What books should I read and what ones for my wife that might let her understand how we feel inside. I think she might get more by reading than me trying to tell her.
What books should I read and what ones for my wife that might let her understand how we feel inside. I think she might get more by reading than me trying to tell her.
Sara, one of the best reading resources is this site. Your wife can communicate directly with other wives. One book to avoid, for certain, is Alice in Genderland. Keep in mind none of the books will fit your life perfectly. Reaching out to other cross dresser's wives is the winning strategy, I think.
My husband Betty I believe is recommended reading.
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My husband wears my clothes is pretty good. I think the fab forum may help her, it sounds though like she needs to hear it from someone she knows/trusts, I would suggest the counseling which you are doing, but maybe your general practitioner can lay down the facts to her. Mine was willing to research and give twice the facts to my wife for me so she heard it from a "reputable source"
Alice in Genderland is a fantastic book. It might be a bit much when Dr Novak talks about his boyfriend. It helped me understand myself a lot.
Hugs
Traci Melissa Knight
To thine own self be true
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
Again, NOT a good book for a wife worried about her cross dressing husband. This is not about your typical cross dressing relationship and wills care the crap out of her.Originally Posted by traci_k
A couple of words of caution: Although I have not read any of the books myself, my SO has read both MY HUSBAND BETTY & MY HUSBAND WEARS MY CLOTHES. Her opinion on them was mixed. She said that although some portions of the book could apply to us a lot of it did not.
Secondly, before reading this site I would tell her to take it all in with a grain of salt. There are all parts of the spectrum on here from those who just underdress to those who have completely transitioned and I would explain to her that not everything that she read on these boards will necessarily apply to you and your relationship.
I would start with My Husband Wears My Clothes, The Emancipated Crossdresser, and The Lazy Crossdresser. I recommend holding off on My Husband Betty for now. It's a good book, however it goes very in depth, and can be kind of overwhelming. Also as it starts going into the sections of crossdressers who have thoughts of transitioning further down the gender spectrum could be frightening not only to an SO but also for you. At least it was for me when got to those sections.
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so true Jocelyn. The books that you mention are fairly good reading, however just as with any book care must be taken to understand that not everything is relevent to all cds and their situation. GG forums that talk about the cd and their so's are probably the best place for her to get good information, but again not all wives are in the same situation.
Agreed. I would not recommend "My Husband Betty", because it tells the story of a couple coping with a transition. So far you're only talking about cross dressing. You might scare your wife unnecessarily (unless you're thinking in the TS direction, that is.)
I read secret struggles I liked very much.It is by a Veronica Morgan and I down loaded to my kindle from Amazon.It is the first crossdressing book I have read.I will try some of those you girls have recomended.
Unless you are prepared to be frank with her about which sections of these books fit your lives together (the emphasis is on 'your' and 'together') I would say none!
The books cover a lot of ground and in being non-specific for your situation, may not be useful yet.
What are you trying to achieve?
Why can't you just explain to her where you feel you have arrived and let her counsellor or doctor back that up?
Where is she going to find reading time with her family commitments?
Telephone counselling from a Support group mught work as well. Obviously, the UK is smaller but we have nationally accessible numbers to help partners.
The problem with any discussion you are hoping for is that she has no experience-frame to help her process what she reads. She can't discuss it with a girl-friend and if she gets upset, friends and family will soon know there is something wrong.
Have you really thought this through beyond what is useful for yourself?
I've found "Crossdressing with Dignity" to be a useful resource and pretty insightful. You can find it on Kindle or in print. It focuses more on crossdressing than transitioning and helps to show a representative cross-section of who participates in crossdressing and how scary we really aren't. Many SO's can only imagine crossdressers as the drag queens they've seen on TV and may be startled to realize that we are a broad spectrum and men who come from many walks of life and tend to dress like the women we most admire. Good luck.
I have tried to get my wife to read both and she always has a million reasons why she never has time. Some are legit, but I think she just doesn't really enjoy reading. So to make it easier, I highlighted and tabbed the parts that I felt applied to us. I would tell you though that for most hetero couples in a non TS situation, My Husband Wears My Clothes is probably a better read.
I have personally never been a lover of doing it the book way as I feel that your wife/so could be led into understanding that you are exactly like the person in the book as we are all slightly different so you would need to explain that you are just similar in which case you had just as well talk with your wife/so about in the the first place but I do realize that it is at least saying that there are other like you about in which case you may find it beneficial to get her to join on here as you have a much wider band of the CD/TG spectrum to look at .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
ALice in Genderland - Scratch it. I found it more useful in seeing parts of myself. Agreed -DO NOT GIVE TO WIFE TO READ.
I stand corrected.
Traci
Traci Melissa Knight
To thine own self be true
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
I have not read the reference books, but I wouldn't want my spouse/SO trying to sort out from the gender spectrum what applies only to her spouse. Each of us has a different story and while these books will provide a lot of definitions and explore various situations - they are not your definitions or situations.
My wife and I had a crisis several months ago and I sought out counseling. After several sessions I asked the counselor to sit with my wife and answer her questions regarding my CDing as it related specifically to me. My counsel knew I didn't want to transition, did not want to do HRT, did not want a boyfriend...my counselor knew me specifically.
My approach is more expensive (one session costs more than all of the mentioned books). My approach takes a lot more courage as you'll have to really open up with your counselor AND then your wife. My approach is more targeted - I don't have to explain any differences, only me and why I dress.
There is a benefit in using CD.com as a basis for your wife's knowledge base - it is free, interactive and EXTREMELY broad in the experience of the CDers and their SOs.
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