Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 117

Thread: At what age did you know you were TS?

  1. #1
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,902

    At what age did you know you were TS?

    They say you're born TS. Some will know as a child while others like me will know something is wrong but can't pinpoint it because of the way we are raised. I couldn't figure out myself until my twenties. I couldn't understand the concept of having male anatomy and wanting to be a girl. How could I possibly be anything but a male? It took me until my twenties to realize who/what I was. Then life got in the way and I buried all thoughts of ever getting it corrected. There was no internet or help in those days.


    At what age did you know you were TS?

    *EDIT*

    Simply when did you come to the conclusion that you are (or were for those that have transitioned) TS? The AHA moment, the realization. The inescapable moment of clarity when it all made sense. I don't think we can remember the exact day of course.
    Last edited by Marleena; 03-15-2013 at 02:19 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,553
    44 years old

    then 2 years of sobbing and wailing and denial..

  3. #3
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    2,747
    I knew for sure by 29 but didn't want to accept it. Started transition at 34.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,902
    I hear you about the denial part Kaitlyn! I had to be told and didn't want to hear it because I thought I had this beaten. It was mind over matter for a very long time. Once I got the message all the old memories started flooding back. I guess it never really goes away no matter how hard we try to suppress it.

  5. #5
    Member Katelyn B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Reading, Berks, UK
    Posts
    126
    I was 30, an age the councillor found "interesting", until I told her what else happened around the same time that shocked me out of my slow decent into nothing. That was 3 years ago
    Running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you're up there, just like the army, except for the talking squirrels.

    Facebook

  6. #6
    Senior Member melissaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    SW US
    Posts
    1,248
    I knew as soon as I learned what one was, age 13. I saw Christine Jorgensen's autobiography on a book rack at a local drugstore in my small rural Baptist town. I read the book jacket and skimmed the text when no one was watching. Took me several trips to the drugstore to do it. I "knew" it was me.

    It would take me until age 38 to get out of my mental closet enough to admit it out-loud. But I thought doing something about it was elective, and fear of transitioning, fear of losing my kids, fear of losing friends (I actually told one and he never spoke to me again) kept me from acting on it.

    After 20 more years, of tears, GD pain, and counseling bill$, I am acting on it.

    Looking back though, its more than 45 years of denial and repression, I had gender issues that caused me real problems beginning in 3rd grade, which I suppose is why I "knew" at age 13 when I learned a word for it. It explains a lot of my behavior throughout my whole life - - -
    Last edited by melissaK; 03-15-2013 at 10:06 AM.
    Hugs,
    'lissa

    "The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
    "Sometimes, it's even better."
    ~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn

  7. #7
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,553
    Melissa its interesting the way you phrased it...

    only in hindsight can i say that I "knew"...my very precise thinking process was basically that I "wished" i had been born a girl, and i was unhappy that i got unlucky and was born a boy... i had fully accepted the idea that I was a "boy" because of my body..

    reading about c jorgenson, reading Conundrum by Jan Morris and seeing a ts story in time magazine had the same impact on me...incredible jealousy and wonderment... and even though i took long baths and imagined how i would go to college as a girl i still never "knew"..

    ..its a crazy mind F**K to go through this..makes it hard to "know" anything..

  8. #8
    Member natasha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Northeast Illinois
    Posts
    333
    I knew I was "different" during my adolescent years, but never had anything to guage it against or anyway to learn more about it. Having grown up in an all male household and only "boys" in the neighborhood it was either eat or be eatin kinda atmoshpere. I thought I was the only one with "issues" of gender incongruity and had no one to discuss it with or ability to research the issue (no internet in the 70's). Flip Wilson, Cpl Klinger, and for some (what I thought) weird reason Chasity Bono were ones that I enjoyed watching back then, though it would have been the kiss of death to speak openly about it then......................................I learned that to survive I had to keep it all inside. That worked until the early 2000's when internet access became common place and crossdressing began to become more "life" consuming, I sought out therapy in 2007, hmones in 08, orchi in 10. By the way, I am 48 now.

    Internally a transition is in full progress. Outward presentation is still full male , due to life commitments.

  9. #9
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,159
    I can remember watching a trailer when I was 13 of Christine Jorgenson applying lipstick in front of a mirror as a young man and I connected immediately. Being 13 there was no way my mother was going to let me go. I have always felt I was transsexual, but like Melissa I had the same fears of parental approval, friends etc and I would have had no idea where to even find help. As my urges to feminize myself would grow i could always find a way to mitigate them, usually through crossdressng and alcohol. I also enjoyed doing male centric activities and my friends were not alpha males so i was comfortable. My sexual orientation is towards females so that was not a problem. Finally reached a point I could not suppress it any longer and the urges became stronger to express my inner self. I am happy I made the hard decision to take those steps forward and in spite of losing my marriage as I know I am so full of energy and lust for life I will never go back.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    643
    51. I knew since I was 6 that I was a bit different. Anything about TS in the news or on TV was fascinating and I'd fantasize about changing into a woman. I have always been a compliant person, so I buried those and other thoughts for years until it exploded at age 51. Here is one reason the internet is fabulous, it can assist in bringing understanding.

  11. #11
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    2,747
    I viewed it as a crazy deviant sexual fantasy and anytime i talked yo anyone about it they pretty much reinforced that idea. I never heard about Jorgensen or Richards until I came here, I guess by the time I was in high school their stories were old news. I did see the "Crying Game" and another movie featuring a trans woman the name of which escapes me. The effect the woman in those movies had on me was to bring out my homo/trans phobia, I probably protested too much ; ) meanwhile in the privacy of my room I was dressing up in my sisters clothes getting drunk and or high and masturbating. Not much changed in my 20s except my need to dress grew and I found more time to do it and it became less sexual I also had the overwhelming need to tell someone ANYONE! But I only told my girlfriends but always couched it as a sexual fetish. I got sober and just KNEW that would "cure" me only it didn't. From 28 to 34 I binged and purged, at 29 I tried to come out but got a really bad therapist, between her and my wife's (understandable) reactions I decided to purge for the last time! I think that lasted about 6 months lol. At 34 I just couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to die one day I just admitted it, I WANT TO BE A GIRL DAMN IT! (And I'm attracted to men but that's beside the point) the rest is chronicled in my post history, read it if you dare! Just kidding, I'm sure it's quite boring.

  12. #12
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    6,367
    I knew I was different than the other boys at 4-5 years old. I didn’t know what it was called but I was different. I gave my parents fits at 9 – 11 because I would not shut up about it. At 13 I first learned of Christine Jorgensen. That is when I stood up at the dinner table one evening and announced now that I knew it could be done, I would be a girl one day. In a last ditch effort to become a man I joined the Navy at 18. I quickly learned that was a mistake. I served my four years and was honorably discharged. The very next day I started living as a woman and have never looked back.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    951
    34, and I still can't believe it took me that long for everything to make sense. That bell was deafening too.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    2,433
    I knew by age nine I was born a girl with a defect. I was never trans anything. I suffered from a condition called transsexualism.

    It's something I had, not something I am.
    Last edited by Kathryn Martin; 03-15-2013 at 11:05 AM.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  15. #15
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,805
    I remember at the age of 4 asking why the doctors changed me to a boy. But having a name to go with it came when I was about 23 or so and was in Human Sexuality class. That is when I really found out that I was not the only one in the world.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  16. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    237
    So many responses here are so similar to my life that it’s crazy.

    I knew something was up (had no name for it) just before I went into the first grade at 4yo (October baby). I know I asked my mother about why wasn’t I a girl but I don’t remember her answer. The first time I told anyone (a friend in the first grade), it didn’t turn out well at all (he was no longer my friend and tormented me for the rest of grade school) so I learned very quickly not to ever say anything to anyone about this.

    As a teen, it was still there but I had no one to talk to and didn’t see any examples. I viewed it as an impossible dream and pushed it away. After all, no matter how much I felt like a girl, my attraction to only girls and my body (and everyone else around me) reinforced that I was male.

    At 30yo, after my divorce, I attempted to kind of come out somewhat to my GF but it became clear that I would be alone if I pushed it any farther. I went to a guy therapist and told him I didn't feel like a man and basically the message I got from him was for me to man up, so I again suppressed it all away. Looking back I couldn’t allow even to admit it to myself because I knew it would cause nothing but trouble. Part of that logic was that I couldn’t even really believe that anyone else could feel TS either. I was still very much alone with this.

    It’s only been within the last 2.5 years (finding this website and starting therapy) that I felt that I’m willing to break my vow of silence & non-action and admit I’m TS.

    F**k! Now I got to do something about it.

    So, to answer the question: I don’t know, maybe my teens, but I finally admitted it to myself almost two years ago at 54yo.

  17. #17
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    4,359
    Know? What's know? First inkling? First suspicion? A hope? Compartmentalized thought? Conviction?

    And of what? That one is TS specifically? (That's the OP question) That one has a female identity? That one ... what? ... wants? Needs? Must?

    And if it's conviction, what does it mean if its not acted upon? I've been utterly convicted of any number of things in my life, many of which were false.

    I can point to different timeframes for all of these things, but one thing knowing is not, is understanding. I didn't really know what being transsexual meant (and I'm not talking about consequences) until a few months ago. Most post-ops would tell me, as they ALL have to-date, that I yet don't understand. So what do I "know" and what have I known?

    Is this question about justification?
    Lea

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    951
    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    I knew by age nine I was born a girl with a defect. I was never trans anything. I suffered from a condition called transsexualism.

    It's something I had, not something I am.
    That's really only nomenclature and can be divisive if abused (re: HBSers)

  19. #19
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,902
    Quote Originally Posted by LeaP View Post
    Is this question about justification?
    Nope, a very basic question with no hidden agendas. Simply when did you come to the conclusion that you are (or were for those that have transitioned) TS? The AHA moment, the realization. The inescapable moment of clarity when it all made sense.

  20. #20
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    New Hampshire ( recent transplant)
    Posts
    3,498
    I suppose it was about age 13 when it started to really hit me. I have a hard time understanding how people "knew" at 3,4 or 5 years old. I have a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old who don't have a clue as to gender. They have nothing to compare themselves to in order that they make that distinction. Honestly who at 3,4, or 5 has the capacity to understand the difference?
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  21. #21
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    At home in my own skin
    Posts
    8,589
    I can't answer the question as put in the original post because, even with hindsight, I do not know exactly when I first knew I am transsexual.

    Was it when, as a child, I dreamt every night of my wedding with me as the bride and woke up in tears because I still wasn't a girl? Probably not, because I didn't have the words to explain to anyone what was going on in my life.

    Was it as a young adult when I couldn't marry the girl I loved because I was unable to envisage myself as the husband? Possibly, because by then I know what the word meant.

    Was it a few years later than that when I told myself that it was no use because I would always be an ugly woman? More probably, but it could have been somewhere between those two.

    Adding in the later question, I think that my major AHA moment was when I realised that I could remain alive provided that I transitioned.

    So in some ways I've always known without necessarily always knowing. And if you understand that, you're better at understanding than I am.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  22. #22
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    4,359
    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    ... The inescapable moment of clarity when it all made sense.
    I'll let you know when it happens ...


    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    ... So in some ways I've always known without necessarily always knowing. And if you understand that, you're better at understanding than I am.
    Now that makes sense to me - even though I don't understand it, either.
    Last edited by LeaP; 03-15-2013 at 12:59 PM. Reason: Added response to Rianna's post
    Lea

  23. #23
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,902
    Lea you've started HRT right? So you must know, but that's okay. I know I don't like my answer and still struggle with it.

    I've edited the original question too.

  24. #24
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    4,359
    Yes and I do.

    I was making a broader point about the limitations of knowledge. In this context, that it is an example of something that can be used in revisionist narratives, hence my question (... or suggestion) about justification. So sure, I could make a statement about what I knew in my early teens, but the truth is that its worth is limited.
    Lea

  25. #25
    Senior Member melissaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    SW US
    Posts
    1,248
    Quote Originally Posted by LeaP View Post
    Know? What's know? First inkling? First suspicion? A hope? Compartmentalized thought?
    I love that LeaP! In my work world the response is "Ojection. Form. Vague as to meaning of the word "know."

    @Jorja: Sweetie, such self confidence, and so young. Remarkable differences in us about what we each did with the same knowledge at the same ages.

    @Kathryn: nicely distinguished point of view. So succinct!

    @everone else: The themes of internal discomfort over a taboo subject, and the process of getting information, and then over coming the taboos are pretty universal among us.
    Hugs,
    'lissa

    "The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
    "Sometimes, it's even better."
    ~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State