Is a beard okay with a dress?

[CindyM]

I was at a club with friends and checking out a cute cute behind in a sweet pasely summer dress. The person turned around and had a flat chest and full beard. In my personal opinion still as cute as a honey bee. However my grrlfriend whom at first liked the behind was aghast at the beard and not only turned off but pissed off at the look. Sometimes I am disapointed that the community I thought would be accepting and toleratant of wide variations of gender expression are so often trying to set rules for others based on their own personal style. What do you think? Is a beard with a dress okay? - Cindy

[famousunknown]

Is a beard with a dress okay?

I'm sure this will stir up a hornet's nest , but NO, definitely not ok.

[Beth Wilde]

It will definitely start a heated debate!

I fear it is a no from me too! I get an involuntary shudder when I see it!

[Eryn]

This is the subject of endless debate. In a perfect world everyone should be able to wear whatever they want, included fully bearded men. In our imperfect world bearded crossdressers stand out. The beard is an unmistakable masculine cue and mixing it with unmistakable feminine cues is jarring to many.

Everyone is going to have their own set of prejudices and a lot of these are about society's outliers. I'm not fond of full beards even on males, associating them with 1%ers, terrorists, and vagrants. I've spent a lot of time, money, and discomfort eliminating my personal scourge of facial hair. Crossdressers are, of course, another sort of rebel so perhaps I should be more tolerant.

[ReineD]

If it is in a trans-friendly club, then I agree there is no room for any judgment.

But, it is natural for people to project their fears. Most of us do this to a certain degree. If a CDer who is trying to pass as a woman and who desperately wants to be seen as 'normal' sees someone like this out in the mainstream, he (she?) will fear that such a person will give the wrong impression of men who need to be respected as women.

I honestly don't think that people out in the mainstream are ready to respect and embrace all the different ways there are to be androgynous or queer (meaning outside the gender binary). Also, large chunks of people are still rather puritanical. Likely the CD with a beard, if he is out in the mainstream, would give the impression he is doing this for fetish. Most people believe such behaviors should be kept private. Right? A fetish submissive dressed in latex with a mask and gagged, would also not fare well dressed like this in public unless he is at a BDSM event.

[Lynn Marie]

I like to present well whether in drab or drag. I admire people who present well. I don't care for mixed presentations. They are "jarring" to me and I feel that they make the rest of us look bad. I'd rather not be put in the same classification as a trans-gender mixer. I'd much rather be respected for presenting well. I feel it's a very worthy goal for those of us who live for our time in heels.

[sandra-leigh]

About 5-ish years ago, while I was visiting my mother, I glanced at the (busy) street, and observed a youngish fellow (24-ish) trudging through the blowing fall snow; he was wearing a long-ish skirt... and he had a mid-length beard. I flushed and got a bit upset internally. Upset because I had not dared to do the same thing and walk right out in public wearing what I needed to wear.

A beard with a dress? Good for him! There's no certification requirement or entrance exam for wearing a dress, you know.

They are "jarring" to me and I feel that they make the rest of us look bad.

Which "the rest of us" are you referring to?

I'd rather not be put in the same classification as a trans-gender mixer.

Did he (or she) put you in any particular classification?? You weren't even there, so I doubt it. Or are you worried about how other people might classify you based upon what someone hundreds of miles away did?

I'd much rather be respected for presenting well.

I'd much rather be respected for my character. I am not a fashion model or movie actress, to be admired for my looks. I am a human being (urrr, probably), getting through life like the large number of other people who depend on their personality and intelligence and skills rather than on their looks.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm sure this will stir up a hornet's nest , but NO, definitely not ok.

Why is it not ok? So it's ok for you, a man, to wear womens clothes, but it's not ok for a man with a beard to wear a dress? pot/kettle... people really do piss me off at times, if you can't accept others, don't expect people to except you

[DawnD]

I think it's ok. A person should be able to wear whatever they like, right? Whether I find it personally attractive or not is irrelevant.


My husband often walks around the house wearing a skirt and a 2 day old five o'clock shadow. I find it sexy. It's comfortable for him. Maybe the person you saw was comfortable that way. Who are we to judge how people feel halfway there?

[Michaella]

Of course, so long as one is simply being oneself and not trying to pass as a woman. It may look odd at first, but part of that is that we are not used to it, and we of all people should be accepting of variations in gender presentations. Part of it is that the aesthetics of the combination have not been fully resolved; it's still in the experimental stage. By that I mean we have not figured out what type of beard works with what type of dress. Just like one has to figure what type of blouses go with what type of skirts one has to work out the beard/dress combination. Sooner or later--probably later, alas--it should happen. "Cute as a honey bee?" Maybe what we have here is your admirable open acceptance with someone who has gotten the look right. Marvelous!

Michaella

[stephNE]

If it's Ok with you, its OK with me, what ever floats your boat.
But I can't help but wonder, what is he presenting? If he wants to look like a man, wear a beard, if he wants to present as a woman, a dress, but mixing? I don't see the idea.

[Lynn Marie]

I'd much rather be respected for my character. I am not a fashion model or movie actress, to be admired for my looks. I am a human being (urrr, probably), getting through life like the large number of other people who depend on their personality and intelligence and skills rather than on their looks.

Well your character sure put me in my place.

[mikiSJ]

I always found the best statement to be in Shel Silverstein's cartoon:

[Kate Simmons]

Definitely not "the usual suspects" but what the hell? To each his or her own I guess. It's called self expression ya know?

[Michaella]

If it's Ok with you, its OK with me, what ever floats your boat.
But I can't help but wonder, what is he presenting? If he wants to look like a man, wear a beard, if he wants to present as a woman, a dress, but mixing? I don't see the idea.

I think the idea is he wants to present as man who likes to wear a beard and a dress. I've done it myself and very much like it. I only wish it were more accepted.

Michaella

[DonnaT]

I see nothing wrong with it. No different than a man appearing as a man in a dress.

And what about hirsute women (bearded ladies)?

Seems some have the notion

they make the rest of us look bad

Seems to me that that is similar to what some men thought/think of gay men?

A prejudicial concept, IMHO.

[AllieSF]

About 5-ish years ago, while I was visiting my mother, I glanced at the (busy) street, and observed a youngish fellow (24-ish) trudging through the blowing fall snow; he was wearing a long-ish skirt... and he had a mid-length beard. I flushed and got a bit upset internally. Upset because I had not dared to do the same thing and walk right out in public wearing what I needed to wear.

A beard with a dress? Good for him! There's no certification requirement or entrance exam for wearing a dress, you know.



Which "the rest of us" are you referring to?



Did he (or she) put you in any particular classification?? You weren't even there, so I doubt it. Or are you worried about how [I]other[I] people might classify you based upon what someone hundreds of miles away did?



I'd much rather be respected for my character. I am not a fashion model or movie actress, to be admired for my looks. I am a human being (urrr, probably), getting through life like the large number of other people who depend on their personality and intelligence and skills rather than on their looks.

That says it all for me too. Sometimes those that never venture outside protest the most. For those of you who do go out and protest/voice your differing opinion, I respect that opinion, though I do not agree with it. The more of us that are out there in all shapes and forms is better for us in the long run. Just exposing the general public to the multiple gender presentation variations helps all of us. Do I personally like the look of a dress and a beard? No. I do, however admire that person's courage and commitment to be out there doing their own thing and owning who they are.

[Lisa Gerrie]

All I know is that I don't personally find bearded ladies attractive. I try not to care what other people do, and am more likely to think "good for you for putting yourself out there".

[Alexis.j]

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. There is nothing wrong with that... I myself started out wearing a skirt like that, I like being different...
But in the end I suppose it all depends on the image you want to project.

[Trishpdxcd2]

To each there own. I can't imagine wanting that much attention out. Personally I can't understand cd's with facial hair, but thats just me. If it make you happy then by all means.

[Tracii G]

I'm fine with it.
Freedom of expression the way I see it.

[Eryn]

And what about hirsute women (bearded ladies)?

Social prejudice against facial hair on women is what keeps electrologists employed, when they aren't working on me!

[ReineD]

A beard with a dress? Good for him! There's no certification requirement or entrance exam for wearing a dress, you know.

I had a discussion with someone recently about this.

Most of the people in this forum I gather do try to present to others as close as they can to an attractive woman. Of course some members don't feel they could ever pass and so they stay at home and some don't bother with makeup & wigs.

But others who do go out are not interested in having people believe they are women. They're either wanting to redefine male fashion by wearing rather masculine man-skirts with male everything else, or they're more interested in presenting as a feminine male (with polish, jewelry, maybe light makeup etc), and they hope that society will come to accept this one day. I should think that if someone wants to present as a feminine male, they'll do without the beard.

Still others though, choose their presentations for political reasons. They used to be called genderf*cks (I'm serious). The goal was to shock people in an effort to deconstruct all notions of binary gender and I'm guessing that a good way to do this would be to look like a woman from behind, but look very masculine with beard and flat chest from the front. I guess another way to do this would be to dress half & half like some of the Halloween costumes. But, this would look more like a costume and it wouldn't be as jarring. At any rate, since the object is to jar people into recognizing there is something other than binary gender, it is not surprising that many people in the mainstream do not react well to this form of presentation, including the CDers whose aim it is to not be a genderf*ck.

I think there are also groups of people who celebrate non-binary gender, but whose aim is NOT to shock people. They refer to themselves as "queer".

Still, no one should be judged at trans-friendly venues.

[PaulaQ]

Still others though, choose their presentations for political reasons. They used to be called genderf*cks (I'm serious). The goal was to shock people in an effort to deconstruct all notions of binary gender and I'm guessing that a good way to do this would be to look like a woman from behind

An article about this, to some extent:
http://www.bilerico.com/2013/03/the_...le_trans_n.php

[CD_blue]

I think it is completely fine. I am already 6'6 250 pound guy with pink ribbon in my hair to go along with my pink 5 inch heels.

If that is what they wanna do so be it doesn't effect me.