CD vs GAY

[Donniesr]

I'm writing this because of the mis conception between being a crossdresser and being gay. One does NOT automatically mean the other.

Alot of people think that because I am a crossdresser that I am also gay. This is not true.

Alot of gay men are not crossdressers, and alot of crossdressers are not gay. This is a mis-conception with mainstream society. People think that just because I wear a dress, that makes me gay. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I wish, hope and pray that people can come to their senses and really see the difference. After all, whats the difference from a woman wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt, from a man wearing a black velvet dress? I don't see any difference at all. Its all in what makes you feel like who you are..


I think that if a woman wants to dress like a construction worker, she has that right. I also think that if a man wants to dress as a super model, he has that right.

We are guaranteed that in the Constitution of the USA.. Donna

[NathalieX66]

Think of it this way:
Straight are attracted to women. ....must be something about women that appeals to straight guys. Everyone has their interpretation of what it is.

[Jilmac]

When people have asked me if I'm gay I'll tell them, "if gay means happy, yes, I'm happy with who I am.

[flatlander_48]

I'm writing this because of the mis conception between being a crossdresser and being gay. One does NOT automatically mean the other.

Alot of people think that because I am a crossdresser that I am also gay. This is not true.

Alot of gay men are not crossdressers, and alot of crossdressers are not gay. This is a mis-conception with mainstream society. People think that just because I wear a dress, that makes me gay. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

The problem is that society at large has no context with which to understand this. Their conditioning says that "other than" behavior MUST be gay. On the other hand, we know that being gay is more than just who is next to you in bed. It is how you look to form relationships, who you find attractive, how you align yourself politically, etc. It just doesn't begin and end in the bedroom.

Somehow folks must get the correct information and I don't know how that would happen other than being told by us. Unfortunately that is a slow and potentially painful way to do it, but what else is there?

[docrobbysherry]

You're preaching to the choir here, Donnie.

However, I'd much rather folks think I'm gay rather than a perv!

[whowhatwhen]

Or you could use it to your advantage...
I like to think I have a "gay buffer", since everyone assumes (or they may be right, who knows?) that I'm gay I have a space where I can be a little more free to do things without raising an even bigger eyebrow.

Ear piercing? "Makes sense, he's probably gay"
Carrying a purse? "Totally gay"
Hair removal? "OH COME ON JUST COME OUT!"

(Note: quotes are just what I imagine everyone thinking)

Either way I get a nice buffer to work in, and at the same time I don't need to correct anyone since there is nothing wrong with being gay.
Go on... embrace the gay buffer!

[vivianann]

Society has been conditioned by the media and movies that if you wear a dress you must be gay. I used to be bothered when peaple asked if I was gay when I was crossdressed. But as time went on I now have a different attitude about it. I welcome the are you gay question now because it gives me the opportunity to educate peaple that most of us are strait. and also explain to them why I wear womens clothes, It is a way to educate society one person at a time.

[Sylvermane]

When I first came out as TG to my mother the first thing she asked me was "are you gay?" Caught me off guard her being one of the most open minded people I know. But it is just what society thinks as a whole. It's an annoying double standard to. Women can dress however they want and it's perfectly acceptable. Even lesbians are generally more tolerated than gay men from what I've seen. But put a guy in a dress and everyone has something to say, usually not positive... at least where I currently live. Is frustrating to say the least and is one of the main reasons that I don't venture out of my apartment en-femme.

[Beverley Sims]

Donna,
You are speaking to the converted here.
We know where we are but the problem is the rest of the world.

[Betty_42]

I can actually relate! When I started to get "more into it", even my wife was wondering if I was in fact gay. When my father and stepmother learned that I liked to wear panties, they too thought I was gay. It's sickening to say the least! Why is it okay to be a tomboy, but everyone thinks you're gay if you're a sissy?

[Stephanie47]

There are many misconceptions in society concerning appearances and sexuality. I've known many women who are misconstrued as being lesbians because they look 'butch,' when they are straight. I've known drop dead gorgeous knockouts who are what every man dreams about, yet they are lesbians. The Marlboro man was gay, yet he portrayed the manliness of smoking cigarettes. The list goes on.

It's nothing but societal norms and expectations of behavior, conditioning. Since the vast majority of cross dressers cannot figure out why we do what we do, how do you explain it to others? It's easy to describe the feelings one experiences, but, I have not seen anyone explain the why.

PS: There is no constitutional guarantee to cross dress. Only those rights enumerated in the US Constitution are within the purview of the federal government. Everything else is reserved for the states and individuals. My right to wear women's clothing, i.e., to present as a women, is not guaranteed by the US Constitution, nor the Washington State Constitution, but, by legislative statute.

[biggirlsarah]

If I dress as a woman how can someone assume that I am gay ,because if I want to be attractive to a gay man then the last thing I would do is dress like a woman, because gay men aren't attracted to women.

[kittypw GG]

Alot of gay men are not crossdressers, and alot of crossdressers are not gay. This is a mis-conception with mainstream society. People think that just because I wear a dress, that makes me gay. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Donna

I came to the conclusion that cd's might mostly be gay but in denial from being married to a gay cd, reading so many threads about attractions to men and other cd's and from confessions of married cd's. It wasn't "mainstream society" that gave me that idea but THIS society of individuals.

[PaulaQ]

Other than your spouse (who may wonder if you are unfaithful or that you simply don't want them anymore), what difference does it make whether or not people think you are gay? There is nothing wrong with being gay.

I've known many women who are misconstrued as being lesbians because they look 'butch,' when they are straight. I've known drop dead gorgeous knockouts who are what every man dreams about, yet they are lesbians. The Marlboro man was gay, yet he portrayed the manliness of smoking cigarettes.

Indeed. I've seen t-shirts with messages I won't repeat here, that are designed specifically to disambiguate these tricky situations.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I came to the conclusion that cd's might mostly be gay but in denial from being married to a gay cd, reading so many threads about attractions to men and other cd's and from confessions of married cd's. It wasn't "mainstream society" that gave me that idea but THIS society of individuals.

Everyone is unique and is certainly entitled to be themselves, but sometimes I wonder how the GG SOs must feel whenever there is a "do you claim to be straight but are really bi" thread. While there certainly those who are bi, there are plenty of us who are straight... but perhaps far more important, are faithful and monogamous to their SOs (or if they don't have an SO, are perfectly capable of being so.) I certainly don't blame you for feeling the way you do, and sadly as I have known a number of wives who have been burned by their unfaithful crossdressing (secretly bi) husbands.

[Pythos]

When someone asks me if I am gay I just respond "well, I like women" when in full fem or Androg fem. Really cause in those modes where I look female to say I am "straight" would mean I like men, cause "straight" women like men. LOL.
Seriously though, if someone asks to make it really easy for the nosey nelly, just say what sex you prefer. In my case I would have to say, "I like women or intersexed women" since my ex was I.S. and it was well known we were dating. :P

[NeKoi]

Just yesterday my friend commented that cross dressing guys are is gay. And I asked what about a girl wearing guys clothes and she replied "sexy". I felt like screaming out every single point of irrationality in that logic, but decided to just let live.

Its odd how sometimes people can have such interesting perspective of things....

I have to agree with many of you with the part where not all gay men cross dress, and not all cross dressers are gay. In my opinion, I would think that most gay men don't cross dress. Pretty straight forward: They like being male, and are attracted to males. Cross dressers (specifically MtF as I don't really know much about FtM) are a more complicated bunch. They are male, want to be female (sometimes if not all the time) and are typically attracted to females (sometimes males or even both).

[AmyGaleRT]

"CD = gay" is a very common misconception, Donna. In actuality, I'm told that the percentage of CDs who are gay is about the same as it is for the general population.

But look at it this way, if you want a reductio ad absurdam argument: If you're a man and you're gay, you're attracted to other men. Presumably, you would be attracted to men who are themselves attracted to men, otherwise, it's just an exercise in futility, right? Why, then, would you dress as a woman--i.e. someone who your intended target probably IS NOT attracted to? (It's an oversimplification, of course, but you get the idea.)

The point being, "gay" and "CD" are two different, mostly orthogonal behaviors. And they each encompass so many variations that they defy easy analysis.

- Amy

[Kate Simmons]

Many of those assumptions go with the "turf" of crossdressing and we should expect them. In some cases, we, ourselves, perpetuate the stereotypes either unconsciously or by design. The main deal is if we can't stand the "heat" ,we should perhaps leave the "kitchen".

[Raychel]

In my mind people get the thought that one group of people are one certain way.
They may have thoughts about one race of people, Gay People, Crossdressers.
Whatever, I feel that people are who they are. Until you get to know the inner person
really get into there minds and see what they think and how they truely work.
Only then would you be able to form a true opinion of any person.

I just wish that everyone would think this way.

[Sara Jessica]

Why are you all that concerned with what others might think or perceive? After all, you are running around in a dress.

[genevie]

I was telling my wife about a guy who likes to wear skirts with his male clothes. She said he must be gay. I tried to argue a bit. No she said, skirt equals gay. Of course she said that when I shaved my legs. She is used to that now and likes the feel (after a month of not being able to look at them). I keep trying to bring up little ideas. First response is always that big G word.

[Karren H]

Why are you telling us that? You should be telling them.... who don't already know.....

[danielleinbr]

Why are you all that concerned with what others might think or perceive? After all, you are running around in a dress.

What Sara Jessica said. And just always be true to yourself
Danielle

[Frédérique]

I think that if a woman wants to dress like a construction worker, she has that right. I also think that if a man wants to dress as a super model, he has that right. We are guaranteed that in the Constitution of the USA...

Freedom of expression you mean? The problem comes when people argue over what the word “expression” entails, and the people doing the arguing are the voices of conformity, not the voices of FEELING. As soon as you tell someone that you are merely expressing yourself, via your chosen mode of crossdressing, another person will say that you’re disturbing the peace by insisting on being openly iconoclastic. Who do you turn to then? The Supreme Court? You may feel that you have the right to dress as you wish, and you do, but you are also expected to respect the rights of others, and not upset the proverbial societal apple cart in your pursuit of expression...

Rights are largely ephemeral, infinitely negotiable, and the rights of the many outweigh the rights of the few. A non-understandable thing like crossdressing gets no respect simply because it is so hard for outsiders to understand. The other parts of the U.S. Constitution surround free thinking and free expression like an angry mob, paying lip service to those inherent human emotions that allowed people to imagine freedom in the first place. Unfortunately, all people do not think the same (take this site, for example!), so good luck trying to dress like a super model OUT THERE. A woman dressed as a construction worker may be more successful, simply because she’s doing something constructive*, rather than destructive (in gender terms)...

*Pun intended...