Did crossdressing effect the way you dated growing up?

[KatieGG]

So back in high school my husband had a reputation for being a "love em and leave em" kind of guy. I knew a few girls he had been with and when we started dating they all told me he slept with them and then never really talked to them again and they told me that is what would happen to me. Well clearly they got that wrong. lol

But anyway he told me that he did that because he didn't want to get close to him because he liked to wear panties. In his mind it was easier to do that than get close to a girl and try to keep it hidden. So did anyone else think this way or was it more keep it hidden and hope for the best?

[darla_g]

interesting topic! I did CD early in my teen years, but was not dating back then. I had stopped for a long time so it never became a concern during my dating years.

[Jenn868]

I acted the same type of way katie. I def. felt this way growing up dating and leaving women bc i too was scared about letting the women know about dressing up n feeling feminine and liking to crossdress.

[ReineD]

If it means anything, I've read many posts in this forum over the years by crossdressers who said they did the same thing. IMO, they were making a subconscious choice that the crossdressing was more important to them than any relationship with a GG ... which makes sense, when you think about it. It's not a pastime or a hobby and they'd rather be alone than risk finding someone who will not accept.

My SO told me at the very beginning of our romantic relationship, right after our first kiss. I've often wondered if s/he would have lost interest in me, had I not been supportive.

... come to think of it, she did set it up like that. She told me in an email and she said, "If this is not your thing, I'll understand and I hope we can still be friends."

[jenni_xx]

High school for me was a difficult and confusing time. I had a few girlfriends (all short term, as they are at that age anyway, at least they were when I was growing up in the 80s), yet there were a lot of rumours about me being gay. I hated that, because at the time I genuinely didn't think I was. It was also quite brutal, in that it was a time when AIDS really first came into public knowledge, so I would often go in to a classroom and there would be an AIDS leaflet on my desk, with a group of giggling school kids sat in the classroom when I sat down at my desk and saw the leaflet. It was all a joke to them then. Kids eh?

Anway, I did date girls, but I would never regard myself as a love em and leave me guy. At the time, my crossdressing (which I first experienced when I was 5/6 years old (my sister and two cousins (both female) used to dress me up (I pretended that I didn't like it, but I did))) wasn't really a factor in how I acted whenever I dated a girl. It was my secret, or rather at least I regarded it as my secret, and never fully embraced it until I was around 14/15 years old. So it certainly wouldn't have been a reason not to allow girls to get close to me.

So to answer your question (not let girls get close or just keep it hidden and hope for the best), neither really entered my thought process at that time. Actually, at the time, whenever I did have a girlfriend, my crossdressing would subside to the point that I simply wouldn't engage in it.

[Lorileah]

I could not buy a date. So it wasn't an issue. Now though....it definitely does affect my dating, for the better

[KatieGG]

Yeah that makes sense Reine esp for a high schooler because like Jenni pointed out kids can be mean. After we had been dating for a little while I was scared he was only with me because I was supportive and maybe he would just settle for me because it was easy.

[Stephanie47]

As a teen in the 1960's dating was awkward for most guys, especially when you got older and did not have a car. Girls seemed to date cars more than guys. No wheels, no girls. Anyway, I digressed. I think the majority of cross dressers in their teens in the 1950's and 1960's had real self doubts or confusion about their sexuality. How the hell could a hot blooded guy trying to score like wearing a dress? It did not compute. And, for those of us who were so inclined to wear women's clothing, you were not a cross dresser! You were (moderator: This is used in the historical context of the period) a "faggot." The term gay had not yet been co-opted by the homosexual community. A very confusing time back then.

[Darla]

I just didn't date! Too confused and wallowing in pubescent hormones and basically miserable. I loved girls, but I can understand how they wouldn't like me. Desperately shy, but I placed girls so high on a pedestal I couldn't reach them. Tat changed later of course when you realized that girls are the coolest thing in the world. So much so that it reaffirms your wanting to be one.

Darla

[jenni_xx]

You were (moderator: This is used in the historical context of the period) a "faggot." The term gay had not yet been co-opted by the homosexual community. A very confusing time back then.

The word used is immaterial. The meaning behind the word is what gives it it's power. I do think that it is more socially acceptable to be gay today, but that doesn't automatically mean that it is easier for an individual to come to terms with themselves. Acceptance of others will always be external. The crux, the one true thing that really matters in regards to our own ultimate happiness, is acceptance of ourselves.

[KatieGG]

I just didn't date! Too confused and wallowing in pubescent hormones and basically miserable. I loved girls, but I can understand how they wouldn't like me. Desperately shy, but I placed girls so high on a pedestal I couldn't reach them. Tat changed later of course when you realized that girls are the coolest thing in the world. So much so that it reaffirms your wanting to be one.

Darla

Do you think being a cross dresser was the reason you were shy?

[SandraInHose]

I don't think it directly affected the way I dated, but being a pantyhose fiend I would rarely look at a girl who didn't wear dresses, skirts, and hose. Call me superficial if you want, but that's just the way it was. Of course, back then (late 70's), a large percentage of the girls did wear them quite regularly. Same thing when I was a single man through the first half of the 80's...although I did date a lot during that period, I also 'expanded my horizons' and dated women who didn't wear dresses much. But I ended up marrying a woman who dressed the way I always wanted to. She still jokes to this day that I married her for her wardrobe! (Not true at all...in fact, I thought that would cure me!)

[Jenniferathome]

Nope, not in the slightest. Frankly, I never thought so far ahead with my girlfriends. Getting into the sack was a real rarity back then.

[Brenda456]

Maybe this is why I liked sports in high school. We had to wear an athletic supporter which I viewed as just thong for guys. Other then that in high school I was terrified of being discovered. Friends and siblings would have shown me no mercy.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It wasn't crossdressing per se, but being a "soft" guy (sensitive, didn't play sports, was shy, quiet etc.) took me completely out of the dating game in high school, even though I so badly wanted a girlfriend.

When I was in my early 20s, being a "soft" man combined with the crossdressing made it very difficult to find someone to date (it was impossible to find someone my own age.)

[sandra-leigh]

I did not date at all when I was in high-school (or younger). I didn't get interested until the end of my first year of university -- including not during two terms in residence. One of my therapists used the term "late bloomer", and said that she had been the same way.

I was, though, disappointed in high school that none of the girls had "noticed" me, not even just to sit down and talk: the feeling of being ignored in plain sight has never really gone away.

My lack of interest in dating had nothing to do with my high-school cross-dressing, or at least nothing conscious. Circumstances at home led to my sister and myself having a lot of responsibilities at a young age, and we took that seriously. I remember thinking to myself that "I am at school to learn, not to waste time trying to form relationships too early in life to be able to handle emotionally or responsibly." I saw classmates having trouble in school and in their lives, involving relationships that they mostly seemed too young to handle.

That said, if I had ended up friends with a girl my age for a period of time, things might have turned out differently. I do think, though, that I could never have gotten into the "see how far you can get on first date" sort of scene.

When I say that my lack of dating had nothing conscious to do with my cross-dressing, I have to allow for the possibility that trans biology had something to do with the matter. I have (or had) some of the markers associated with xxy, and one of the common patterns with xxy is that they start late on dating. (There are a couple of important markers associated with xxy that I do not have, so it is considered unlikely I have that exactly, but other odd gender biology is a possibility.)

[Mikkigurll]

I dated a lot as both a teenager and adult. I never let my girlfriends know about my crossdressing until later. I was in my thirties before I start sharing that part of me.

[stacycoral]

Katie, girl i with Lori about dating in high school, when i really started dating in my latee 20's did have a trouble with my wife, i told her and we are still together, after four kids, doing great, hugs girl.

[Rogina B]

I was a promiscuous dater that started young.I realize now that I was only chasing "their style".Seems like after I "got my fill" I moved on.Some of them enjoyed feminizing me,but I never let on how much I needed it..lolAnd one live in girlfriend was totally aqccepting of it all and even discussed it with my accepting mother! This style chasing has continued to today,I have to admit and my wife is quick to remind me of it!

[Carrie R]

Never been able to get a date myself, always been terribly shy. Doesn't seem to be related to my crossdressing I think. Just haven't been able to approach women I don't know at all. Also I figure why bother, my crossdressing would probably drive them away anyways. Good thing I love cats.

[Julie Gaum]

My story sort of evolved: Exposed to mother's things at early age and wore them when parents were out by 14 to 16. Spin-the-bottle
at parties (in early 1940s) found me chickening out when it was my turn to kiss a girl. By 17 I did date a few girls but since I was then wearing
one of my mother's girdles that I called my emotional "iron maiden" sex ended with a good-night kiss, if that. Did have a crush on a Swedish red-head but hid my feelings from her, not that it mattered as I was overweight, not goodlooking and did poorly in high school so who would be attracted to me? However for Christmas I would leave a present at her doorstep without a note of who the sender might be. Did take a girl to senior prom although I did fall off my bike getting to her house and crushed the orchid. Grounded by weather overnight while preparing my bomber for overseas brought about my first pick up and checked into motel. Was having her period but I wouldn't have known what to do anyhow. Practically ran away from "sure things" in New Orleans, Savanna, Pittsburgh and in England much to the chagrin and annoyance of my crew. Never really analyzed why --- shy, scared or what? Finally while boarding at Wharton in soph. year the 40-year-old widow living above me taught me how and what to do. Once I lost my virginity I was sexually selfishly insatiable eventhough I had a closet-full of female clothes at the time. So yes in my younger years I was held back by my confusion and yet, can't say I wasn't still confused to my orientation when I found out how the bees did it. Keep in mind that there was no Internet in those years.
Julie

[Alisa]

Did not think... or may be realized that CDing was that important so really did not impact my early relationships. More impact from family influences and experiences. Sooo, I was looking for my life mate all through my young dating life. So while I may have had what one might call one night stands, it was not because a fear of commitment, etc.

[Amy Lynn3]

Maybe I am not typical, but I crossdressed as far back as I can remember, but I also had girlfriends as far back as third grade. My high school years I chased any thing that wore a skirt. I dated almost all weekends and if I did not have a date, I was out with my friends looking for girls to date. I crossdressed when I had nothing else to do, but the most important thing on my mind were girls and dating.

[AllieSF]

" IMO, they were making a subconscious choice that the crossdressing was more important to them than any relationship with a GG ... which makes sense"

I don't understand where you get this reason. It may or may not be subconscious, but I do not believe that it is because crossdressing is more important to them. Rather, I think that if one crossdresses they are much more concerned with how does he tell a girl friend as a young teen or a mature adult, how would anyone think of him if they knew that he was doing something so outside the norm and that is popularly believed to be perverted. I think that there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with this years ago and even today reading some of the posts here. When one is younger fitting in and being cool with one's peers is very important, also dating someone is for most boys and men is an important goal. I don't think it is based on choice, consciously or subconsciously. I believe it creates the very real internal conflict of desiring a girlfriend or mate while at the same time fearing the shame and guilt associated with the activity and with the great possibly that that once revealed the revealer would be embarrassed, shunned or shamed, and then most likely lose that which he is seeking in the first place and may have actually found, a female partner.

As it relates to me, being a very late starter who is totally out and about in the real world, I am very hesitant to pro-actively pursue a serious relationship with a woman because I am very concerned that it could end a relationship before it gets to a very serious stage. I am also a bit afraid to have the "big" conversation. I definitely want to have a mate for my final years, and I have this very big elephant right in the middle of my life. I am hoping, maybe beyond hope, that I meet someone in while dressed who I could be very interested and hopefully she would be very interested in me too.

[Beverley Sims]

It did not affect the way I dated, it was always kept hidden except when I was encouraged to dress by some.