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Thread: CD'ing(for me) could be a product of not having a girlfriend?

  1. #1
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    CD'ing(for me) could be a product of not having a girlfriend?

    I read something interesting today, someone online had asked about getting aroused from CD'ing, and if it was technically classified as a fetish. The reply said, yes, it is since you're getting sexually aroused by it. They went on to explain that men who CD do it because they aren't getting their physical needs met by having a woman in their life. By dressing up as a woman, they are fulfilling their mental needs and wants for a woman by dressing up as one. But, for the people who have been doing it for a while, they don't get aroused anymore because it isn't something new and sexually exciting anymore.

    I think this is what could be happening with me. I don't go out much, and I get laid even less. But, when I do have intimate encounters(sexual, etc...) with women, I don't feel the urge to CD for quite a while after that. Similar thing happens when I masturbate, I feel I want to CD, 'bate, then I don't want to dress anymore(at least for the time being).

    Does this happen to anyone? Normal thoughts? I feel I might be more productive if I just go out and find a girlfriend, instead of spending time, effort, and money on looking like a girl.

    These thoughts have led me to purge my "stash" several times too.

  2. #2
    girly girl
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    I am similar to you. When it's "been awhile" and I'm feeling more worked up, that's when the CD urge is strongest. And, the CD urge is weakest just after a release. Never made me want to purge, though!

  3. #3
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I have never had a steady girlfriend, except for about one year with a long distance friendship. I have never had sex before, with a person. Surely, much of my cding is the lack of feminine beqauty and touch, and i know that a big part of why i do it, is too experience female dress and beauty, me in the mirror, as a beautiful sexy woman.

  4. #4
    New Member Cassie Weber's Avatar
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    Obviously YMMV (your mileage may vary), but I used to feel that way also.

    I got married a while ago, and the dressing feelings abated for a little bit, but then came back again.

    Good luck in your search, but don't hope for permanent change.

  5. #5
    Green_Eyed_Polock's GG NurseSamGG's Avatar
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    This is something I've never contemplated before and to be honest it is somewhat worrisome to me. I really like to think that I'm fulfilling all of my BF needs. Sometimes yes when she CDs it leads to other things in the bedroom what have you but not everytime.
    I guess I fear, after reading this thread, that in some way he finds me inadequate? But I think wouldn't that mean that every other woman he has been with was inadequate too? I'm just very confused that a generalization can be made that men who are sexually stimulated by CDing are not satisfied with the women in there lives. It makes it almost sound like then that all men who CD are sexually frustrated, which really can't be true...right? Need your help here ladies with sorting this out for me please.

    Xoxo.....Sam
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  6. #6
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I don't know about that, I was 17 when I meet my wife and we were sexually active and for some reason it didn't matter how much sex or how much masturbation all it took was she would dress a certain way or I would see a women dressed a certain way on the streets and the urge was there. It is like they are two different beast and all I know is it's in my blood and maybe some days are better then others but when the urge hits there's no stopping it. Threw this site I realized that crossdressing is like a fingerprint we are all the same but we all dress for different reasons. I am not going to lie to you there are time when I am satisfied sexually my urges are less and then there are times when it makes me dress more. If you figure it out let me know so we can both be happier. In the mean time lets just enjoy it.

  7. #7
    Sapphic GeminaRenee's Avatar
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    I don't think that's necessarily the case. There's been many times in my life where I was romantically or physically fulfilled by a woman, and still wanted to dress. At one point, I had an enthusiastic SO, and I went on a torrid binge of dressing and shopping, and sharing it all with her. After a long while, the urge to dress dissipated a bit, but that was more because I had reached my saturation point. The dam had burst, and all the water in the lake had run out. Other times, I've been dating women that were not aware or accepting, but still found some time to get girly all the same.

    On the other hand, when I do date someone who does not know, it can make the dressing more infrequent, what with all the the hiding and the polish removing and such. It can get to be kind of a chore to go from one mode to the other. And conversely, when I'm not seeing anyone, I'm more inclined to dress because I have much more free time and no-one to answer to. But the ebb and flow of dressing in this sense isn't because I am or am not with someone - it's just a simple matter of having more time in which to dress.
    "She ain't waiting 'til she gets older, her feet are makin' tracks in the winter snow.
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  8. #8
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I first dressed aged 4 (not sexual at that age).
    In my teens, even though I liked my playboy poster, I had no desire to be anywhere near a womens private parts, but I still dressed and masturbated while looking at the girls (closed leg photos only in the early 80's here).
    While the urge to dress disappeared after release, and build again within a few days, I used maturbation a a way to control my urges.
    Now I'm happily married and my sub-personality has her own life, I can crossdress before, during and after sex, or not, without any issues.
    If I don't crossdress, my girl side gets very unhappy within a week and she makes my man-side grumpy even after a daily dose of sex.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  9. #9
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    NurseSam, please don't think you're somehow inadequate. I've been at this for decades and in the early years it was indeed a libido thing. Guys just have big libidos when they are young and everything is a turn on. As I've matured in my CD side I've realized it's not about sex. I just need to be fulfilled emotionally and spend time in and out of drab. Likewise, dressing relieves stress in a way nothing else can. My wife gets this and all my affection is for her. Matter of fact, I love her more (if that's possible) because she understands.

    You're a real blessing to your spouse. I find it very admirable that you seek to understand. Hope he sees that and I hope my thoughts help, too, sweetie.

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    I don't buy it. You're a cross dresser who happens to not have a mate at this time. Cross dressing does not substitute for an actual woman. And, of course, when you have a mate your cross dressing desire falls off as you get to know this new person. If you had the same mate for several months, you'd find your cross dressing desires coming back to the fore.

  11. #11
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
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    Originally, I got into this because of a fetish, it's still there, somewhat. Since I told my GF, the fetish aspect has diminished, but I actually spend more time dressed. Being able to put on a skirt and stockings, and just relax in my GF's company...I don't feel like a woman, I don't want to feel like a woman, but being able to do this makes it easier for me to be more gentle, softer, you could say more feminine, but I don't think this is something men should avoid.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  12. #12
    Member AllyCDTV's Avatar
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    My sex drive is pretty high and could easily do at least one orgasm every day. If I am making love to my wife, I need to do it right and unfortunately neither of us has the time to put aside an hour and a half every day. Most of the time it's easier for me to just masturbate. Usually once a week I have enough alone time that I can crossdress and for me crossdressing is purely sexual so that accounts for one masturbation session. And Tiffbear, as with you, once I orgasm, all interest in crossdressing is gone. Do what ever it take to find a girlfriend. Crossdressing is no substitute.

    NurseSam, don't ever assume you are inadequate. Every time I make love to my wife I sit there afterwards wondering why I ever bother with crossdressing because the thrill I get from it is nothing compared to being with my wife. It's just something different and available to me at the moment.
    Last edited by AllyCDTV; 03-25-2013 at 12:45 AM.
    "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think." - The Buddha

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by NurseSamGG View Post
    I guess I fear, after reading this thread, that in some way he finds me inadequate? But I think wouldn't that mean that every other woman he has been with was inadequate too?
    Dearest Sam,

    Your avatar photo shows that you are really a beautiful woman. There is no possibilty you are inadequate in any way shape or form. You are gorgeous darling!

    I'm just very confused that a generalization can be made that men who are sexually stimulated by CDing are not satisfied with the women in there lives. It makes it almost sound like then that all men who CD are sexually frustrated, which really can't be true...right?
    No, that isn't true. A couple of things to think about:
    1. It is not uncommon for people in a relationship that have an otherwise healthy sex life together to sometimes masturbate. Sometimes, your partner just isn't there, either physically, or in the mood. Men do this, women do this - it's normal. If this doesn't get in the way of your normal sex life, it's a total non-issue, and doesn't say much except that once in a while, one of you is in the mood when the other one isn't.

    2. Although many of us find CDing to be extremely erotic, this doesn't mean that we aren't satisfied with the woman in our lives. I know when people say "it's not you - it's me", they generally really mean "OMG, it's soooo you!", but in this case, it really literally is something within the CDer - it's not you.

    TLDR: You are fine, hon.

  14. #14
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    It's a nice DREAM to think that when we have a SO, whether married to them or not, that we will get all the "lovin" that we want and won't ever need to literally "take matters into out own hands".

    But the REALITY is that for myself and obviously many other guys - in fact, almost everyone I have ever talked to - things never work out that way. Heck, today... more and more women are claiming THEY don't get enough. This is NOT going to change anytime soon - men wanting/needing it far more often than most women. There are far too many perectly logical and pertinent reasons for this seeming discrepancy to go into...

    MAYBE the lovemaking/sex with their partner is ALWAYS great /fantastic/fulfilling... but the GG simply does not need it as often or as much? Being born a man almost virtually guarantees because of our VISION that almost anything can light our fuse, especially the younger we are... Not easy to UNlight a fuse regardless of age IMO.

    The simple "solution" to this "discrepancy" all too often thrown out is to compromise. Yeah...right. I wonder how many guys have worked out a compromise with their SOs to have sex more often and lived happily ever after? The simplest solution [and probably the most common] is just to 'handle it" yourself for either partner who is unsatisfied.

    For men, porn, magazines or women's clothing items can all serve the same purpose as an aid to "get there". Porn IS a multi billion dollar business and I seriously doubt if GGs even contribute 10%? I think that GGs who realize how men's VISION works realize that whatever "aid/s" a man uses, don't necessarily mean the man is necessarily trying to make up for some shortfall on their part. SOME GGs are very visual also and I think they are probably the ones most understanding and/or accepting.

    Is CDing a substitute for having a SO?

    Hardly. But finding/having a SO is not nearly so easy as the plehora of Dating sites would make it seem. So, CDing can "substitute"in a manner for the companionship of a real GG. Not an ideal situation or "solution" but one
    that many of us here utilize.

    My guess is that a "great many" regular guys "utilize" just a few women's clothing items at least sometime and I seriously doubt if many of them feel guity in any way, shape or form. The [apparent] anonymity of the Internet has probably made CDing far more prevalent with the ability to buy stuff without any risk of being caught. I think it is far simpler and easier to just buy the stuff in stores though and KNOW it will fit.

    I think one of the few things that almost everyone here would agree on, is that the ONLY people that purging helps are the Retailers.
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 03-25-2013 at 04:11 AM.

  15. #15
    Junior Member Naomi Newman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    I don't buy it. You're a cross dresser who happens to not have a mate at this time. Cross dressing does not substitute for an actual woman. And, of course, when you have a mate your cross dressing desire falls off as you get to know this new person. If you had the same mate for several months, you'd find your cross dressing desires coming back to the fore.
    i completely agree with this, it doesnt go away, and as for a girlfriend, i have 2 beautiful children, and a loving partner who works very hard, being a cross dresser isnt a state of mind its what makes us who we are, not what we want to be, ive been doing this since i was 13 years old or so, i am now 33, it doesnt go away because of sexual relations, or just company, if you embrace it it can help you become a more loving person towards your partner i feel, and maybe then you might find the person you are wanting to be or looking for. also i dont feel that being a cross dresser is something that satisfys me sexually eithor, it doesnt arrouse me, if pleases me inside that i enjoy the feeling it gives by making me look and feel nice about myself
    Last edited by Naomi Newman; 03-25-2013 at 06:20 AM. Reason: i needed to write more

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    First, do not purge your stash every time you take up a female relationship.
    Second enjoy the female relationship while you can and when you move on.
    The urge to dress will return and you can get your stash out again.
    Now read this post again and repeat the process until you find some girl who is interested in your quaint hobby.
    When this happens, you may ask for more advice.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  17. #17
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    Absolutely correct on all fronts, been there done it , and its passe. Don't really enjoy sex anymore , too old and low T's and even satisfying myself is boring and too hard to do....It doesn't work, plumbing stopped.(E.D.) So with me I get the inward mental satisfaction of dressing up and looking feminine and going out and playing the role of a woman, because it makes me a whole lot happier than looking at one ugly man in the mirror. Its a replacement that I create.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member EllieOPKS's Avatar
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    Nurse Sam, Ally is right on the mark. You are not inadequate in any way. Being sexually stimulated by different things is not a bad thing, after all, variety is the spice of life, right? If you enjoyed reading some sexy novel and wanted sex afterwards, it would not be weird. Some things like cross dressing are a major turn on for guys in the same manner. Relax and enjoy the fun.

    For the OP Tiffbear, you are as normal as it gets. You could take a poll of men, both straight and gay and I would guarantee you that any of them would say that what ever sexual stimulus was used, there is little or no desire for it immediately after release and for for a period thereafter.
    I never new how masculine I was until I tried to be a woman

  19. #19
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    It's probably an accurate statement that at the age of 7 I wasn't getting laid enough? So technically that must be the reason? lol
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

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  20. #20
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    I am sure, for some girls, that not having a GF may lead into dressing, but that never was the case for me. Maybe more like, she didn't/doesn't dress as nicely as I would like may be a more accurate statement. When my SO and I were a few years younger (not saying how many ) she use to say to me " If you like pantyhose so much, you wear them" then I started wearing them lol Not saying this lead to cding as that has always been a part of me since around 10 but it was a start to testing the waters.

    Dressing being a sexual turn on, I think, is probably common when a lot of us start. It does fade away with time though. If you still dress after the turn on phase then Your probably a full CD. If not then it was probably a kinky fetish that outlasted it's usefulness.

    Sam, I wish I had the answers your looking for hon but the only one that knows the answer to your questions is your SO. We can speculate but those aren't answers as we really don't know. Sit down and have a talk with your SO, ask direct questions and if s/he says your adequate to everything she needs in life, then accept that answer and let it go. We really have no solid answers as to "why" we do this or have this need. From what I have read from you, your a great person and very stunning, I wouldn't see why you would be inadequate but every person has their own needs and they vary from person to person as I am sure you have your own needs .
    Last edited by ~Joanne~; 03-25-2013 at 11:16 AM. Reason: Spelling, Grammar, 2nd grade education? lol
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  21. #21
    Member danielletorresani's Avatar
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    For me, it definitely started out of my curiosity about women. I wasn't the ladies' man when I was a kid, so I never had a girlfriend. I guess dressing up in dressed and lingerie was the closest I thought I could get to them.

  22. #22
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    I think that analysis is another one of those "one size fits all" reasons. Usually, it seems a youngster who has raging hormones ends up in some capacity indulging in self gratification.

    This weekend I was reading that boys and girls until they enter school and experience sterotypical behavior engage in activities in gender neutral. Boys will play dress up as princesses and play with dolls. Girls will do the same. Part of the article centered around the introduction of "Easy Bake Ovens" in gender neutral colors for boys, and, sales of Lego sets to girls are up 30%.

    I would conjecture your decrease interest in cross dressing when 'scoring' is over compensation for your perceived 'unnatural" urges to dress as a female. Score with girls and you're "cured." NOT!

    What "Cured" me for two years, when I had absolutely no interest in cross dressing, was being in the infantry. Not being homosexual/gay and not having any access to women or print/video media of women made sex as far away as possible. I guess if I stayed out in the boonies for my entire life I would have been "cured."

    BTW, my wife thought she may have been sexually inadequate for me, but, hell, she was/is one sexy woman. If anything all those sexy lingerie items did more to stimulate my cross dressing desires than curtail them!

  23. #23
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Technically... a fetish would require you to dress to get aroused but we use the term loosely here for people who do use dressing to get aroused.

    OK, that said, I don't know where you read that but I, like so many here, don't buy it. Most here have been in or are in relationships with women and the dressing does not (didn't) go away. I also don't buy the "a man NEEDS to have sex" argument. It is a falsehood that has perpetuated many bad things in the world. A man needs to eat, keep hydrated and breathe basically.
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  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by NurseSamGG View Post
    This is something I've never contemplated before and to be honest it is somewhat worrisome to me. I really like to think that I'm fulfilling all of my BF needs. Sometimes yes when she CDs it leads to other things in the bedroom what have you but not everytime.
    I guess I fear, after reading this thread, that in some way he finds me inadequate? But I think wouldn't that mean that every other woman he has been with was inadequate too? I'm just very confused that a generalization can be made that men who are sexually stimulated by CDing are not satisfied with the women in there lives. It makes it almost sound like then that all men who CD are sexually frustrated, which really can't be true...right? Need your help here ladies with sorting this out for me please.

    Xoxo.....Sam
    Sam,
    I understand the question you may have but it is not easy to generalize an answer since the reasons for cross dressing are just as varied as the individual. I would say though that is only a question that you are really the only one who is able to answer it. If your relationship is good I would say then you should not fear being inadequate to satisfy your BF. I can also say that IMHO My desire for crossing does not and would not be a reflection on the woman I loved. For me my dressing as an expression of myself and the feminine side of my personality which is probably more dominant than my male self. Not all CDs dress for sexual stimulation. While it is true that there is a certain feeling of excitement or satisfaction in CD, not all are doing it for that reason.
    I think you should be lauded for your willingness to accept your BF for who he is and in the manner he presents. There are some GGs who do not feel comfortable allowing a female presentation to have any role in their intimate relationship. You are great to be concerned and interested in your SO. I would not worry that you are not adequate if the other aspects of your relationship are good. If your relationship in the most important aspect is good, you will be bringing you closer emotionally. That can only be a good thing.

    We all could only hope for your kind of caring.

    Cheers

    Annette

  25. #25
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Well, I never crossdressed until late 2006 and early 2007, and that was from zero interest and knowledge of this phenomenon. My reason for starting, and not my reason for continuing, is definitely the result of my having prostate cancer and having my prostate removed. From that procedure I was left incontinent and impotent. Being single at the time and having dated before and after the operation, a relationship and intimacy was important to me and something that I had when I was dating. However, during the post-op period I realized that was not the "man" that I used to be and could not successfully satisfy my partner nor myself at the same time. Thus, my crossdressing evolved at that moment as a means of meeting my sexual needs and not, as recognized by me, a need to dress as a woman. That very short sexual period was quickly and completely replaced by my true enjoyment of dressing as a woman and going out in the real world.

    So, as others have said, it does have a temporary replacement/substitution value for some of us.

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