Self Analyzing

[andrea lace]

My wife is totally cool with Andrea
But I haven't dressed for a few days and I am looking forward to the next time I can dress. The reason I am staying in drab is because the kids are on half term school holidays and I don't have the option to for a while.

This has given me time to reflect on things and analize myself so I have put the shoe on the other foot and looked at Andrea from my wife's perspective.

To be honest I cant help but feel a little foolish and stupid that I have this compulsion to dress like a girl. For those that that are not in the know I have been dressing for years but only with items that I could remove in a hurry as not to get busted.
I recently came out to my wife and we have had fun shopping and exploring my CDing side together. I have read many posts regarding purging and there are many reasons why some members of this forum do purge.

What I was wondering was do many people on this forum have periods of self reflection then feel a little silly get rid of clothes and make up and then regret it afterwards. I will not be purging but cant help feeling like the court jester at the moment.

I suppose my problem is that of thinking too much and on reflection feel a bit like a Muppet! Do any other members feel this way or is it just me?

[sometimes_miss]

I purged a few times when I was young, also feeling guilty for not being man enough to resist the desire to be a girl. That ended in my twenties, and I just learned to stash my girl belongings in a safe place, knowing the desire would never really go away.

I think most of us initially feel bad about wanting to feel girly in any way, it's just how our society works, it's simply not acceptable for a boy to want to be feminine in any way. Yet. Hopefully, some day that will change.

[GirlieAmanda]

Don't purge. Put away. You know these feelings won't ever go away. You will just miss the stuff. I was forced to purge twice and I lost some great memories like pictures. I regret not saving those things. Don't feel like it's a "compulsion", you are compelled to do it. Your brain is partially or fully female. You brain is just reacting to that fact. To quell is not healthy. It must be dealt with and released at least partially.

[PertyX]

I'm totally the same. I guess if I was young, single... But when I was, I didn't have the imagination to explore my sexuality in this way.

Now I'm 'mature' I want to do it, but every now and then I feel really silly and get rid of everything. It's a shame; I've disposed of some gorgeous panties and suspender belts over the years!

You just have to have something deep inside, I suppose... To love beautiful, floaty, feminine items, and to keep a piece of yourself that the less imaginative will never understand.

[RADER]

Like Amanda stated, Please do not purge. Box everything up and put in storage, like the basement
or Attic space. In a few months you will be glad you did.
When I was working a lot of overtime, and doing side jobs, there was a time say about 5 years that
my dressing in anything was limited to a one piece bathing suit once in a while.
I am very happy that I still retained all my things. Now that I am retired, well the flood gates have been
opened, and I dress much more. At least 4 times a week, and always under dressed.
Rader

[Kate Simmons]

For many of us the dressing is the way(or vehicle) to express various deep feelings. If we accept those feelings and take ownership of them, we have the ability to make them a choice rather than a compulsion. Once it's a choice we control the reins. Then it really becomes an adventure and we are only limited by our imagination.

[Angie G]

Not me I dress 5 days a week and each time I dress I see myself as a really beautiful girl. I real life I don't even make a good looking girl.I nevey think about a purg I now have on need to.I have no need to analize angie I just enjoy her.
Angie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Andrea, Sometimes I feel guilty about dressing.

[Erica Marie]

I know your feelings exactly. At times I analyze too. Why do I dress, why am I different, why cant I just quit. Well after many years and a few purges I know it is part of who I am. I think that is why many of us analyze. Because it is only part of us. We may have never had the chance to fully make it who we are due to not coming out or what ever circumstances. As time goes on we look back at the decisions we made and think "what if". I guess that is why they say hind sight is 20-20. So we move on along the path we set and hope for more and analyze what we hold back.

[Leah Lynn]

The desire will never go away. It may hide for a while, or you may suppress it for a while, but it will come back stronger. Don't purge; store it.

Leah

[flogo920]

For those of us married with kids:

If we had an adequete more socially acceptable replacement, we probably would. It is not there.

I've wasted hundreds of hours reading to analyze this and so far have only come up with:

1. many of us are heterosexual and want families

2. Between "normals" and CD's, the only differences found were that CDs were far more TACTILE
(That should not surprise anyone here)

3. If it does NOT ROB time from family, job, and responsibilities it is harmless, nontoxic(unlike alcohol and drugs), LEGAL- anyone here busted with a bra or pantyhose ??) and is INTENSELY PLEASUREABLE
at a hypothalamic level.

4, Can NOT come up with a reason men dress-nor a way of stopping the behavior other than to cease and desist when necessary,

We will all be dead sometime- lie flat, fold your hands- OK you are DEAD- six feet above they are telling all your good astuff- NOW- what do you wish you had done ???

Live and enjoy !!

Hugs,

Flo

[Diversity]

You're not alone, Andrea. I often have periods of self reflection and wonder why I am doing this. Now that things are slowly improving with a bit more of my wife's acceptance of this side of me, I am not analyzing things so much as she has said to let it flow and go with it and see where it is going to take me. She loves me and is going to stick by me, but still really does not want to see me dressed or really be involved. So, having said this, I believe that you may want to consider that you already have your wife's acceptance, and she obviously loves you. So don't analyze yourself too much. Go with it and see where it takes you.
Best wishes to you.
Di

[Rachelakld]

I've purged a few times now - like the day my mum found out.
Within days I get the urge to dress up and have to go out and re-stock.
Waisted about 20 years trying not to dress up

Thankfully I've matured to understand the strenghts and weakness of both sides of my dual personalities, as such I have some old stuff (about 10 years since my last purge) that has just come back in to fashion.
My girls and I shop at the same shops, I allow about $50 per person, I buy them a top each that they like, they make me buy a skirt or dress for myself - that they want to wear (works OK cause I like their clothes just as much - latest photo on my blog is Miss 15's scruffy t-shirt).

[Nichola]

Although I've pretty much accepted this side of myself, I do tend to think too much sometimes & feel like theres something wrong with me.
I've never purged though, getting rid of my things won't change whats inside.

Sometimes, I'll just take a break from dressing & just be 'normal' whatever that is?......but it always comes back.

Try not to think too much & just enjoy it when it feels right

[suzy1]

I think that if you self analyze yourself regarding CD ing and you are getting negative feelings then it can only be because you have let outside influences affect your thinking. You’re reasoning.
We all know what the world in general thinks of CD ing. And it’s easy to understand why we let it get to us.
But I always say step back and think about it. We are doing nothing wrong. Every one is different.
What I am trying to do here is to apply logic to the subject.
You are having a problem with CD ing because other people say it’s wrong even though you know [or should know] its not.

Nichola has said “Sometimes, I'll just take a break from dressing & just be 'normal' whatever that is?” and that’s my point. There is no normal, there are just people, all different. [and you are normal Nichola!]

I have always thought this way and as a result I have never had any problems with my CD ing.

Don’t rob yourself of an important part of your life because of irrationality.

[Beverley Sims]

I can still analyze and reflect on myself and think how ridiculous I would look to some that know me.
That is not a good way to engender self esteem.
It is good that you are thinking about your wife and her feelings. Giving dressing a rest for short periods is as equally therapeutic as dressing.
Feeling foolish and purging are two different things. Feeling that way is quite normal whilst purging is foolish in the extreme.

Andrea, you are just over thinking too much. If you look good you are not foolish in going out and presenting yourself.
Try listening to your wife more often, and let her take the lead... That is fun.