Anyone ever feel stupid?

[Jennifer_Ph]

[size=3]Do any of you feel stupid after dressing? Sometimes I do. I mean I look forward to it. I enjoy it. The putting it all together that is. I love choosing the outfit. Primping the wig. Applying the makeup. Putting on a great pair of heels. Then I look in the mirror, and there it is. A man in a dress. That looks like a woman! It’s hard to explain, but sometimes after I am all done dressing I ask myself what the hell are you doing? [/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]But that’s like my other hobby – building trucks. I LOVE designing and building them. Taking them out for a spin and enjoying them. But then I want to get a different one and build it too. For me it’s in the design, preparation and construction. The final product is always really cool – but I know there can be cooler. If that makes any sense.[/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]I say this because I had the house to myself on Monday. I was all excited about being Jennifer for a day. I was going to go do some shopping, whatever I felt like. So I got up early and showered and shaved and everything. Chose my hosiery – my favorite item. Then I chose the rest of my outfit. A miniskirt, a light top, and some strappy 3” heels. I sat down in front of the mirror and put my makeup on. Then the wig. Ever notice how much better makeup looks once you put the wig on? Anyway, next step was to slip into my shoes and then out to my truck for some adventure.[/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]I never left the house. I had a diet coke trying to decide on where to go and what to do. Then I said to myself, this is stupid. What the hell am I doing? I’ve got lots of other stuff I could be getting accomplished. After about an hour of being dressed I was in front of the mirror removing my makeup. I kept my suntan L’eggs Sheer Energy sheer to waist hose on, and put on a micro pair of womens shorts and one of his t-shirts. Then my 3” open toe slides from Payless and proceeded to take care of stuff around the farm.[/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]And that’s all I really wanted. To see my painted toes beneath the hosiery, my long legs glistening in the sun with the short-shorts on. Around noon I decided I was hungry and changed shoes into man shoes and went and got something to eat. Picked up some beer and went back home to my activities. [/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]So I don’t know if Jennifer is going away or what. I feel like I am a crossdresser from the waist down sometimes. I wear pantyhose and shorts every day, everywhere, work, play, home, you name it. As a man. High heels usually only at home or as Jennifer. I wish that would change sometimes. But at the same time I LONG to become Jennifer. I have so much fun putting it all together.[/size]

[size=3][/size]

[size=3]And it’s not that I look bad when I am done. But lately I see a MAN in a dress. Not Jennifer. Maybe it’s because hosiery is my favorite item and I wear hose every day in the open that I feel less of a need to be Jennifer. Where before, Jennifer was the only way I could feel the breeze on my legs. I don’t know. I am nowhere NEAR a purge – I love all of my girl stuff. It just seems that lately, I am better at being Mike than I am Jennifer. What do you think?[/size]

[Wendy me]

jennifer i think that from time to time we all have come to ask what the hell am i doing?????? i know i have but over the years it became harder and harder to put wendy away'''''' when i dress its all wendy...
love it
wear it
wendy me

[Darby]

Maybe you need to go out as a woman and trash it up. Find a guy and give him a handjob or head if you so desire... just a kinky thought. I know I want to!!!

[babe4life]

I think we go through patches. There are times when I have felt very similar to what you are describing. Go through all the effort and then - nada. Sit around for a bit and take it all off again. But the excitement returns

[Vallari]

I feel that way sometimes too. I've been feeling that the last day or two actually, but Im sure it will pass. Ive been doing it since elem. school, and I've been relatively consistent with my CD'ing every since. So Im pretty sure I'll be Rachel again around Thursday or Fri!

CD'ing is fun, but it does take up a big part of our lives as well. Sometimes it helps to step back and take a break and do something else for a while. Just to maintain a balance with things, you know?

[Amelie]

I think your just at one of the low points in dressing, I think we all get like that, I call it being bored. There were times I would get dressed for an evening out, instead of going to a club, I would wander around the street for about an hour, sort of in a daze, not knowing where to go. I even had a policeman stop me and ask if anything was wrong, I told him I'm bored, I don't know where to go, he directed me to the nearest disco (Palladium) . I didn't go, I went home. I think you're a little bored right now, the fun will come back, it always does.

You are right about when a wig is put on, the make-up looks so much better. I put my make-up on while I wear my wig, a GG would be wearing her hair when she does the make-up, and so do I.

Anyway try to cheer up, alls not lost, maybe you need a break.

Love Amelie

[SatinSarah]

I am sure we have all been there. Too busy to dress or it is difficult to fit in with family. As I get more excited abuot dressing and when I am fully dressed I do go on a bit to my GG about what I would love to wear and what I would like to do. All my desires come puring out, but after we have made love I do feel stupid that I have gone on so much to her as I'm sure she doesn't care too much abuot my PVC desires! BUT it only lasts until the next time the pure desire returns (like now!)

[Tonia]

Your a wild one Darby !!!

[Jennifer_Ph]

Thanks for all the wonderful responses, girls. I think it just is a slow or bored spot too. Maybe what this girl needs is some good old fashioned shopping!

I don't feel the desire to stop dressing. Not at all. I love to do it. This forum is the bestest of the greatest - and that's because of all you wonderful people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I do hope this passes.... (pardon the pun)

[Amelie]

Lord and taylor,,,, Watch Out,,, a hurricane called Jennifer is on the way.

Love Amelie

[Tonia]

Thanks for all the wonderful responses, girls. I think it just is a slow or bored spot too. Maybe what this girl needs is some good old fashioned shopping!

I don't feel the desire to stop dressing. Not at all. I love to do it. This forum is the bestest of the greatest - and that's because of all you wonderful people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I do hope this passes.... (pardon the pun)

Jennifer,

Never say never, Gril you look great don't stop something that you love and charish so much.
Tonia

[Rachel Elizabeth]

Jennifer - it sounds like you are frustrated because you want to be a girl doing girl things but instead you are a man who spends time becoming a girl only to be disappointed because you don't have girlfriends close by who can do girl things together.

I have gone through multiple wardrobes, throwing them out, because I felt "sick" about looking in the mirror and seeing a man trying to be a woman. I don't do that anymore because I know that the woman inside me will break out again.

Living in Indianapolis, not being ready to let everyone know who I really am, gives me pause to think and do what you did. However, when Rachel travels, Rachel goes to hotels where they know her as both she and he. Rachel goes to restaurants where they know her as both she and he.

I think that we would be less frustrated and tired of seeing the man in the mirror if we could pick up the phone and call a girlfriend to chat; if we could go over to the neighbor and have a cup of coffee and talk girl talk.

I want to do those things but the time isn't right yet. The time will come, however, when Rachel will be Rachel.

Hang tight. You and I have chatted remotely too many times to have you go "bonkers" on me!

Hugs [and appreciation]......

[Tyler]

If you feel Jenny is going away, Have a Sex change so you can be Jenny all the time, Or just take a whole week off and dress fem!

[Marianne]

Yep, I often look at myself in the mirror after a poor makeup job. Then I point and laugh.

[kristi cd]

I think I kinda know what you're talking about because most (if not all) of the fun for me is in the process of dressing, not so much doing anything special when I do. At least that's how I feel now, maybe that'll change if I ever do go out in public dressed, I don't really know.

[chantelle]

Look at me a 28 year old about to give advice that might help you or not.Let
me know.
Here goes.Every human is programmed to respond to every situation
via parents and later by adding to your livestyle.You must step out of both your personalities for one moment and become the third persons perspective.
There is a factor about mikes personality that will do its utmost to
survive in this world.So it will suppres the inner you by making sure that
you see him and not your girl self.Ask yourself why he is doing it.Can it be that some outside person said something manly to him and it is making
him more or less fearfyll that there is more to your female self than he wants
to admit.Let him have his moment of manlyness.I venture to say to go out as mike and go do themost manly thing you cna come up with and spenreal time doing it.You will see that your energy to be man will spent itself and soon
Your girl self will be back.....It is mikes moment-give it to him.
P.s wear the most manly clothes you have for a few days.iit may help you to realise that all of us are more than we seem.Not what you percieve in the mirror.Love Chantelle.

[Kari_E]

If you have ever worn a bridesmaid dress with major puff and a big bow on the butt for twelve hours you would certainly feel stupid hehe. Why do Vera Wang brides decide to dress their maids like some 1987 prom film? I could never do that to my friends, well there are a few hehe.

Even women get frustrated being women, it’s a complex procedure sometimes, and wearing for work can become competitive too which has its own interoffice scandal.

I think if any women are reading this, our best essence moments occur a few days after ovulation, maybe men go through a similar hormonal feeling? I get feminine surges throughout the month depending on my cycle, do men get masculine surges?

I realize im off topic but its late and willing to speculate a little, I have had a theory on cross dressing/ dress up games, and its that men are just void of accessory and visual (fashion) stimulation, we simply have more choice and ways to express our real essence. Just my theory.

[Jennifer_Ph]

Thanks everyone! Again. And don't worry, I am not going bonkers. I've been bonkers since I was born - ask anyone!

Very good advice, Chantelle. I wear pantyhose, womens shorts, and womens shoes (masculine looking) to work every day. Maybe I am femming up Mike too much and he's rebelling. VERY interesting thought!

[joesephine]

Jennifer is mike working on a truck project?????
Mike doing some boy thing he's really into????
Mike could be absorbed by some project ----------------
Don't go away, next year I hope to start visiting the girls in mich

Joesephine

[Julie]

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. But there is something you may not have thought about. From the waist down most of us look pretty decent in girl mode but from the waist up you have to contend with all that stuff testosterone built up. And that's hard to feminize.

I told my wife the other day that I would love it if I could just have my toenails polished and wear a short skirt. On top would be whatever I felt like wearing but no makeup or wig.

Last weekend Jacki and I went out and took pictures. I e-mailed them to Jacki after I had loaded them into the computer. Her reply was one of shock. "We look like linebackers!" When you realize most women's below breast measurement is only a bit larger than their waist you begin to realize just how much different our frames are.

Since I've been going out though the urge to dress is considerably smaller but I'm always ready for waist down dressing. If society was completely accepting I think you'd see me as sort of a hybrid, half male - half female. Just like we got used to women wearing men's clothes I suppose we'd get used to hybrids too

Someday I need to travel your way. I'd love to see one of your trucks. It's something I really want to do (except to a car) but I don't have the space. I think I'd do a '69 Mustang and build it into a Boss 429. Maybe when I retire

[Jennifer_Ph]

Boss 429's rock. And they're low to the ground so you can show off more of your legs.

[Tyler]

I never feel stupid, however, in my Forced Fem exp. when I went to the mall, trying on dresses and looking at myself in the mirror... I felt like an ass.

[Wenda]

as usual, a lot of good advice and perspective. There's a reason I don't have a pic on this forum. I took a couple of digitals, and they were really pathetic. And then when you see how great the girls on the forum look, it can be kind of depressing. But that is only if you are dressing for someone else. If you are dressing, hoping that someone will comment on your beauty or sexiness or whatever, you have to be really good, like Amelie, Julie, Darby, etc. I don't dress for others. I just do it because I like it. I have always fantasized about having breasts, and now I have 3 pairs! Don't beat yourself up. Like Julie said, from the waist down, wow. waist up, more of a challenge. take care, wenda.

[Melissa A.]

Can't add much to all this great advice, Jennifer. I have felt what you feel, and have sometimes thought,I just dont have the energy to do all that today! Even though the desire was there. Everything you have heard from these great girls is true- All the different experiences and feelings. I am confident you will find your way, honey. Just be true to yourself and never deny who you are. Many here, I'm sure, have spent some time doing that. Never again for me. A part of me is Melissa- and she will never be suppressed again. And however she reveals herself is ok. Now and then, rarely, alot, its ok.(right now, alot!) Just be who you are honey, and dont queation when or how often you "feel like it". be you. All my love, Melissa

[Madilyn]

...this thread that is...

Hi Sweeties,

Long time no comment There are so many of you who I don't know and who don't know me, but there are also so many beautiful and wonderful ladies like Jennifer, Darby, Amelie, Julie, Jenny, Erica, Shy Charlotte, and so many more that I will always consider to be friends no matter how interactive I am with this forum.

I am still here, but more in spirit than anything else these days. I still check-in once in awhile, but have had trouble bringing myself to be as active as I had been. I know what it is that has triggered this response, but I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it.

I can totally relate to Jennifers thread, but in a different context. I continue to struggle with post-MaddyFest depression because I can not dress, go out, or be feminine, so I have backed away from Madilyn by default.

Those of you who have read my past threads know how excited (and damn giddy) I was during the months leading up to my weekend so affectionately known as MaddyFest 2004. You also know that it's only been an annual opportunity to let Madilyn run the streets loose for a week due to "domestic" obstacles. This year was the best week out ever and I have all of you to thank for your support, advice, and girl-power attitude. Your spirit here allowed me to pull out all the stops and allow Madilyn to blossom into a swan.

Because I didn't hold back (and for the most part, threw caution to the wind), the ramifications of my actions were more severe this year than ever before and it has taken a strange toll on my psyche. Those of you who remember some of the things I have shared may remember and "key-in" to what I'm saying, and those of you who don't will probably wonder what this chick is babbling about. Those of you who know me also know that I can be "Queen of the Forum Dissertation" and I don't want this to become that.

Just know that I will always be here with you girls in mind, soul, and spirit. I love Madilyn and am deeply saddened that she has been silenced, but sometimes life choices are extremely difficult and unfair, yet necessary. There may come a day when Madilyn is completely free to do as she pleases, but for right now she is suppressed and in complete remission. It's possible she may never come out and play again...and to say this deeply saddens me.

I realize this post is cryptic and unclear, but I know some of you will understand. It's a "cleansing" so-to-speak (and a hell of a lot cheaper than a horizontal couch and an overpaid PHD who would rather be golfing). I choose not to be here with all of you because I am not Madilyn right now and it is more than I can bear to not be true to myself (and to you) while participating in this forum. I only wish I had the freedom (and balls) to be who I want to be without the fear of totally turning my life inside out and causing irreparable damage.

I love all of you for who you are and for being here, in what I would consider, the premiere forum of its kind on the World Wide Web. You should all be extremely proud that the combination of improved technology and the increased acceptance of alternative social mores (mo'rez) has allowed this community to come together to learn, teach, educate, and socialize in a comfortable and accepting environment. God Bless Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

Thank you for listening and allowing me to go waaaay to the left of topic. Please feel free to resume your discussion of trucks, cars, hybrid humans, and pantyhose. I will resume an extremely boring and reclusivly drab existence on this Earth, and I will continue to day (and night) dream of who I really am through each of your words in this forum. Don't ever think you are weird, bizarre, or abnormal girls...you are beautiful, different, gifted, and special. Everybody should be so lucky.

I'll shake hands with each of you now and hope to see you in the future. I love you and miss you.

A woman inside,

Kevin