Looking for Work Advise

[VickiTheGamer]

I have never gone out dressed as a women (other than one burning man and that does not count). The only person who has ever seen me in my "alter ego" is my Girl Friend. Yet, something has come up and she feels I should go public.

My department is awesome and the people around me that I work with directly are awesome. We have a massive amount of respect for each other. Yet, upper management (who other area of the building) have other ideas about me.

I have learned that my work is looking to let me go but has not yet built their case fully yet. My supervisor is fighting to keep me. She and I work really well together.

I am an older male graphic designer and they want a younger person with a younger view point for my job. They are looking at options. Obviously they won't let on that it's an Age thing. That would be illegal and amoral. Companies find other ways to make things like this work out for themselves. For example, upper management gave my supervisor "their" personal input for my review. So, instead after getting 6 years of absolutely impeccable reviews (4.5's or better for 6 years), I am getting 2.75's to 3's with lame excuses. My supervisor does not and can not afford to loose her job and so....gave the review.

So here is my dilemma.

If I lose my job, I will most likely loose my house and just spiral down from there. My girlfriend feels I should show up at work dressed as a women. She feels that then, if they fire me, I can claim discrimination. I am pretty sure if I show up dressed as a women, they will for sure let me go. Still citing what ever other than the Cross Dressing (or Expressing who I am). So lets say they don't let me go out of fear of reprisal and bad publicity. It is still a problem. The idea of going to work as a women that is. Here is why -

Other issues I have are how it will affect my personal life. Colleagues I work well with I don't envision will understand. My closest friends are EXTREMELY anti-cross dressing as is my family. How do I know. I checked years ago and pretty much check again here and there. Simple questions when the topic comes up or something in the media comes around (tv shows, news, what ever).

My mothers response is, "Being gay is fine, but any guy that isn't gay and dresses like a women is crazy and should be shot". My closest friends (Males) don't see far from her view point.

All of my friends know that I am a bit feminine and I do things because I feel like it. I think that is partly why so many of them have emphasized their viewpoint on the Non-Homosexual Cross Dressers.

They are either waiting for me to announce I am a Homosexual male, or I am sure pray I will not say anything.

So now I don't know what to do. My Girl Friend really really feels I should make the move before they let me go. Since I got my review, it's now literally a "any day now" thing. Going home from working thinking, "Good night Westly, sleep well, for I may have to kill you in the morning".

Stress levels are insane. Health is deteriorating. Jobs are out there but NONE pay as well as this (with years of pay raises and such). And that is IF I could find a job in a field that is over saturated in the industry (art colleges are pumping out people like bots in a factory).

So, what do you think? Should I just say $#% it and just go for it?

Again, as mentioned, I have NEVER ever let others know about this. I have never gone out in public. Family problems will become massive. Friend issues. No guarantee the person who wants me to will even stick around when the $%*& hits the fan (Family and friend wise). Heck, I don't even own a wardrobe. Just a few items here and there and make-up.

Please, can anyone share their issues, experience and wisdom on this? I am so scared to loose my job and yet, am just as frightened to go to work as a women knowing how much it will affect my personal life.

[Maria S]

It seems to me that you have enough on your plate without making life even more complicated. When people find out at work it is a nightmare trust me been there got the scorch marks. The extra aggro on top of your other problems could have a serious effect on your health.

Maria

[monalisa]

The first thing you should do is talk with a labor attorney and discuss the review. Did you sign it? Did you send a response to it? Did you ask for additional training or assistance to bring you back to a good review? You are probably right about them wanting to get rid of you as you are probably in your upper pay grade and this is their way to try and get you out either voluntarily or non voluntarily. The important thing now is to document everything daily if you want to make a case for discrimination. I would not look for another job nor would I go in dressed as a woman or you would get fired most likely. I would instead work extra hard and volunteer for more projects and try to save my position. You might also ask for a meeting with top management to discuss the review and find out who provided the input and on what basis.

[jenni_xx]

I don't know where you are based, but in the UK if you are made redundant, then it is the job that is made redundant and thus the person is no longer necessary. If you are made redundant and they replace you and the role you had with them with a younger employee, then you would have a case for "constructive dismissal". In the UK, the maximum payout for this is around £65,000. I don't know how this works in the US, so if you are based there, then I would seek advice in this regard.

If they are not after making you redundant, but firing you under the "excuse" that your standards have dropped, then again a case for constructive dismissal may still apply. You could find out if your review scores (2.75 to 3) are being lowered to a level that falls below what is required. They will have a policy on this, and in any review you are entitled to ask for clarification in this regard.

If this situation is causing you to suffer stress, and affect your health, then go and see a doctor straight away. Get a medical report, get it documented, and again you may have a case of constructive dismissal in that your position, through no fault of your own, is becoming untenable.

I, personally, would strongly advise against going to work dressed - especially just turning up out of the blue dressed one day. I believe that the protocol for doing something like that would be to make your employers aware of this first, who can then inform other employees, so that it can ensure that it won't result in any negative reactions from other employees. Any employer has a duty to all employees, and if you turn up dressed and another employee reacts negatively, then this could possibly form a basis for the termination of your contract. You would have a hard time arguing discrimination if you hadn't made it clear to your employers (and other employees) that you are transgendered before hand.

One other thing to consider, if you are let go, even if you do pursue a case of discrimination, you will still need to get another job. And any other prospective employer would want a reference from your previous employer. Thus, any prospective employer would be aware of your crossdressing. If you are ok with that, then fine. But from what you say (i.e. family problems, friend issues, etc), I get the impression that you wouldn't be ok with this. Furthermore, any case for discrimination will involve hearings, which I would presume you would want friends/family to attend for support - well, you've just outed yourself to everyone.

[VickieBonne]

Before you do something you may regret, look at the whole picture again. As a supervisor of supervisors... I've seen extraordinary reviews on underperforming employees. The trap is that sometimes a supervisor can't or won't write an unbiased review on a person they work so closely with. Fear of hurting feelings and friendships often skew the report. I consider that a lost opportunity to improve performance and develop a better employee. Rave reviews don't help anything but egos if their not accurate.

My advice would be introspection. Re-read the evaluation. It should include performance goals for you to meet. If necessary, meet with your bosses again to discuss the evaluation and their expectations. If the expectations are unreasonable, then perhaps you're right to be concerned.

I hope this note is received as well intended. When I was a kid, the older brother I looked up to would tell me, "Be strong, work hard, and remember your ultimate goal." You're shouldn't just be working for today.

Good luck!

[MsRenee]

To keep it short here. If they truely are your friends then they should have no problem accepting you for who you are. From my experiences my so called friends turn out to be two faced and only hung around with me cause I was well off before being laid off. After that when I needed help it was like they turned a deaf ear. Life choices are not easy but they make us stronger. Mt circle of friends is very small now and they have been there for me when Ive been at my worse. Just choose what you hink is best for you hun.
Renee

[Taylor186]

[SIZE="3"]I only see downside to suddenly showing up to work crossdressed. It didn't work for Klinger (M*A*S*H) and it won't work for you. People have been fired for crossdressing (at home not even at work) and it has been upheld in the courts. Any halfway competent company attorney could make a fool of you. And, as others have said, you put yourself in a bad situation for future employment elsewhere.[/SIZE]

[Melissa Rose]

As a former department and site manager in both smaller and larger organizations, showing up to work cross dressed as a way to protect your job is a terrible idea. While it may work in the short term, it would probably guarantee your future employment termination. Except if you have a solid work contract, and few job positions do, it is not difficult to find legal and defensible ways to terminate almost any employee. Sometimes it takes longer in more delicate situations since more care and better documentation is requirement to protect the company. You may also harm another employee for they may be terminated along with you as a means to protect the company from discrimination and as a excuse to terminate the other employee. The disruption you will probably cause in the workplace would not be appreciated by many and you would become a target of ridicule whether it is overt or not.

Going to work cross dressed will flow over into your personal life since there is no way to keep it separated forever. Depending on your field, word would get out. This will probably follow you for a long time and jeopardize your chances at future employment especially in the same field and area. This is not burning bridges, this is dropping a small nuclear bomb on them. From an employment perspective, there is no up side to your plan and only down side. You are angry and hurt, but your solution will only make things worse and probably irreparably damage your future prospects.

[Maria in heels]

Vicki...its definitely not a good thing to show up dressed to work, thinking that is going to save your job. If there is the hints that they are going to replace you, and your supervisor is giving you the lower scores, its a sign of the times, and maybe its time to move on. I don't know where you are located, but if you are in the US, then many states are "at will" employment states. This means that you have the right to quit at any time, and the management has the right to let you go as well...does not have to be for a 'strong' reason (but that makes it easier) and this is very important. Maybe its best to start looking elsewhere, or just see what they want you to improve on, and do your best to comply

[Christinedreamer]

Showing up for work one day crossdressed will ONLY cause major issues that you do NOT need in the workforce nowadays. IF you were transitioning and you had made previous inroads to the company via the HR director etc, and they had ample notice that due to the impending pre-surgery requirements you were obligated to function effectively as a female in the associated wardrobe and deportment, that would be a different situation.

As you mentioned, you are an older employee. The diminishing review scoring may be age related but for other reasons such as the pending 'healthcare' debacle.
many hundreds of thousands of companies are laying off older or non essential employees to take advantage of the obamacare(?) regulations on employee funded medical insurance dependent on the total number of employees. Many more are converting full time employees to part time for the same reason.

I would continue to perform at the top of your game, cause no distratction by showing up unannounced in female garb and talk with your HR director about your concerns.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you have to show a younger viewpoint, you need a go getter attitude and a good industrial lawyer.
Dressing and fighting redundancy that way will only invite disaster.
Stay straight and try to think young.
Look for that lawyer.

[LeannL]

Vicki,
You have not indicated where you live and work. Therefore the advise cannot be specific to your situation. If you are in the states, would it do any good to take some time off under FMLA? You might find it useful to get some help with the building stress which is causing you to think about doing something no one here thinks is a good idea. BTW, I agree don't show up dressed. The fact that you haven't expressed "alternative" gender identification yet means if they have already built their case, it won't make a difference. There is growing protection for non-conforming gender expression in the US with several recent appeals court ruling and the EEOC rulings but they are not universally recognized in all jurisdictions yet.

Christine,
Could you please share the source of your contention that people are actually being laid off because of the pending changes to the health care laws?

Regards to all,
Leann

[CassandraSmith]

Best advice: find another job while you're still employed. If they ask why, say that you've read Up The Organization by Robert Townend and he believes that after five years people lose their ability to really make changes and grow. You've excelled there but money isn't everything and it's important to find new opportunities, etc, etc.

Forget any hail-Mary plays; however, submit this idea as a script for a movie because it would be entertaining to watch.

[Melanie Therese]

You may have a case if you showed up for work CD and then the reviews went sour, but if it has already started they have a strong starting point for it not to be related to CDing so doing it for this reason would be wrong given the other personal reasons you have for keeping it to yourself. Outing yourself as public CD to even friends and family is a massive step which you should probably do before you go full time CD. The initial process out outing yourself will be a stressful one with mixed reactions you will get and may cause distraction from your work giving them further fuel for the fire.

[Christinedreamer]

Most any FACTUAL news source, Leann. A few of my friends as well who were placed on reduced hours.

[Sophie_C]

Ok, I re-reviewed what you posted. You seem to have a clean-cut case of age discrimination. GET A LAWYER NOW and start documenting what you can. When you have a history of stellar performance and then you start getting downmarked due to talk of your age being something they don't want, it's textbook-case provable in court. I was reading an article recently on it from a lawyer where someone thought it was unprovable, but for sure, it is.

Edit: Found it: http://www.undercoverlawyer.com/age-...ce-appraisals/

There are more things related on his site: http://www.undercoverlawyer.com/arch...iscrimination/

However, that being said... do realize that your job is lost. The court cases can only happen after being "let go" and can only get you money. Start accepting this. As a person who was an amazing employee, far more intelligent than my boss, doing the work of five people and still let go (due to not being part of his "boys club" and putting the customers ahead of employee comfort), know that there's nothing you can do about this. You could be the best worker ever, and it doesn't matter.

There's lots of evil people in management these days, due to the fact that only the dirtiest fighters in such a poor economy are staying on top (meaning the ethical ones are removed), so know that, no matter how hard you work, there's nothing changing it. And, don't worry about it. So, you lose your home? So what? You rent. And, banks take two years to kick people out these days. Stop payments, declare bankruptcy, and move on. You'll find a new job in less than two years and all this nonsense will be behind you. But, for your own mental health, know that your job is gone. Recognize it, get the money you deserve and move on to the next place.

[Eryn]

Remember Vicki, the people giving legal advice in this thread are a diverse group, from diverse jurisdictions, and who have a limited knowledge of your situation. Take everything you read with a grain of salt.

[Brenda79135]

The business environment is changing. Small and mid size companies are trying to deal with the ACA. The magic number is 50. The emerging tendancy now is to have a core set of employees and contract everything else. The mid-size companies are setting up the employees as LLC corporations. It allows them to have business contracts which aren't subject to the ACA since it is corporation to corporation business. This puts more responsibility on the worker. They have to get their own insurance and take care of their own taxes. A good company will take care of that for their contractors but is not necessay for them. There is also the possibilty that they will not pick up your contract again. The proceeding is just how bussiness is forming.

What seems to me, is that you have run headlong into a good ole boy/girl network. These can cause all kind a grief for everybody. If your company has a HR department, I would start there. HR has the ability to override most management when it comes to dicrimination. Don't go to work dressed as this only gives them fuel for their fire.

[Denise1951]

Re-read the advise from Beverly.......

[jillleanne]

Does your place of employment have a legal dress code?
Does your location have laws in place to protect your choice of clothing?
How bad do you want to fight a discrimination case?
How bad do you love your job?
How bad do you want to go to work en femme?

Get the answers from the right people and you will soon know what to do.

Years ago I was dismissed/let go from an accounting position because my 'position' became redundant, " Cost Accountant ". My cousin is a big-shot lawyer in Toronto so I asked his advice. Do you want to fight this for 4 years? Do you want your old job back and have to work in that enviroment? How good is your heart?
I left, and they waited about 2 years before replacing me to protect themselves. I moved on and never looked back.

[Karen_K]

It probably depends on where you live, but I don't believe you can just show up at work dressed one day and expect to be considered a member of a protected class. A lot of employers are willing to accommodate TG personnel, but they require some form of notification or coordination with HR, and you might even need some kind of document from a counselor or therapist. And most will not allow you to go back and forth, so you may need to be full-time. It doesn't sounds like you're ready or even want to do that. And given the difficulties in your personal life that it would likely create, it doesn't sound like a good strategy. You're already a member of a protected class (age), so I would follow the advice of the others and at least get a consultation with an employment lawyer and find out your options.

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties at work. It sucks the way employers can treat their loyal and long time employees.

[giuseppina]

I would start looking for alternative employment. Going to work in drag is an excellent way to get yourself fired with little or no possibility of a positive reference from your colleagues.

[linda allen]

DO NOT show up for work dressed as a woman. Bad idea.

[darla_g]

As others have pointed out coming to work crossdressed is an incredibly BAD idea. You are just finding a reason for someone who is on the fence perhaps to get rid of you.

[NicoleScott]

The company can probably show (dated e-mails, etc,) that discussions of replacing you were already under way before your "desperate" stunt to save your job. Doomed to failure, I'm afraid. But might there be an age discrimination case?