Mixed messages from the same person

[heathr1]

Do you get these?

While in my early teens, mom used to encourage me to show an interest in her and her friend's clothing and make-up purchases and still shows me her purchases. Plus when younger mom bought me a girl's blouse and asked me to wear it.

Mom and her friend used to give me their womens' glossy magazines to read also.

Mom is fine with me going to the beauty salon for pedicures and I've told her I love painting female friends' nails for them and she does not find this at all odd. She was sympathetic and offered support once when finding skirts in my bedroom years ago.

Yet during a telephone conversation a few days ago, she told me how disgusted she was to see a crossdresser when she was visiting a friend in hospital.

[kimdl93]

Heather, everyone has blind spots and everyone is capable of utterly contradictory attitudes. Its easy to express disdain for the apperance or behavior of strangers....and at the same time to accept and even endorse the same behavior from loved ones.

If you can do it in a gentle way, perhaps ask her if she would feel the same way if it was you. I get the impression that she's quite aware that you are a CDr. So, you might discuss how comments like that one made you feel.

[Stephanie47]

From your introductory post (2005), if my math is OK, you're about 45 now. If your mother gave you the impression is was somewhat accepting of cross dressers when you were a teenager, I suspect her position is just evolving. People change over the years. If she thought it was cute when you were a teen or young adult because she thought you would transform into a pretty young woman, she may have seen an older cross dresser who has not transformed nicely. It may have blown her fantasy out of the water. Also, if her friend years ago was OK with it, maybe her friend was having undo influence on her.

Everyone's opinion is subject to change. Just consider all the posters, who thought they would forever have an accepting spouse, only to end up in divorce court or a contentious marriage.

[Amanda M]

I would go along with Kim entirely. You may not hear what you want to hear, but at least, you will know where you stand.

Best,
Amanda

[Beverley Sims]

I would say your mother saw a X dresser who did not present well.
The only X dressers that are noticed are the ones that do not pass.

Your mom would have her own visions of you as a X dresser and would grow with only your beauty in her mind.
Beauty is in the mind of the beholder and familiarity breeds contempt.
These go hand in hand to create a favourable image sometimes.
You will have to have a conversation with her to see how she sees you, in the scheme of things.
I agree they are mixed messages but for her what is good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.

I hope you get a good result from this.
Thanks for sharing it.

[Chickhe]

To your mom you are just a regular guy that likes to wear woman's clothing, to her anyone else is the stereotypical CDer depicted in popular culture... I get a similar reaction from my wife sometimes...she says she doesn't really find crossdressers appealing...but, yet when I dress up we have a great time. Maybe we're both living out some fantasy, but at the end of the night its back to what we know and live the rest of the time. I'm thinking the misperception when you see a CDer out in public is that they must be living that way full time...so it might be hard to imagine someone wanting to look like a CDer, but maybe they just have not got their look figured out yet.

[Diane Smith]

My mom's attitude toward my femininity also did a complete 180 about the time I entered puberty. She experimented along with me to some extent before that and seemed flattered that I was interested in her clothing and jewelry. Starting shortly after I turned 12 or so, she wanted nothing more to do with it and in her later years, wouldn't acknowledge that it had ever happened. Whenever she would see a depiction of crossdressing or transsexualism on TV, she would always say, "I just don't understand it," which in my mom's manner of speaking, was the same as saying she found it unspeakably gross and disgusting.

So, people change, and sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint the reason. In my case, I never went too far out of my way to hide what I was doing, but never talked about it around my mother or dressed up in front of her. We lived in that state of blissful dishonesty until she died about seven years ago. I wish I could have been more open, but she made it clear that it wasn't a subject she was open to discussing.

- Diane

[bimini1]

Mom will waffle on you. I think mine really struggles with the whole thing. I think she may believe she had something to do with it. Guilt over that. She told me a few years ago that I need to be true to me. Now she does not recall the conversation and often belittles those with gender issues in front of me.

I'm not going to push the issue with her it's not worth it. If she ever asks me about it again I will tell her I quit CDing years ago to keep the peace.

[I Am Paula]

Can't remember who said it. 'I'm a woman, I have double standards to live up to'.

[sonna]

my mom caught me cding along time ago more than a couple times she said shed support what ever i want to do in life because its my life
surprised the heck out of me (because usually shed try to beet it out of me) finally i was able to move out on my own and its like she put
a blinder up she doesn't want to remember or talk about it, but shes mom and she still loves me.

our parents come from different times, just let it roll off, shes your mom and im sure she loves you.

parents can be confusing.

[Ezekiel]

Family can be horrible sometimes. I've been through much problems because my parents made me travel from therapist to therapist (ending up in horrible results) and it was hell for me. Not to mention all the damned confusion, that if I was gay, that I would end up in prostitution, heck they even said I should stay just gay, no matter how much I stated that I wasn't. I lied and told them I would stop, until recently that I came out to them. My father doesn't really care as with time he became more understanding, its my mother that doesn't like the idea, but I'll do what I want anyways, she can like it or hate it, doesn't bother me I got fed up of her complaints long ago.