Therapy...not retail (long post)

[I Am Paula]

There's been a lot of threads about therapy, and therapists lately. I've always been against it for a few reasons. Please note at this point- I am not making any judgements, or generalizations. These are my opinions, and experience. If your therapist is working for you, great!

Over the years I've seen therapists for a multitude of reasons, however it wasn't until much later that I discovered it's all inter-related, and all has to do with gender. Also, this was all many years ago, when gender issues were unheard of, but for a few pioneers overseas.

First time I saw a 'professional' was at about nine. My school had called my parents about my behaviour. They were concerned that I didn't play with the boys, prefered girly toys, and did ANYTHING to keep from having to change into gym clothes. They also caught me using the girls room many times. So, off to the child psychologist. After a fifteen minute evaluation, he told my parents it was a phase. Suggested to me I 'man up', and play murder ball with the boys. I never told him that I wouldn't change with the boys because I was terrified they would see my penis, and know something was wrong. In hindsight, my GID was well on it's way.

In my teens, I started getting caught cross dressing, and wearing very feminine clothing in drab. (the days of glam rock, so it wasn't TOO unusual). It was getting caught in homosexual acts that had my parents sent me to a teen psychologist. They may as well have sent me to a priest. He told me this behaviour was very wrong, and I had to quit immediately! He even threw out the ol' cliche 'do you want to poop your pants for the rest of your life?' Then he told me to get a girlfriend, and assured my parents that this nonsense would stop.

Several girlfriends later, I discovered that I was bi, but mostly pursued men because it was conventional wisdom that all crossdressers are gay. Well known fact! My pschiatrist told me so!

I had begun hearing about sex changes, happening in faraway places, and very mysterious. Hrt consisted of higher and higher doses of estrogen only. but I wanted it. I saw my family doctor, who knew nothing of such therapies, but sent me to a specialist in NYC. This one turned out to be a psychiatrist, and knew less than I did. He asked ME to do the research. I had pretty much decided that I liked girls at this point, and told him so, but this guy quickly tells me those days are over, because only a gay man would even be talking about this subject.

Jump forward a few years to 1994, and I'm voluntarily in a 28 day in-patient program for alcoholism. One of my councillors (with no diploma, but some pretty good street smarts), suggested that if I drank because of gender issues, why not go to the root cause, and let Celeste out? Just be all the girl that I could be.

Bottom line- Therapists did nothing for me. Granted, this was long ago, but three PHD's and an M.D. did a total of ZIP, except tell me not to do what I was doing. It was a recovering alcoholic with no credentials at all that set me on my proper course. Needless to say, I have little faith in pschology, analysis, and therapies other than shoe shopping.

Just my $0.02- Celeste

[katlee]

I am sorry that you went through all those your hardships with professionals. I have loved my therapy whether it be group, classroom, or one on one. For me it is more about having the tools and understanding who you are rather than someone telling you who you are. I did have a negative experience when I went to family therapy when I was nine.

[PaulaQ]

It was a recovering alcoholic with no credentials at all that set me on my proper course.

I found this to be true for myself, too. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Amy A]

I think you have been very unlucky and much of it due to the era you were going through therapy. Transgender people in the UK are still regularly let down by the NHS (just google TransDocFail) but attitudes are changing, and the majority of therapists and counsellors here are good people, and can and do make a real difference in people's lives. The main problem for me is that very few understand the specific subject of transgenderism; I'm currently seeing a counsellor as part of the hoops my doctor wants me to jump through before a referral to a specialist, and whilst he's a very open minded and supportive man, all he can really do is listen rather than offer insight or advice.

At the end of the day as well there are wise and insightful people in all walks of life, with no qualifications to back it up, just good advice. At least you have been fortunate enough to meet such a person.

[Mikkigurll]

A few years ago, my employer suggested I go see a therapist because my mood was somewhat sour. I told her I was a crossdresser. (I wanted to discuss that part of me) She told me that I seemed to be O.K. with that part of my personality and we should move on to something else.

[Angela Campbell]

I have never talked to a therapist, and have no desire or need to. However Before I came to this site I joined another site, and cannot even remember the name now, but they welcomed me and asked me about my therapist upon joining. When I told them I did not see one and had no reason to, they were very shocked and told me that seeing one is almost a requirement if you are a crossdresser or have any gender issues. They (the moderators - before they even let me post on the site) told me it was dangerous to go without one and I was putting my life in danger without one.

I still told them that no, I have no need for one, and they finally let me through to the forum. Once I was on the chat room as a member I was asked what I was and told them I was a MTF crossdresser. That started a real commotion! I was verbally attacked at this and was made fun of as they had the view that MTF meant a person who is undergoing a transition as a transexual only, and if I was a MTF crossdresser then I must be a woman trapped in a mans body, undergoing transition to a female and wearing mens clothes.....wow what a wild 5 minutes that was. It took all of that 5 minutes to log out and never ever went back there again.

Now I understand why they so highly recommended a therapist.....seemed like most there had some really major issues dealing with others.

[Beverley Sims]

Some respond to therapy and retreats as they have grown up in an environment where help from an outside source is at hand.
Older people have had to help themselves as there were less trained therapists when they grew up.
The internet did not exist and who wanted to see a shrink any way. They were not crazy.

The world and outlook to all aspects of life has changed and there are educated people out there that can help.
There are still street wise advisers especially in AA and self help groups that can give advice in specific problems.
So the diverse opinions here probably come from a wider age group.

[mmarmstrong]

Like most other services, be it massage therapy or financial advice, it depends on the individuals - the one seeking help and the one offering help. It's shame you suffered through so many crappy 'professionals' Celeste....

I agree with Katlee - a good one with offer tools, not judgements...

[docrobbysherry]

Celeste, I suggest u either had bad luck, bad references, or both. Then, there's this to consider:

Remember Columbus's day? When the world was flat? Ha ha! So stupid!

Remember when we burned witches in the US? Ha uh, well NOT funny for the so called witches, I guess! Religious bigots! Thank goodness they're all gone!

Remember when doctors dealt with spells, curses, and had no knowledge of micro organisms or even of normal interior body functions? Not laffing about all those that were tortured before dying painfully! Docs today still have so much more to learn.

Remember when psychologists had no idea what gender disorders were? No? Well, one day you'll look back and remember this post and you'll LAFF THEN!

[Ann Louise]

I was very afraid and confused after I came out as a CD to my wife, even though things seemed to be working out fine (perhaps look over some of my older posts). I had no one to talk to except you wonderful girls (admittedly the medium has its limitations). I used a referral from a well established transgender support group in my local area, and now, between my wonderful, trans*-experienced psychologist, and meeting up weekly with that same support group, I feel better informed, understand where I'm at (TG), and more patient with myself and my (psychological) transformation into who I really am.

IMHO it's the whole package of support that counts, of which a compassionate and experienced gender counselor is essential (for me). I strongly suggest getting a referral from a trusted source. Xoxo, Elfin

[I Am Paula]

Sherry, I mentioned in my post that this was long ago. Most psychologists had never even HEARD of gender issues, but more importantly, didn't even want to help. My point was that some bad experiences soured me for all time. I'm sure there are very good therapists nowadays.
My personal favorites- Manolo Blanik, Christian Louboutin, and Jimmy Choo.-Celeste

[Ashley D.]

The first therapist I opened up to about being trans.
Flipped out and said she couldn't work with me any more.
So it took a long time to try it again. But I'm glad I did because the theripist I have now
Is great and I have got her thinking of specialize in GDI.

[Amanda M]

Therapists? Like car mechanics, there are some great ones, and some who are useless to the point of being dangerous!

Amanda, (psychotherapist)

[kimdl93]

I can certainly appreciate where you're coming from, Celeste. The fact is that the world has changed a great deal since you and I were young. Knowledge about the reasons behind variations in both gender and sexual preference has come such a long way in just the past couple of decades. The parents, physicians, psychiatrists and psychologists of that time simply were not equipped with the knowledge needed to provide accurate and useful guidance to patients or their families.

But that has most certainly changed. I would not judge the quality of care today by your experiences from 30-40 years past. About the same time you were inpatient care, I was seeing a psychologist to cope with a very difficult divorce and deep depression. Needless to say, my gender identity came up - grudgingly on my part. And although my psychologist was an older woman, perhaps in her mid 50's at that point, she was very well informed on the subject and very quickly helped me to accept who I am and to reject the baggage built up over a lifetime of self loathing and denial.

Sure, there are still uniformed or bigotted behavioral health professionals out there. But I would suggest that these professions are much more enlightened and much better prepared to help people like us today. And I would strongly advise those of us who are deeply troubled to seek professional help.