I'm starting to see a gender counselor now, too, and I'm learning that the first thing out of my mouth (or my keyboard) is not necessarily what I truly think. Seems to take me a mental pause to determine if what I'm thinking or saying or typing is simply what I want to be, hear, or appear as, versus a fundamental, honest expression of my true self.
In this case I'm not sure if I can logic out that I'm the same person in drab or dressed, but I'm finding that clothes are not an end in themselves for me. Regardless of my logic, a few immediate, emotional reactions come forward to inform me:
(1) when I AM dressed I feel very "well," less stressed, and more loving and kind towards those in my life;
(2) the more that I dress openly, i.e., not in secret, the less important the particular item of clothing or outfit I'm wearing matters, I just feel increasingly like described in item 1 above, and
(3) I feel an emotional darkness attempt to descend around me when I undress back to drab.
Am I the "same" person? I guess so.
Am I more trans* than just CD? Evidently.
Do I understand this yet? No.
Am I happier and more content overall? Yes!
