Yes, Indeed.
I agree.It is simply not possible to live this way for long. Sooner or later something will break inside you.
Ahh, I see you noticed that too, it also reminded me of manic-depressive behavior. It very much worries me.You live between depression and numbness with moments of happiness that almost resembles bi-polar and borderline personality disorder.
Ah, what a brilliant turn of phrase.You pay in pain to escape pain. There is no other way.
But the truth is, in this situation, both Anne and her wife are women. :-) Anne isn't male, which is the issue behind all the other issues here.
While I do agree that there are differences....there are and have been patterns of behavior in regards to various apsects of this thing of o urs.. One common pattern we see is "avoidance". It is not comical at all to assume avoidance played a role, because it has both in this and other situations.assumes that what Anne has said to her wife is anything like what she writes here. I have to tell you that that is a pretty unthinking assumption. Very few people expose too much that is too personal or too detailed on an open Internet forum. But you also have to be able to read detail into different styles of writing.
I have to disagree, it carries much emotional information, but not as much "factual" information. It is hard to get direct answers out of Anne and that makes it hard to figure out what is going on.Anne, you write in a very emotional style, but it carries a tremendous amount of information.
Interesting, I came to the opposite conclusion in part because I had seen patterns of avoidance. To me it was more like "Anne doesn't mention communication because she hasn't directly told her wife that she want's to transition."So what to make of the OP? I take it that you said little about communications between you and your wife because, in your view, they have been than adequate and extensive besides.
No, it hasn't ended, sad to say and everything hasn't been on the table. More on that later.I know that there was a time, as there was for most of us, when you did hold back and hide. I am also aware that ended quite a while ago. Everything has been on the table for a while.
I must disagree strongly, at least in part. Blame can't be assigned for Anne being transgendered. Blame cannot be assigned for Anne and her wife's feelings. But blame CAN be assigned when action or inaction causes the problems to continue or get worse. Feelings can't be controlled, but actions can be. In this case, both Anne and her wife is to blame. If Anne's wife was on these boards, I would be saying certain things to her as well in regards to avoidance and denial and refusing to educate herself.In this, you deserve no blame. Neither, by the way, does your wife.
I do not agree with that at all. If one's actions make a situation worse, then there is blame involved. For example if I accidentally stick my hand in a fire, there is no fault. but If repeatedly and intentionally stick my hand in a fire, whose fault is it if I get burned....it is mine.
But what about your actions or inactions? Did they make the situation better or worse?
Enought with that rhetoric, lady. You are NOT losing your mind. You know your mind, you just are in deep anguish about the current situation.And in the end, after I have gone completely insane and lost my mind, who will that serve?
Please, I beg of you don't say or think of such things. I want you to promise me you won't do that....and promise me you'll keep the number of a suicide hotline near the phone.at least at some level, that it would serve my daughter by the simple fact that I will not have done something stupid like slit my wrists and check out.
Yes we have asked.Several of you have asked whether I have told my wife point blank whether I am transsexual and that I plan on transitioning.
And to be blunt again. Please, refrain from semantical word games, it doesn't help us, or you.As for admitting to her the actual word that I am transsexual. Yes. I have. On many, many occasions. In this regard, she is under no illusions.
And there it is. The crux of the situation. Why not? And shouldn't you have done so BEFORE you started HRT? I should have discouraged you from starting HRT too soon and you did, before you or your wife were prepared and you started BEFORE your wife had full knowledge of the implications and situation.What I have not told her, however, is that I do plan on transitioning to a woman. At least, I haven't done so yet.
I'm having a "What the Heck, Heroine" moment. If that's your eason, then why did you start HRT? If you're not ready to admit that to yourself or others, you're not ready for HRT. HRT causes visible changes! It starts the snowball rolling down the hill.But this is for a very good reason. Well, perhaps it's not a good reason, but it is a reason, nonetheless. That being, I have yet to tell or admit to myself that I am going to transition.
Come now, that must be rhetorical. You started hormones, you wanted "something", an dyou know in no uncertain terms that the effects aren't just mental.Or perhaps more accurately, I am not sure if I am ready to accept and admit what I am going to do yet.
Yes it is ****ed up. You know you can't have it both ways, that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Your wife's basic feelings on this matter were obvious from the start which is why you've been doing the avoidance of not telling her you want to transition, because you most certainly DO want to transition.Either right or wrong, even though my actions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs all suggest otherwise, I want to make my life work as it is. Except for the part that I do not want it to work as is, because I know that it cannot work as is. Lol. Kinda f'ed up, huh? Well, this whole thing is f'ed up.
You know that's not going to happen.Perhaps I am hoping that some day soon I will just wake up and all of this will have passed.
First off, Leave of Absense, take one, NOW. I want you to go to work tomorrow and take a leave of absense, personal days, use your vactiona...whatever because you need to deal with "all of that" now....Losing your job will make this much harder. Then you need some serious help and you and your wife need to see your gender counselor tomorrow. and I do mean tomorrow...and you need to say those words. "I want to transition"Until and unless it does, though, I am failing life miserably as is. I cannot continue to sustain this over the long run. Just for example, I am barely functional at work as it is. I wouldn't be surprised if I walked into the office tomorrow and was fired on the spot for lack of production. Even worse, I recognize this, yet I hardly even care. How stupid is THAT??!!!
Yes I realize what will probably happen...but y ou need to do that and right quick. You can't keep this up. the frequent angst threads mixed with the jokey threads are a serious symptom. And you also need to start a journal thread in the safe haven.
I know...sigh.I can be stubborn about what I am ready or willing to admit or accept about myself. I recognize this.
That is obviously a rhetorical question because you KNOW where this is going, you're just engaging in avoidance and not wanting to admit the answer. Well it's long past time that you should have done so."Where is all of this leading to?"
That is one hell of a question.
Indeed.
Veronica