Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 83

Thread: "I am Trans, but I am scared to do anything about it."

  1. #1
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    567

    "I am Trans, but I am scared to do anything about it."

    I posted a response as a post to another respected Trans girl who was trying to make a point about the people who are Trans and ask for her advice, are scared, tentative, etc. She said her best advice is:

    " ...the one thing that makes someone "TRULY" a successful Trans person of success, are NOT the ones on some made up top 100 celebrity list... they are the ones that SHUT UP and DO IT..."

    I responded: "Yes! Exactly. Just do it. Do it now before it's too late. It's only your life, that's all. Actions not words. I left my home, faced spousal violence, got a divorce, lost my job, moved to a new area, risked family shunning, etc. I am OK now. I did not die, the world did not blow up. Life kept on going on. It Gets Better as they say. You have to just let go. You have to say, I don't give a shit. I have trans friends of all shapes and sizes. They are not afraid, they DO it for themselves. If you are truly trans, truly, medically, psychologically, and seriously, you MUST do something about it. NOW! Don't wait till you are 40, don't wait till you are 60. The time is now. There is no better time than now. You are not alone by a long shot!"
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  2. #2
    Minority of One Lynnmorgan451's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Fort Walton Beach Florida
    Posts
    144
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlieAmanda View Post
    If you are truly trans, truly, medically, psychologically, and seriously, you MUST do something about it. NOW! Don't wait till you are 40, don't wait till you are 60. The time is now. There is no better time than now. You are not alone by a long shot!"[/I]
    This made me wanna stand up and yell "YEAH!!!!" with a fist in the air...lol...sorry

  3. #3
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    567
    Hey that does sound good when its highlighted. Cool! The Battle Cry!
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  4. #4
    Member Janice Ashton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Gloucestershire UK
    Posts
    241
    I rarely reply to Threads these days as over the years on the many sites I have visited there is little that excites me about what people write. Having said that, 'This initial Thread' by Amanda is a breath of fresh air, Why? because it is aimed right at ME. I have been dressing for many many years and only 'Now' I have realised I should have done this YEARS AGO!! finally I am following the true path of my Transgender identity. I am now attending the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC in the UK) after much ground work with my GP, Consultant Psychiatrist, blood tests, family history, weight and body issues along with facial sugery and IPL Treatment up and coming I feel the real me is now firmly on the horizon...BUT... Why didn't I do this so many years earlier? I feel I have missed out on a lot of my real life the person I should be 'SO' I intend to make the most of the 'Rest of my Life'!! As said at the begining of this Thread, by Amanda, 'Don't Wait' DO IT!!! find the real you, If not (Like Me) you may live to regret it!!!

  5. #5
    Member Anne Elizabeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    162
    So How do I make it that simple?

  6. #6
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    you make it that simple day by day..one step at a time...

    you can't live 11 days all at once...thats what you are doing when you allow your fears and what ifs dominate your life...

    as we get older, it gets much harder to just do it... but even then the first steps to doing anything are still the same and they are still one at a time..

    sometimes (i know this for me) it takes being more afraid of the alternative...i was like louise, and i KNEW that i was regretting being alive more and more...i became more afraid of being stuck as a man forever than anything else .

    my very first step was finding a good therapist..

  7. #7
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    567
    I think the best, first, and crucial step is to simply seek out others. Especially others who share your feelings. I waited 40 years to do this. If you are trans, a true transsexual, you will know. You will have an overwhelming, compelling feeling to physically alter your body to become congruent with your brain in order to ease a genuine physiological and psychological dysphoria. That is the raw definition. Others like you can make you feel at ease. They will inspire, they will show you how to live. I had to SEE how to live as a female. Once I SAW it, then I was able to digest it and wrap my head around it. Then the next step, which does cost money, is to see a therapist and work toward a diagnosis. That is important. Many therapists work on a "sliding scale", meaning if you have little money , they will bring their cost down. I think of one girl I know who just refuses to ever go see people like her. She refuses to take any steps, meet any people, talk about her problem. It's just such a shame. She will live a limited and possibly unfulfilled life from here on out. She is over 50. She is so fearful that she will lose even one thing precious to her that she just remains in her cocoon. Looking through a translucent protective shell at the outside world. A cocoon that makes her feel safe, but yet, makes her long for what could be...out there.
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  8. #8
    Resist
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    660
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlieAmanda View Post
    If you are trans, a true transsexual, you will know. You will have an overwhelming, compelling feeling to physically alter your body to become congruent with your brain in order to ease a genuine physiological and psychological dysphoria. That is the raw definition.
    Thank you for saying that Amanda. Your statement resonates to my core and it is an incredibly succinct and truthful explanation of why I am aligning my body with my soul. I must or I will die.

    Mac.

  9. #9
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    567
    This is a very serious dysphoria we face. It's no game. It can be life of death. There is nothing more serious than that.
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  10. #10
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wherever there is a Sale or Macys, but mostly Baltimore MD
    Posts
    3,368
    LOL, It was amusing reading this thread, since the majority of transexuals start out as crossdressers or "on the spectrum", this is not my opioion, you can read it in the threads here , from members of this site. Every once in awhile someone posts a thread like this and it devolves into a what is a TG/CD . It's more important for someone to carefully and thoughtfully consider their decisions. I appaud thos who are fortunate to 'KNOW' where they are on the TG spectrum. And theire choices can be brave and i'm glad that we can support them. As for statements like "If you are trans, a true transsexual, you will know", that does not allways fly in the face of reality for everyone.
    Kelly DeWinter
    Find Kelly at:
    Kelly's Blog
    Flicker
    [COLOR=#2e8b57

  11. #11
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    South Miss
    Posts
    2,908

    Amen !!

    That's what I say ,, Go big or Go home ,, An no need in even talking about it ,, Just Do it ,, You don't have to even get on here an tell anyone what your doing or post anything about it if ya don't want ,, Just make the calls an don't back down an NEVER back up ,, No matter how small the step is just keep moving forward .
    It don't happen over night ,,It takes a long time an a lot of will power an time .
    No one can make it happen but you . When these Ladys on here say Baby steps they really mean most of the way .

  12. #12
    Senior Member melissaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    SW US
    Posts
    1,248
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlieAmanda View Post
    I responded: "Yes! Exactly. Just do it. Do it now before it's too late. It's only your life, that's all. Actions not words. [1] I left my home, [2] faced spousal violence, [3] got a divorce, [4] lost my job, [5] moved to a new area, [6] risked family shunning, [7] etc. I am OK now.
    This thread is in desperate need of an Eyore. I numbered the obstacles you encountered.
    [1] must have $ to travel. Motels are pricey.

    [2] Spousal violence???!!! You clearly did not have a healthy marriage, yours would be easy to leave. For some one who DOES have a healthy marriage, and is in love with a soul mate, this step causes enormous heartbreak. It can derail TS's when who can't heal that broken heart. Mike Penner/Christine Daniels story comes to mind http://www.thedailybeast.com/article...rtswriter.html

    [3] Must have money for an attorney. Will you have to make alimony payments? Will you have to make child support payments?

    [4] lost job . . . So for most of us that means we're burning through meager savings. You must have money to live till you can find a new trans friendly job. And you must have something to do with your time between soul crushing interviews where you are never called back

    [5] Again, you need money. You'll need first and last months rent. A job (can't rent a decent place without a job). You'll need utility deposits. You'll likely need ALL new friends and a TomTom for cruising your new home town.

    [6] Family shunning? Were you Amish? Ok just kidding. No way around risking that.

    But none of that Nike "just do it" rah-rah stuff sounds smart to me. Sure, decide to do it. Then plan it. Then implement your plan.

    This is super serious stuff for most of us. Do it wrong and you'll be calling family for bus fare from the homeless shelter somewhere. Do it wrong and end up alone and hurting emotionally you will need the suicide hot line.
    Hugs,
    'lissa

    "The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
    "Sometimes, it's even better."
    ~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn

  13. #13
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    South Miss
    Posts
    2,908
    MelissaK Your going about it all wrong ,, BACKWARDS !! You take care of all that stuff FIRST ! See self employed thread ,,lol,,
    Not all states have alamony laws ,, An you don't try it Broke for sure ,,
    An she said if you want too ,, Don't wait if your going to do it anyway ,, Hell I can find an excuse for not doing anything ,, Don't look for reason NOT TO ,, Find a reason TO DO ,,An if you don't want to just move along ,, No one said you have to or everyone has to ,, Hell 98% percent of trans folk don't transition for one reason or another . But if your gonna atleast get all your afairs in Order ,,,


    GEEZ !!!

  14. #14
    Asphalt Angel Donna Joanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Lenoir, North Carolina
    Posts
    650
    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter View Post
    LOL, It was amusing reading this thread, since the majority of transexuals start out as crossdressers or "on the spectrum", this is not my opioion, you can read it in the threads here , from members of this site. Every once in awhile someone posts a thread like this and it devolves into a what is a TG/CD . It's more important for someone to carefully and thoughtfully consider their decisions. I appaud thos who are fortunate to 'KNOW' where they are on the TG spectrum. And theire choices can be brave and i'm glad that we can support them. As for statements like "If you are trans, a true transsexual, you will know", that does not allways fly in the face of reality for everyone.
    You have such insight. When I was 16, I wanted to become a woman in all ways, and for 36 years I tried to convince myself that I was really a crossdresser and not a transsexual. Then a little over a year ago, after much thought, consideration and soul searching; I realized that I really am Donna. And what makes me Donna has nothing to do with what I have on my body or face.

    I have discovered the "Woman Within" (stealing from Lane Bryant), her name is Donna, and she is going to love life and living every day for the rest of her life as the woman she always has been, is, and will be...FOREVER!
    Namaste
    Live, love, laugh,

    Donna


    https://www.facebook.com/donna.jbrack


  15. #15
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Central Illinois
    Posts
    5,709
    I have to agree, that it takes a whole lot of planning before you can "just do it." I am in the planning stage, and reading that it takes a long time, I wonder what, at 66, time I have left. What can I do and maintain my sanity for a very few years of life truly as Barbara. Wife has said that if I ever really have to go 24/7 she will sell the house and move away from daughters and grandson, but she will never live with a lesbian, and i love her no matter what my gender. Can't talk her out of that one, and how selfish does that make me feel about what might happen. We have a long time of talking before I can make a decision to "just do it."

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

  16. #16
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728
    Um, in Amanda's defense she wasn't advocating that you wreck your life she was saying that if you feel it, don't fight it. Take the steps necessary to live your life the way you want to live it.

    I didn't 'just do it', I made a lot of plans, and did a lot of stuff, and eventually ...I just did it.

    Nobody knows who you are better than you. Your life is your choice. I have no idea why people spend so much time here trying to convince people that they are 'really TS' but they just can't transition for whatever reason. Who cares what we think? Who cares what you are inside? I mean really, what's the difference between a regular CD who identifies as such but loves to cross-dress, and does it as much as possible and a person who is tortured because they are TS yet they can't transition because of life circumstances real or perceived? There is no discernible difference except the latter case will feel entitled to comment on the transition decisions of the transitioners. I have sympathy for those that are truly bound by circumstance but I have little patience for people that insist that they WOULD do something IF something else.

    In this part of the forum we should all strive to keep the speculation, no matter how well intended, to a minimum.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  17. #17
    Just call me Amanda GirlieAmanda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    567
    Ahh my point is realized. Thanks. If you can't "do it now", no baby steps, no medium steps, no steps at all, to modify your body to be congruent with your mind to sooth the persistent and overwhelming dysphoria because of some external circumstance, and you are still alive, then you are, most likely, not a transsexual.
    The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
    A new life to live has finally begun
    There is fun to be had and work to be done
    My beauty is radiant my freedom is won

  18. #18
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Bridgewater NJ
    Posts
    1,428
    I think it is so WONDERFUL that transsexuals, both MTF and FTM, have so much more support and understanding today.

    I knew that I wanted to be a girl by the time I was 4 years old. I didn't understand the biological differences until it was far too late. I had undescended testes which gave me hope until I was almost 11 years old. I even used to have "periods" about every 4-5 weeks where I would get horribly constipated, and had to take pain-killers to push out the "plug" which was followed by a gush of reddish brown fluid. When I was 13, I had red blood and my parents thought it still might be an actual menstrual cycle - it was only a fissure.

    My mom was supportive, and my father was understanding. My father told me that he had taken a test where he was "75% female", and my mom was a tom-boy as a young girl and thought her father wanted a little brother for his only son. She overcame Polio to learn to roller skate, ride a bicycle, and even walk without braces.

    On the flip side, they learned when they sought to get help, that the "treatment" would have been to strap me to a table, put a stick in my mouth, and give me electric shock treatment to try and shock this desire out of me. My mother had been raped and given shock therapy to help "treat" her problem, so she kept it a secret and told me not to tell anyone - to protect me from that "treatment".

    I ended up hanging out with the gay community in high school and many people assumed I was gay. I would say "yes, I'm a lesbian", and only a very small group of women realized that this was actually true. Most just assumed it was a joke. I ended up going to a women's college with 900 women and 25 men, and I was one of the few who was not either gay or in a relationship prior to entering school. I literally became "one of the girls", they gave me some magazine with pictures of transvestites, but I thought they were making fun of me and freaked out.

    In 1978 I was taken to Rocky Horror Picture show, but there was only a small group doing the ad-libs. A year later I went again and there were so many ad-libs that I couldn't hear the show. I remember admitting that I was a lot like Frankie, but it was a lonely time.

    It wasn't until 1988, when I was at a marriage counselor and shared that I was transgendered that I FINALLY got any kind of SUPPORT. He told me and my wife that if I continued to try to suppress my feminine side, I'd probably end up killing myself. When my wife started having an affair, I started seeing a gender counselor, who gave me lots of wonderful suggestions and assignments, which I did every week-end as well as some week-days. By 1990 I was ONLY going to work in boy-mode. I'd be picked up by two wonderful women I was living with and was told "Get Dressed" - the minute I got into the house. Sometimes I'd cook dinner for them, other times we'd go out together, with the kids, and other times 2 of the adults would go to a 12 step meeting while the third watched the kids. I was on the road to transition.

    That's when my wife showed me a letter from a school therapist that said my visitation was harmful to the kids and I should only be allowed supervised visitation to evaluate whether my visitation should be revoked completely. My ex-wife told me that if I didn't stop the transition, she would deliver it to a sympathetic judge herself. Since she worked at the court-house, I knew it was not an idle threat.

    Eventually, my ex told me to stop visitation anyway, and I went to NYC, where I thought I might find a community for support, but ended up in New Jersey instead, where Cross-dressing was still illegal.

    I went into a leadership program and broke the record books, but was denied the leadership roles because I wouldn't "Burn the Wardrobe", and promise to give up any hope for transition. By the end of the program my weight had shot from 155 to 200 lbs, a side-effect of not cross-dressing.

    I got so fat that I didn't want to dress, and eventually soared to 330 lbs, when the planes hit the World Trade Center. I eventually lost weight, but only when I would dress, and after having a heart attack and angio.

    I finally put pictures of Rex and Debbie on Match.com and met the woman who is now my wife. She asked about the dressing, I explained everything, but when I started to transition again, she tried to stop it, telling me she was not OK with Debbie being at church or family gatherings, so Debbie couldn't transition. I ended up having a stroke.

    When I go out as Debbie, I am healthier, happier, and enjoy my life more. When I'm in "Rex-mode" exclusively for months.
    Last edited by DebbieL; 04-05-2013 at 01:05 AM.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
    Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
    See also:
    Open4Success

  19. #19
    Member Xrys's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Phoenix Metro Aerea, AZ
    Posts
    187
    we allways have and always will live in a world where evrything has a price. in order to get something we want, we must give up something in return. that is when it comes to our priorities. some people are not willing to sacrifice a life long relationship in order to transition. some feel the guilt of the pain they might cause to their loved ones would be more unbearable than the disphoria. does that make them any less ts? does the pain they feel from their disphoria become any less significant or real if they choose not to transition? i do not believe for a minute that it does, or ever would. i am greatfull that i never felt comfortable looking for anyrhing more than friends, and all my friends are supportave. i agree that you have to do what you have to do, but choosing not to do it because you cant cause those you love that much pain with a clean concience does not make someone any less ts. i apreciate your encouragement to others, and i agree that if your ts, yor should transition as soon as possible. however, i cannot sit by and listen to someone say that if someone chooses not to transition, then they are not a real ts. this is total BS, and my concience requires me to call you out on this point. i apologize that my inner bitch came out, but i feel it had to be said.
    "Your transformation is not a disease. You were just given the key to the door in front of you. There's no need to know the cause. No need for sorrow or sadness. What comes next is up to you. You can use your keys to open the door...or lock it tight." - Urahara Kisuke

  20. #20
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    At home in my own skin
    Posts
    8,586
    This is a very serious topic. Members will hold and express very forthright views on these questions and there is nothing wrong with that.

    I don't see anything bitchy in your comments, Xrys, and I hope that everyone in this thread will be able to express themselves as politely as you did.

    I would like to qualify the notion that a TS should transition as soon as possible. In my not so humble opinion, any transsexual should only transition if they need to do so. As long as there is anything more important in your life than having your body match your gender, then I believe that you do not need to transition and that to start under those circumstances would only bring heartache and possibly worse.

    If becoming whole is the most important thing in your life, then you will be willing to make any sacrifice to get there. To me, that is the simplest definition of when you need to transition.

    I have often read members saying that they will suppress the need to transition in order to please a spouse or another family member, but sometimes the more unselfish thing to do is to go ahead with transition so that you will still be around as a functioning human being rather than sacrificing the need and becoming (in some cases) suicidally depressed.

    Like Xrys, I do not accept the notion that transition is what defines the medical condition. Since we are born transsexual, we don't suddenly become "not transsexual" because we make a choice not to transition. That choice may make us ill-advised, but it does not negate the medical condition.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  21. #21
    Worlds Prettiest Dad!!! Jocelyn Quivers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Pro America Part of America
    Posts
    2,756
    I normally never post in this section, but upon reading the title it brought back memories of being made by a former employer to see the company psychologist (not over TG issues, more fatigue and burnout problems). The psychologist knew I was somewhere on the TG spectrum from a previous session during the hiring process when I was outted in the very extensive pre employment background phase.

    He basically said the exact same thing to me, in regards to why I had not taken any steps further along the HRT route since I began initial testing for it, had my letter, and was seeing an endo well over a year ago but just became distracted for some reason and stopped. He asked what are you waiting for? What's holding you back? He also did not seem to accept my worry of being fired (Right to Work state, At Will Employer), loss of income, friends and family reasons. Which makes sense being that since I was sent to him, I was already well on the way to the loss of job and income part, so in reality why was I holding back then and now.

    Perhaps I'm still suffering from my procrastination, waiting until the very last minute problem.
    [SIZE="3"]MUSCULAR GIRLS ARE PRETTY!!![/SIZE]

    Current Inspirational Song-"Running Free"- Kissin Dynamite

    M-E-A-T, M-A-C-H-I-N-E, MEAT MACHINE!, MEAT MACHINE!!!
    The Governor for President 2016!!
    All I want for Christmas is an Anita Model Synth

  22. #22
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    6,367
    For a few lucky people, we know we are transsexuals from a very young age. We do not know what it is called of course but we know. So many do not know and do not have a clue as to what is going on until later in life. By then they have lived a male life and have family, friends, jobs, and other male contacts that can make life a disaster when the moment of realization hits.

    For many of us older individuals, it was not possible to transition at an early age. Our parents, through no fault of their own, had their hands tied by society. It was a different time back then. Things like transexuality were not discussed. They were feared. They were against the law. To allow a child to transition was unheard of and a parent would be arrested for what we call child abuse today.

    I am so glad that laws and perceptions have changed as the years have passed. Today we have talk shows with parents openly accepting their child’s transexuality. We have internet forums where people of a like mind can come and compare notes or learn about what is going on with themselves. They can find out that they are not the only one in the world with these feelings and needs and desires.

    I total agree that one of the best methods of figuring this out is to talk with other transsexual individuals. They can give you a view unlike any other. They can give you a firsthand account of the trials and tribulations you will face if you decide to travel this road. If you are having these feelings, a therapist is a must. You need to make it clear in your own head before you can actually make it happen. You also must clear up any other problems within your life ranging from sibling rivalry to sexual abuse and then some to expect some success once you have made the transition. Then you need to learn as much about transexuality itself as you can. You need to know this animal that has you in its clutches.

    So by all means, Yes, transition as soon as you can if that is what you need to do. Do your homework first and know that a few operations are not going to change anything unless you are properly prepared first.

  23. #23
    Senior Member melissaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    SW US
    Posts
    1,248
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlieAmanda View Post
    There is no better time than now. You are not alone by a long shot!"[/I]
    @Amanda, your OP says nothing about baby steps. I read it as "do it now" with no regards to consequences of poor planning. I like that your later post said "baby steps" would be OK, as that allows planning.

    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    MelissaK Your going about it all wrong ,, BACKWARDS !! . . . . But if your gonna atleast get all your afairs in Order!!
    @Stacy: Yep, bassackwards is me. :-) Somewhere about a year ago it dawned on me I backing into my transition and denying I was transitioning. I wrote a post about that. I'm glad you see the need to "get affairs in order." It is important.

    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Um, in Amanda's defense she wasn't advocating that you wreck your life . . . I didn't 'just do it', I made a lot of plans, and did a lot of stuff, and eventually ...I just did it. . . . I have sympathy for those that are truly bound by circumstance but I have little patience for people that insist that they WOULD do something IF something else.
    @Melissa: I thought she was advocating extreme risk taking with a "just do it now!" approach. Some of my friends are a lot younger than me and are MTV extreme sports competitors. I'm a friend because I'm one of the guys who pioneered some of that stuff. I got old. I realize I am f*&*-in lucky I am alive. (Yes, denied TS issues probably motivated my death wish behavior, but that's a digression). When there's a group of you standing on skis looking off a 30' snow cornice down into a glacier cut cirque headwall trying to decide what you'll have to do to avoid landing on rocks below, there's always someone saying "just do it now." And I saw enough concussions (and had one or two) and saw enough broken legs to come to believe that "just do it now" is pretty bad advice. As you did in your life, do it when you are ready, is better advice.

    And as for your lack of patience, I think you have a lot of patience for others. I think what you claim is a lack of patience is just you wisely directing the person to look inside themselves and see what is really motivating them, and what self esteem or self acceptance issues are still roadblocks for them. At least your comments over the last year often motivated me to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xrys View Post
    i agree that you have to do what you have to do, but choosing not to do it because you cant cause those you love that much pain with a clean conscience does not make someone any less ts.
    @Xrys: You raise a good point about TSism colliding with our own moral code. A moral code can be debated - is it all social conditioning to act a certain way, or is some of it hardwired into our specie at a subconscious level. Being TS will make you strip away all the "social conditioning" but some of us are still left with deep immovable "feelings," just as immovable as our desire to transition. And that's a real difficult position.

    I have fought transitioning my entire adult life, and mentally it wrecked me for a long while. I can see that the desire to provide for my kids was foremost in shaping my actions - and that came from an unconscious level for me. I think it no coincidence that I am moving forward with transitioning now that my kids are self sufficient. My last obstacle, is a deep deep love affair with my wife. I am really testing the concept of love with her, and she has responded and stayed with me so far, accepting changes in me she never thought she could. But still, I regularly compare the emotional pain of heartbreak from losing her with the GD pain from not moving forward. I keep riding that edge, and moving my transition at a pace that so far has allowed me to keep from succumbing to either painful event. I know I am TS and long ago quit listening to those who tell me I'm not because I seek to keep this balance and won't go full blown RLE right now. Which is obviously what irritated me about Amanda's OP - it seemed as if she was marginalizing me.

    I love this thread though. Thoughtful comments from many quarters.
    Last edited by melissaK; 04-05-2013 at 09:54 AM.
    Hugs,
    'lissa

    "The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
    "Sometimes, it's even better."
    ~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn

  24. #24
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    thats why planning and execution are so important...you take baby steps and keep your eye on the ball...

    you cant change past decisions...but you can impact future ones... starting electrolysis is a biggie...if you ever ever think you may transition...start it right now.... its a painful, expensive, time consumming slog... 20 hours of it will guaranteed cure you "pink fog"..its very nicely symbolic of what transition is really like... its done hour by hour....its expensive..it hurts...it sucks...except for the lucky few and the liars, thats transition.

    another kick off point is therapy... it took me three years to call dr osborne!!!!
    but you get that first real therapist, and you spend hour by hour going over your thoughts..and focusing your thoughts (Which are likely all over the place) on what's important...its hugely helpful especially at the beginning..

    as for morality... we see it all the time...people saying they won't transition for their family...they ignore the price they have already forced their family to pay... if you are ts..and you are married with kids...the deed is done...its not really your fault...you were not immoral... but you did make a mistake in very difficult conditions...and now you are faced with the prospect of hurting those you truly love...or else...its a stark choice...i have been there...people are there now...

    its a very tough thing to face...i so get you melissa ...its a subtle point you are making tho and its missed all the time.....being ts is being ts...there really is no in between...

    then there is what you are doing about it...denial? live with it? transition?... people that urge you to consider transition come from different places and most of us are not commenting on whether a person is ts or not..we are however reflecting our experience that the razor edge you are talking about will ultimately rip you to shreds...

    also it always strikes me as a bit self serving to say "i am doing this for my family"
    ...i get that.....
    but it actually marginalizes people that have families and transition... in marginalizes our own deep and loving feelings for our families...
    my transsexualism was already hurting my family long before my transition...my distance, my emptiness, throwing my desperation into work all had their negative impacts...and my love for my family is independent of what turned out to be transition..

    anyway...i think "just do it" is generally a positive message but as we get older, just do it can mean different things...and i prefer to just say "Just do something to improve your quality of life...do something to help your gender dysphoria".
    ....then chips will start to fall and you see what happens next

  25. #25
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    5,924
    I thought this was going to be a cheerleader type thread but it turned out to be a good one instead. There is great advice here.

    I'll second the thoughts on finding a good TS support group. Search around since it might turn out to be more of a social group instead. Find a good gender therapist, one that has a good track record of treating TS people. If they don't have that experience I would avoid them.

    Baby steps and planning, yes, every change you make will likely have unforeseen consequences you haven't thought of. Tough choices to be made and changes in original plans are to be expected. Some agreements you've made with loved ones might need to be broken. The longer I go on with this the more changes I'm seeing that will be inevitable and boundaries that will need to be broken.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State