My wife came home early without calling and caught me.

[Kelly Smith]

Some of you will recall that - just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing. A little over a week ago she wasn't feeling well at work so she came home early. When she walked in I was putting my pretty things away but was still wearing makeup, hoop earrings, an elastic cleavage band, a cincher, a gaff and a pretty lace thong. My feminine things were scattered on the bed, dresser and floor. Being only half dressed, I looked my worst. She was horrified and wouldn't even look at me for days. I have been sleeping in the guest room. She is starting to thaw a little but - when I tried to bring it up - she showed no receptivity.

I can't help but think that it wouldn't have been quite so bad if she would have caught me looking more presentable.

[Maria S]

I can understand your situation. I rarely like my wife to see me half and half. Unless you have an excellent female like figure half and half can be a bit scary. I used to tell my wife in advance when I was going to dress so she would know the upstairs was temporarily "out of bounds".

Maria

[sammysaenz]

Sorry to hear that kelly. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. My wife actually dresses me up. So she goes through the whole transformation with me. We have good laughs when I get everything off, because I look like a clown...lol...but great experience none the less. Hopefully she will come around and be a little more open minded.

[tiffanyjo89]

This might come across wrong...so sorry if it offends anyone.

A lot of women don't want to be seen half dressed, and there are a lot of women who will say that their husbands have never seen them naked. When you're in a marriage there are going to be times when you see your spouse in a less than flattering light, whether that is a woman who normally is dressed to the nines sitting at a mirror with her hair in a towel putting on makeup and looking rather homely, or a man who normally is very well put together himself waking up and walking to the bathroom in just a pair of underwear.

In this case, you mentioned you told your wife about your dressing, and she is probably in shock, but probably had been trying to block out the possibility that she would have to see it. Honestly, if she knew about the possibility of coming home earlier than normal and seeing you dressed when she didn't want to, a simple "I'm coming home cause I'm not feeling good" phone call would have been good. Actually, without any crossdressing involved it would have been good anyway, it would give you a chance to fix her a drink or a small meal or something if she wanted it.

[Kate Simmons]

If she wasn't feeling well. it probably didn't help. It happened to me many a time. It's not so much that we do it as it is they feel we do it "behind their back" so to speak when they are not around, probably prompting them to question what else we might be doing. Solid communication is the key in this instance.

[Lorileah]

If it were me, I would be trying to open a communication with her instead of letting her "thaw".

[Julie Denier]

Similar thing happened to me, except my wife didn't already know I dressed, so the shock was compounded.

[PaulaQ]

Kelly, it's possible it would've been even worse had you been fully dressed and presentable.

Your only real option is to try to open a dialog with her. It may take a little time before she's ready. Obviously she found this pretty shocking. I'd suggest professional counseling, if you can afford it and if there's anyone in your area who's competent to deal with this type of situation.

I really feel for you - I am so sorry you are going through this.

[sandra-leigh]

She might also have been shocked about how many things you have, about how far you have taken it. Knowing that you put on women's clothes is a bit different emotionally than seeing makeup, earrings, gaff, and lots of things lying around, that "It's a lot worse than I imagined!"

[pink.switch.love]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

[Sandra]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

[StacyPump]

So sorry you are going through this, Kelly. It is not easy. I hope you are able to talk more about this with your wife very soon. I think Paula's suggestion to find an experienced counselor is a good one. Even if your wife won't attend immediately, it could still be helpful for you.

[linda allen]

Originally Posted by pink.switch.love
Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.


Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

Yes, some pretty bad suggestions get posted here from time to time. Some folks don't think before they write.

Some of you will recall that - just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing. A little over a week ago she wasn't feeling well at work so she came home early. When she walked in I was putting my pretty things away but was still wearing makeup, hoop earrings, an elastic cleavage band, a cincher, a gaff and a pretty lace thong. My feminine things were scattered on the bed, dresser and floor. Being only half dressed, I looked my worst. She was horrified and wouldn't even look at me for days. I have been sleeping in the guest room. She is starting to thaw a little but - when I tried to bring it up - she showed no receptivity.

I can't help but think that it wouldn't have been quite so bad if she would have caught me looking more presentable.

You say you told your wife about your dressing but you didn't say how the conversation went or how it ended. That's important.

I don't think it would have made a difference if you had been "more presentable".

In my case, I introduced my wife to my dressing slowly. Bra, then panties, then blouses, then skirts, then jewelry. It's too late for you to change what's happened, but I think you should take the initiative and get a conversation going as soon as possible.

Sleeping in the guest room is not helping.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

I agree. Too many times people make flat statements, probably based on their own experience, but every person is different, and there is no way to know anyone (even yourself) well enough that you are never surprised.

Deedee

[Lorileah]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

[jenni_xx]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

Have to say, I wondered that myself!!!

[Jenniferathome]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

Wow, I hope you remember this advice when your wife decides she doesn't like something you do. Marriages are not disposable like Kleenex.

Kelly, even though you think your wife "knows" she clearly does not know enough. The ONLY solution is discussion. I know you have had a hard time with this but you have to talk.

[melissakozak]

Kelly,

Sorry to hear this. One of the things I advise crossdressers to do, if her spouse knows, is to create some space and time for you to be your femme self without fear or repercussions. This is where marriage counseling comes in. Anyone of us who chooses to row across the TG pond, while married, has to have a terrific and wonderfully accepting spouse (extremely rare) or just march on into marriage counseling to discuss the logistics of how you are going to crossdress, feel good about it and have time to do it without looking over your shoulder. I am fortunate in that I have a separate apartment which I affectionately and my friends affectionately call my girl cave. My wife knows about it, has been there, seen it and knows nothing is going on there but me being me with some friends once per week. I carve out the time, the place, etc. Perhaps you can arrange to get a motel room if your wife doesn't wish to participate? Whatever the case may be, sorry you were discovered in that inbetween state...been there a few times myself and yes, all of us can look dreadful without the wig and halfway dressed, me included for sure. You won't stop crossdressing, and your wife and you have some serious discussions ahead. I wish you well and peace be with you....Melissa.

[Stevie]

I feel what you are experiencing. That image probably be with her for a very long time. If she wasn't very receptive then this becomes even harder for her to accept. Try talking and be open. The cats out of the bag so good luck.

[I Am Paula]

I'm sorry it had to happen to you. I've never had to hide, so I don't speak from experience, but I imagine that anyone hiding something like this IS gonna get caught sooner or later.
I can't imagine the burden of trying to cover up something so important.-Celeste

[Beverley Sims]

It is a shame to be caught at your least attractive stage.
Ugly is the picture she has.
The best you can do is carry on and be considerate and pander to her wishes.
Try not to bring the subject up unless she does and then refer to it only briefly.
Acceptance will take a long time.

[Lori_Lynn]

I was considering getting caught as a way of telling my wife, that I dress.
but I think introducing her slowly to it would be better, thanks.

[Beverley Sims]

Lori there are ways of coming out to your wife, most of them difficult, but none are as devastating as being caught.
Think of your wife's..... Surprise! ...... Surprise!
Come out when you are ready and not before reading up on it.

[pink.switch.love]

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

[Lacyfem]

My wife always calls when she's coming home so somewhat lucky there though she has once or twice come home early unannouced which is why I don't do make up unless shes out of town or I'm positive about the time she will be back. I also keep a robe close by which I can slip on quickly with heels and thigh highs going into my desk drawer. I'm also not sure she'd react differently whether half dressed or fully dress as done up I'm 6'6" in heels and though I feel wonderful dressed I'm sure to the outside world they might think I look rediculous so she would most likely feel the same. We gurls don't make the judgement on other gurls like our wives would put on us. I've been dressing for years and yet to get caught and though I do still have a tinge of guilt when I dress hiding it from my wife, I love my family and wife a lot and know it would hurt them. As for pink, somethings are best kept secrert.