Confused Scared

[Tammy Nowakowski]

First off let me say thanks for reading and second sorry for the grammer and spelling not my cup of tea.

I would like to get back in wearing dresses and skirts and all the other girly stuff that goes with it.

I’m not sure how to approach my wife. I would like to shave my legs and shave off my mustache and put on the skirt or a dress. She is ok with me wearing night gowns and panties and a bra under my guy clothes and it does show every now and then, sometimes I’ll wear women’s shirt under my sweet shirt to my office.

And here is the drawback is we live in a hotel that the only thing around here that will take our two dogs there is really no room to do anything in there.

There are days that my feelings are so strong it just makes me unhappy. I would like to try on wig and makeup and see what I would like. I wish I could find more CDER’s around this area that would take me under their wing. I know that would not be option, and again it brings me back to what my other half would think. She just pushes it under the rug when I ask her about it. She not much in to wearing makeup herself.

I’m tired of just wearing guys clothes it is kind of boring. Is there any girly jeans that could pass as I guy jeans?

Tammy

[PertyX]

hi

I really feel for your predicament. Do you work in the hotel as well?

I guess it's good that your wife at least knows and tolerates. Could be a lot worse.

Life is too short to be unhappy, though.

I suppose the way forward has to be with your wife; she needs to know just how miserable you are. As your life companion that should make her unhappy as well.

Do you have any kind of love life with her? Sorry to pry.

Good luck with whatever you decide...
x

[Shelly117]

Hi Tammy,
First of all I'm very happy for you that your girl lets you do all the things you stated. I would start with the mustache and say you want to try a new look. As far as shaving your legs, that makes two of us. I can't seem to find a way to be able to do it either. My girl has specifically told me that she likes me with hair on my legs and chest. My best advice would to talk to her and find out where she stands on it. Maybe make a compromise and only do it once or twice a year so that at least you get to enjoy it for a while but she still has the man she wants.
Best of luck
Shelly
P.s. if you want to talk in private feel free to pm me

[jenni_xx]

First of all, nothing wrong with shaving off your mustache. Doing so wouldn't raise any suspicions at all, from anyone!

From what you say, your wife knows about this side of you, if not the extent of how important this side of you is to you, or how far you would like to take it, but still, is at least accepting of what she does know. That gives you a degree of flexibility that many don't have (those with SO's who know nothing about it). So in that respect you are lucky. And in that respect that is your starting point in approaching it with your wife. You could even approach the subject by saying exactly what you said here - you could say to her that you would just like to try it (wearing a wig, make-up), just to see how it makes you feel. Not that you want to do that all the time, but just to explore it a little further as a curiosity. And as PertyX said, you could say that you feel unhappy and restrained and that you just want to feel happy and that in dressing more this could be an outlet that enables you to attain this.

As for any girly jeans that could pass as guy jeans, trust me, if a guy is wearing "girly" jeans, no one would really notice. Shop to your hearts content in that respect. And also, if your wife is ok with you wearing night gowns, I am absolutely certain that she wouldn't have any problem with you wearing jeans, irrespective of whether they were designed for women or not!

[Tammy Nowakowski]

Do you work in the hotel as well?--> No i rent an office space up town i do computer repair and there is two other business here so it would be hard to have some alone time here...

Do you have any kind of love life with her? Sorry to pry.-->thats not a probelm... on the love life part not any more she is like 10yrs older then me..

the last 2yrs has been bad for us the income is what every she and i can make online to keep our room over our head.. this no time to be homless it is like 20 degress out and snowing..
tammy

[Ressie]

If you don't mind, what part of Michigan are you at? I know it's a big state, but you many live near someone.

[Tracii G]

Try Goodwill to figure out you size in girls jeans just try some on.
Have her with you and get her opinion.The price is right at $3.00 a pair.
If money is not a problem then at least you know your size when you go shopping.
She does sound OK with your dressing so have a heart to heart and tell how you feel.Always include her is my point.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

If you don't mind, what part of Michigan are you at? I know it's a big state, but you many live near someone.

i live live in central Michigan

[Tammy Nowakowski]

the hardest part is living in the hotel with two dogs that want out every two hours
people knocking or calling needing somthing.. and one of our dogs have to get shots every night for infection that she has
nice thing about this place is the manager he is doing the shots. Sorry i think i got off track LOL

[Jenniferathome]

...I’m not sure how to approach my wife. ... She is ok with me wearing night gowns and panties and a bra under my guy clothes ...

Tammy, it would appear that she knows already. The conversation about wanting to present as a woman is not so far from where you are. Before you take any actions, talk to your wife about how you feel. Once that is out, you can address the clothing issues.

[jenni_xx]

the hardest part is living in the hotel with two dogs that want out every two hours
people knocking or calling needing somthing.. and one of our dogs have to get shots every night for infection that she has
nice thing about this place is the manager he is doing the shots. Sorry i think i got off track LOL

That is only the hardest part in your own mind.

Look, people like us exist. Everyone knows it. People see transgendered people all the time, even if they don't realise it. The problem (and indeed solution) is two-fold. How we deal with it, and how others deal with it. Some people may laugh. Others may accept. Others may shun. But no matter what anyone's reaction (and no matter how we feel about others reacting to it) it won't change how we feel inside. It won't stop our needs or desires. So we (and only US) have a choice to make. Live our lives how others may or may not deem acceptable, or live our lives how we ourselves want to. I think our greatest hindrance lies with ourselves. The one thing that stops us is our own sensitivity to how others feel. And it's because we are sensitive that that results in many living a life that presents a persona that we feel others expect from us as opposed to actually just doing what we want to do.

We only have one life. You have an accepting SO, and yet you are worried about having to walk your dogs every two hours. Worried that others may see you how you don't want to be seen even though this is at odds to how you want to be. But why should you have to appeal to their sensitivities at the expense of your own? What about your own feelings? Who and what matters most? Being happy, walking your dogs, perhaps showing a few signs of your cross-dressing to people who may not even notice anyway, or maybe to people who don't care anyway, or living a life whereby your own unhappiness is at the forefront of your OWN life just so that you don't upset the sensitivity of other people?

[Tammy Nowakowski]

Thanks Jenni_xx

in other words what i think you are saying Jenni_xx is do it baby steps.

[Barbara Ella]

Tammy, you have to take what Jenni said to heart as it will help you define yourself in the future. Your home situation is tough, but you have a wife who understands and that can go a very long way. It is so very hard to take this internal secret, and actually put it out in public. The fact that your wife knows you dress, and tolerates nightgowns. Lots of us would love for that. Your key is to talk to her and just explain your feelings and current needs, then trust me, just do it. Jeans and a hoodie with everything underneath is a perfect outfit to walk the dogs. Living in the hotel, I doubt you need to worry about them impacting your life or work. If you really want to do this, you will know when the time is right to act. Just have faith in yourself that you are not wrong, and you will be happy.

Barbara

[Tammy Nowakowski]

thank you everyone this has help quite a bit
feed back is good and talking with people that have been there done that also helps
tammy

[docrobbysherry]

Tammy, while I sympathize with your dressing issues, that/those r not your real issues. U need a real life first. Living in a hotel with 2 dogs makes no sense to me. If you're not making enuff money with your "businesses" get a job.

This is still America! U CAN be successful here if u really want to and are willing to try/work hard enuff!

To me, your dressing issues r a smoke screen that may be diverting u from becoming successful in your life!

Ok. I'm down off my soapbox now and I wish u a very good year!

[Tammy Nowakowski]

thank you for your input docrobbysherry
it is hard here in michigan to find work
the only reason we are here is lot place around here do not allow pets, thats on our part we do not want to part with them
i would like a nice place to live

we are looking to head back to calif this year

[Beverley Sims]

With what information you have given us we can only advise what has alreadt been said and reiterate go slowly with any advances to your crossdressing in front of your wife.
She is likely to eventually accept it better if you do go slow.

[linda allen]

.............. Is there any girly jeans that could pass as I guy jeans?

I wear women's jeans whenever I wear jeans unless it's to work on the car or mow the grass. I buy mine at Walmart. Just get the plain ones, not the ones with emroidery all over the legs.