.
Di
So I have been in post stay group therapy for about a month now, I gave the group my whole story including the transgendered parts so now I have two of the women in there hitting on me quite a bit, sad that if I knew how many were accepting now back en I probably would have actively looked for a woman who was pro cding. I think though the biggest thing was finding out. I have a genetic mutation that directly relates to my depression and stomach issues.
On the cding front, my wife just got a Mac makeover and a good grand worth of new makeup for her new look that I have been applying on her daily (I'm her makeup artist now I guess) while it is fun and we are connecting a lot more on the girl thing front, I do kinda wish it went both ways. I hinted at it and she wasn't very receptive... Baby steps right?
Hi Jenni, I have lurked here for a while and just joined. One of the threads I have followed is this one. I am not a creeper, promise. I have followed it because we revealed to our wives at a similar time, and your wife sounds similar to mine in terms of how she has felt and is coping. You and I seem to be on a somewhat parallel path. And yes, baby steps really is so key to keeping our marriage healthy. What seems agonizingly slow to us probably feels like turbo boost for them. You are lucky as am I that we have wives who are still with us. How we respect our wives and give them the time they need to incorporate this, which is a large yield nuke being dropped on them is a key to a successful relationship. It is a learning curve for those of us who have revealed after the vows. compromise is key, and remembering that any acceptance of cding for our wives is a compromise in of itself.
Last edited by Tina_gm; 09-03-2013 at 01:56 PM.
Wow, I am glad jennialy . That things are at progressing at baby steps. Having yet to broach the full subject with my wife. I am hoping with baby steps to let her see my other side through. A more gentle and caring spouse , we have always been great friends , but the cd thing frightens her. Glad you shared this with us. I can only wish the best for you, and all of us in this situation.. Once again jennialy thank you for sharing. Hugs
Follow your path.. For only you can decide, which way to go.
Aretha, can I suggest to you you that the layered approach or the gently easing her into it approach will not work. I tried that and did not make anything any better. Perhaps worse. Little comments, started some body shaving.... Maybe deep down the SO's will put 2x2 together... but believe me, if we can deny our own selves, don't think for a minute that they won't make up any excuse in their head to justify that this is anything other than transgenderism or even the most simplest of crossdressing.
By the time I had the talk I felt I had softened the blow. Was I ever wrong! still a major quake for her. How could she not know by now?? Thinking back she did see all the signs, but in their minds they will not recognize because they don't want it to. BTW, this is not meant for putting down women by any means, hell, I did the same to myself. I gave myself every excuse as to why I desired women's clothing and to be feminine.... anything and everything but actually being that way.
There is no real easing into it. She may or may not have it figured out what is going on, probably not as you say the idea of crossdressing frightens her. But It does for a large majority of women, so you are far from alone.
Thank you gendermutt, I really appriciate the advice. One day THAT day and conversation will happen. Still don't know how, or what is the right way,,,alas confusion still reigns. Thanks again hugs.
Follow your path.. For only you can decide, which way to go.
yw Aretha, I dont have the answers, but know from others plus my own experience that the gradual approach doesn't work even though on paper it sounds like a no brainer
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