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Thread: Debunking: "I like women's clothes"

  1. #1
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Debunking: "I like women's clothes"

    We've had countless threads discussing why members crossdress, with a wide variety of answers, such as: it gives comfort, or it is relaxing, it brings joy, it is exciting, it brings happiness, I enjoy being feminine, I want to look beautiful, I hate the way I look as a guy, it is sexual, it is sensual, it makes me feel like myself, it feels normal for me, I have a degree of feminine identity ... and other reasons I'm sure I missed.

    I can understand all of the above reasons, since they either describe deeper motives, or the payoff for dressing. They describe the feelings that individuals get when they dress and we all know that our behaviors are motivated by the prospect of a reward or a punishment. We tend to do things that feel good (eat, sleep, earn incomes, engage in hobbies, be altruistic and help others, crossdress, engage in other pleasant activities, etc). And we tend to not do things that feel bad. Either way, the feeling that we anticipate getting will influence whether we will choose to do something or not.

    But, there are also reasons that I don't understand and they're not reasons, really. They don't indicate how exactly the crossdresser benefits from dressing. These reasons are: "I just like women's clothes. They feel nicer or softer than men's clothes. Women's clothes have a wider variety of styles and colors. Women are allowed to wear pants so why can't men wear skirts." I might even add "It makes me feel good" to this list, since saying this is rather non-descriptive.

    Surely, there must be more to the second set of reasons that explain why a man would risk jeopardizing his marriage and/or a job, and risk subjecting himself to potential ridicule and ostracism from peers … and therefore staying closeted, just because women's clothes "are nicer"? Surely the payoff must be large indeed to risk all those things? Is there no need at all to be feminine, or is it really just because women's clothes come in prettier colors and feel softer?

    … which by the way doesn't make sense if these are the only reasons, because men's clothes also come in silk, cashmere, fine woven soft wools, top grade cottons, and also in a wide array of colors.

    Can anyone tell me why some CDers don't give themselves deeper reasons than just "I think that women's clothes are nicer"?
    Reine

  2. #2
    Lady in Being (7/20/17) AmyGaleRT's Avatar
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    It could be that they haven't really sat down and thought the matter through. It took a long time for me to come to the conclusion that I've voiced here on the forums, which is that I have a part-female soul that I am expressing when en femme. It also took the influence of my fiancee, who believes that her soul is Native American, and got me thinking about the concept of one's soul being of different attributes from one's body. Before that, I might have just latched onto the "I like women's clothes" explanation as a cheap, easy response. It's still true though, I do like the clothes. But I had to dig deeper to figure out why I like them, why I felt happy and contented wearing them.

    - Amy
    Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
    Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
    aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I agree that there may be some flawed logic and self deception involved but sometimes when any of us get a fixed idea in our head, it's hard to knock it out even with a sledge hammer. Bottom line is it's nice to look nice, simple as that.Many of us just do it because we can and it then turns into a feed back/feed forward process of good feelings. I must admit, however, that the more I get in touch with my inner feelings and motivations, the more I don't see what the big deal is and just do it without the need to justify it.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  4. #4
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    If I could answer your question/s in any meaningful way then I would have written a book about my findings and be a rich man/girl in the process.

    However, I'm purely of the mindset that I like my femininity element that can be expressed whilst presenting as female but I retain my purely masculine side that is so much a part of me. I have only been dressing fully this year since I came out to my wife, and I do feel this lets me show a side of my character that otherwise would be stifled.

    As regards the "ostracism from peers' part, no worries for this 'Billy No Mates'. I left the Forces 20 years ago and returned to the area I grew up in, only to discover that I had changed beyond all recognition from the boy that I was. Maybe I'm a British snob now? I definitely changed socio-economic group, but Trans was never on my list...........or was it?

    Rebecca
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  5. #5
    Member CD Kelley's Avatar
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    This question has been on my mind and has caused me a lot problems ever since my wife asked me "why". I feel that all my life I have tried to fit the image taught to me by the men around me. I do not believe that there is male and female gender but a spectrum from macho to ultra feminine. Men are expected to live in the narrow part of the male end. My personality slides down a bit towards the female end but I dare not show it for fear labels will be attached. When I dress it is like hanging a sign on myself that says I am here on the spectrum don't expect macho. It feels good not to act male, it feels good to relax and let my guard down. When dressed no one expects me to be strong. This is not the whole story but a large portion of it
    The minute you think of giving up think of the reason you held on for so long

  6. #6
    Member andrea lace's Avatar
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    I dress because it makes me feel sexy it turns me on but doesn't always lead to sex. My wife says I am less stressed when I am dressed and tend to continue this for the rest of the day even when I return to drab.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    It is something you are born with[at least some of us].No other explanation for it.I,like so many,were curious[almost fixated] on wearing girl clothes.Pre puberty,clothes were the differing thing between sexes..I loved the "Brownie dress"! By puberty,I was seriously envious of girls.As a teen,I wanted that "magical power" so badly and started my pursuits of "absorbing their style"..and this has continued to now. It would all be easy except for the fact that I have been doing the boy life because it is what people born with penises are supposed to do. But,I had to have this "T" feeling at birth and the clothing feelings were the confirmation of it.It is too common a theme to be dismissed easily.
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  8. #8
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    Could it be that they just don't need to?
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  9. #9
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    As you said there are a lot of reasons given that try to explain why someone likes to cross dress and I am sure that some of the simplest reasons given are the reasons for that particular person and if it was not for the fact that the clothes were originally intended for female's then there would not be the necessity to explain why you like to wear a particular type of clothing , I am just wondering if a female was asked the same question would you get similar answers but for some there is obviously a deeper reason in that it works as a pathway, bridge, physical connection to an inner side of you that you need to find a way to express and the one thing you left out , To feel normal , I am sure that most females have exactly the same reasons for liking to wear certain types of clothing and for some unknown reason there seems to be a growing number of males that have a similar reason to do the same yet society makes us have to explain why, maybe that is the unfair bit about cross dressing ( which I expect also apply's to FtM who no doubt have to explain why they do not like girlie clothes ) , it is conditioned into us that males should like one thing and females should like another yet society seems to be embracing the way females can act,do or dress, and even be the bread winner of the family maybe it is time that for a certain group of males we caught up with that or society caught up with us , apart from that I have not got a clue but the next time you put on something that makes you feel good about your self , ( I will not say sexy as I am sure that you are sexy whatever you are wearing and it would not be right for me to do so , but you are ) Ok just slapped my self so no need for you to do so , yes the next time just think that there are males about who feel just the same way and it is as simple as that , just had to slap myself again I am getting sidetracked of your question
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  10. #10
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    This question has plagued me for years, and I've considered and rejected many theories of my own over the years. Since joining this forum, it's been interesting to see what others claim are the reasons for their own dressing, but I'm still not totally sure why I do it. For me, it's not really about the styling, colours and materials, although I can see why some argue that. You can now buy men's clothes in similar styles and much the same materials. I wouldn't argue that men's cotton underwear is any more coarse than women's cotton underwear, and in many cases it's a lot more uncomfortable to wear women's underwear than it is to wear men's, simply because knickers weren't designed to fit men.
    For me, it's the fact that they're women's clothes, and that makes them magical in some way. The women's clothes I own I would never have bought had they been hanging in the men's section, because that would make them utterly humdrum. Wearing women's clothes makes me feel very close to the women and femininity I adore. For example, I'm obviously very close to my wife when we're making love, but I think that in a sense, wearing women's clothes makes me feel even closer than that. I don't know why. I think maybe that it's the closest I can get to feeling how a woman feels as she goes through her day - by reproducing the tactile feelings she must be experiencing on her body. That's obviously a pretty shallow experience of womanhood, but I still find it exhilarating. Maybe that's also because of the taboo nature of cross-dressing for men.

    There's probably more to it than that, but I can't put my finger on it and I don't have time for more analysis right now. I'll keep my eye on this thread and post back if I come up with something else!

  11. #11
    Complex Lolita...
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD
    Can anyone tell me why some CDers don't give themselves deeper reasons than just "I think that women's clothes are nicer"?
    [SIZE="2"]The short answer is that men’s clothes CONCEAL, and women’s clothes REVEAL, something I will elaborate on at length if you’re interested, but it'll probably be a waste of my time (and yours). It’s true that fine men’s clothing has plenty of tactile splendor, obtained at a steep price, and it can mollify the sensualist a little, but why not get the REALLY good stuff and have fun challenging gender boundaries at the same time? Why, indeed...

    I’m glad you chimed in on this topic, Reine, because your consistent non-understanding attitude on this subject inspired my thread OP titled “I like to wear women’s clothes.” It really CAN be that simple – I don’t understand why you keep insisting there has to be more to it than that! For some of us, I mean. I get the feeling that from your “position” as a GG, this fetishistic interest in something forbidden just cannot be understood, but can you at least appreciate the fact that many MtF crossdressers just dress because they like the clothes? It may go beyond that, or it might not, or it may be something else entirely, but consistent resistance to simple truths expressed on this site only clouds the CD mind and makes everything much more complicated – does it have to be like this? I get the feeling that I could write until my fingers are blue, but it’ll make no difference to you – there MUST be something else, I hear you say, but unless you ARE a MtF crossdresser, or you understand ALL types of MtF CD'ers, well, what’s the sense of trying to explain things? It’s frustrating, to be sure, especially when YOU are openly trying to “debunk” things – are you trying to debunk the pleasures of MtF crossdressing, and make it into a purely pathological exercise? Does this qualify as support?

    I can’t hang around to discuss this. If it wasn’t the wee hours I would “say” more – maybe later. BTW, you also inspired my thread OP about us MtF crossdressers all trying to be “beautiful women.” That’s another one of your misconceptions. I should take this opportunity to thank for the inspiration, or the ammunition, however you wish to look at it. PLEASE give me (us) a break...


    You know, I get the feeling that you don't like US...
    [/SIZE]

  12. #12
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    I have been struggling to find a meaningful (or deeper) answer to why we choose to cross dress and risk so much. I recently separated from my wife and me being a CD was the real deal breaker for her. I believe that i am a good person but as much as i try i can not give up this part of me. All i can come up with is that this part of me is programmed in my genes and it is instinctive. In my case i enjoy both my male and female appearance.

    I know that this really doesn't not fit my theory of CD programmed in my genes but sometimes I wonder if we lived in a world where there were not a huge variance between the male and female appearance in the society such as it was common for both man and woman to use make up, wear skirts, wear high heels, remove body hair, have long hair, wear nail polish ect ect...then maybe i would be just normal.

  13. #13
    Junior Member genevie's Avatar
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    At it's most basic: Part of me wants to be a girl. Its not all of me. I don't want to transition. That part gets to express itself when I dress. At that time I could cry for the relief and rightness of it. I don't think some of us are born all one sex. Lucky for us or unlucky for us. The expression of the betweeners is not as easy in our society. But if we are lucky, we might find likeminded folks who we can share our thoughts.
    Gen


  14. #14
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I think those that just like womens clothes are just starting out or have not looked at any underlying reasons for it.
    Closer to the truth it may be that they do not want to reveal any inner feelings they may have.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  15. #15
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    I've been trying to figure it out for more than thirty years and still don't have an answer that would likely satisfy you. I decided years ago that even if I had a reason that made sense to other people it likely wouldn't change my behaviour, so I would just accept it for what it is. Dressing is something I still really enjoy and have enjoyed for those same thirty plus years. How many things in life can you say that about? For me not many, so I've come to accept my dressing without fully understanding it or even needing to fully understand it.

  16. #16
    Aussie girl enjoying life Michelle (Oz)'s Avatar
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    Oh Reine. I much prefer it when you are giving your views. I now have to put my thinking cap on.

    My dressing has cost me one wife and could have (and still might) a second wife. There are significant financial costs in dressing - even a good deal of additional luggage to cart around when travelling. So the cost part of the equation is high.

    Frankly though I don't know why I dress at such a high cost. I used to, on occasions, try to understand but now just accept. Presenting as totally female to the limit of my ability sure gives me an absolute high when out dressed. I love the planning and try to perfect the execution. It brings me joy and happiness. I meet and interact with friendly accepting people that I would never otherwise meet. I do things that my male trained mind sometimes wonders about my sanity - but when totally en femme such thoughts are overtaken by the joy, the sense of 'rightness'.

    I don't find wearing female clothes at home sufficient. It needs to be the full female expression out in the community. But I'm still using words like 'joy' and I do like the 'feel' of female clothes.

    So, I dunno.
    Last edited by Michelle (Oz); 01-28-2013 at 08:08 AM.

  17. #17
    Crossdressing Newbie
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    The catch is with those simple statements, is that they are true. I learned you can't discredit feelings if you express them, so going the simple route first is a great way to come out to someone. That's how I did it to come out to my entire family. I think those statements are necessary to convey a simplicity in crossdressing, and to downplay it as a simple aspect of ones personality to other people.

  18. #18
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    An interesting question, and one I haven't really come across yet. I can definitely see how the second set of reasons you list (the ones you don't accept) seem to be less fundamental ones, or really they are just effects of another, more deep reason. Why aren't people more circumspect about it? That's hard to say, but it isn't behavior that is limited to cross-dressing. A lot of people cannot give you deep, fundamental reason for holding the political leanings that they do.

  19. #19
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    I've often wondered about this, I know three fellow CDs in real life, one of whom is a fetish dresser and a bit of a creep so I tend to avoid him, but the others definitely just fit into the 'i just like the clothes' category. They don't seem to have any actual female identity and seem just as confused as many non-TG people do when I try to explain it to them. I've noticed of the few famous people I know that are crossdressers none of them seem to go into much detail as to why they do it in interviews or shows either.
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  20. #20
    Makeup addict!
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    It's a good question. I just like the clothes, but you bring up a good analysis. I was in the mall the other day when I saw a pair of heels in a store window and I wanted to put my feet in them. I see a nice dress and I want to wear it. It probably doesn't give much perspective, but that's just what's in my mind

    I will say this though: I would give up crossdressing if it jeopardized a relationship. A meaningful relationship is more important than wearing a dress
    Last edited by Brittany CD; 01-28-2013 at 08:56 AM.

  21. #21
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    I think most people do it simply because they enjoy it,and they are strong minded enough not to let others
    dictate what their gender is or what clothes they can wear to express their gender.

  22. #22
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    Eliminate the guys born in the wrong body [and if "most" gay people are clearly born that way no reason to believe others canot be born in the wrong body is there?] and what's left is simply Evolution at work - a man's ability to be visually inspired and proceed to the promised land in a matter of seconds or minutes IF he chooses. No GG will ever/can ever understand this. For men, Os are easy and their VISION is what enables this. It's a well established fact that FEW GGs are blessed with those 2 "gifts". They do get longer lasting Os though and maybe multiples but I certainly would not trade my brain workings concerning the matter for a females if given the choice. Not every guy needs or wants to be done with "it" in a mtter of seconds or a few minutes and move onto somethng else. Clothing items can enable men to more or less "drag it out" for minutes or hours.

    As far as the many of the older members reports that their dressing seldom involves "one" anymore? Few will deny that at least at some point, maybe 20 or 30 years ago, their dressing WAS a means to an end, possibly for many years. Not much of a stretch to decipher that if a brain learns to associate the LOOK and FEEL of female clothing being worn with the big O... Pavlov's Dogs come to mind.

    We are still on the planet because of the highly addictive nature of MEN's orgasms. Only stands to reason that they will be easy for men and fully capable of clouding the better judgement of so many otherwise "intelligent" men. Evolution IS omnipotent.

    You can stop most men from CDing by taking away their mirrors and/or their cameras. THEN, they will have to go back to porn or magazines. All 3 can be used for the same purpose and the porn business IS a multi billion dollar business. Porn isn't my thing but I am guessing most porn women are attractive women in skimpy outfits. Just like hookers?

    Unless I missed it, I have yet to see a pic thread featuring granny dresses with flats.

  23. #23
    Member Meg East's Avatar
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    I gave up deep thinking as my New Year's resolution.

    I have a tendency to dress when I am not under stress, i.e., I dress when I am happy. Maybe it is my personal reward for being a good state of mind.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Stevie's Avatar
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    I risk everything because I'm selfish and that's what I want to do. I support my wife no matter what and feel she should do the same for me. But that's not the case because its not normal. So I asked her what normal is and she said not that.

  25. #25
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    Frankly, and I know this probably won't make many friends on this forum, I reject the notion of expressing an "inner-female" or whatever when justifying or explaining Crossdressing. I don't know of any and can't think of any Crossdressers that would actually like to deal with the real burdens women face on a day-to-day basis. Women are under-paid, have their sexual lives and choices politicized, they are often not taken seriously by their professional colleagues, and are subjected to sexual assault, harassment, and objectification, just to name a few... and that's only here in the US. Unfortunately, there is no true "gender equality" and I would go so far as to say that we as a society are only working towards an "equality of the sexes." Which is to say that its becoming OK for females to occupy the social and gender roles traditionally ascribed to males (having a career, engaging in politics, etc.), but not visa versa.

    So to the point of all this: The best justification I can come up with outside of a notion of "just liking the clothes" (and for the record: women's clothing IS way more fun than men's clothes) is that Crossdressing is all about power.

    I don't think we as men often think about it in such terms, but playing the masculine social-role can be extremely stressful, unexciting, and drab, among many other things. Men are limited in many ways by their appearance, social behaviors, and career expectations. BUT, we do occupy and control the top of the "social hierarchy" if you want to think of it that way, and sometimes the head that wears the crown gets heavy. It makes more sense to me that Crossdressing is about shirking, briefly or long-term, the responsibilities of "man-ness" or masculinity to occupy and play a role different from that of "just a man." In other words, I believe Crossdressing is about divesting oneself of the power, privilege, and responsibility (and the stress that comes along with it) that masculinity provides and demands.

    I believe this is why people often "retreat" into crossdressing during times of stress... and why some men find their "female" selves to be more exciting or freeing than their "male" selves - because when they are playing the role of a woman, they DON'T have those same worries and stresses. I could write all day on this topic, I have about a million and one theories, but I'll suffice it to say I believe at the core it's all about power - either taking on or rejecting it.
    Last edited by Ambergold43; 01-28-2013 at 09:22 AM.

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