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  1. #1
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    Am I TS? Tough love or compassion?

    Anybody that reads this section have seen members asking "Am I TS?". In the old days the question would be met mostly with "tough love" bordering on cruelty from some members. Those asking mostly ended up leaving with their tails between their legs or being peeved off. Of course depending on what they asked or their background it could be easy to tell they were not TS.

    One thing that does puzzle me is how some preop girls with no RLE have so many answers, do they do a lot of reading and memorizing? The postop (now women) have experienced it all. Of course the best person to get answers from for you is a gender therapist but that's a given.

    So what is your approach, tough love or compassion or a middle ground?
    Last edited by Marleena; 03-09-2013 at 03:02 PM. Reason: edited to avoid confusion

  2. #2
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    similar concepts apply to advice over marriage and children....i am astonished when people ask about children here and folks say "well i have no kids but...".... they might as well say ..."i know nothing, here is my advice"...
    if you are not ts and have kids perhaps you can relate

    The real world for transsexuals spares nobody... us, parents, wives and kids.....transitioned or not...middle path or post op...blah blah blah does NOTHING to mitigate gender dypshoria when it gets bad.....it does nothing when you hit the wall at work or look into your wifes pain...

    we are fond of saying everybody has the right to an opinion, but it would help if all opinions were informed and it would help if people were more honest (with themselves) about their own situation...the way we get a better outcome here is lots of dialog and posts...the back and forth can be read by all and each person can determine for themselves what value they take from advice here.....If a person throws in something from the peanut gallery..."well i'm not ts but i think...i've not had srs but i think...", and they get feedback they dont like, thats too bad...there is data and experience, there is opinion...if it was my opinion that 2+2 =5, i'd be wrong (But i am entitled to my opinion...which would have no value to anyone)...ESPECIALLY if i tried to apply it to the real world...i'd be constantly paying $5 for my pair of $2 diet cokes...

    ...push back is not some personal vendetta from the tranny police...its fair to ask why someone is throwing in 2 cents? its an open forum, but do people go to internet forums on random topics and give pointed life advice to people?? ...

    its difficult when non-ts people give advice on relationships to TS women going through this with their wives and families....its just not relevant...
    and saying srs surgery is good and talking about what it meant is greeted by wailing and omg you are such a trannier than thou person...its ok with me...because its really up to the reader to determine what is credible and what is not.....its your gain or loss...

    for people that transitioned we know that we didn't do it alone...
    it was people that sat at my kitchen table and called me a fool, people that told me my first plans would destroy my life, that i better get ready for the end of my marraige, that surgery was a godsend, that i better start saving money, people that warned me that it was only going to get worse, and people that passionately shared their experience that basically saved my life..oh and of course.. "dont transition unless you absolutely have to"

    for lots of reasons, it is much easier to tell when you meet a person what they are all about...that's not saying others can define me or you, that's saying that its not that hard to look at a person sitting in front of you talking about transition and have a good sense of whether transition is in their future...in here, not so much...but here we are!! so we deal with it, hopefully as best we all can...

    btw marleena, in my experience, gender therapists encourage the broadest amount of support...they do not want to be gatekeepers (if they are any good)...they use these conversations as the meat and potatoes

    ...way too many of us live for our therapy appointments and spend time in between therapy looking forward to what they'll say or what they'll wear in the next session

  3. #3
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    I think the line of demarcation has to do with whether someone is living full time as a female, RLE & beyond. Despite the fact that I am TS, I am personally stuck in between worlds, often seen as taking things too serious for many on the CD side of the fence and yet not "committed" enough on the TS side since I am digging my heels into my middle path. That makes any advice I can offer in this section limited to a certain degree. I would never comment on anything RLE or beyond other than to convey that which I have personally observed or discussed with TS friends of mine who are living that life. However, I will never hesitate to chime in for those who are struggling with their identity and what it means to their life as a whole. My take is that the middle-of-the-road approach is truly an option for those of us who are somehow able to cope with their GID without dropping a nuke on their life as they know it.

    The tone in this section has become much more kinder and gentler in the last several months. There is a fine line between "you go girl" and a bit of tough love. I think this section leans towards the latter without the vitriol that was present before.
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  4. #4
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    I think the line of demarcation has to do with whether someone is living full time as a female, RLE & beyond. Despite the fact that I am TS, I am personally stuck in between worlds, often seen as taking things too serious for many on the CD side of the fence and yet not "committed" enough on the TS side since I am digging my heels into my middle path.
    Well said, Sara, and I find myself following the same path that you are, and for exactly the same reasons.

    Now that I have finally accepted the fact that I am transgendered, I am far more at peace with myself, and increasing my version of RLE insofar as having ramped up the frequency and quality of my time out in public as "Leslie" has done wonders for my mental state of being. For me, this is as far as I need to go, and provides just the right balance between my inner "femme" side and the need to maintain my inherent male persona for the sake of my family and the otherwise "normal" life that I have built around that.

    I think that my wife is also slowly coming around to finally recognizing and acknowledging the compromises and sacrifices that I have made in that regard, rather than continuously repeating the worn-out mantra that while she loves me deeply and couldn't imagine a life without me, she didn't sign up to marry a crossdresser and so the burden of guilt has to rest with me.

    We now have far more open communications about this topic than before, the DADT stance is softening, "Leslie" gets to go out more often without the past recriminations, life has become far more fulfilling and pleasant for both of us, and irony of ironies - I almost think that my transgenderism is now drawing us closer together as my wife defaults to a more nurturing and protective mode as she finally realizes just how much of a challenge this has been for me as well for all of my life.

    Then again, getting older sometimes has its benefits too, especially when the realization hits that we only go around this block once, and that there is now more time behind us than remains ahead of us. Sometimes we just have to accept what we cannot change, make peace with our circumstances, and move on. In the end, it is better to be happy than to always be "right", or seemingly occupy the moral high ground in situations such as this.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 03-07-2013 at 10:37 AM. Reason: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_content

  5. #5
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Based on your post you are saying you are not transsexual ..
    expressing your femme side in relation to your own reality is a great thing...

    of course its best to be happy and at peace with yourself..but how crossdressers do that and how transsexuals do that is totally and completely apples/oranges.. thats a hard truth and is at the core of the OP
    ...is talking about that hard truth doable in a compassionate way? without hurting feelings?

    your last paragraph mentions morals...
    nobody is talking here about moral high ground....
    are you implying that transsexuals posting about their transitions are staking out some kind of moralistic high ground?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    ...is talking about that hard truth doable in a compassionate way? without hurting feelings? ...
    With some exceptions, those who take exception aren't the people asking. I've had it happen in my own threads, when someone got PO'd on my behalf at someone's response - when I wasn't bothered a bit. I also see the TS members frequently put out - in advance - that they won't be bothered by certain answers.

    Sometimes I think there are two entirely separate conversations going on in this forum. That among the TS members (including the questioners who wind up figuring out they're TS), and the other that contains all the conversation that surrounds the TS-TS dialog ... but which doesn't really affect the substance of the TS dialog except when it derails & closes the thread.

    It's funny to think that I see gentleness, compassion, and guidance for questioners where others see harshness in the same things. Some questioners have their butts kicked, but it's almost always because the BS radar goes off in a major way. Perspectives run deeper than most credit. I had a boss once who conducted an employee survey results review in his management team meeting. When he got to the part about women feeling some level of discrimination in the company, he expressed some surprise that it could occur at all, and then expressed his relief that at least it didn't happen in HIS department (several hundred people). Every last woman in the room burst out laughing. He was floored.

    Like knows like. Gotta tell ya - the non-TS are often amazingly obvious.
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    Great discussion! Here is a link to the Benjamin table that was referred to by Michelle and Kathryn. You just need to scroll down a bit in the article. Page 19

    http://tgmeds.org.uk/downs/phenomenon.pdf

  8. #8
    It's infamous that the medical community is using the works of a endocrinologist as a standard. It's like using the research of a dentist for brain tumors...

    Things like "TRUE TRANSSEXUAL" or that you can only be attracted to men to qualify are plainly wrong.
    "I'm not sure. But I'll never know unless I give it a shot."

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Which is another way of saying that at different points in time different people and their comments will resonate, or not.

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    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    "Am I TS?" That's a terrific question, and the very one I had on my first day of therapy. I went to therapy because I knew that the answer was not going to be found for me online or in a fortune cookie, and a professional opinion would help distill that answer and give me a clearer picture of what the next step would be.

    Her answer was that being TS was pretty much a self-identified diagnosis; that if you think you are you probably are. Her role was to help me figure out what that means and how to deal with it. And that's just what happened.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    In the old days the question would be met mostly with "tough love" bordering on cruelty from some members. Those asking mostly ended up leaving with their tails between their legs or being peeved off.
    True, and how unfortunate for those seeking answers. I think we often forget where we came from and we forget how confusing those questions were for us.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    One thing that does puzzle me is how some preop girls with no RLE have so many answers, do they do a lot of reading and memorizing?
    OMG, I just spewed my coffee onto my computer screen when I read that! I actually know someone like this. She has an impressive library of TS-related books and videos and has the most dysfunctional transition I have ever seen. It almost seems as though she is deliberately sabotaging her own progress and wants to remain a pre-op (not non-op) TS for the rest of her life. She's a professional tranny, and this is her identity.

    Marleena, this is a wonderful post! I'll be looking forward to reading the answers you get.

    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethamy View Post
    "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Which is another way of saying that at different points in time different people and their comments will resonate, or not.
    A very fitting quote!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    I think the line of demarcation has to do with whether someone is living full time as a female, RLE & beyond.
    No, I don't think so. Being TS is a condition (for lack of a better word), or a personal (and for me, transitional) state of being. Assuming one intends to transition (and non-ops are also in transition, just without surgical intervention), then there is a continuum that is more or less linear, although the steps are not necessarily in the same order for everyone.

    Beginning RLE is merely a step along that continuum.
    Last edited by Michelle.M; 03-06-2013 at 09:26 AM.
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  11. #11
    Member traci_k's Avatar
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    Sara, Please continue posting because I think there may be many more middle of the roaders. I for one often have times when I feel like my head will explode from the desire to be a woman, and yet at other times I can cope and enjoy things with my son such as camping and scouting and life can be okay with just a minor nagging feeling inside. Coming out in this forum is kind of first step for me to try and find the balance in life for me. Any words from those going through similar issues are encouraging for people like us.Thanks!
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  12. #12
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    I have often said that some of the best support I have had has been when people cared enough to point out that my plans needed a fresh look, or what the downside of something I was planning might be. I think that this is the kind of "tough love" that I relate to best.

    One or two posters in these forums do seem to think that unless you are dismissing someone's questions out of hand, then all you are doing is saying "you go girl" - if they are honest with themselves they will recognise that they have displayed that attitude. To me that is neither support nor "tough love".

    In my not so humble opinion, being starkly honest about what to expect if you really need to transition is not cruelty, nor is saying when someone appears to be too deep in a fantasy world to see what they risk doing to their lives.

    One advantage of the Transsexual Forums is that there is a wide range of trans people willing to share their real-life experiences with those who are questioning. You are right that our post-op brethren and sisters are furthest down the path to wholeness, but sometimes someone who has only been in transition for x amount of months can relate at least as well to a person who is just starting out down that road.

    My personal approach is to try to aim for the kind of "tough love" that I defined where it is necessary, to offer less critical support where that is appropriate but to try to avoid the "you go girl" mentality that IMNSHO is less frequently displayed here than criticised by some.
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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    In the old days the question would be met mostly with "tough love" bordering on cruelty from some members.

    One thing that does puzzle me is how some preop girls with no RLE have so many answers
    Ah the good old days...where is Kate when you need her? ; )

    I have wondered about this too, where do these people get their information? Especially when it comes to coping with family issues? Until YOU have done it you have no idea how good or bad it will be. Each person and their family is different. I have had a very successful social transition largely because my wife was so supportive. I've noticed how often other people looked to her to see how they should react, even my own parents!

    The 'You go girl" stuff is vapid and grossly underestimates the impact transition can have on ones quality of life good and or bad. People need to be prepared for the realities of their personal situation.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Many "problems" in forums are overstated... "you go girl" and "Trannier than thou" are not the norm...

    but people that are asking are often fishing for the answers they want.....and so it doesn't take much ..

  15. #15
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    Many "problems" in forums are overstated... "you go girl" and "Trannier than thou" are not the norm...
    Well . . . really, yes it is a problem. That "You go, Girl!" stuff is nice and I think most of us don't even notice it because it doesn't seem to have much meaning except to the one who's purring and getting her tummy scratched. But that seems to annoy the heck out of those who are the most prone to espousing the "Trannier than thou" approach.

    And you have to admit, they exist here. Is it a serious problem? Well, it's like an airplane crash. Doesn't happen all the time but when it does there are undesirable results.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    but people that are asking are often fishing for the answers they want.....and so it doesn't take much ..
    Well, I'll be the first to admit that I'm fairly brutal to those who jump on here and in their very first post start jerking everyone around with questions that seem to be slanted towards supporting some sort of wacky agenda. And I don't particularly care to coddle anyone who isn't smart enough to listen to others who are freely sharing their hard-won lessons gained from experience, either.

    There's a sound reason for that (I think). This site and its forums are an excellent resource for those with questions. Here there are answers from others' shared experiences, there is community and people actually can find their way towards taking positive steps to live the life they were meant to live. Lurkers with agendas, numbskulls who don't listen and wannabe porn stars only want to destabilize that.

    We've got a good thing going here! Those who just want to muck up the process need not apply.
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    When people do that kind of thing they seem to be trying to fit everything into a nice little bottle. I dont fit into any nice little mold in any other area of my life so I certainly dont as a transsexual. Anyone who thinks we all have to be the same, whether in how we are growing, what our progress is, or how far we are willing to or even can transition is demeaning us all. It isnt accepted when it comes to race or ethnicity, so why the heck should we let people do it to us either. I will not put up with it, and personally I suggest you dont. I will respect anyone's opinion given respectfully, but as Dee Snyder would say, "We're not gonna take it anymore".

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    I guess I try not to give much advice, because I don't really know the answers.

    It can be confusing - some people come here and seem in so much pain and confusion. Their in a terrible place trying to understand and trying to hold onto the life they had. I relate very well to that because I was there, it was a bad place to be feeling ripped inside by the dysphoria but to afraid to move on and of what you might loose. I want to just tell them to let go of that life and get on with what you have to do and let the cards fall as they will. It could be an amazing thing if you get to the other side and be free of all that internal conflict, but you just have to let go and get on with it to get there.

    On the other hand transitioning can be so hard, there is so much you have to face. I have had two transsexual friends, post-op, now tell me if they really could have understood how hard it was going to be before hand they don't know if they would have done it. That gives me a lot of pause. When I was just starting out a couple years ago one trans woman said she felt sorry for me, knowing I had to do it but also knowing the crap I was in for. I feel the same way a lot of times when I see someone starting down that path I feel sorry for them for what they are about to go through and I pray it goes easy for them. But I've known a couple that went through so much hell, who are even still in it. Sometimes that makes me think it may not be worth it, maybe they should have tried a different path.

    So the short of it is I'll try and share what experience I have and just try to be supportive of whatever a person decides is the best path for them. But I don't want to give advice on what they should do.
    Last edited by arbon; 03-06-2013 at 11:16 AM.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Do what kind of thing? who is demeaning anyone?? what are you not going to take anymore?? no one is fitting you in a box..

    I am sorry but what is it that post op transsexuals or full time transioned women say to you that bothers you? I mean specifically
    ...even if its something i said..is it possible to discuss that without drama?

    you have every right to your happiness and peace of mind...only you can give that up..

  19. #19
    Senior Member KellyJameson's Avatar
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    I try to encourage people to learn the history of those who have lived or live on the TG spectrum because I think we can learn from others who have come before us.

    SRS and FFS are fairly recent entries into the historical record and transsexuals did not appear after the surgery but have exsisted since the beginning of time, just as homosexuality has.

    I think it is important to move away from the limiting binary based definitions of what makes someone male or female because the true answer is much more complex.

    I do believe certain forms of trauma based mental illness can cause identity confusion so when I see the person immersed in a fantasy world without being aware that they are living in this world I will strongly push them toward therapy but therapy shoud be a prerequisite regardless.

    When you have lived a life feeling wrong than the transsexual answer is very seductive but there is a distinct difference between running away from one gender toward another versus realizing what gender you actually are contrary to all visible evidence.

    I do not trust people who have not had identity problems all their life and want to transition.

    It is difficult for me to accept that someone has lived very well as male without any evidence of GD and than experienced a crisis that resulted in the assumption that GD is the reason.

    I personally believe we are born this way and it leaves markings on your life because it causes psychological trauma until it is addressed.

    I think having a late life existential crisis could place someone on the path of assuming it is GD where the spector of aging and death is so traumatic they run into the safety of the feminine much like how some run into religion.

    I also think a drop in testosterone could affect someone who than "falls into GD" by losing that hormone that has supported their masculinity so once again there would be no evidence of identity conflict in their childhood but just the experience of the softening of their personalities that they than label as feminine which I see all the time with crossdressers.

    I have no proof of this but it is something that rolls around in my mind now and than when I see certain patterns but I need more time to think on this.

    I also would be concerned for someone who is having sexual difficulties and uses surgery to remedy the problem but at the same time I believe being female brained in a body that does not reflect this than very well could negatively impact your sexuality which I have seen in my own life.

    I do believe there is biological basis for both homosexuality and transsexuality and somehow they are related. Homosexuals and transsexuals are biological cousins even though one is about sex and the other identity.

    I'm also concerned about the obsession with beauty and see the danger of male sexual desire being married to the desire to possess beauty by transitioning combined with a desperate need for attention to replace never being loved and accepted in childhood.

    I have seen an unusally high incidence of narcissism in the TG world and I wonder how this could play out with the desire to transition to be beautiful to get narcissistic supply.

    I think a person has to be brutally honest about their reasons for wanting to transition because in my opinion there seems to be reasons to transition that have nothing to do with GD.

    In my heart I feel many are transitioning who are men trying to exploit the benefits of being woman so they talk the talk to be able to walk the walk.

    I wonder sometimes if the hate for the genitals comes from absorbing the hate of being male by their family that they have incorporated into their own identity as hate. Mothers who hated their sons because they hate men in general or wanted daughters.

    I have watched the incredibly destructive power of being hated, rejected,abused and neglected in childhood and all the strange and bizarre ways this gets acted out in adulthood and I think for some this is expressed by what they call "GD" but it really is not GD.

    You have to be sure that it is about identity and not self loathing caused by others.

    I also worry that effeminate men that cannot handle the public scorn of being effeminate run into GD so in a sense hiding behind a skirt, but once again it is not GD

    I simply do not trust much of what I see in the TG/TS world. To much seems like a masquerade or delusion. This has made me very fearful of my own feelings and thoughts and why I have moved so slowly. Seeing others made me doubt my own minds motives so I viewed myself not as being female brained but an emotionally damaged male.

    I knew I was damaged but I had to fiqure out what came first, the chicken or the egg.

    I also wonder how many gay men transition to have straight sexual partners so once again it is not about identity but something else.

    The one constant everyone shares that makes me believe all people that come here are deserving of compassion is clearly everyone is in pain.

    The question and mystery each must answer is what is the exact source of that pain that drives the motivation.

    For myself I personally believe each person should have the right to decide for themselves and no one should feel the need to justify their reasons because nobody is going to do what it takes unless they are clearly motivated by pain.

    gender dysporia is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma

    Anyone who does not treat gender dysphoria as extremely dangerous is just plain stupid in my opinion because this S..t will kill you.

    It is not a fun fantasy and will totally destroy your life.

    Tough love or compassion should always be about helping others to be safe and healthy.

    Two expressions of the same thing.
    Last edited by KellyJameson; 03-06-2013 at 05:10 PM.

  20. #20
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    I have always thought I was a transsexual but had no idea how to even begin to transition, much less face the fears of pain and loss. Hell as as short as a year and a half ago my wife and I had this conversation and I brought up transition. I did not think I had the courage or resolve to put myself and family through such an arduous task, and I wanted to buy a bigger sailboat. Well here I am today and I am 8 months into hrt and on my way to some end point. My relationship with my wife has been altered such that it can never go back to what it was before. I asked my therapist if I was trans and he told me "if she exists and (this was powerful to me at the time)if I allow she will emerge. In other words I would know in my heart if I was making the right decision.

    I can appreciate those that take the middle ground and I salute them with the greatest respect. As hard as transition is turning out to be I doubt I would have the resolve to live in the middle. For me it would be too confusing for those I interact with daily.
    I very much like the candid conversations of the difficulties involved in undergoing such a drastic change. In this way I can be fully informed and plan for contingencies I may not have thought of. I have often dreamed of having a vagina and figured the operation although risky would be fine once one recovered. I would never had known that the surgery is the hard part. The multiple dilation's that are needed daily and the need to plan your day accordingly to accommodate them seem to me to much more
    difficult than the surgery itself. But I now have that information to make an informed choice when I reach that part of my life. Topics are brought up that bring to light issues I did not consider or even think of. Even when I thought I had the answer i read someone's experience and then change my approach.

    I am intelligent enough to parse out what I need from many discussions and I will admit that many of the more esoteric philosophical discussions leave me in the dust, but I enjoy reading them all the same. There is great value when people discuss their experience dictating that there is only one way. I understand my transition will be different and may even in some areas go against what is successful for many, but It is mine and the way I proceed will be mine and whatever transpires I will take full responsibility for making my own choices.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

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  21. #21
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    Okay it looks like we averted a Battle Royale there.

    Okay, so thanks for the great replies! What I've learned is you all have different approaches to answering the question "Am I TS?". They seem to compliment each other for the most part. I've learned that it doesn't matter if you're a middlepather, preop, or postop women we can all try to help out.

    Here's my worry though.. what if we get it wrong? What if they are truly TS and this is the first and only place they have asked? I mean it's easier to ask anonymously in a forum like this. It would be interesting to see how many times we got it wrong.

    As for tough love it does work because I rarely posted in this section until I was diagnosed and sure of that diagnosis. I now see I should be able to answer questions that I can relate to in this section too. I mean people can just ignore me anyways!

  22. #22
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    if you get it wrong that's on you...that's tough love...
    i had to answer that question...melissa had to..kathryn had to... nicole had to...anne had to...lea had to...and thousands of others had to...etcetc... now you all have to...

    doctors and therapists are just trained guessers... being diagnosed at ts is no more helpful to me than having my best friends tell me i'm ts...i was diagnosed as NOT TS...TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....ugh

    that's the whole point...who the F am i to tell you what you should or shouldn't do... but i know stuff..andi've seen stuff...and i did it by actions and by sharing information so i could make my own decisions...dont you want to benefit from the collective experience of other people? (whether its lovingly doled out with warm fuzzies or blasted in your face)

    call yourself ts when you are not, or ignore the fact that you are at your own peril....thats a fact.

    if you believe or know yourself to be ts and don't transition...then one price you pay is that you have to work harder at being confident in your own self assessment because both cisgender and transsexual people will not always reflect your true gender...
    you get the benefit of never really having to face jumping off a ledge, but you lose the certainty of knowing and getting what you know fed back to you 24/7... that's just the way it is...

    if the internal knowing isnt enough for you, your gender dysphoria will fester and grow...and the chips will fall....
    if you continue to live a "ts lifestyle" it will dawn on you over time that you have given up alot for something that wasnt worth it...and the chips will fall...

    and they will fall on you and everyone around you...as steph and so many others say...it sucks...

    ...

    and what really really amazes me sometimes is that there are so many people here that "won" this battle....i won the battle..and i'm proud of it... we know what it means to transition...we know what it costs..and we know what we gave up for it...
    and i know what its like to be "unaffirmed"
    ...when i told people i masturbated about being a girl they all waved me off...but i kept at it...slowly but surely i found people that shared my experience...and it taught me something about myself...

    over and over we are attacked and questioned for just trying to share things we learned simply because we make people uncomfortable with how they are living their own lives...

    btw..
    how do you think it feels to someone that transitioned even tho they had young daughters to hear that "i didnt transition because I care about my family"....
    you don't hear me whining about the lack of affirmation i get around loving my daughters.
    Last edited by Kaitlyn Michele; 03-08-2013 at 11:19 AM.

  23. #23
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    doctors and therapists are just trained guessers... being diagnosed at ts is no more helpful to me than having my best friends tell me i'm ts...i was diagnosed as NOT TS...TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....ugh
    It doesn't matter if you were "diagnosed" as TS or not. You decided you need to live as a woman and you took the steps to do so. Doctors' diagnose doesn't always mean much. If they were always right, my mom would not be with us anymore, about a year ago they gave her 6 months to live and she is alive and kicking.

    If someone needs something to think about when trying to figure out if they are TS or not -
    Tell them if they just like to dress en femme now and then for sexual fun or comfort, so be it. If they decide they need to live as a woman all the time then they should investigate the risks and possibilities. No one needs to be reminded that it will be awkward. We all pretty much figure that out on our own when thinking "Hmm, if my family knew I was living as a woman..."

    You don't need a doctor to tell you if you want to live as a woman or just do the fun parts when you have time. Point is, give the newcomers the facts instead of saying "Well, if you are not willing to do this or that, you are not worthy of the TS label."

    I don't need a label.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  24. #24
    Member lavistaa62's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    you get the benefit of never really having to face jumping off a ledge, but you lose the certainty of knowing and getting what you know fed back to you 24/7... that's just the way it is...


    if you continue to live a "ts lifestyle" it will dawn on you over time that you have given up alot for something that wasnt worth it...and the chips will fall...

    and they will fall on you and everyone around you...as steph and so many others say...it sucks...

    I chopped a lot out of your initial post for this question but could you talk some more about your second to last paragraph (ts lifestyle one)? Are you talking about the stigma of appearing awkward- in a "guy who looks gross or seems off" sort of way or....?

  25. #25
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    Here's my worry though.. what if we get it wrong?
    One thing I try to do (and I really should do it more often) is this - when in doubt, be quiet and listen. Not everyone needs my advice, whether I think I have the answer or not. Sometimes people just need to figure things out for themselves.

    It's the basis of personal growth, and it usually works pretty well when somebody's trying to get from here to there.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

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