Hi everyone,
My SO of 4 years just came out and told me that he is a CD.
He said that it is "just a hobby." Do other MTF CD's feel this way too? From what I've read, it seems to be a bit more than a hobby, but I don't know for sure. I think he might just be trying to ease me in to it, but I'd like to hear what others think.
Still trying to figure all of this out,
Kay
I think it depends on the person. For me I don't get to dress very often but there is and will probably always be the urge to do it. The fact that I don't get to often could make it sound like a hobby but it is more than that. I can't speak for your husband but to me it seems as a way of easing you in to it.
I commend you greatly for coming here and asking questions instead of condemning him.
Bravo!
Kay, it's a hobby to me as well, but if you only knew how obsessive guys get about our hobbies . . .
Kathi
kay sometimes i feel its like a hobby and other times i feel just want to express myself en femme but you have to learn to give it time for him to explain why he crossdress one thing i would point out is that you are what you are and you cant change that
Last edited by tiffanynjcd24; 04-02-2013 at 05:37 PM.
Hi Kay, this depends a lot on the person, so none of us can say for sure about your SO.
There are some of us, for whom this really is kind of a hobby.
There are some of us for whom this is a sexual fetish - a fantasy.
There are some of us for whom this is a part of them, a feminine part, but not all of them. It's more than a hobby for them, usually.
There are some of us who want to be girls - it's usually more than a hobby in this case.
There are some of us who become girls - I think we can definitely say "not hobby" in that situation!
The only person who can tell you is your SO. And look, HE may not be able to really tell you because he may not want to admit his real feelings to himself. A lot of us, especially at first, have terrible feelings of shame or guilt. Also, society is GREAT about sending the message to young boys "Hi! Hide this or we'll kill you!" So hiding becomes pretty ingrained in some of us. It may take him time to be honest with himself. There is still a fair amount of social stigma associated with this, and the older you are, the worse that was as you grew up, typically.
However, to answer your question, I've talked to several folks here who swear to me that this is just a hobby for them, and they can chuck it for another one anytime. I certainly believe that is possible.
However, even if it's not a hobby, and is something deeper - it's OK. It could take a little bit for him to admit this, both to you, and to himself.
Please ask questions - lots of questions. We want to help.
Paula
PS. Don't get scared by what you read here. I've talked at least moderately, with at least 30 different folks on this forum. And you know what? All 30 of them were different. There were sometimes some common elements - but this is a VARIED population of individuals. So don't let something you read from someone here scare the hell out of you.
Last edited by PaulaQ; 04-02-2013 at 05:37 PM.
Making model airplanes is a hobby, and perhaps so is dressing for your SO. For me, dressing is a way to express something deeper. I didn't choose it...it seems to have chosen me.
We all have our own feelings about this and for some it is "just a hobby", while for others it is a lifestyle. There is no "one size fits all" here, this is a sliding scale and each of us determines our position on that scale. Many just enjoy wearing a particular article of clothing while others need to dress fully and express their feminine side to the fullest and venture into the world interacting as a woman.
Perhaps it is "just a hobby" for your hubby. What you need to do is TALK, TALK, TALK. Don't be afraid to ask questions and also don't be afraid to let him be honest in his answers without reproach. Together you can see this through and find a common ground you both are comfortable with. You've taken the first steps by not freaking out and seeking out answers. Support is very important to us, as is the love of our spouse.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Hi Kay,
it is not a hobby, it is something that we as crossdressers cannot stop. Yes, we can stop for a while but if you read through the threads we always come back to crossdressing.
We enjoy it , and it is a part of us, ( the level of crossdressing may vary).
It is great that you are open enough to at least explore , and hopefully you can both accept and grow together .
It wont go away, but hopefully you can both compromise and enjoy
I am a normal hetrosexual male and have no desire to have a sex change , and was unfortunate that my wife could not accept . This is just one part of me that I have accepted and any future partner will need to accept , ( and I let them know upfront)
Good Luck
What might be a rather simple [but blunt way] to get some idea is to ask him 2 questions. How much "stuff" does he have and how long does he usually stay dressed.
There are so many Forum MYTHS that abound here. The most important thing is to not fall prey to ANY of them and EXPECT certain behaviors from him.
The spectrum and variety of all "CDers" is endless because all CDers are Humans and all Humans are unique.
I also think it's important not to just simply grab his hand and blindly jump in with 2 feet.
EDIT: btw, you are supposed to be "mad" because he lied to you. One of many Forum MYTHS.
Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 04-02-2013 at 05:50 PM.
Welcome Kay. Get 10 posts and join the FAB section so you can talk to other GG's
As far as hobbies go... maybe. Some men I am sure will do this as a hobby (would be cheaper to make model airplanes but...) Most do it because they like something about it. Really you don't do something like this unless you feel good about it.
You and your "myths".Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Part of it is learning to deal with the deep feelings that drive it. Once we accomplish that and make them our own, it's not that big of a deal any more.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Its a little deeper than a hobby for me. If I were to call it a hobby then it would be considered a real big one, not just a 10'x10' room in the basement where I could work on model trains....
When I do it feels like going to a race track for a day and someone gives you keys to a Ferrari to use.
I can't say what your SO wants to do but you'll have to ask. I was fine with dressing behind closed doors for years now I want to go out in the world so CD's can feel like ramping things up later on...
For years I also toned things down as much as I could and but really didn't want to CD that much anyway because I would toss it for another hobby. Now things have changed quite a bit and I like to go out once in a while.
If I was asked a question I never said exactly how much I wanted to do it because it would cause a bigger, longer uncomfortable conversation. Kind of like going to the doctor and he asks a question, you always tell 60-70% of the truth. How many drinks did you have this past week?
Answer 4-6
Actual 10-12
Remember Kay, he won't be exactly like me....
Cheers
Launa
Last edited by Launa; 04-02-2013 at 06:08 PM.
Um, JMO, But I think you might have C&Pd and/or simply used your 6:06 post here.
If you wanted to get better answers.
Many folks won't read through threads to see further input from the OP [original poster] so it's always best to spill ALL the beans in the first post.
Kay,
As shocking as crossdressing seems far more men do it and never tell their SO than do tell. It takes guts to admit this secret to anyone but the fact he is able to tell you means he has a huge amount of trust and faith in you. I told my SO and she was understandably mad, she shut down and I thought our wonderful time together was at its end. I had to make promises that I could not keep, purges of things that I felt important to me, and in the end I was left as an empty husk. Then if almost by magic she opened up and told me her greatest fears about my crossdressing. She was under the impression that I no longer wanted to be a man and that I was gay and lying to her this whole time during our relationship. After this talk she told me that if crossdressing was this important to she would be ok with it, with many stipulations of course. That was 10 almost 11 years ago. Our relationship has never been this intimate before my crossdressing confession. She has drawn lines in the sand that I dare not "cross" in regards to things way beyond crossdressing but they are things that I would never consider doing, EVER!
In the end I had faith in her and she had faith in me and I love her SOOOO much for it! Best of luck to you! I hope my story helped.
Hi Kay,
First 2 question - ever meet a girl with short hair who "sometimes" wears trousers and likes cars or does plumbing or is on a board of directors?
Isn't CD just the opposite?
Anyway for me, it's more like an itch
If I don't scratch the itch, it feels worse and the longer I leave it, the more it itches.
If I give it a good scratching, I can go for a few weeks before I get emotionally frustrated (sex helps reduce frustration, but does not stop it).
I've got multiple personalities, they work co-operatively regardless of "mode", but both personalities also need to have time to express themselves.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
It probably is just a hobby. No one can really explain crossdressing, but some of us like me just have an attachment to female attire, makeup, and wigs
I would say "just a hobby" is a good description although probably it is a bit more than that. I don't want to say the f word but maybe somewhere between hobby and f...ish. If he can keep it in the hobby realm that is good but there are those times when it can be overpowering and and a need to CD is needed. It is a good thing to get it out BUT all things in moderation is a good rule. It is easy to let it be controlling
Advice to both go slow don't be too encouraging or discouraging and enjoy it.
It looks like you are getting some good advice We here have had lots of experience with our "hobby"
Last edited by Sandra; 04-03-2013 at 02:09 PM. Reason: merged consecutive post use the edit function
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
No. It is a way of life. It is the feminine person inside of us expressing herself. It is who we are as a person.
You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.
Thank you for all of the wonderful responses. The more I hear about others experiences, the more comfortable I become.
This post is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate all of the support
PaulaQ said it right, but the 'types' described are only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more, and sometimes we evolve from one 'type' to another. Life is growth, and people change. While I suppose there have been some crossdressers that simply gave it up and did something else in it's place, I've never met one. GG Kay, just support your SO like he supports you. This doesn't change who he is, it just changes how you might see him.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
It's no hobby for me. It is in me. This is not golf or bowling. Can he quit? If no, not a hobby. You need to feel free to ask ANY question and he needs to answer them. Nothing should be off limits.
By the way Kay, get 10 posts in and you can join the FAB (Females At Birth) forum. Many women here are in your heels. Men can not see the FAB forum posts.
Good luck
Last edited by Sandra; 04-03-2013 at 02:10 PM. Reason: merged consecutive post use the edit function
Yes. For me and others it may be like a "hobby".
But, it's a very compulsive, fetishy, hobby for me!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Kay this is not a hobby for me. I don't collect clothes. I wear clothes that make me feel comfortable.
For some this is a hobby. For some it's a fetish. For some it's who they are. For some it's an expression of their feminine side, For some it's something they can't begin to explain. It's a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Please don't use "us" to try and figure out who your SO is. It could be just a hobby for him. In time it could be something more.
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!
I've said that it's a Hobby for me many times. I do feel it is one, one that I dearly love doing. I have no past thoughts that I was born the wrong sex, or want to change sex. I just love everything about women. From their clothing, to smells, to make up, jewelry and of course shoes. I think each and everyone of us have a different need or desire for being whom we are. I'm just a normal guy with a girly side that needs to express herself from time to time.
Thanks for being interested and asking questions. Tanya
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