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Thread: At what age did you know you were TS?

  1. #76
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    so Eliz you are well served to focus on your distress.. you need to calm that distress. you know you need to calm the distress....to me that's "knowing"....

    focusing on the idea of simply transition or dont, and leaving out all the other stuff eliminates the need for a narrative...surely a narrative can help..it helped me to hear others had sexual feelings(i met a therapist over the weekend over drinks and she said in her experience ..100s of ts women, the MAJORITY had some element of sexual feeling!!)...it helped me to hear others thought they were cd's at first...etc... but for you Eliz you don't have that right now...would it help you to find someone that is delighted with a successful transition that had the same narrative?? or would it just make you feel worse? how would it change your thought that transition would be a good thing for you? all this is to say that as much as its hard to beleive it could just be your repression was absolute for whatever reason...we'll never know..you'll never know...if going back there doesnt help, dont go back there...

    ++++++++++++++++++

    this is right on topic...

    THis weekend on demand I watched an amazing documentary called Still Alive...about Paul Williams...if you don't know, he wrote some of the most enduring and popular ballads of the 70's...he scored movies and his songs made him millions upon millions...he was wildly popular on tv shows and movies and guest hosted the mike douglas show...he was a superstar personality, frequently on Johnny Carson...he was beloved ..he also drifted into obscurity after alcohol and drug addiction ...

    the filmaker had a point of view that was about how low he sank in the 2000's to the point no one even knew or cared if he was alive except for a circuit of fan clubs in Canada and Asia!!!!!! (where he had some rabid fans)....at first P Williams was distant and unsure.... it was awkward..but over time Williams energy came out...he's a very entertaining and emotional guy....honestly his night club gigs were pathetic as entertainment...but he was clearly enjoying doing them...

    Near the end of the film, Williams sat with the film maker, and watched a hosting gig where he was drunk and high...he made a total ass of himself...he said offensive things and was surly and obnoxious.... you could see P Williams sinking in his chair as he watched.... this was the night that killed his career... and finally he freaked out and turned it off...but he said a wonderful thing...

    he said (paraphrase)...that was one night in my life...it was a moment in my life...i had a great time...i made money, i had fame, i lovedit...but then i blew it.... today i am happy...i am offended you think i've sank lower...I'm doing great and i love my life...
    I see NO REASON TO GO BACK THERE>>>IT DOES NOTHING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...(end of paraphrase)....does that mean anything to anyone here??

    at the end of the movie...P williams disclosed that he had a storage locker, filled with a mountain of old song sheets, movies and videos of his performances, orchestras doing scores for his movies and people singing his songs... he loaned them all to the film maker as archive footage...and he never asked for them back

  2. #77
    Member DaniG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    It makes sense to me that both the fantasy and feeling apart from the other boys can exist at the same time ... but if only the fantasy is present with none of the feelings that a boy simply does not belong with the other boys, then it might be something other than GD?

    This is what is hardest for me to understand. That someone should have NEVER experienced a feeling of being apart from or not in sync somehow with the other boys, and then wake up in their 40s, 50s, or 60s to feel that they are women.

    But, because the TSs who grew up and forged their adult lives before the internet had no way of knowing about transsexuality, let alone give themselves permission to even dare hope that expressing femininity might be possible in their lifetimes, it makes sense to have simply given up and become resigned to living life as a male. But still, the disconnect with the other members of their birth sex would have been felt, again even if there had been no word for it?

    I remember that someone (I believe a member in the UK) was describing her first interview with one of the gatekeepers to the process of transition. One of the first questions asked was, "How long do you trace your feelings of not belonging to your gender?"
    I had no idea until last year. But looking back on my life, there's a mountain of evidence, all of which can be explained away, of course, item by item by a skeptic. This was all blocked out by a very deep denial. And I knew the minute it hit me that I was female.

    I feel like my TG nature is genuine. But how does one know for sure? There's no smoking gun. There's no scroll lowered down from Heaven. I discussed this for months with my therapist. She refused to lend her own expertise, but instead helped me to work through my situation. My feelings didn't change. The whole time I felt genuinely TGed, yet the seed of doubt was there nagging at me until one day, I called her on it and asked her to give me her opinion. Grudgingly, she said she thought I am probably am TG because of two things. First, I crave sex from the female perspective. I have as long as I can remember. I don't from the male perspective. She said that this is very a primal thing. Second, she said that I'm not on good term with my member (or any other part of my body for that matter). Apparently, men identify with their junk. I've heard of them naming them, etc. But this was a surprise to me. I don't even like to talk about it. I wasn't aware that I was even doing it. Again, I'm sure a good skeptic can explain it all away, but that gave me a lot of comfort.

    Nevertheless, it didn't quite do it. Here in Portland we have a well established gender therapist named Reid Vanderburgh, a F2M, and someone who's written extensively on TS therapy. I contacted Reid for a second opinion. He doesn't consult anymore, unfortunately, but did assure me that my case is not at all unusual. He's treated a number of genuine TSs like myself, who have been in utter and complete denial until a latter age.

    But my unusual situation has been a constant worry to me, and I intend to take things slow.

    I have always felt out of touch with men. I've certainly had cases where I've said, "I don't understand men." I've even said many times, "I'm glad I'm not one." It was one of my favorite jokes. But I was in denial. How could I know what out of touch meant? I'm actually been alienated from everyone but my wife and kids. Does that count?

    BTW, I don't claim to be TS, but only TG. I don't know if I'll transition or not. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. The rest will come in time.

    My challenge to you, Reine, is to ask what you would do in my place. Are you discounting me as TS outright? What criteria would you set for deciding that you are indeed TG? I'm not taking your tough love offensively. These are questions that I wrestle with, and I'm curious to know the skeptic's opinion. It's one thing to sit on the sidelines and say, "I don't buy it." But I have to actually find a solution for my new life.
    Last edited by DaniG; 03-18-2013 at 01:36 PM.

  3. #78
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    How does one know what" benefits transition may bring"....Pre- transition? Who really knows? It seems to me that without prior experience ( hindsight) one can only speculate on what the benefits may or may not be. Best laid plans are a crap shoot at best. For me personally it wasn't a matter of weighing the pros and cons of transition.. they didn't enter into the picture. It was more a matter of faith... Stepping off into the abyss.... Come what may. I had no clue... I took my best shot.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  4. #79
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    thats why you have to talk to other transsexuals and hear what they say about transtion...meet people in real life to learn...and if you go forward or don't go forward...learn from others mistakes..if you aim towards transition...execute on a good plan if you can..

    look you have two choices...deal with the problem or run around inside your head for the rest of your life...

    its not a good solution in every case...its about making the best with what you've got...

    in your case Kelly you missed out on dozens and dozens of years of distress hiding inside your head... you worked hard and deserve what you got..you avoided much of what people older go through(or maybe condensed in your early years)
    ..you took an incredible chance many of us didn't take...
    its good advice that if you really want to leap, you really should leap...i'd speculate it gets harder and harder to leap, and the rocks get craggier as you get older...

    my perspective is clearly skewed by my own analytical nature and the fact that i had an "outside the ts box" experience...

  5. #80
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    ...would it help you to find someone that is delighted with a successful transition that had the same narrative?? or would it just make you feel worse? how would it change your thought that transition would be a good thing for you? all this is to say that as much as its hard to believe it could just be your repression was absolute for whatever reason...we'll never know..you'll never know...if going back there doesnt help, dont go back there...
    Now there's something to think about! We're always looking for paths that have been walked by others. Pre-surgery option, I suppose the only thing you could do was just suck it up and be a girlyman and shut up about it until you either fell apart, died, or learned to live with it. I'm growing a perverse sense of pride in my repressive abilities. Damn it. Perhaps what I and other midlifers did was simply find a path to avoid knowing, and, therefore, having to act. Yes, it would be a help to know that someone had the same narrative as me. Perhaps I'd feel bad if I didn't have the courage to follow the same path, but don't most of us live that story professionally at one point or another, else we would all have the career of our dreams? I don't think it helps to spend much time going back, either. And I don't, really, except when this "you couldn't possibly be TS or you would have known all along" idea comes up, which it does frequently on this board, and, um, about twice a week at home.

    I think you frame the question correctly for these times and with the procedures and options, difficult as they are, available. Which is going to be better, transition, or not transition? I am going to meditate on it that way instead of the previous (and wheel spinningly unproductive) "what am I?" question. Thanks for that reframing, Kaitlyn! And Dani, I recommend similarly -- that is, not what was and what category, but rather, what now? (even if it takes a while to get the answer).

    elizabethamy

  6. #81
    Quote Originally Posted by kellycan27 View Post
    How does one know what" benefits transition may bring"....Pre- transition? Who really knows? It seems to me that without prior experience ( hindsight) one can only speculate on what the benefits may or may not be. Best laid plans are a crap shoot at best. For me personally it wasn't a matter of weighing the pros and cons of transition.. they didn't enter into the picture. It was more a matter of faith... Stepping off into the abyss.... Come what may. I had no clue... I took my best shot.
    That's exactly who I feel right now.

    You can do all the thinking and planning you want, in the end it's like a leap of faith.
    "I'm not sure. But I'll never know unless I give it a shot."

  7. #82
    Member DaniG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    my perspective is clearly skewed by my own analytical nature and the fact that i had an "outside the ts box" experience...
    Kaitlyn, would you be willing to share with us newbies what you mean by that, please?

    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethamy View Post
    And Dani, I recommend similarly -- that is, not what was and what category, but rather, what now? (even if it takes a while to get the answer).y
    I think that's wise. I also have a lot of exploring to add to my meditation. But you're absolutely correct.

    Thanks, Elizabeth. (Luv ur name, btw!)
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 03-18-2013 at 03:37 PM. Reason: Posting directly after one of your own posts is not allowed, please use the edit post button

  8. #83
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethamy View Post
    ... And yet, without question, a lifetime of feeling like a misfit, of consciously always not being "man" enough, of not belonging no matter how much I tried, of being picked last for every sports team no matter how much I practiced. Of being more easiliy able to relate to females all my life, though without ever consciously thinking I should be one. Never crossdressing or even paying attention to it until age 50.
    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethamy View Post
    What kind of "escape fantasy" would consist of divorce, poverty, mulitple surgeries, and fergawdsake, electrolysis?
    The path is indeed tortuous and painful ... (obviously not that I've experienced it but I'm well able to get a sense of this from reading all your stories).

    But, the need to follow the path must be (logically) propelled by one motive that overrides everything else, and this is, "My life will be better at the end of it all". My big question in this thread is, "What if it isn't?" What if at the end of it all you still are the last one to be picked for the team even if this time it is the girl's team? Would the fact that you have a feminine body, an absence of male genitals, make you feel whole no matter what your relationships are like with others, and how much kinship you feel or don't feel with either women or men?

    I may be all wrong in my thinking, since this situation and human beings are so very complex, but in all the literature that I have read outside of this forum, a sure way to know that a transwoman will feel whole years after transition, after having survived (potential) losses, even after realizing that the embrace into the female gender by the other females might not be happening, or finding a hetero male (or a lesbian female) partner might not be happening, is if she had a sense as a young child that her body was not right. If her motive to transition is to correct her body rather than "fitting in better" or being happier as a girl because she is not happy as a boy, then surely she will be happy no matter what her life looks like post-op and how she fits in with other people? If she is or if she thinks that she would be happy under those circumstances, then by all means she should transition whether she can trace the discomfort with her body back to childhood or not.

    I'm sorry if my questions seem painful, or if it seems to some or all of you as if I am not believing you. I know in the deepest part of me that I am in no position to make any judgment of anyone here, because I do know how complex we all are as humans, whether we are trans or not. But, I do care deeply, this is a great discussion that can potentially help people who are on the fence, and my concern is about long term well-being and not at all about determining who is more transsexual than who.


    Quote Originally Posted by DaniG View Post
    My challenge to you, Reine, is to ask what you would do in my place. Are you discounting me as TS outright? What criteria would you set for deciding that you are indeed TG? I'm not taking your tough love offensively.
    I repeat that I am not discounting anyone. If you are taking it this way, then I respectfully suggest that you are reading things that are not there. My biggest flaw is that I obviously cannot adequately address all facets of this very complex situation in a few questions, points, or posts. As previously mentioned, there are all kinds of people who do want to transition and not all of them do so for the same reasons, as we've seen over the years in this section of the forum and also in the older version of the Body Issues section before it was changed for TSs only, with people who asked how they could feminize themselves but who also believed themselves to not be transsexual. I also know people who realized post-op that their lives didn't turn out the way they thought they would.

    What would I do in your shoes? I would absolutely live full time without undergoing any body modifications, for at least 2 years and if this is not doable, then at least present as a woman a significant portion of the time, going out regularly and frequently in the mainstream to do errands and other ordinary things again for at least 2 years. During this time, I would not tell myself that post-op life will be significantly different, not if I were beginning to do this at middle age and I had had no prior inkling that I was not connected to the male gender. Sorry if this seems harsh, but IMO it seems like a pretty safe thing to do.
    Last edited by ReineD; 03-18-2013 at 03:45 PM. Reason: Adding response to Dani
    Reine

  9. #84
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saffron View Post
    That's exactly who I feel right now.

    You can do all the thinking and planning you want, in the end it's like a leap of faith.
    My point was that in the end.. No matter how much we are educated, no matter how much we read and no matter how much we analyze things to the enth degree we can't predict the benefits or pros and cons of transition. It's a guess or even an "educated guess". This (IMO) is where the leap of faith comes in the decision whether to transition or not. In part.
    Last edited by kellycan27; 03-18-2013 at 03:41 PM.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  10. #85
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    ..... if she had a sense as a young child that her body was not right. If her motive to transition is to correct her body rather than "fitting in better" or being happier as a girl because she is not happy as a boy, then surely she will be happy no matter what her life looks like post-op and how she fits in with other people? ........ and my concern is about long term well-being and not at all about determining who is more transsexual than who.
    Interesting perspective, Reine, especially in the first portion of the quote. The entire issue of fitting in better is a human issue rather than a gender issue. There is a lot of fallacy in the idea that one might transition to female (body, mind and soul). Being female (or male for that matter) is not a matter of choice but rather of biology in the first instance and later to some limited extent of socialization (such as certain expected behavioral patterns). To be accepted as a female post transition requires some shared experience which is unique for both genders. And that is not playing with dolls when you were four years old. In a sense non acceptance, which is a lot more common than one might think, is the lack of such shared experiences, because it is social. But the capacity for shared experience is rooted in biology.

    These issues are never about who is more trans than who? If you take health care seriously, then what constitutes healing is different depending on the condition that someone is suffering from. The distress of not finding your voice is different than the distress of disfigurement. If you take aspirin to cure a stomach ache then it will get worse.

    The interesting thing is though, that if you select the R*I*G*H*T treatment for your condition then your life will be better and you will fit in better with other people.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  11. #86
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    One does not go through transition and GRS without doubts. You never really know what life will be like afterward, until afterward. This is why so many of us that have been through it try to tell others to go slowly. You take a step and then see how it is. You decide when the next step can or if it should be taken. Eventually, you hit a point where anymore changes makes it permanent so you need to be damn sure this is really what you want.

    For myself and most of the others I have talked with, by the time you get to this point, you are sure this is what you want. I have met hundreds of girls that made the same decisions and all have felt their life is in fact better for it. Granted, there are a few along the way that for some reason are not happy with their decision. It does happen. From talking with some of them they would not be happy no matter what. In large, I think part of this is because there are and were other reasons in their lives that were not good. Maybe they were not truthful in therapy. Maybe they have other mental problems. Maybe they were abused at an earlier time. This list can go on and on. The main thing here is you must be stable mentally to take the final steps if success is to be had.

  12. #87
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    My history is fairly well documented but I don't think my story qualifies me as TS any more or less than anyone else's story does. You know what does? My transition.

    I don't recall every asking anyone if I was TS or not including my therapist. In fact, I basically told her to talk me out of it. I really don't understand this waffling. When I realized what my problem was, I got busy fixing it.

    Frankly I would be concerned about somebody who needs the approval of any person or community before embarking on such a personal journey. Plenty of people have expressed their contempt for me and my transition. I've been called everything from disgusting to delusional by people on this very forum, but it just slides off like poop on porcelain.

    Transitioners are tough and fiercely independent, so are you TS? There is only one way to know for sure.
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  13. #88
    Member DaniG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    The path is indeed tortuous and painful ... (obviously not that I've experienced it but I'm well able to get a sense of this from reading all your stories).
    I for one don't discount anyone's opinion. I don't think you have to go through it to offer an opinion, and you obviously have a great deal of experience with this issue.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    But, the need to follow the path must be (logically) propelled by one motive that overrides everything else, and this is, "My life will be better at the end of it all". My big question in this thread is, "What if it isn't?"
    Absolutely. I am not expecting much for myself.

    1. At 6'8" I've been looked at all my life in public. I don't ever expect to pass consistenly.

    2. As an author of lesbian fiction, I've already experienced discrimination in that community first as a straight male and now as a trans woman, so I know I won't be consistently accepted there either. Obviously, mainstream straight society is not too hot on transsexuals, so I'm not expecting much there. Then again, it's one thing to experience it online and other in living color.

    However, I am hoping that my family will accept me over time. And I hope that my wife can stay in my life to some degree. At this point she's committed to staying with me, but we all know that no such promise can be guaranteed through a tranisiton. Losing her would be a blow, but if we stayed together I could probably weather anything else.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I repeat that I am not discounting anyone. If you are taking it this way, then I respectfully suggest that you are reading things that are not there. My biggest flaw is that I obviously cannot adequately address all facets of this very complex situation in a few questions, points, or posts. As previously mentioned, there are all kinds of people who do want to transition and not all of them do so for the same reasons, as we've seen over the years in this section of the forum and also in the older version of the Body Issues section before it was changed for TSs only, with people who asked how they could feminize themselves but who also believed themselves to not be transsexual. I also know people who realized post-op that their lives didn't turn out the way they thought they would.
    I think others said it best.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saffron
    You can do all the thinking and planning you want, in the end it's like a leap of faith.
    I have to make my evaluation and search my soul.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    What would I do in your shoes? I would absolutely live full time without undergoing any body modifications, for at least 2 years and if this is not doable, then at least present as a woman a significant portion of the time, going out regularly and frequently in the mainstream to do errands and other ordinary things again for at least 2 years. During this time, I would not tell myself that post-op life will be significantly different, not if I were beginning to do this at middle age and I had had no prior inkling that I was not connected to the male gender. Sorry if this seems harsh, but IMO it seems like a pretty safe thing to do.
    I don't think I'd trust my test to part time. I might dive in full time and have a trach shave after six months. I'd never miss that as a man, and that's a key gender indicator. Plus, it's cheap (relatively). I might have FFS after a year or so. If I went back, I would simply look like a feminine man. That would be livable. But that's actually the point at which life would be like post-op, I'd argue.

    Other than that, your approach seems cautious and reasonable. Add to that a prolonged exploration and meditation (tip to Liz) phase beforehand. And I'm still not delcaring TS anyways. I just want to.

    Your comments are appreciated, ReineD. I claim TG, but, of course, I still wrestle with this question. In addition to "Why am I TG?" I also have "Why can't I clearly be TG?" So I think I push back on you hoping that you'll provide some nugget of wisdom that'll give me an 'aha' resolution. Of course, there will be no such final resolution. I'm going to have to find my answer through the long process. I hope at least that it becomes clear at that point.

  14. #89
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    My head is spinning. I received a PM from someone who quoted part of what I had said earlier, and who confessed to hating the idea of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't blame her and if anyone thinks this is what I am suggesting, I'm not. I'm actually saying much of what Kaitlyn, Kathryn, Misty, and others have said in here over time. Anyway, my response to her was rather short and to the point (I think), so I'll post it here. It reflects what I'm trying to get at in here.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD
    I hope that you will start seeing a good gender therapist who is able to separate the proverbial wheat from the chaff. I gather that therapists vary in terms of training and ability, and also perhaps bias depending on their own life experiences. I'm not a gender therapist, but this is the way that I see the choices in a nutshell:

    1.Obviously if you are not TS, then it would be a mistake to transition.

    2. If you are TS, if living in the male gender role with your male primary and secondary sexual characteristics is severely and negatively impacting the quality of your life causing you a deep sense of emptiness and depression, then NOT transitioning would be a mistake.

    3. If you are one of the rather large blocks of people who are not part of the gender binary, if your gender is rather fluid and your male life is not causing you the deep distress described above even if there are aspects of your female life that you enjoy infinitely more than being male, then it might OR might not be a mistake to transition, based on your life circumstances and how much you stand to lose job-wise and relationship-wise should you go ahead with transition (combined with your ability to cope with the potential losses). I think there are people whose sense of well-being will be the same no matter what gender they live as and much of this depends on how others will see them post-transition and how much their expectations of living in their target genders will come true.

    4. Conversely, if you are not yet sure whether or not you are TS, then beginning a transition right now would be a mistake just in case it turns out that you are not TS. But if you are TS, then it will eventually become unbearable to keep your male body and continue to live as a male.

    If you don't mind, I'm going to post just my response to you in the thread without mentioning your name. It illustrates the fundamentals of what I'm trying to get at.
    Last edited by ReineD; 03-18-2013 at 04:41 PM.
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    The only way for whom to know for sure, Misty? Like you, I didn't need anyone else to tell me who I am. And like you, I told my therapist, not the other way around.

    So sure, transitioning is pretty definitive – for everyone else. But you would not have transitioned if you had not already known.
    I am older than I once was,
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    Melissa, this is or was just supposed to be a harmless discussion nothing more.

    In my case I don't give a crap if anybody thinks I'm TS or not. The only difference is I do not need to transition (SRS) just to prove it. I'll deal with this slowly and how I feel is right for me. I refuse to be talked into anything by anybody. Yes, I have a lot of baggage.
    Last edited by Marleena; 03-18-2013 at 05:01 PM. Reason: SRS

  17. #92
    Member DaniG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    ...and who confessed to hating the idea of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
    In my mind: TG = being stuck between a rock and a hard place. The question is whether you choose the hard place or the rock.

    ReineD, I loved your response. I think someone should stick it up as a quick reference guide somewhere. "If you're not sure..." Well said.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    My head is spinning. I received a PM from someone who quoted part of what I had said earlier, and who confessed to hating the idea of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't blame her and if anyone thinks this is what I am suggesting, I'm not.

    ...

    I think there are people whose sense of well-being will be the same no matter what gender they live as and much of this depends on how others will see them post-transition and how much their expectations of living in their target genders will come true.
    I don't think you were suggesting this - but the conclusion that "there may be no satisfactory solution that involves happiness for some individuals, regardless of the gender identity the choose to express" is certainly a possiblity, right? Someone could be miserable as a male, and discover, 'yup, still isoloated and alone' after transition, right?

    Your statement:

    What if at the end of it all you still are the last one to be picked for the team even if this time it is the girl's team?
    struck a cord with me, this has been my experience growing up, for much of my life, and it is an ongoing fear. Felt like you plucked that thought straight out of my head, actually. Suppose none of the options a person has are very good, or at least liveable? What then? Rhetorical question - I know perfectly well the outcome for people who suffer from pain they can neither endure nor escape. I've seen it many times, albeit not in this context.

    My goal, of course, is to find some solution that is liveable for me. I hope it exists. (Always has so far - so I'm hopeful, btw. )

  19. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    My goal, of course, is to find some solution that is liveable for me. I hope it exists. (Always has so far - so I'm hopeful, btw. )
    This is all any of us can do. If that means having or not having GRS, fine. We each need to do what we feel is best for us. Only you have the control over that.

  20. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    I don't think you were suggesting this - but the conclusion that "there may be no satisfactory solution that involves happiness for some individuals, regardless of the gender identity the choose to express" is certainly a possiblity, right? Someone could be miserable as a male, and discover, 'yup, still isoloated and alone' after transition, right?
    Right, except there is actually a workaround for this for those who are not TS and who are also not men who crossdress, and this is, redefining gender as being "not binary for some people". The WPATH uses the term "gender non-conforming". And this means getting to a place of peace with where you're at currently, while constructing your life in such a way as to express your femininity unfettered, especially if changing your life gender role and sex (i.e. transition) would involve huge losses that you are not prepared to weather, and again, especially if you do not know where you sit at the moment.

    This thread is not the place to describe how to do this but I will say that I have seen my SO and others in this forum accomplish this successfully. Maybe the people in this forum who do not identify as men, yet who are not sure if they are genetic women born with male disfigurement and who have achieved some measure of peace and happiness in their lives, can describe how they did this in a separate thread. You would need to ask the question in the CDing side though (even though there are CDers who do identify as men), since the TS side of the forum is mostly populated by people who do see themselves most definitely on either end of the gender binary (male or female), and who have made or are making the decision to transition. But maybe you could limit your question to people who identify as "TG".
    Reine

  21. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Plenty of people have expressed their contempt for me and my transition. I've been called everything from disgusting to delusional by people on this very forum, but it just slides off like poop on porcelain.
    I hope it's okay for me to quote.

    All I can say is I've never seen that type of thing go on here in the public forum and I find it alarming. You've put your transition out there for everyone to see. I could never see you as delusional or disgusting. In fact I see you as quite the opposite. You challenge people with a no BS type of attitude and you have your shit together. You are doing what you need to do for you and you're not ashamed to let others know how you feel. That is brave to me.

    You owe me 50$ now.

    J/K.

  22. #97
    a beautiful metalhead JessicaM1985's Avatar
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    I'll go out on a limb and say that I don't think too many of us come right out of the womb with a burning desire for SRS. Not because we aren't trans, but because our brain hasn't even developed to the point of being conscious of what it is that is bothering us. We are born with a weird disconnect, a dissonance if you will. But that doesn't necessarily mean we are born with an understanding of what that dissonance means. This is why I think there is a discrepancy for what age people have that "Aha!" moment when they realize that disconnect occurs because they are transgender. The degree of intensity of that dysphoria brings is pretty much the determining factor as to whether or not they need to transition, or if they'll be fine with just dressing in their preferred gender role. For some people they figure it out at a very young age (good for them too!), but for people like myself I didn't really have that "aha!" moment until I was 14, and even then, I wasn't comfortable doing anything about it until age 26. (that's what happens when you have super strict and religious parents)
    So that's my theory on why people have different ages when they "discover" it. It's not that they weren't born trans, it's that their brain needed time to develop the logic and reasoning needed to figure out what that dysphoria was and what it meant.
    "To deny our impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human...." - Mouse from The Matrix
    Love me or hate me, I will always be myself.

    I'm just the kind of gal that likes death metal, beer, and "dad" jokes. Oh and I build computers and play PC games.

  23. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaM1985 View Post
    We are born with a weird disconnect, a dissonance if you will. But that doesn't necessarily mean we are born with an understanding of what that dissonance means. This is why I think there is a discrepancy for what age people have that "Aha!" moment when they realize that disconnect occurs because they are transgender.
    Right. And this was the discussion in the first few pages of this thread. There is a difference between knowing there is a disconnect during childhood but not knowing what it is called (and therefore not being able to identify it as transsexualism until some years later), and having it pop up out of the blue at middle age, not having any prior clue whatsoever that there was some disconnect, as was mentioned in a post on page 2.
    Reine

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    You would need to ask the question in the CDing side though (even though there are CDers who do identify as men), since the TS side of the forum is mostly populated by people who do see themselves most definitely on either end of the gender binary (male or female)
    Thanks, my apologies for using the wrong section. I don't seem to fit in especially well in either place, so perhaps that is telling. I am still new though, and trying to understand what I am going through.

    Only you have the control over that.
    Well, we can certainly hope that is the case.

  25. #100
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaM1985 View Post
    I'll go out on a limb and say that I don't think too many of us come right out of the womb with a burning desire for SRS.
    That would be a very strong limb. I would be very interested to know more about your "aha" moment around age 14 if you care to share.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

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