At what age did you know you were TS?

[Marleena]

They say you're born TS. Some will know as a child while others like me will know something is wrong but can't pinpoint it because of the way we are raised. I couldn't figure out myself until my twenties. I couldn't understand the concept of having male anatomy and wanting to be a girl. How could I possibly be anything but a male? It took me until my twenties to realize who/what I was. Then life got in the way and I buried all thoughts of ever getting it corrected. There was no internet or help in those days.


At what age did you know you were TS?

*EDIT*

Simply when did you come to the conclusion that you are (or were for those that have transitioned) TS? The AHA moment, the realization. The inescapable moment of clarity when it all made sense. I don't think we can remember the exact day of course.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

44 years old

then 2 years of sobbing and wailing and denial..

[Aprilrain]

I knew for sure by 29 but didn't want to accept it. Started transition at 34.

[Marleena]

I hear you about the denial part Kaitlyn! I had to be told and didn't want to hear it because I thought I had this beaten. It was mind over matter for a very long time. Once I got the message all the old memories started flooding back. I guess it never really goes away no matter how hard we try to suppress it.

[Katelyn B]

I was 30, an age the councillor found "interesting", until I told her what else happened around the same time that shocked me out of my slow decent into nothing. That was 3 years ago

[Angela Campbell]

I knew when I was four that I wanted to be a girl. Yes I did know the difference at the time. ( I could read when I was 5) I didn't suspect I was TS until I was a teen and heard about a sex change operation in the news. I remember thinking I wanted one.

[Marleena]

@ Jorja I totally get the feeling of being let down by your parents in regards to your being TS. We expect or at least hope our parents will allow us, or help us to be ourselves. Michelle brought up a good point, back in those days any gender non conformity was dealt with in brutal ways by the medical community. Our parents really didn't know how to deal with it either. As you know parenting is on the job training for the most part. It seems recently (the past 5 years) that there is help for parents dealing with transgender kids. The internet has really helped in that regard.

[melissaK]

I knew as soon as I learned what one was, age 13. I saw Christine Jorgensen's autobiography on a book rack at a local drugstore in my small rural Baptist town. I read the book jacket and skimmed the text when no one was watching. Took me several trips to the drugstore to do it. I "knew" it was me.

It would take me until age 38 to get out of my mental closet enough to admit it out-loud. But I thought doing something about it was elective, and fear of transitioning, fear of losing my kids, fear of losing friends (I actually told one and he never spoke to me again) kept me from acting on it.

After 20 more years, of tears, GD pain, and counseling bill$, I am acting on it.

Looking back though, its more than 45 years of denial and repression, I had gender issues that caused me real problems beginning in 3rd grade, which I suppose is why I "knew" at age 13 when I learned a word for it. It explains a lot of my behavior throughout my whole life - - -

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Melissa its interesting the way you phrased it...

only in hindsight can i say that I "knew"...my very precise thinking process was basically that I "wished" i had been born a girl, and i was unhappy that i got unlucky and was born a boy... i had fully accepted the idea that I was a "boy" because of my body..

reading about c jorgenson, reading Conundrum by Jan Morris and seeing a ts story in time magazine had the same impact on me...incredible jealousy and wonderment... and even though i took long baths and imagined how i would go to college as a girl i still never "knew"..

..its a crazy mind F**K to go through this..makes it hard to "know" anything..

[stefan37]

I can remember watching a trailer when I was 13 of Christine Jorgenson applying lipstick in front of a mirror as a young man and I connected immediately. Being 13 there was no way my mother was going to let me go. I have always felt I was transsexual, but like Melissa I had the same fears of parental approval, friends etc and I would have had no idea where to even find help. As my urges to feminize myself would grow i could always find a way to mitigate them, usually through crossdressng and alcohol. I also enjoyed doing male centric activities and my friends were not alpha males so i was comfortable. My sexual orientation is towards females so that was not a problem. Finally reached a point I could not suppress it any longer and the urges became stronger to express my inner self. I am happy I made the hard decision to take those steps forward and in spite of losing my marriage as I know I am so full of energy and lust for life I will never go back.

[Aprilrain]

I viewed it as a crazy deviant sexual fantasy and anytime i talked yo anyone about it they pretty much reinforced that idea. I never heard about Jorgensen or Richards until I came here, I guess by the time I was in high school their stories were old news. I did see the "Crying Game" and another movie featuring a trans woman the name of which escapes me. The effect the woman in those movies had on me was to bring out my homo/trans phobia, I probably protested too much ; ) meanwhile in the privacy of my room I was dressing up in my sisters clothes getting drunk and or high and masturbating. Not much changed in my 20s except my need to dress grew and I found more time to do it and it became less sexual I also had the overwhelming need to tell someone ANYONE! But I only told my girlfriends but always couched it as a sexual fetish. I got sober and just KNEW that would "cure" me only it didn't. From 28 to 34 I binged and purged, at 29 I tried to come out but got a really bad therapist, between her and my wife's (understandable) reactions I decided to purge for the last time! I think that lasted about 6 months lol. At 34 I just couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to die one day I just admitted it, I WANT TO BE A GIRL DAMN IT! (And I'm attracted to men but that's beside the point) the rest is chronicled in my post history, read it if you dare! Just kidding, I'm sure it's quite boring.

[EnglishRose]

34, and I still can't believe it took me that long for everything to make sense. That bell was deafening too.

[natasha]

I knew I was "different" during my adolescent years, but never had anything to guage it against or anyway to learn more about it. Having grown up in an all male household and only "boys" in the neighborhood it was either eat or be eatin kinda atmoshpere. I thought I was the only one with "issues" of gender incongruity and had no one to discuss it with or ability to research the issue (no internet in the 70's). Flip Wilson, Cpl Klinger, and for some (what I thought) weird reason Chasity Bono were ones that I enjoyed watching back then, though it would have been the kiss of death to speak openly about it then......................................I learned that to survive I had to keep it all inside. That worked until the early 2000's when internet access became common place and crossdressing began to become more "life" consuming, I sought out therapy in 2007, hmones in 08, orchi in 10. By the way, I am 48 now.

Internally a transition is in full progress. Outward presentation is still full male , due to life commitments.

[Marleena]

Thanks Reine I've heard the same about knowing at an early age. I'm not sure at what age one would know what gender is.

Looking back, knowing what we know now there may have been clues at an early age I guess.

[ReineD]

Good lord ... I've just been reading a bit about Jan Morris' life, and then read my post again and I feel as if I sound judgmental against late-onset TSs. I'm not, I just don't understand is all, if there was no clue during childhood that there was some incongruity.

In the final analysis, does it matter when the condition is realized or when in a person's life it is labeled accurately, or even what transpires in a person's life that might cause a desire for transition?

The only danger is if the motive to transition stems from an (idealistic?) view of life as a female as opposed to a true sense of not being male and an abject need to not live as a male, which then might lead to irreversible changes and losses including the disruption of a long-term marriage, only to realize after some years that the transitioner is no happier as a female than she or he was as a male. This is the tragic part, that someone might be disappointed in the outcome, since the one who'd suffer most would be the transitioner. But, if there is long-lasting and deep satisfaction with having transitioned, then none of these questions matter.

BTW, Jan Morris has a remarkable son who is a Welsh poet and musician. There are beautiful videos on youtube.

[Marleena]

It's perfectly normal to wonder when the clues start Reine. I found this: I just looked up transgender kids and 5 or 6 does not seem far fetched. Article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...s-life/307059/

[ReineD]

Marleena, referring to the article that you've just linked, the internet is full of such stories and there are many parents who blog, advocating for understanding of their TS kids. And there are lots of support groups for the families of TS kids. And as a whole, I think the general populace is more understanding of a TS child than adults who transition, going by memory having read highly supportive comments on stories of young transsexuals. I think that insurance would be pretty high against future dissatisfaction with transition, when a child knows who he or she is before the onset of puberty, when sexual impulses tend to maybe muddle things.

[Jorja]

I found this: I just looked up transgender kids and 5 or 6 does not seem far fetched. Article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...s-life/307059/

If my parents had been able to allow me to start being a girl at 8 years old, I would have been overjoyed and they would have had the peace and quiet they wanted. However, that was the mid 50's early 60's. It was a different time. A different world. Basically, their hands were tied. I don't blame them for that. I just wish they could have acknowledged the fact their son was different than the other boys.

[ChelseaErtel]

51. I knew since I was 6 that I was a bit different. Anything about TS in the news or on TV was fascinating and I'd fantasize about changing into a woman. I have always been a compliant person, so I buried those and other thoughts for years until it exploded at age 51. Here is one reason the internet is fabulous, it can assist in bringing understanding.

[Jorja]

I knew I was different than the other boys at 4-5 years old. I didn’t know what it was called but I was different. I gave my parents fits at 9 – 11 because I would not shut up about it. At 13 I first learned of Christine Jorgensen. That is when I stood up at the dinner table one evening and announced now that I knew it could be done, I would be a girl one day. In a last ditch effort to become a man I joined the Navy at 18. I quickly learned that was a mistake. I served my four years and was honorably discharged. The very next day I started living as a woman and have never looked back.

[Michelle.M]

I knew I was different by the time I was 7 and began expressing myself as a girl around that time. My father was a strict Catholic and my mother instantly panicked, so I went deep stealth. Didn't work very well, and a few years later she caught up with my clandestine efforts of gender expression. But this time she was much more calm (maybe she'd read something in the intervening years?) and we talked. But I was still scared to reveal myself. This was in the mid-60's and this was at a time when anyone considered deviant was being subjected to electroshock therapy and frontal lobotomies and gay people were considered mentally ill, so as you might imagine I came to the conclusion that stealth was in my best interest.

Although I knew at 7 years old that something was up I didn't have words for it until I was a teenager, but I was too scared to admit it until many years later.

In a last ditch effort to become a man I joined the Navy at 18. I quickly learned that was a mistake. I served my four years and was honorably discharged.

Wow, Jorja, your story sounds a lot like mine!

I also joined the Navy, got married and had 2 kids. But I had grown so accustomed to suppressing my gender dissonance that by this time I was pretty good at living a false life and I actually flourished. Long story short, I earned my college degree aboard ship and decided to switch services. Joined the Army and graduated top of my OCS class, eventually became a Special Ops team leader and ops officer.

Finally admitting to myself that I couldn't live in denial any longer I came to grips with my gender issues and began therapy, and this made me decide that leaving the service was the best course of action. So I ended my career and left the service almost a year ago.

The very next day I started living as a woman and have never looked back.

Same here. Drove a rental truck from North Carolina back home to Texas, unpacked it, changed my clothes and donated my entire male wardrobe. Life's been so much better from that day on. I'll be 55 years old next week and I only wish I'd done it sooner.

[Kathryn Martin]

I knew by age nine I was born a girl with a defect. I was never trans anything. I suffered from a condition called transsexualism.

It's something I had, not something I am.

[Lorileah]

I remember at the age of 4 asking why the doctors changed me to a boy. But having a name to go with it came when I was about 23 or so and was in Human Sexuality class. That is when I really found out that I was not the only one in the world.

[EnglishRose]

I knew by age nine I was born a girl with a defect. I was never trans anything. I suffered from a condition called transsexualism.

It's something I had, not something I am.

That's really only nomenclature and can be divisive if abused (re: HBSers)

[Marleena]

Lea you've started HRT right? So you must know, but that's okay. I know I don't like my answer and still struggle with it.

I've edited the original question too.