Well, I guess ya got report the bad with the good.
It came time for a 2nd outing. Now sometimes, some of the girls in the group head out to a friendly place after meeting. I was determined to go along if invited. I picked out a nice sweater dress(it's still cold here), boots, tights, and simple accesories. I bought a coat, purse, and wallet for the occasion.
Now, a friend graciously invited me to get ready in her hotel room since I can't leave the house en femme. (wife's rule, very reasonable) I hadn't met her, but had chatted a lot with her, and had met others, who had met her. So I felt safe but still stressed.
So, we met, got ready, no problem. Then we had to leave the building. 1st time in public for me. Very stressed. Passed like 6 guys on the short walk to the car. One young man made a visible double take at us. No one said anything that I heard, but... nerve wracking.
Met up with the group, all is well. Some are going out, cool, we'll go, see ya there. Then, because of a strange alignment of events, we had to walk past a BUNCH of people to get to the car. Got stared at, but again, no harassment. Then, my friend had to stop by the room again and I just took the opportunity to bolt.
I just couldn't take more scrutiny. I wasn't ready for that feeling of heat that comes with being stared at. I mean, I was not dressed provocatively, just more fancily than avg. and the blonde hair draws attn. I'm sure. I wasn't the only one in either case so people would quickly notice a group of CDs all dressed nicely.
Anyway, I withered under the heat and feel like such a fool. I'm definitely letting it get to me as well. Hopefully time will help. I have a new appreciation of the struggle that CDs like me and those who are TS, and everyone in between, face. I mean, intelectually I knew but had never "felt" it. Now that I have, I have even more admiration for the courage of those who make their way out in the world.
Sorry for the long post. I've been very conflicted about this and needed to express it. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!