Hi there,
Ever since I was a kid I've been sexually aroused by dressing in women's clothes and looking at images of other men en femme. I've only been in relationships with women because I love the way they look and couldn't imagine being with masculine men. I have had 3 homosexual encounters (one with a tranny) and they were incredibly exciting though.
Recently I was diagnosed with a condition called Klinefelter's Mosaic syndrome that basically means that I have two sets of chromosomes in my body. One a regular male XY set and the other an intersex set of XXY. So I have a rogue extra female sex chromosome running rampant around my body. I can remember being about 4 years old and staring in the mirror wondering if I was a boy or a girl and I honestly couldn't give myself an answer. Other kids would sometimes ask me the same thing.
I've been in a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend and our relationship is going no where. When it was discovered that I was sterile because of my condition it really put a damper on things since she desperately wants children. I feel like less of a man (than I did before) and have recently started crossdressing as much as I can. Right now I am dressed in breast forms, a blue blouse, dark blue pencil skirt, tan pantyhose, pink panties and some killer 41/2 inch black and blue peep toe heels. I feel sexy as hell and love it! She knows that I crossdress and has supported me with it although she is not turned on by it at all. We haven't had sex in the past few months and my only outlet is to dress in women's clothes and take care of myself (if you can't get it from a beautiful woman, dress up as one and get it for yourself I've always said!). In some ways I prefer that because there are no weird emotions attached to it. I've thought about breaking up with her if for no other reason than to free her of me for her own happiness but that would be difficult and expensive and would make me really sad.
Recently I've thought about crossdressing my best and going to the local gay bar, getting drunk and seeing what happens (wink, wink). I want to feel like a woman to some man or other crossdresser and I like to drink a lot because I can go into my own head and be her or at least be in some limbo and feel good about myself. Besides, Elirra is a serious party girl who loves to have a good time! I have gone out to gay bars in the past dressed up but it's always when I'm 3 sheets to the wind and don't care about the consequences. Dangerous, I know, but exciting none the less.
I don't want any sexual reassignment but feel trapped because of my situation and desires. Other men on forums for Klinefelters Syndrome share similar experiences of always having a woman inside and not being able to escape it. Many of them are actually crossdressers with drinking problems as well, go figure.
I guess my question is: What am I? Gay, straight, something in between? I think the latter feels right but that doesn't help me when I'm somewhere stuck in the middle. I'm mostly comfortable in my situation with my girlfriend but that is mostly out of logistics and friendship. She is an amazing woman and I am lucky to be with her. I have a hard time imagining getting married too her though. I don't think either of us thinks I'm man enough to go thru with it. If we did break up I am pretty sure I would pursue a lifestyle as a crossdresser for better or for worse. Scary to think about.
Well, I think you get the picture. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I think a lot of you could relate here on this forum. Thanks.
Cheers,
Elirra