How to address the sexual component of being a girl?

[karusiskaru]

I go through these distinct phases , each lasting about two weeks which are periodic and make my life confusing and troublesome.

guy phase: I feel like a normal guy and act like a normal guy, my productivity at work is the best this time.

girl phase: I start feeling feminine and a compulsive need to crossdress. I get really emotional and have difficulty concentrating at work. I am obsessed with the color pink and fashion, makeup, celebrity divas etc.

horny girl/gay/bi/confused mode: This is by far the worst. By now I am past feeling feminine and am like a almost out of control bimbo. Men, or at least the thought of a strong man excites me. I have dreams of being a damsel in distress, or being a girlfriend/wife to a muscular dude. I feel submissive and tend to do what people say, rather than thinking independently.I tend to behave weirdly in this stage, because I do stupid things in public, e.g. complimenting someones clothes (not in a casual way).

And just like that I am back to being a guy again... Its almost as if there are hormones at play here and the emotional roller coaster is killing me

Sorry for the long post... Hope I get some advice.

[GaleWarning]

I was going to suggest that you simply get dressed and sort yourself out. But then I realised that, as I am not a girl, this is probably not going to be a constructive input, so you may ignore my advice.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Well Candie, I would say it goes with the territory but not sure that is true. I do understand how difficult it can be to live in two worlds. Try in being closeted and married. When I am in gurl mode, my sexual side just seems to have a mind of its own and I too get very submissive and ****ty. I am very selective about letting myself get into that situation, however. I guess the most important thing is be careful, use your rational self in guy mode to be selective about when and with whom you indulge yourself in gurl mode.

[Alliegirl]

I can relate. I haven't had the issues at work or out with friends, but know what you mean from a personal life perspective. I go through phases where for most weeks I'll be a man with some bi/cross dressing sides. Then other times I'm just wanting to be a total dominant man with girls I've dated. Then there are other times I'll love to be a sub bottom and want to be a girl for a guy. Just be his/theirs and totally dress fem and act fem as well.

It's hard to sort through at times. I'll be watching this thread though for sure since apparently I'm not the only one who has this.

PS I'm not on any HRT

[Debra Russell]

I am completly ignoring this post as if I think about it too much I revert to one of these stages or other -- come on, it's hard enough to appear "normal" for any period ot time without trying to figure out why we all are so completly taken up with this so-called life style - I am being a guy at the moment wanting to appear as a girl - not sure why ....just be careful and go with the flow - what ever that means................................Debra

[Jenniferathome]

I go through these distinct phases , ... girl phase: I get really emotional and have difficulty concentrating at work. I am obsessed with the color pink and fashion, makeup, celebrity divas etc.

I expect that the women here will find this stereotypical view on women to be pretty demeaning.

[karusiskaru]

I expect that the women here will find this stereotypical view on women to be pretty demeaning.

I don't mean to be disrespectful of women of course, and I understand that being a woman is much more complex than these things. I just meant I show those traits which are definitely a part of (if not the whole story) about being a girl.

I do apologize if anybody feels offended.

[katlee]

Remember there are fantasies and realities. Look into the culture if cosplaying where you assume the identity as well as the person you are portraying. The question is do you want your fantasy to become a reality? I really think you are just want a fantasy that is created based on your perception. Similar to how a lot of us CDers like to dress up in make up and get dolled up, but to do it as part of a social norm would be lose a lot of its appeal.

[CassandraSmith]

Dominatrixes can help in exploring fantasies such as "Damsel in Distress."

[Wildaboutheels]

Men are often accused of thinking with the little head.

And rightfully so.

Bill Clinton might be the most famous man [among many athletes/celebrities etc.] caught for thinking with the little head. [at least weekly if one keeps up with the news] And the ones that are caught are likely only the tip of the iceberg as far as real #s. Bill Clinton as well as many others who get caught are no dummies. This simply illustrates just how powerful our Animal Instinct is.

Clearly the urge for an O, can be omnipotent for some people. SOME people meaning men. Obviously for some MEN, any and all reasonable judgement goes out the window.

Advice? Only YOU can decide if you are worried that your "phases" could get you into some serious trouble OR it's something you WANT to pursue because you are curious.

It's NOT against the law to be curious, but bad things obviously can happen if we allow the little head to be in charge.

[Beverley Sims]

Get your fetishes and your priorities in order and re edit your post.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I don't mean to be disrespectful of women of course, and I understand that being is woman is much more complex than these things. I just meant I show those traits which are definitely a part of (if not the whole story) about being a girl.

I do apologize if anybody feels offended.

If you said that to my GF, she would most definitely be offended. I don't think this is anything about your gender dysphoria, at least not directly, and is in fact something else going on in your head. Have you considered therapy?

[KellyJameson]

I think people are drawn to being submissive when they do not honor their natural energies so they swing back and forth between extremes.

You go from "normal guy" which probably means you are closed off emotionally and playing a role instead of being natural and than to the other extreme of being a submissive bimbo.

Think of it like either being constipated or having diarrhea.

If you want it to stop you need to let go of the normal guy which you have built for others.

Blend the bimbo and the normal guy because somewhere between the two is the truth of who you really are.

If there is any form of abuse, abandonment or neglect in your childhood be very careful about childlike needs for love being confused with being submissive so in essence when you are submissive you are reverting back into that child looking for the love you never received.

Being submissive can be very dangerous to your emotional well being when it comes from past wounds.

[Melissa Rose]

I don't mean to be disrespectful of women of course, and I understand that being is woman is much more complex than these things. I just meant I show those traits which are definitely a part of (if not the whole story) about being a girl. I do apologize if anybody feels offended.

You are so lost in a fantasy to see beyond your hurtful stereotyping. Almost your entire original post is demeaning and insulting to women. Even your apology, though well meaning and probably sincere, is a bit insulting. "I get really emotional and have difficulty concentrating at work. I am obsessed with the color pink and fashion, makeup, celebrity divas etc." These traits are definitely a part of being a girl? Yikes. They may be in your imagination or fantasy world, or wishful thinking, but they are far from being reflective of real life in my experience. "I have dreams of being a damsel in distress, or being a girlfriend/wife to a muscular dude. I feel submissive and tend to do what people say, rather than thinking independently." Double Yikes. "Out of control bimbo"?

Advice? Setting aside the above comments, there is nothing wrong with having fantasies, but yours are intruding into your real life. It is not a cyclical hormonal issue (again, insulting), but something going on in your mind. This is something only you can control. Underdresser's statement about considering therapy may not be bad advice since your mental fantasies are interfering with real life, and there may be deeper issues at play. You have created such an off-base, distorted sense of what defines "being a girl" that reality cannot match up with it. You will continue to be frustrated since you are chasing an out of kilter dream. If you want to be dominated, go for it, but don't connect it to being a woman because it has absolutely nothing to do with it. If you want to be an overly exaggerated, hyper girly, demeaning stereotype then go for it, but do not connect it with part of being a woman. Finally, realize those images and behaviors in your head are insulting and demeaning to women, and they are actually distorted perceptions of women. Explore and enjoy your fantasies in a safe and sane manner, but never lose sight they are ones created in your own mind.

[DonnaT]

girl phase: I start feeling feminine and a compulsive need to crossdress. I get really emotional and have difficulty concentrating at work. I am obsessed with the color pink and fashion, makeup, celebrity divas etc.

Really? That's all some of you could focus on?

She used the term "I", and made no suggestion that this was a normal phase for women/girls! So how the heck is that insulting to others?

Some have lost site of Karusiskaru's need for advice.

Karusiskaru, you need to document these episodes to determine if there is some type of pattern.

For example, maybe you wait or stop yourself from CDing until the urge gets too strong? Maybe you could CD more often, when there is no urge.

As you indicated, the horny girl/gay/bi/confused mode is the most troublesome. This appears to be more of a sexual compulsion. Documenting when this occurs may help you get help from a sex therapist, not gender therapist, unless you get lucky and the therapist is knowledgeable with both.

Note that there are quite a few CDs who look for male partners only when dressed enfemme, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you do things you are ashamed of, and possibly compulsively, then it's time to seek professional help.

[karusiskaru]

Melissa Rose

Thanks for the honest response...If I am indeed deluded(which seems to be the case considering the replies) I should be made aware of it. I will definitely analyze my feelings in more depth and try to remove misconceptions.

DonnaT

Thanks for the support Donna. I appreciate if others point out that some aspect of my thoughts or writing is wrong and I am willing to correct it. However it is good if I don't feel like a criminal, because at the end of the day, I did not do it on purpose.

I will definitely try to document in detail about what is it that I am feeling and look for patterns. Will let you know if I gather any insights (if you don't mind of course)

[jenni_xx]

Agree completely with DonnaT.

I think people are being unnecessarily harsh on Karusiskaru. Sometimes, instead of going on the attack, we should step back, try and understand what is being said, and actually realise that it's often quite difficult to put into words exactly how we are feeling. Karusiskaru, in my opinion, tried to make her point as succinct as possible, and used certain traits that are (and have been) aligned to femininity in order to put across the varying emotional states she is oscillating between at regular intervals. (Melissa, you took it a step too far in interpreting that as a "cyclical hormonal issue" that is insulting to women - the insinuation you are referring to being all too clear, which was unnecessary of you).

Of course this is going on in karusiskaru's mind. That does not mean however that it is something that only she can control. The very mention of seeking therapy suggests why.

In my opinion, the advice to go for therapy is good advice. In my own experience, I can relate to what you, karusiskaru, are going through. When I was younger, I felt the same way. Periods of indulging my femininity (known commonly here as pink fog (we can all relate to that), periods of not having any desire to dress at all (again, I would think a lot of us can relate to that also). What may distinguish you from many others here however is thoughts/dreams of being with a man. I would say that it is entirely possible that the more you experience going through these varying phases, over time you begin to become more settled and find out who it is you really are. Over time, one phase may become more frequent and prominent than the other phases. My advice would be to not deny yourself, and just go with how you are feeling at any one particular time. Embrace each phase equally, and try not to feel guilty about how you feel. It could be that your gay thoughts will only ever remain fantasy, and there's nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Everyone has fantasies, and for some people, it's best kept only as a fantasy. Like I say, when I was younger I went through similar varying phases. Eventually I found myself, realised what I wanted, what was best for me, irrespective of anything other people said, and now I couldn't be happier.

[SandraInHose]

I see this happen too frequently on this forum...somebody is humbly asking for advice or being vulnerably honest and instead of receiving answers to their questions, they get admonished over the simplest of things. If someone is intentionally being a troll, that's one thing, but that is clearly not the case here.

And props to both DonnaT and jenni_xx.

I can relate to the OP's inquiry. There are times when I feel overly masculine and want to shed my pantyhose and scream, "I'm a MAN!"
And then there are times when I feel so feminine that all the clothes/lingerie/accessories can't fulfill my needs.

If it's causing issues with your work or homelife, maybe some counseling is in order. But otherwise, it's just like most things in life...they're cyclical. Roll with it as best you can.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry, Melissa, but u r WAY out of line here!

Melissa Rose

Thanks for the honest response...If I am indeed deluded(which seems to be the case considering the replies) I should be made aware of it. I will definitely analyze my feelings in more depth and try to remove misconceptions.

DonnaT

Thanks for the support Donna. I appreciate if others point out that some aspect of my thoughts or writing is wrong and I am willing to correct it. However it is good if I don't feel like a criminal, because at the end of the day, I did not do it on purpose.

I will definitely try to document in detail about what is it that I am feeling and look for patterns. Will let you know if I gather any insights (if you don't mind of course)

On this site, Karusis, u should NEVER apologize for what u FEEL or WHO U R! That's as honest as u can get and NO ONE should argue that!

As far as your Original Post, I can identify with part of it. The "getting horny" part. However, since I'm straight I long for a sexy female. Fortunately, Sherry is usually available!

I know that may sound like an easy solution for me compared to the problems your "wanting a man" creates. But, believe me, there's plenty of collateral damage involved with being your own girlfriend!

[ilana]

I think a lot of us here go through cycles between wanting to dress and not feeling like it. Do you get a chance to dress like a girl when you want to be one? That could be a good way to get rid of some of your anxiety.

[PaulaQ]

I think dealing with our dressing / gender identity makes it difficult to sort out sexuality issues we might have. The two seem to be intertwined to some extent for many of us. For example, perhaps cross dressing brings out fantasies that a person with submissive or masochistic tendencies might have. Maybe they crave humiliation (omg, I'm FORCED to be a woman for this big strong man), or maybe they like getting slapped around a little. Perhaps a person is bisexual, and they only feel free to indulge in this when dresses, because in their mind, they are a woman now. (This makes no sense, but we'll rationalize all sorts of stuff to avoid dealing with issues that are hard for us.)

Perhaps facing some other truths about yourself (and I have no idea what those might be) will help you cope.

I can imagine that trying to sort out feelings like that while trying to deal with CD would be exceedingly confusing.

[noeleena]

Hi,

You said being a girl , are you really , are you a female, & then are you a woman. when you can say yes to that then i would think about who you really are or is this a fantisy a make belive or just a made up story about your self .

I mean for men to dress as us is one thing when it takes over your life & controls you then its time for a talk with a Psychiairist & go through details because this can lead to a lot of problems & i think you'r seeing this now,

There's a time & place for the bedroon , just what your saying theres more going on than just the pink fog type of thinking.

Im looking at your obsession you have , that needs to be put in the right place of dont let it over rule you ,

I like clothes make no mistake they do not over rule me i wear many different outfits to many place's & theres a time & place for them ,

As a person no matter wether your a male or like myself a woman we need to have prioritys in life, & we do need some stilbilty's in our life & that seems to be lacking, when you accept that & get some help youll find you'll be more at peace with your self as a person & how you see your dressing & other details you have can help you long term. till then it's time for a mind check.

...noeleena...

[Frédérique]

I go through these distinct phases , each lasting about two weeks which are periodic and make my life confusing and troublesome.

I also go through phases like that, where I am drawn towards different aspects of my sexuality, but I’m not the least bit troubled about it. I figure it’s just healthy curiosity about the human condition, i.e. the one investigated by ME. If you dress up you’re going to think about things differently, and when you return to your male presentation you’re going to wonder where you’ve been (and why). It’s only natural – I say go with the flow…

I also go through phases on this site where I write A LOT, or nothing at all – I don’t think too much about that, either. I often don’t have anything to “say,” but that doesn’t stop me…

[Jill Devine]

Yikes why are so many of you getting your knickers in a knot? I hardly see the OP as being insulting and have no idea why any apologies where required.

[AlexisTX]

I can defiantly relate to your situation. My cding is very cyclical. Sometime i will go a month without a thought of dressing.
And then bam ton o bricks and that is all i can think about. On the plus side that is when i get all my shopping done.
One thing i have done to try to bridge the gap is leave my toes painted. Its always fun pulling off shoes and seeing that nail polish.

If i could give advice, since you recognize behaviors of yourself in these modes, start incorporating different phase behaviors together. If you are in guy mode check out the beautiful woman walking down the street , but then take a look at her outfit and makeup and see if you could do that same look. If you can start to blend the edges of these phases together you might figure a few things out and be happier.

-Alexis