Are You An "ADDICT", You Might Be

[deebra]

Are you an addict and don't really know it, a CD addict that is, just like a drug, alcohol or smoking addict. We have a long time member with many, many posts that says she would love to drop CDing because of the expense of clothes, time involved, family, outed, embarassed or physically hurt, but she can't stop. Isn't this the same addiction that the above mentioned addicts have. Many have said on here that they purge and when the pink fog rolls in they go buy again and receive a high and satisfying fix when they pull on a pair of panties and put on some lipstick. That said could CDing be a mental/emotional addiction that we are born with and act on from a very early age or it comes out later in life, or do we experiement with being female and become addicted? Are CD's born with a part of their brain female and we are compelled to be drawn to female things just as females are? That said maybe we are mentally part female and not an addict? We can't change this just as we can't change the natural color of our eyes? Some smokers, alcoholics, spenders, gamblers choose not to try to cure their addictions but enjoy living with them and the pleasure they bring. Are you a CD addict and can't or choose not to stop this behavior that society condems yet legally you can continue on and do it? As you read this are you setting there wearing panties of the opposite sex because you are an addict and didn't even know it?

[NicoleScott]

I'm afraid this will turn into a discussion about the definition of addiction - by a group of people who can't agree on definitions of words that describe us: crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, etc. etc.
I'll go with compulsion, not addiction.

[suzy1]

I am addicted to the air I breathe, the water and food I need, and the person I am.
That’s not addiction is it?

But I know what you meen Deebra.

[Jenniferathome]

I must be addicted to breathing too. And eating. And sleeping. Where's my nearest 12 step program to stop that pesky breathing?

Wow, Suzy beat me to it. Great minds and all. No, I am not an addict. You can not be addicted to something that is part of you. I started cross dressing because it is part of who I am. It does not control me.

[Sallee]

Addiction is a strong word but so is compulsion. Not sure I know the difference. Yeah you could call it an addiction. It is something that you need to learn to control at least I needed to. I set life priorities and that helped All things in moderation.
As I think about it I will call it a compulsion not an addiction

[Lisa Gerrie]

In drug and alcohol rehab, people ask "What's your drug of choice?" even before "Where are you from?" My answer is vodka but my favorite response, and one that any addict will understand, is "I'm addicted to More". This basic personality trait applies to my crossdressing as well. I am not saying that crossdressing is harmful like substance abuse but for me, the two feel like related behaviors.

When crossdressing, I am always seeking the novel. I really, really like the kick of seeing myself in something new. New dress, new shoes... new skirt/top combination, new color, new technique.

More.

Thank God (or the FSM if you prefer) that I can control my spending better than I controlled my drinking. On the other hand I controlled my drinking pretty well for many years, and lost control so gradually that I can't tell you which decade.

I can imagine myself someday, lost in a thick fog, doing something impulsive, stupid, and life-changing for the sake of More.

[Kate Simmons]

Not at all. What I do I choose to do or not. Simple as that really. If I CD I'm definitely not going to blame it on a pink (or whatever color) fog. I and I alone am responsible for my actions.

[PaulaQ]

I think for me at least, there are many similarities between CD and my alcoholism. I agree with MS about the similarities of the feelings, it is an incredibly powerful compulsion, and I actually feel terrible when I don't dress for several days.

The process could be similar, in that one could, I guess, become addicted to the release of endorphins in your brain triggered by dressing. (Similar to any other sex addiction.) Of course that begs a deeper question - why should clothes cause such an effect?

Anyway, I certainly feel powerless, which is a hallmark of addiction. I am starting to suspect, though, at least for me, that this may be more of a symptom of some type of chemical imbalance, or something missing in my brain, in the same way diabetics need insulin not to starve to death. Of course that's just me, and I'm probably just being silly.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Excellent point about feeling powerless.

Another similarity: "I can stop any time I want, I just don't want to."

[PaulaQ]

Thanks MS, I freaked out pretty hard when I realized I was powerless - I hate that feeling. I spawned numerous whiny posts about it.

[Beverley Sims]

There are a few good points raised here,
Nicole, compulsion.
Suzy, She knows what you mean but she is sitting on the fence.
Jennifer is following Suzy.
Sallee, all things in moderation.
Mich, still battling new frontiers.
Kate, a brave lass, takes responsibility for her actions. She has a very independent mind you know.
Paula I think agrees with Mich and I do hope you have the alcohol under control.
Me I just keep coasting along as the compulsion/addiction stage faded long ago
It is an interesting question that does not quite fit any of the answers I feel.

[DonnaT]

Does an addict become addicted after a one time use?

The first time I dressed up, I had to do it again and again.

[danielletorresani]

I know I'm an addict. Truly, I wish I wasn't, but I am.

[PaulaQ]

Does an addict become addicted after a one time use?

Ask someone who got hooked on heroin. Yes, that can happen. For that matter, I was probably an alcoholic after the first time I was really intoxicated. I drank a lot - really fast.

Runs in my family. I'm an (ex)drunk. My Dad was a drunk. His Dad was a drunk.

However, in the case of us cross dressers, I suspect that the real answer is more along the lines of something going on biological in our brains.

The significant difference between this and a chemical addiction is that chemical addictions get better with abstinence. This doesn't - if anything, for a lot of us it gets progressively worse over time. But NOT doing it doesn't make the desire go away. Indeed fighting it by abstaining is generally how one goes about trashing their life. This is distinctly different from the pattern of chemical addiction. I also feel it doesn't match the pattern of sex addictions, despite the desire of some to shoehorn it into that. (I guess it could be that for some - there's probably more than one way to get here.)

So no, I don't believe this is an addiction. The similarly compulsive behavior worried me at first.

Paula I think agrees with Mich and I do hope you have the alcohol under control.

If the remark about alcohol was directed at me, Bev, I've been sober, with nary a slip, for 23 years. Is that sufficient?

The following thing bothered me a lot - abstaining from alcohol fixed my problem with alcohol. Trying the same approach to cross dressing has mostly succeeded in making me really screw up the early part of my life, and it hasn't solved the problem at all. If anything, it's made it worse. I am incresasingly convinced that the answer to having a problem with cross dressing is to just accept it about yourself, and to do it until you reach a plateau where you are comfortable, whether that be once a month, weekly, or 24/7.

[Emi]

Oddly enough, addiction is exactly how I feel I could describe my CD'ing to my wife if she ever found out. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it though or I would'nt do it.

I am not at the point in my life where I am as comfortable with this as everyone else and I am also searching for a way to understand.

[PaulaQ]

Oddly enough, addiction is exactly how I feel I could describe my CD'ing to my wife if she ever found out.

I wouldn't recommend describing it this way to her.

There is treatment for addictions. It isn't a sure thing by any means, but it helps some. There isn't any real treatment for CD. The problem is - there are well intentioned, but misinformed people who try to treat it in the same way, general on religious principles. The problem is that the techniques they use to try to "cure" you are seriously dangerous and highly unethical. The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

[Emi]

I wouldn't recommend describing it this way to her.

There is treatment for addictions. It isn't a sure thing by any means, but it helps some. There isn't any real treatment for CD. The problem is - there are well intentioned, but misinformed people who try to treat it in the same way, general on religious principles. The problem is that the techniques they use to try to "cure" you are seriously dangerous and highly unethical. The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

Oh, I agree, that would never be a concise explanation of why. Rather, it would serve as somewhat of a linear comparison as to why I dont't just stop. I have tried.....a million times only to give in to that urge.

[carhill2mn]

I am definitely an "addict" when it comes to looking like a woman and acting as a lady!

[suzy1]

I am definitely an "addict" when it comes to looking like a woman and acting as a lady!

We have too Ladies here then Carole, the Lady Suzy and the Lady Carole.

We upper class Ladies do not get addicted, we just indulge.

[Lorileah]

"Now you've made a lady of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else. " Eliza Doolittle

That aside. I have an addiction to shopping. I don't have an addiction to dressing. If I have no place to go out I am perfectly fine in a robe or even the clothes I wear to work. I don't sneak around to dress, I don't hide to dress. I don't lie to anyone about dressing. This seems like another attempt to justify why you dress. You don't need justification or validation.

[deebra]

Thankyou to all the good minds that posted on the above thread, it's definately one to scratch your head and think on and we all support and learn from each other. We all have this in common and as we all know and agree on, "It Ain't Going Away". Some physicalities we are born with and some emerge as we grow and they require daily med's to maintain quality of life. What I get out of all of this is, in order to continue to be happy--- continue to crossdress, there is no cure, and continue to take your med's; in our case med's are bra's and panties.

[PaulaQ]

This seems like another attempt to justify why you dress. You don't need justification or validation.

Respectfully, Lorileah, I disagree. I guess you could use it that way, but in my case, I feel that my behavior is compulsive, and that I'm not going to be able to stop it. I've tried to suppress it for 40 years, and look where it's got me?

Someone asked me recently - "would you do one final purge to save your marriage?" Now understand, I really want to save my marriage. My wife is the only woman I've ever really loved truly. If I lose her - I fully expect that I'll die alone, whenever that time comes. And I'll hate myself for how it will hurt her, and my capacity for self-hatred is VAST.

But my answer was simple - "No, I would not."

It's not that I don't want to - I just don't think I can. If I dump all this stuff, I'll just go back to it at some point, and hide it again. (This is assuming I don't simply go out of my freaking mind, or step in front of a train, or do something else equally idiotic and selfish to try to deal with my misery.) I am uncomfortable when I'm not dressed, and trying to pretend otherwise isn't going to help anyone. This is iteration #3 of my gender identity crisis. Why will this time be different? It won't be.

I need this to feel "normal." And I may make all sorts of well-intentioned promises to stop. But I won't keep them. I'll mean to. It isn't that I don't want to stop. It's that I can't.

And that to me, is the definition of "powerless". By the way, I hate this feeling. But it is apparent to me, at this point, that I am simply not going to "beat" this. So I better learn to go with it.

[Stevie]

I look at addiction as something you can't stop that does harm. So I have to say no I'm not addicted.

[Brynna M]

What is the difference between being who you are and being addicted?

I know I can't stop being analytical (i'm and engineer) nor can I stop my depression. Both are disruptive to my life at times. I expect most people would agree that I'm not addicted to analytical thinking or being depressed. So the question is "how fundamental is crossdressing to who I am?" I know from experience that no matter my resolve not to dress, it will always return to my thoughts sooner rather than later. I know the fascination with actively pursuing female appearance has been with me since I was young (maybe 7 or 8) I've concluded there is something fundamental about me that is expressed through crossdressing. I have no better way to express that part of me (what that part is a whole other debate). BUT my broad "need" to crossdress is contained (if not truly controlled). I don't show up dressed at places that would cause problems I don't spend to much or withdraw from other things to dress. The one exception is my fiance. I share to much of my life with her to contain crossdressing in a way she would be ok with. In that sense I am straining my relationship.

In the sense that I can't stop dressing entirely I fit some definition of an addict. In the sense that I can keep it "contained" such that is doesn't wreck my life I am a semi addict.

[Anneliese]

I am addicted to wearing women's clothes, and I have no intention of ever changing.