What would you do if I did?

[DawnD]

I feel excited to have a place to express myself and listen to others. I have watched my husband struggle for so long, I wish I could be there for everyone. I see someone in the mall or out and about dressed and I want to tell them how beautiful they are. Just so they can hear it. Hug them. I see how it can be for my husband walk through the grocery store. The stares and the whispers. I just want to let people know that it's ok, and not EVERYONE is a jerk!

Don't know how well that would go over though. Walking up to a stranger and giving them some moral support that they didn't ask for. If you're trying to pass and I walk up and call you out, sort of deflate's the illusion doesn't it?

Just a thought...

[PaulaQ]

Hi Dawn, you are a really wonderful person. I would suggest that a sincere compliment about their appearance "I LOVE your dress? Where'd you get it", for example, would be the way to go if you want to make someone's day. Don't even let on you know. (In fact, it's better if it makes no difference to you, you don't really act like you notice.) And hey - that way, if you are mistaken, you still made someone's day.

[boink]

I think it's going to depend on the person for sure, but if it happened to me I might be a little bit flustered but I would feel complimented. Then again I'm not super self-conscious about whether or not I pass perfectly.

[stephNE]

Hi Dawn, if you saw and spoke to me, my first thought would be "Oh no, I've been spotted, I didn't blend in", but soon after that I would think, "Wow, that was really very nice!".

[NurseSamGG]

Dawn

Very interesting post. It's kind of like walking up to a pregnant lady and saying "Aw when's the baby due, or what are you having?" Only to have her reply "I'm not pregnant" and possibly some other choice words....A foot in mouth situation here....LOL.

But Paula I would have to agree with you just a nice compliment speaks volumes, and of sincerity. It can warm the soul and make the person feel wonderful, besides who doesn't like to be flattered!

Final comment No the world is not full of Jerks. However, there are plenty out there that seem to have no conscience on what is appropriate and what is not! Crass people in my opinion and not worth my time of day for even a second thought. Except for maybe the thought of "Wow, I can't believe that stupid is allowed to procreate surely there should be some sort of law, against that."

Xoxo....Sam

[Kate Simmons]

But a good thought Dawn. It shows me that you are a loving, caring person and my reaction would be a show of appreciation.

[Barbara Maria]

Hi,Dawn.I can't say too much because I'm strictly closet and don't venture past my own yard.But if I did,I think the best compliment anyone could give me is to not even aknowledge the fact that I'm CD,but to just treat me like a lady.

[Stephanie Miller]

I tend to agree with Paula.A nice, sincere approach leaves one with a warm feeling.
And Sam... you might like this..

[suchacutie]

Dawn, it's wonderful to have you here. You are clearly a thoughtful person!

The general concensus has been that the best thing to do when meeting a CD out and about is to treat them like the woman they are presenting. That really is their goal and it's the safest thing for you as well, since you can never be 100% sure about gender.

Thank you for all of your support.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think it is a noble gesture Dawn and I would take it as a sincere compliment but I think many here would have a problem with it, especially the ones who want and need to "pass" so badly.

Many folks are incapable of accepting compliments of any kind. Particularly females on dating sites IMO. [In Forum discussions concerning compliments from men in the RW. No matter WHAT the compliment is about] And lets face it, there IS a lot of truth in VVV

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUmNud_3lcQ

[Eryn]

Dawn you've run into a conundrum that all of us face, that of belonging to a secret society so secret that we don't even acknowledge each other. Skull and Bones has nothing on us!

Paula's suggestion is spot on. Compliment something that they are wearing, their dress, a bracelet, necklace, shoes, etc. That will make the person's day without bursting their bubble. Even a friendly smile and "hello" might be just what that person needs.

The exception, of course, is when there is a group of CDers and there is no expectation of passing. I dine regularly with a group of tall CDers and we occasionally have a GG come up to our table and tell us how nice it is to see our group enjoying itself so. It's always a GG for some reason.

[Chickhe]

...if you did...what would you say? In a way its like running up to someone to tell them they look like your favorite movie star...might sound great to you, but maybe the person gets told the same thing all the time and they happen to dislike that movie star.... its gets old quick, they have their own identity. Its better to just go about your business or if you are interacting then just be friendly and helpful as you would be to anyone else.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Hi Dawn. You are wonderful and thoughtful.

I had exactly what you describe happen to me a month or so ago. You don't visit Australia I suppose. A GG came up and said that she thought I looked beautiful etc. It caught me by surprise and left me wondering her connection to the trans community.

I know I don't pass altho mostly I like to blend. Her recognition of me being a male in a dress was therefore not threatening. I could see how it would be unnerving to a CDer who hasn't been out much and that is the risk.

Her approach to me did make my day. Positive recognition and compliments for my effort in presentation are always appreciated. Each CDers level of confidence varies though.

Michelle

[Sara Jessica]

I'd love a compliment such as yours Dawn. I'd know I was talking to a true 1-in-a-thousand, or perhaps a million depending on the day but still, that would be so nice.

Then again, I fully expect to be "read" , can't burst a bubble that isn't there.

However, Paula's suggestion is even better.

[NV Susan]

Dawn, if you read me and approach me you wouldn't be the first.
That said, any moral support and encouragement you give would be gracefully accepted.
As others have said, your kindness and compassion really shows in your posts....

[Lisa Gerrie]

In theory it sounds wonderful, but I have to be honest. In the flesh I'm a shy person with below-average confidence in my social skills. I'd feel awkward if complimented in guy mode much less girl mode. It might also put me in the position of having to speak, and I'm very conscious of my subwoofer voice.

I'd probably go home and regret that I hadn't responded more gracefully; in the long run I'd appreciate that you took the time to say something encouraging. At this point in my life I think I'd respond best to a quiet "Good for you" and a sincere smile. I'd blush but smile back.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Not at all,I would be so pleased I would offer to take you for a coffee.

[stephyX]

id love it for someone to come up say something positive settle my nerves,id follow your example and reach out for those who i spot

[Vickie_CDTV]

Like others have said, going up to a stranger might be problematic for several reasons.

However, your desire to help is very noble, and instead of going up to strangers get in touch with a local gender group. You can volunteer to help folks with their makeup, fashion advice, offer to take them out in public for their first time dressed (with your SO with you of course) etc. There are a lot of people who dress who need help with such things, and you can be an invaluable asset to them.

[Loni]

i for one would not like to be "outed" or pointed out, noticed.
what would you say to just any girl out there? would you go out of your way and say something to just anyone?
please do the same for me.

i just want to be one of the girls.
not the center of attraction.

i know my size is hard to hide. my face lets just not talk about that. working on makeup to be better.
would rather not use my voice. especially right now asthma problem, very rough deep voice coming out, nowhere even close to my real voice. and it hurts to talk, then the coughing fits. OUCH.

.

[Amanda M]

Dawn - if you gave me that hug, the return hug would not disgrace an anaconda.

[suzanne]

I totally agree with Paula. The compliment, "I love your dress. Where did you get it?" Is absolutely the best thing to say to anybody and usually doesn't get misconstrued as a pickup line or anything except a pure compliment.

[kimdl93]

I don't mind that people know I'm a transgendered male trying to blend in as a woman as long as the acknowledgement is friendly and supportive. A simple warm smile is plenty. Of course, I think its much easier if one goes out with realistic expectations....I don't "expect" to pass. I do hope to look my best...even if some male inevitably shows through.

[Dena]

Thanks for the kind thoughts, Dawn! I would be flattered.

I don't go out dressed much (I'm not much into women's casual wear). When I was in my 30's, I tried to "pass" as best I could. Maybe I was in one of the more accepting cities (Austin), but I really did not get any negativity. Once I got my look together, people seemed willing to play along.

I also don't expect anyone who pays any attention to me to believe I'm female.

[Tracii G]

Dawn I would be flattered and probably give you the hug!
You are just the sweetest thing ever.