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Thread: To those who want to go out but are afraid of...

  1. #26
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    The consequences of going out in public in San Francisco are totally different than your own backyard. Going to a public venue where a sexual minority is accepted is different than strutting down main street in your home town visible to family, friends, neighbors and employers. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.
    Exactly. There can be consequences for exhibiting behaviour that's out of the norm.

    People can whine about it all they want, but it's reality.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  2. #27
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    However,for some of us,there is no recognizable connection between the appearance in male vs female modes..Vehicle recognition when getting in or out in a parking lot is the only identifying clue an astute observer might have.I am constantly going the same place in either mode,so I am sure in my case.

  3. #28
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I respectfully disagree, Jennifer! If you're not out or TS, and can't pass, what's the point of going out dressed?

    I love going out dressed, with other girls! That's a lot of fun! Otherwise, it's stressful, no fun, and I must dress in silly grannie outfits. And, God forbid I should run into my daughter's 4th grade teacher, my secretary, or ex!

    I mite feel differently if I had an accepting SO to go out with. But, for those of us that don't? I DO enjoy going out with girls friends to accepting venues and dressing any way I like in private. If u enjoy dressing in boring "blend" outfits, the odd or dirty look on folks faces when you're made, and the thrill of being a man out in woman's clothes no matter what, or u can pass, than go out dressed.

    But, it's NOT every dressers cup of tea!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 03-18-2013 at 12:10 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by linda allen View Post
    Exactly. There can be consequences for exhibiting behaviour that's out of the norm.

    People can whine about it all they want, but it's reality.
    Yes but there are several choices. Either whine or get out there and face the consequences just like our gay brothers and sisters did. That is the reason that gay folks have made great progress. If we continue to whine about the big bad world that hates us and continue to cower in the closet, then we will never make any progress. We can't wait for a few brave souls to pave the road for us. We need to get out there, proudly be ourselves and be seen by our community and friends. Will we be part of the solution by getting out there, or will we be part of the problem by cowering in the closet?
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I respectfully disagree, Jennifer! If you're not out or TS, and can't pass, what's the point of going out dressed?....
    Well Sherry, first you are allowed to disagree that's what makes America great. But I think you missed the key points of my message and to the question you ask above, the point of going out is to have fun. You have suggested that going out without friends is stressful, no fun, etc. I agree. It is more fun with others. That's why I suggested going out with friends. But if you can not find a local friend, you can go out and can have fun. Dressing for the venue and occasion leaves every option open to you and you do not have to dress as a granny. Having an accepting wife is the greatest thing possible, I think but my first few times out in the world of the "normals" was not with my wife. There is more to fear in our heads than in the real world.

  6. #31
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    Great advise but some of us have to get out of our own way mentally. For me personally, it's simply a confidence issue. Need more help with makeup, need more help with creating a more convincing figure although I'm in great shape and definitely need to be able to trust others with the same dress code to just be able to socialize while dressed fem. I've made progress in how I dress (less ****ty more pretty) over the last couple of years but to still go out beyond the door or even for just a drive in makeup and a wig....still a bit intimidating. If anyone knows of a group in the Boulder area please let me know. I only have found the Denver group so far.

  7. #32
    Member traci_k's Avatar
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    May I suggest that before going out completely en femme, try a trial run. As Jennifer suggested, what is in your head is important. If you are stressed about what will people think, take some baby steps. This weekend I went shoe shopping at various stores in the mall, wearing a light lip gloss. I took time to handle the shoes and tried to see if anyone was paying attention. They weren't. My confidence went up several notches. Now thinking about a professional transformation. If you are inexperienced in makeup as I am, I think professionals can teach you a lot about how to adjust your look to be less noticable as a man wearing women's clothes in public.
    Just a couple thoughts from someone wanting to come out more.
    Hugs all - good thread.
    Traci Melissa Knight


    To thine own self be true
    When the student is ready, the teacher will appear

  8. #33
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    The only problem with your analysis is the fact the vast majority of gays and lesbians do not appear gay or lesbian. Does that sound confusing? The lesbian I know is not identifiable except for the picture of her partner/spouse on her desk. The gay man I know is not identifiable also. Unless you were to see him with his partner you would not know he is gay. Of course there are gay and lesbian venues where the setting is more intimate and displays of affection may be observed. However, if two women are sitting and having lunch, can you ascribe any sexuality to them? If two guys are swilling beers on stools at the neighborhood bar, can you ascribe any sexuality to them? No!

    Sure gays and lesbians have become more acceptable in society. However, unless you have not been reading the newspapers or watching the media, you know the vast majority of states have banned same sex marriages, and, in those states which have affirmed same sex marriage (mine) there was a very significant 'no' vote. Legal protection does not confer societal acceptance.

    I have seen many very lovely pictures on this site and I would not be one of them. I have seen many who have absolutely no problem passing as women.

    I guess the point I was making/am making is one size fits all is not appropriate depending on the relationship one may be involved in. I do not know why I choose to wear women's clothing, but, I do know what I get out of it. I would agree with others, if you want the peace and serenity cross dressing brings you, then being subject to ridicule or self destruction may not be appropriate.

    I have seen on more than one occasion on this site where asserting oneself has blown up in the face. One you say 'face the consequences' those consequences may be far reaching and extend to more than oneself. Just be careful for what you wish for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jamie001 View Post
    Yes but there are several choices. Either whine or get out there and face the consequences just like our gay brothers and sisters did. That is the reason that gay folks have made great progress. If we continue to whine about the big bad world that hates us and continue to cower in the closet, then we will never make any progress. We can't wait for a few brave souls to pave the road for us. We need to get out there, proudly be ourselves and be seen by our community and friends. Will we be part of the solution by getting out there, or will we be part of the problem by cowering in the closet?

  9. #34
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    It is a matter of choice of course, whether to go out or not. It is also a matter of confidence. If you want to go out, planning is a good idea. Getting the confidence is not easy, and it takes time.We all have to go at our own pace. Don't rush it, just go with what you feel comfortable with.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  10. #35
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
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    Her point is you have nothing to fear from the public, Nobody wants to out themselves, but read the posts here newbies we are saying it over and over again you have nothing to fear, the sky will not fall and each time you out it gets better and you get better

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Leanne~ View Post
    I wandered through the womens clothing section and tried on some shoes I really enjoyed the rush but I wont be doing that again! I dont know what came over me, definately the pink fog numbed my fears.
    I have seen and talked to women trying on men's shoes. It is not a big deal. It is just shoes.
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paula_56 View Post
    Her point is you have nothing to fear from the public, Nobody wants to out themselves, but read the posts here newbies we are saying it over and over again you have nothing to fear, the sky will not fall and each time you out it gets better and you get better
    Amen! Paula, thank you for stating this simple fact. Many folks here have created very large demons in their own mind. I and about a dozen other folks here wear women's clothing while presenting as male and I don't have any problems. It has been stated many times, it is all about how you carry yourself.
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

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