I don't want to sound negative, but I have to believe that I'm not the only one to feel this way. All my life I have had this feminine side to me and have always wanted to fully dress. Only recently has the desire become so strong (at the age of 49), that I decided to seek out a gender therapist to help understand why. My journey is creating a lot of problems for me and I just don't know if it's worth all the trouble.
My wife has always known I had a feminine side and didn't mind when it came to wearing panties and the occasional night gown. However, once I started to discuss the need to fully dress, it created a HUGE problem for us. She can't handle the idea of her husband of 17 years needing to dress like a woman. This must be quite a shock for her to think of me in a pretty dress with my legs shaved wearing a wig. I fully dressed for the first time (in private) two weeks ago and it was a very moving experience for me. I somehow feel complete for the first time in my life. I now know that this is an important part of me that needs to be expressed from time to time. However, the drama that it is creating is overwhelming. I believe my wife will never be supportive of this side of me and I don't know what to do. I'm sure there are a lot of others that are experiencing the very same thing as we speak, but it's happening to me and it hurts.
The other perspective that saddens me is my wife's lack of support. I have always been unconditionally supportive of her regardless. We do not have any kids and I have always supported her desires (emotionally and financially) when it came to her need to return to school or go "find herself". For me, I need to go hide in the closet and I feel resentful inside. In speaking with my therapist, we have decided to "lay low" for awhile and revisit this with her in May after she graduates. I'm trying not to add any stress right now as she is wrapping up school.
So back to my original question........Is it worth it? I can't seem to change who I am. If I continue to suppress this side of me, I will not be happy. I so want to be happy, but at what cost?
Miserable Michelle
(needing huggs)