Is a beard okay with a dress?

[Anneliese]

In my mind, there is a distinction being made between HOW girly someone is dressed who also happens to wear a beard. I have a beard. I grew it between my original what I thought was a phase of CDing and my more recent "it's a part of life and I LOVE it" time. I like my beard, but since I don't go out fully dressed, I don't feel the need to shave...yet. I totally agree with those who say of course it's ok if someone else does it, and I also totally agree that the world would be more accepting of us if more men dressed in public, whether or not there was a beard. Personally, I'm not going out fully dressed until I shave mine off, but that's a personal choice. On another note, however, I'm sure many who see me from behind think I'm a girl, and that is FINE with me. I wear women's jeans every day, and I have a rather feminine body shape. The jeans accentuate what I've been told by others, and that's that I have a nicely shaped ass. I walk kind of girly as well, and have long hair. I also have natural B-sized breasts, which has garnered strange looks in the health-club locker room, but (thankfully) no harassment or nasty comments. Sometimes, I've even dared (yes, I know it's not a big deal, but it is to me) go out with a very obviously feminine-cut t-shirt. I also sometimes wear a female-style tank top in my yoga classes. In other words, I might anger or frustrate those here who want it to be all or nothing, but I feel showing my feminine side while still presenting as a man is fun.

[Brenn]

I'm personally disappointed at those who have come out so strongly against it. I do however think it depends on what the person is trying to accomplish (intent matters). If the person is trying to create his own form of gender expression, whether it looks good or not, then I'm OK with it (there are crossdressers out there that try to pass, but look terrible; I'm OK with that too). Where I draw the line is when they are doing it to mock is some way. You see this at some of the gay pride parades--I never understood this because it serves no purpose except to make the rest of the world even less accepting.

[Jillian Faith]

I'm sorry if this sounds intolerant as I grow a mustache and goatee every November, but I don't go out dressed during that month. I can overlook the flat chest but the beard and a dress in public is a definite NO NO for this girl.

[Jamie001]

It all depends on the context. I'm guessing the person described in the OP doesn't present that way when it doesn't suit him.

Hi Reine,

May I suggest that you have a look at http://www.skirtcafe.org/forums/. This site is about men wearing skirts and dresses as men and also has a section dedicated to "FreeStyle Fashion" which advocated mixing clothing/accessories from both genders. Most of the men on this site are over 40, married heterosexuals that prefer an alternate form of presentation. They are attempting to make progress for men's fashion by wearing what they want to wear as men without attempting to deceive folks by presenting as a woman. Essentially they are doing what women did many years ago by incorporating items from the other side of the store into their normal look. Another similar site is http://www.hhplace.org/ that is about men wearing high heels as men in everyday life.

[Lacyfem]

For all the years I've been dressing I've found cd's with facial hair not to be attractive to me. But that is just me and if they feel fem and wonderful with a full beard good for them. I very often dress fully with makeup earrings the whole ball of wax but don't wear a wig. Some like it some don't but it's just me and how I feel at the time and many have liked this look on me. I once grew a moustache and someone took a pick of me dressed in this wonderful red panty and bra with red heels and I had the moustache. I saw the picture and thought I looked rediculous and not like the fem gurl I want to be. Needless to say I immediately shave it off. One guy labeled me gender queer because of my being fully dressed and made up with no wig which was probably appropriate but that said I do love wigs. But it's a no to the facial hair.

[Lynnmorgan451]

So I was in destin fl, just pulled into the bookstore parking lot and I was sitting in my car w my phone checking my email when I see this couple. The guy was wearing a tight little tank top and skinny jeans, had a full beard and his face was painted like a diva. My first thought was " why would he dooooo that to himself!?!" But then I just couldn't resist the urge to meet this person and talk to him. Tell him about me and try to make a friend. I'm in solid drab boy boring clothes not looking the slightest bit pretty, but I built up some nerve and went into the store looking for this guy. I really searched the entire store and never found them but I remember being kinda grossed at first, but damn I wanted him to be my friend!!!
Loneliness :-p

[Asche]

Do you mean live your entire life that way, and if so how would you navigate this around employers, friends, family, kids, kids' friends, and other things, for example if you want to run for city hall council, or be on the board of your kid's school.

It's a very brave thing to say, but not practical in our society. Or, did you mean just presenting this way to go out to clubs? If so, then I agree with you as long as they are the right clubs where you would not be in danger of getting beaten up.

Our situation is a bit like the position of gay people 30 years ago (or, even today, in some places.) You size up situations and decide which contexts you are willing to be "out" in.

Employers: my employer bans kilts, so skirts (on men) are a fortiore out. It's not a job where I feel comfortable showing too much of who I am, so I don't know that I'd wear a skirt even if it were allowed. A friend of mine does wear skirts to his job (and everywhere else), and his beard is quite something. (Jamie001 probably knows who I'm talking about.)

Friends: out. The ones who accepted me before I "came out" accept me now, the ones who don't never really liked me anyway. My church is fine with it, I only get comments when I show up in trousers.

Family: half-out. I wear kilts to family events. But I don't see them but maybe once or twice a year.

Kids: I didn't wear skirts to school events. I'm sure many children and parents knew, since I wear skirts around town, but I saw no reason to confront them with it in school contexts. (My kids' friends definitely didn't care.)

Elected office: I couldn't get elected dog-catcher running against Beelzebub, regardless of what I wear, so the issue is moot.

Club: I don't go to "clubs," unless you count Contra dances. Men in skirts are seen as normal there.

[Wildaboutheels]

I have no earthly idea how so many here can think, that ALL CDers or ANY CDers dress ["however" they choose to] to please OTHER PEOPLE? Or other CDers...

Funny how it also goes for people who dress "normally". To wear what everyone else is wearing just to fit in makes little sense to me. "Sharp" people [it has been my experience] will accept you for the person you are on the inside.

Of course IF one is a completely different person when dressed, all bets are off.

[Cheryl T]

To each his own, but I fear that just as with other variations it will be seen by the non-CD public as either a joke or an aberration.
While it might be cute at Halloween, I'm sorry to say that for someone such as myself who tries so hard to be "passable" it seems as a setback in the attempt to gain general acceptance in the world.

[Stevie]

Just because you don't see it everyday means that it is wrong. I personally don't like the look but if someone I knew did I wouldn't think it is wrong. Just different

[Asche]

NO!
If you want to dress as a bearded man in a dress, please stay home.
Its your right to do this but I just dont understand it.
most of us are trying to pass/blend.. the bearded lady wont get to far past PT Barnum.
Bobbi

Irony, thou art not dead.

By those of society's standards which you are supporting here (gender essentialism), you belong in PT Barnum's sideshow as much as I, regardless of how well you "pass."

At least nobody can accuse me of hiding what I am.

[TGMarla]

To each his (her) own, but I'd opt to NOT have facial hair of any kind when I'm en femme. For years, I wore a moustache, and I wanted to shave it off the entire time. Finally, I did. I don't miss it.

[Jamie001]

To each his own, but I fear that just as with other variations it will be seen by the non-CD public as either a joke or an aberration.
While it might be cute at Halloween, I'm sorry to say that for someone such as myself who tries so hard to be "passable" it seems as a setback in the attempt to gain general acceptance in the world.

Hmmm, kind-of like when women first started wearing pants in public many decades ago without adding a beard? It's the same thing but in a different decade.

[Wildaboutheels]

Perhaps a better name for this site would be Hypocrites R' Us?

It's a whole lot easier to see the world when people are willing to pull the blinders off or their heads from the sand.

[famousunknown]

Perhaps a better name for this site would be Hypocrites R' Us?

Why not just accept that all people have their own opinion instead of pointing fingers/calling names? This is usually the direction this type of thread goes. Why re-hash it over and over?

[sandra-leigh]

Some of us don't care when people say 'What the f*ck'. That's fine in some circumstances, but not in others.

So the OP never did say and people in this thread are giving all sorts of opinions, without specifying the context.

My daily presentation for a number of years has been borderline to past the border, so I've been pretty much everywhere in the city that way, including to work; it is seldom a problem or even considered worth paying attention to.

I have also been around many places in a skirt or dress, with no wig, and often no makeup or at most lipstick. Doctor, dentist, grocery shopping, straight clubs, walking down the street in neighborhoods far from home. The number of 'What the f*ck' reactions I've had is so small that I can't remember any at the moment. I have had some outright laughter, but much much less than one would expect; the two times I have been threatened were by children in the literal sense. (I tell you, when a 10 year old freaks out and starts ranting at length about smashing your head in, you get out of there -- someone that disturbed might have a knife or weapon.)

Do I worry in some of those places? Yes: I am careful about going to the bathroom in some of those straight bars. People might not be saying 'What the f*ck' but that doesn't mean that I expect everyone to be polite.

Do I go everywhere like that? No. A friend of mine warned me to not go to one specific club. But her warning wasn't just to not go Dressed: she warned me not to go even in pure guy mode, that it is a rough bar that one needs to be a tough guy to go to.

I have not figured out yet what I am going to do about applying for a job. I can't go back to being "male". If I cannot be at least borderline at work then it isn't someplace that I can work.

[Ressie]

In a word, incongruous.

[Beverley Sims]

There are such a wide variety of opinions on this one it is staggering to say the least.
Maybe there should be some new categories for those dressing in attire not associated with their gender.
There is support and disgust at the actions of some and all I can say, to each their own and if it is not something I feel comfortable with I will just have to pass.
My position is I wish to emulate an attractive woman, they do not have beards and are generally not hirsute.

[Ms. Laura]

Well, whatever, it's fine. It will definitely get you noticed!

In my personal opinion, it clashes. Like a poor choice of accessories. I wouldn't berate you for it however.

The biggest problem is that it will challenge the public's ability to neatly file you in a category at a glance. Thus conflict is bound to follow when you run across the wrong meathead.

[PaulaQ]

The biggest problem is that it will challenge the public's ability to neatly file you in a category at a glance.

That's often the entire point. Some people don't fit neatly into the gender binary, or perhaps they fell that we shouldn't have to have our legs chopped off, or our bodies stretched on a rack to fit into the bed we're supposed to sleep in. Because everyone knows - you are either a boy or a girl.

Why can't someone simply be who they are, even if that is out of the ordinary?

King Procrustes still reigns.

[Raychel]

I guess to each his or her own, However you feel most comfortable.
Personally I would rather not see a beard with a dress, But if that is
what makes you happy. Then it is your life to live.

[famousunknown]

Why can't someone simply be who they are, even if that is out of the ordinary?

IMHO...because blending in is the better option.

[Jamie001]

Some people don't fit neatly into the gender binary

Why can't someone simply be who they are, even if that is out of the ordinary?

That is exactly what a lot of crossdressers here don't understand. Even most of the CDs here fit the gender binary of (a. when not dressed - 100 percent pure male, and b. when dressed 100 percent all female). For some of us that it not reality because we are part male and part female all of the time. This group would include feminine males (JaneGirls) and masculine females (Tomboys)

[Lisa Gerrie]

Crossdressing naturally forces people into hiding part of themselves. We think we have to be 100% pure male to get by in society, and if we are lucky we get to be girls once in a while. That reinforces the binary model, and explains the abrupt changes back and forth. If not for societal pressures a lot of us would simply integrate pretty things into our daily lives and not feel so much like two people. That's the direction I want to head; the genuine outward expression of the person (one person) who lives between my ears.

[Jeanna]

I think it's awesome to have a beard whilst en femme but it takes work boots to complete that look.