Does your CDing change your sexual identity?

[phlover]

Hi, girls.
I think similar topics were already discussed here, but I'm curious about my sexual identity.

I first began CDing by wearing stockings in my teen years. But it developed into widening the list of my clothing: pantyhose, high-heels, shorts, skirts, dresses, and girdles/shapers, . I also began painting my nails and applying lipsticks sometimes, and even purchased a wig, which I don't wear so much because I don't make up yet and my total outlook appears not so girly.

I recently began tucking after finding out about it in the internet, and was really aroused when tucking with kinesiology tape. Nowadays I tuck almost every other day and feel so comfortable. I am even now wearing glossy tan pantyhose, short denim skirt and red stilettos and having tape-tucked while writing this.

I think my CDing would develop into my full make-up and some day my adventures would reach the day when I have my own trip for my transformation and outing attempt in a city remote from my hometown. Sometimes I wonder if I really want HRT or even SRS.

Do you girls undergo similar and gradual changes through your CDing activities? And what is your worries or expectations about these changes?

[PaulaQ]

Hi phlover,

I don't think CDing changed my sexual identity. Part of me has known that I was a girl in the wrong body for a long time, and I just denied it for decades. I feel this part of my identity has been fighting to get out, and that four things made me quit denying it, and realize that this is really a part of me:

1. While dressing one day, I looked in the mirror and realized "I need breasts". Not "I'd look sexier with breasts", or "It would be arousing to have breasts", but just simply "I need breasts." It felt like I'd realized "I'm starving to death."

2. Joining this forum with a femme name, and communicating as "Paula" was a profound experience. It wasn't a pen-name, she felt real - and I realized I was her.

3. Looking into a mirror for the first time with breast forms and a decent wig, and some makeup, I felt like I was seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in my life.

4. I realized that the really horrendous waves of anxiety I feel stop when I CD. Not cross dressing for several days makes me feel like death would be a welcome change. I simply don't think I can stop this.

So I don't think my CDing changed anything for me. I've had 2 other breakdowns like this in my lifetime, and if I'm honest, both involved my gender identity and cross dressing. I think this has been with me for a long time, and that now I'm simply trying to deal with it honestly, instead of denying it. I think CDing has allowed my real gender identity to surface and express herself. That's what it feels like anyway - it feels like being alive.

I think that nobody but you can answer this question - "what is my gender identity?" Do you feel like a man or a woman, some of both, or neither? (All are possible answers.) You might want to talk to a gender therapist to help you figure this out (at least if it is causing you discomfort in your life).

Most of us who CD don't ever transition. Indeed, most of us identify as male. I don't - at least not entirely anymore, but it is totally possible, and even likely, that you do. By the way, don't be surprised if this is difficult to answer - this stuff is confusing. *I* know that I don't know all the answers about myself yet. I just don't and I expect it will take me some time to figure this stuff out.

I think a fair number of us increase our CDing until we can fully present, with some degree of success, as women. This doesn't neccessarily represent a change in our gender identity.

I will say that your signature line:

I wish the day when the world accept my feminine look and I can enjoy my life as a woman out in public would come soon

seems to speak volumes for how you view yourself, although perhaps I'm reading too much into it.

[Beverley Sims]

No, I think reading this forum all the time helps polarize your identity somewhat.

[TeresaCD]

No, I think reading this forum all the time helps polarize your identity somewhat.

I agree - I think it brings greater clarity to what's there, for me at least..

[Asp]

I'm not sure; my sexual identity started when I first started dressing. Before that, I had no sexual interests.

[sometimes_miss]

It's not the crossdressing. My sexual identity is distorted by how my need for affection was only resolved while being dressed as a female, and how that need is linked to having sex as a girl for so many years during my development. Basically, I'm just all screwed up. But at least I know why.

[Maria S]

I think my CDing would develop into my full make-up and some day my adventures would reach the day when I have my own trip for my transformation and outing attempt in a city remote from my hometown. Sometimes I wonder if I really want HRT or even SRS.

I am no expert but you make it sound like HRT/SRS is the next stage from CDing. TS and TV are two very separate things and from what I've learnt from this site is that you do not progress from one to the other.

Maria

[Lynn Marie]

CDing is very much like having a hobby. It's easy to get obsessive about it and you can progress at whatever pace you're comfortable with. You can also stop progressing any time you like. It's just not necessary to become world champion. Competence is usually enough.

[NicoleScott]

My dressing stayed on the up escalator for decades, always kicking it up a notch. In the beginning it was enough to put on high heels and lipstick. Even when I started the "full transformation" (dressed head-to-toe, makeup, wig), it was nowhere close to what I think of as "complete" now. Over the years and as I was compelled, I added shapewear, nails, jewelry, perfume, accessories, etc. But one thing never changed: I'm a guy who likes to dress up occasionally. It's crossdressing and nothing more for me.

[Karren H]

I don't think I even have a sexual identity any more.... if I ever had one.... it hasn't changed.... but I know what you mean about gradual change.... let me know when you get up to the breasts enhancement phase..... I have some tips on what not to do when self tattooing a larger nipple... lol

[boink]

Gender identity does not equal sexual identity, they're two separate things.

But yes, as I've explored my gender it's undergone slight changes as I find and refine what what's me comfortable and happy.

[Kate Simmons]

I think it pretty much comes "naturally" over time if we are really into it. I never "tuck" per se, too restrictive. The closest I get to that is sometimes wearing a gaff if I'm going to wear something skin tight or going to perform in my underwear or lingerie .

[Ciara Brianne]

Hi phlover,

I don't think CDing changed my sexual identity. Part of me has known that I was a girl in the wrong body for a long time, and I just denied it for decades. I feel this part of my identity has been fighting to get out, and that three things made me quit denying it, and realize that this is really a part of me:

1. While dressing one day, I looked in the mirror and realized "I need breasts". Not "I'd look sexier with breasts", or "It would be arousing to have breasts", but just simply "I need breasts." It felt like I'd realized "I'm starving to death."

2. Joining this forum with a femme name, and communicating as "Paula" was a profound experience. It wasn't a pen-name, she felt real - and I realized I was her.

3. Looking into a mirror for the first time with breast forms and a decent wig, and some makeup, I felt like I was seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in my life.

4. I realized that the really horrendous waves of anxiety I feel stop when I CD. Not cross dressing for several days makes me feel like death would be a welcome change. I simply don't think I can stop this.

- this stuff is confusing. *I* know that I don't know all the answers about myself yet. I just don't and I expect it will take me some time to figure this stuff out.

This sounds sooooo familiar. Once again, my thanks to all on these forums for showing that I am not alone...

[suchacutie]

I'm confused if you really mean "sexual identity" or "gender identity".

Assuming the latter, the change for me happened over a very short period of time. From the day that my wife and I identified Tina, to the point where she had available to her all she need to transform fully was about 7 months. It took this long simply to learn everything necessary to give a full transformation a shot! By then Tina had all the "props" and much of the technique, but all learned or purchased in pieces.

That first day she put it all together was incredible, and the excitement has been present ever since. The only constant is learning something new every time!

[Lacyfem]

YES without question!

[Jeny_rj]

I feel sexually excited while CDing... Other than that nothing really... I enjoy the fun of it...

[AllyCDTV]

Once I am done with a CD session, it takes me a few hours to get back into my male mode.

[phlover]

Paula, I always thank you for your kindly and considerate replies. Your replies show how much and deeply you consider your own situation, and they reveal your deep insight into CDing and gender dilemma that most of us undergo. But I want you to cheer up while undergoing your hardship with your wife. Thank you again.

I am no expert but you make it sound like HRT/SRS is the next stage from CDing. TS and TV are two very separate things and from what I've learnt from this site is that you do not progress from one to the other.

Maria

Thank you, Maria. I know the difference between TS and TV. The problem for me is that I still can't judge myself where I belong to. Considering my CDing activities, I think I'm just a TV. But no one knows until I reach the final stage of my CDing.

My dressing stayed on the up escalator for decades, always kicking it up a notch. In the beginning it was enough to put on high heels and lipstick. Even when I started the "full transformation" (dressed head-to-toe, makeup, wig), it was nowhere close to what I think of as "complete" now. Over the years and as I was compelled, I added shapewear, nails, jewelry, perfume, accessories, etc. But one thing never changed: I'm a guy who likes to dress up occasionally. It's crossdressing and nothing more for me.

Exactly do I understand what you mean. But I'm somewhat addicted to CDing and I do everyday except weekends when I should be with my family. CDing occupies my life more and more, and that causes me to distract from my everyday life as a man.

I'm confused if you really mean "sexual identity" or "gender identity".

Assuming the latter, the change for me happened over a very short period of time. From the day that my wife and I identified Tina, to the point where she had available to her all she need to transform fully was about 7 months. It took this long simply to learn everything necessary to give a full transformation a shot! By then Tina had all the "props" and much of the technique, but all learned or purchased in pieces.

That first day she put it all together was incredible, and the excitement has been present ever since. The only constant is learning something new every time!

I think my title is misleading, and I should have said "gender identity" instead of "sexual identity." I like beautiful girls and I don't have any sexual interest in man. Thus, as some one said in another thread, I may be classified as a heterosexual with a tendency to be a lesbian. Does it sound confusing? I'm, too.

[PaulaQ]

Thank you, Maria. I know the difference between TS and TV. The problem for me is that I still can't judge myself where I belong to. Considering my CDing activities, I think I'm just a TV. But no one knows until I reach the final stage of my CDing.

It can take quite a while to sort this stuff out, phlover. It's really confusing. For one thing - we've been told our entire lives that "this is wrong." I know that you are doing more and more CDing. The big question, and it's one only you can answer really, is "Am I doing this for an ever increasing thrill, or am I doing this because it is a part (or all) of my true identity as a person?" There's no right answer - only the one that's right for you. (BTW, "some of both" is a possible answer, I believe.)

The first questions to think about then, is, on a spectrum of "man <-------> woman", where do I fall? What do I feel like? It is entirely possible to fall anywhere along the scale, from totally male, to totally female, to something in between.

I may be classified as a heterosexual with a tendency to be a lesbian. Does it sound confusing? I'm, too.

A lot of us feel this way - this is a more common POV than you might expect.

[whowhatwhen]

3. Looking into a mirror for the first time with breast forms and a decent wig, and some makeup, I felt like I was seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in my life.

I recently had that experience and it just affirmed that I'm on the right path, no matter where it leads.


For me the clothes were never important.
Hell, I was here almost 44 months before you could say I really crossdressed.

The little steps I've taken thanks to this place have made both positive, and negative impacts on my life but I regret nothing.

[kimdl93]

No. Your sexual identity is one thing, your gender identity something else. One can be straight CD, bi CD or gay CD. the extent of your dressing doesn't alter that

[flatlander_48]

Do you girls undergo similar and gradual changes through your CDing activities? And what is your worries or expectations about these changes?

There's a fine line, I think. One could have very gradual changes and be fairly unaware for a long period of time. It's not unlike seeing a child again after a long absence. You have to adjust this image that you have been carrying in the face of new evidence. So far, for me, there have been no changes that I can point to. But, as I've said before, my journey here was different from most. My identity as a bisexual was established many years before I ever thought about the idea of crossdressing. From what I can tell, it hasn't changed.

Given that essentially nothing has happened in more recent times regarding my identity, I would not anticipate any changes going forward. And, I'd have to say that it doesn't really bother me either. The thing is, nothing is constant about sexual desire, sexual identity, gender identity, etc. There is always some degree of fluidity about things. However, I don't see myself becoming more gay as all that would mean exclusivity. I don't see myself becoming less gay either as that would be counter to my sensibilities.

[Vicky_Scot]

I with others think you are mistaken sexual identity for gender identity.

Sexual Identity - Sexual identity refers to how one thinks of oneself in terms of whom one is romantically or sexually attracted to.

Gender Identity - Gender identity is a person's private sense of, and subjective experience of, their own gender. This is generally described as one's private sense of being a man or a woman.

[Angela Campbell]

Nothing has changed my gender identity. I always knew I was a girl. Deep inside I always knew. I fought it and tried to deny it and I hid it for decades. When I first got fully dressed with wig, makeup and the whole works and looked in the mirror, I think a door opened and I saw the me that has always been there and was held back because of fear. Now the fear of what will happen if I try to stop it is greater than the fear of the consequences of people knowing. She is me, and she has waited a long time to have a life.

The clothes have never sexually excited me so there I am different. I do not think cd ing leads to being ts, but it may be a part of denial or a way to cope with it. If you feel inside...if you know you are a woman then you may be ts. If you do not feel inside very strongly that you have always been female then I would not think HRT or SRS is the solution.

[Rogina B]

. let me know when you get up to the breasts enhancement phase..... I have some tips on what not to do when self tattooing a larger nipple... lol

Come on Karen..start spilling the story!!We need good laugh at your expense!