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Thread: "I am Trans, but I am scared to do anything about it."

  1. #76
    Member emma5410's Avatar
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    I am very early in my transition but there is a world of difference between talking the talk and walking the walk. You appear to be mostly talking, Kathryn is walking. I know whose opinion counts more to me.

    It is not about elitism or policing boundaries. It is just some people have personally experienced what they are talking about. Others are just talking.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 04-09-2013 at 11:38 AM. Reason: Quoted material has been deleted

  2. #77
    Minority of One Lynnmorgan451's Avatar
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    When did TG become a competition?
    Nobody wants my opinion but you get it ANYWAY!!

    Learn from everyone you meet until you die...nobody knows everything and the most wisdom comes from learning through others experience....that's all I got :-p

  3. #78
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    I've totally forgotten what this thread is about now.
    Last edited by Marleena; 04-08-2013 at 10:13 PM.

  4. #79
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    Once again a thread has disintegrated into a trannier than thou catfight. I mean seriously who cares what people want to call themselves on an internet forum. Transition is serious business and the losses one may experience are real. If someone wants to call themselves ts and sit on the fence or do nothing it effects me not 1 iota. Myself I looked at my options, started small with a t blocker and electro. Started hrt and the positive benefits I experienced confirmed for me I was doing the right thing. I may have naive and felt our love for each other of 33+ years would get us through. Well the truth is my body changes along with my desire to move forward was too much for her and I lost the most precious important person in my life, someone i trust completely with my finances and life. We still love each other and we will always have that. but we will never again live as husband and wife. That ship has sailed. In the midst of the pain and hurt I am going through right now. I know that to move ahead and strive towards my goal of congruence will yield the inner peace I have longed for many years.

    We all have heard never transition unless you have to and be prepared to lose all that is precious to you. Well that advice is very true and those that want to suffer and sit on the fence should seriously consider that advice. It matters little to me whether anyone takes those first steps towards alleviating their symptoms. But to those that are experiencing symptoms of GID, they have to let go the fear of the unknown and step off the cliff. But they do not have to jump, they can leap to close ledge with therapy, maybe some facial hair removal, work on voice or self expression. As they take those baby steps it may confirm for them whether transition is right for them or not. To lose my spouse is for me the ultimate loss i will ever experience and all other obstacles will be much easier to bear.

    Fear of the unknown is a powerful emotion and until one can let go of that fear and accept themselves for what they are, only then can they go forward to inner peace.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  5. #80
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    Veronica, you repeatedly cite your Usenet experience as if duration at the table conferred some special standing. Weak, Veronica.

    Believe it or not, lots of us were on Usenet. Including back in the day when IT (pun intended) was a bastion of male privilege and the women mostly appeared in alt.binaries.pictures. Yes, there were deep and interesting groups, too, often peppered with leading lights of the day, but to hold that up as somehow more relevant vs what's available on the web today is truly absurd.



    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    I've totally forgotten what this thread is about now.
    It's about success coming from doing and not from status. Relevant, given the turn of the thread. But then, those who have done the most and hardest in this sphere are those who have transitioned! One may recognize and credit that, along with granting the special expertise that actual experience confers, without it become a class distinction. That's how I look at it anyway.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 04-09-2013 at 11:40 AM. Reason: Quoted material now deleted so no further need for reply
    Lea

  6. #81
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
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    Veronica, you have a LOT of time on your hands I must say. I have NEVER seen such a long post. I give you the award. The longest, most complex, most quoted post I have ever seen. Holy Cow! Sorry, I kind of fuzzed out reading it though.

    Anyway, Let me be perfectly clear here. I started on this site in July of 2010. I met people who led me to other people who were trans. Until the moment I met these other people who were trans, I wasn't sure what a transsexual person looked like, talked like, or lived like. I am talking real people not the Donahue/Jerry Springer cartoons. I lived OK. I married, I was not really happy, I dressed in secret. I got caught. I denied, continued, she cheated, I left. When all of the barriers were taken away and the highway was clear, I started to see what I really was. I saw myself in my new friends. I was like them! Only then did I realize that I had wasted a lot of time denying what was true all along. This was serious. Only then did I start to fully release myself into my new life. Once I opened that mindgate, I couldn't bear to go back inside the prison. I became aware, as the machines did in Terminator. Everything changed. I was compelled to alter my body FINALLY! I knew inside that I wanted to, but I just pushed it so far down during my time with my wife. 20 years had elapsed. That is a long time. I waited too long. I wasted years of happiness. I was only limited. I did nothing about it. I hid and kept secrets. I did have flashes of suicidal thoughts along the way. Being "messed up" always burned deep in my soul barely held back by a thin wall at all times. In 2010, I let that wall down and everything exploded. Now, I am on my way. I don't know where my journey will take me. Do I want to have "The Surgery"? I think so. It is a scary thought to alter yourself down there so completely. But, in the end, it is the logical conclusion for me and it's one that I know deep down, I want to happen. I just have to let down the final wall.

    In other words, I may have waited, and denied, and hid, but ultimately, when it came down to it, I did something about it. I took the necessary steps. I found great people and a great mentor. I saw proper doctors and therapists. I started electro early. I started hormones slow and under a doctor's care who was knowledgeable. All of this while being unemployed for most of that time. I JUST got a new job at Target. I hope someday to use their insurance for my surgery. I did it. I needed to transition, and I actually did it. I am now on month 17. I am on my second job as a female. I feel great, look attractive (I hope), and am coming along fine. I don't have much money, but I have a lot of love from my partner, and from the hundreds of people I have met along the way. "'Tis a good life...The life at sea." As Jennifer Finney Boylan writes.
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  7. #82
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynnmorgan451 View Post
    When did TG become a competition?

    Learn from everyone you meet until you die...nobody knows everything and the most wisdom comes from learning through others experience....
    I could not agree more with you. For me learning has been a life long pursuit, and the most interesting and rewarding lessons came from other human beings. But as Emma says, the real lessons come from those that have walked the walk no matter what the field it is in which they can teach me something.

    The area of transsexuality, of gender variance, of crossdressing is filled with competitions. If you go through this site there is this undertone of who dresses best, who passes best, who has the best ideas, who is more ancient in the field of ...., who is the better ......., you name it. What is interesting about this though, is that on this board there a number of people who have actually transitioned. Who live their women lives, with all of the beauty, passion, and fortitude, pain and barriers. They have to varying degrees accomplished what they set out to do, and no longer talk about it. They come here because they want to pay forward the experience that helped guide them coming from others kind enough to do so, when they were where so many are here now. And many of those lessons were harsh, foreboding and difficult. But, it did inform their decision, it educated them about the pitfalls, it supported their planning, to ensure a successful transition.

    As Amanda says in the beginning, once you set out on the road there can be no equivocation about your journey. Don't set out on a journey if you have any doubts at all. Taking steps to transition has it's own dynamic and that dynamic will drive change which you have no control over. Playing at transitioning all too often leads to more than you might have wished for. The potential to lose everything, and I mean that literally, is far to great to toy with it. But once your need has surpassed the bearable your success will be defined by your planning, your decisiveness and your unequivocal commitment.

    And yes I do want your views, I might learn something........
    Last edited by Kathryn Martin; 04-09-2013 at 05:51 AM.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  8. #83
    Pre-Op bethany.burke7's Avatar
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    deciding to transition was the hardest easy thing I ever did. Now just think about that for a bit.

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