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Thread: How Far and Why

  1. #1
    Woman in Progress Aly Cat's Avatar
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    Wink How Far and Why

    Ok, so I have been browsing this site for a few days now (I know, not very long.) and this is my very first post. I just got my account name accepted! yay!

    Basically, I have just been curious as to how far everyone take things and why? I myself do not do wigs or makeup or any of that stuff, but I do love prancing around in skirts and tops with heels or flats. I am a fashion junkie. I like both mens and womens fashion and wear both. My wife absolutely hates the fem side of things and has told me she never wants to see womens clothing on me. (I just came out to her this past January after 10 years.) I have respected her wishes and I let her know when not to come into the bedroom and stuff. For me, its about the fashion and the love for the clothes and heels and all of it. I personally have no interest in "passing" as a girl but at the same time, I am totally fighting for equality in being able to wear womens clothing just like women wear mens. I actually started my own page on Polyvore to promote womens clothing on men.

    Now, personally, I have 0 issues or problems with TG or TS. Its just simply not my thing. Everywhere I look though, I see guys doing the full getup and wanting to pass as women. I am just trying to figure out if Im the only one who likes wearing dresses and skirts and all that just to wear stuff but as a man. I live in Atlanta and see crossdressers all the time; but most of the time, they are dressed as serious drag queens wearing stuff over the top...how should I put it....roughly quoting a phrase someone else on these forums said...stuff I would find if I raided my grandmothers closet. I just want to be able to wear what I want, and be who I am without society making such a big fuss about it. If women can wear pants and everything else that guys do, then dang it, I want to wear the styles I love! (lol sorry bout the little rant there.)

    Anyways, let me know! I feel like I am very much the minority even in the crossdressing world. There has been so much taboo with "crossdressing" over the years that I have attempted to change things a bit. For the type of style that I like...crossing mens and womens clothing together, I have started calling it "Crossover." It's kind of like looking at things through a new lens with mixing clothing rather than making a full jump into men being women. Not that there isn't room for those who do want to make that jump lol. Its a big world out there . Lots of room for all of us! So am I the only one?!?

    btw, let me know if you want the info for my Polyvore page to check out the kinds of outfits I am talking about. I'd love to get everyone's opinion on that too!

    I wish all you gals the best and hope you're not to hard on me lol. This is my first post.

  2. #2
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    You are not the first to do your "crossover" styles I assure you and it is fun to do so. And as far as your limited endeavors and sharing with your wife or others for that matter, it sounds as though you have a handle on it. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I think your dressing and mindset on CDing is just what is should be. You are doing your thing just as I am. And that is what it is all about. I see so many people over thinking and putting to much enfaces on CDing that just is restricting their experiences and happiness. Truth is it is all personal as to how far you want to take it and that includes the reasoning or driving force. So enjoy my friend and don't let a minute of happiness escape you, the older you get the more important these memories will be.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  3. #3
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    If you are a fan of REALITY... as in life "out there" in the RW...

    I have found [along with countless others at these Forums] that you don't need any goal whatsoever to wear anything you want out into the RW. Wear any combination you want and treat folks you come into contact with, with both Courtesy and Respect and you will be amazed at the lack of response.

    It's not Rocket Science.

  4. #4
    New Member Cheryl H's Avatar
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    Eva,

    I'm kinda there with you on some of this. Like you I don't worry to much about passing, if I do, I do. Of I don't, I don't. However I think for everyone has a slightly different idea of what being "trans" means. I enjoy getting all dolled up to the nines and then go out shopping or spend a day out etc. I prefer to dress to blend and like to keep my style current. But I don't go for the "drag" look thats just to over the top.

    However where you are big into fashion, my thing is make up and shoes..... I love make up and the different looks it can create. I use to be on a full name basis with the girls and guys at the MAC in Perimeter mall. .... BTW... I'm an Atlanta girl too.

    I own about 50 to 60 pairs of heels. If I could I would wear heels everyday even with my male clothing. I just feel heels look better, allow pants fall nicer, make the foot appear smaller, and just all around a better look. However finding size 12's that don't look like a drag or fetish style can be a challenge. Until society is ready to give everyone the freedom they desire, it's going to be difficult.

    So we all have our interest and there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind some of the greatest designers of women's fashion are men. Maybe you were meant to be a designer. Sometimes I think I could have been a makeup artist or cosmetologist.

    Love to chat more.

    Cheryl H.

  5. #5
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Your approach is what it is but your dreams of fashion equality will stay in the closet given the fact your wife is soooooo not a fan. In other words, no blending of male & female styles for you in the real world.

    Are you hoping that by promoting such an agenda, your wife may someday come around if it became more accepted? If so, I think you'll be waiting longer than a lifetime.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    A lot of us started this way and if you read around you will find what others think and do as well.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  7. #7
    Member boink's Avatar
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    There's a huge range of expression within the trans/crossdressing community. You're certainly not alone in your interests.

    For me I do identify as trans, and do take enjoyment out of being seen as female when I'm out, but I completely applaud your desire to expand what is acceptable fashion for men. There's not really one right/wrong way to do this.

  8. #8
    Woman in Progress Aly Cat's Avatar
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    OMG Cheryl, I couldnt agree with you more! I share your view on heels completely!! Id seriously wear them all the time dressed fem or not if I could. I think they are definitely the way to go for everyone! I guess you could say I share your shoe fetish and you're from ATL as well! Thats awesome! Believe it or not, the other day, my manager found a pair of heels at my store that I work at....I work alone. She messaged me and was like, "are these your shoes???" I just said yep! We started talking about what I liked and stuff. I showed her a few photos. She was totally accepting. She is originally from London so her view on things is a bit different than most Americans. I showed her some of the outfits I have designed and put together and she loved them. In fact, she said she knows a designer back in London who she wanted to get me in touch with. So I very well might find myself in fashion after all!

    Sara, youre probably right when it comes to my wife. I highly doubt she will ever warm up to the idea. I am however more interested in the fashion idea of men wearing what they want regardless of what that is. Gender blending in fashion has been a slow road for guys but a fast one for girls and thats just not acceptable in my book. You cant just dye a pair of pants pink and say they are womens clothing. Pants used to belong to men. Thats like saying if I dye a dress black, its for men...oh wait...they already have black! lol. The double standard is what I am trying to get thrown out the window. Whether my wife is on the bandwagon or not.

    As of right now, besides those online, only about 4 people know what I do; my wife, manager, coworker from another store, and my sister. My wife is the only one who has not accepted me for who I am. My sister was like....omg why didnt you tell me years ago when you started doing this?!?!?! I could have been buying you outfits and covering for you instead of you having to go through all that alone! I have one awesome sister!

  9. #9
    Member melanie206's Avatar
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    Dressing and expressing femininity has meaning for me on number of levels and in varying degrees about which we frequently hear on here and elsewhere. But to answer the question of why I strive to appear as a complete female as opposed to wearing some spontaneous mix of clothing ( Kind of like me in male mode ), I sometimes think of myself as a female re-enactor wishing to be accepted into the "club" of others in the same pursuit. The same as period/historical re-enactors make every effort to be authentic, I want to be thought of a crossdresser who had made the effort. Pretty crazy, right? In fact, I really have stopped imagining myself with the binary characteristic of passing or not passing. Despite the fact I am transgender, I am more driven to be out with the gurls and look like a successful crossdresser than "pass" as a woman.

  10. #10
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    Eva do your own thing nothing wrong with what you are doing.
    Your wife seems to be the one with a problem.IMO.
    I'm TG but when I go the full femme mode I try to blend as best I can and present as much as a female as I can.
    Most days I'm a mix of both leaning more towards the femme side because that is how I feel.
    I mix clothes everyday and have for years.
    Post some designs you have come up with sometime I'm sure lots of girls here would love to see them.
    I'm not sure about the prancing thing tho' sounds kind of derogatory to me.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 04-17-2013 at 01:29 PM.

  11. #11
    Member DawnD's Avatar
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    I guess you could say I've been doing the Crossover thing for years. But I'm a GG, so noone notices. Do your own thing hon, and welcome to the forum!
    If it's easy, it's not worth it.

  12. #12
    Woman in Progress Aly Cat's Avatar
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    Oh no, I didnt mean it in a derogatory way. I definitely do prance lol. I twirl around too just to see my skirts go flying lol. I love it.

  13. #13
    Woman in Progress Aly Cat's Avatar
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    Here are some of the outfits I have come up with. I have a ton more on my site. Its listed in my profile info for those who want to see more. Id love to find myself in the fashion industry. Maybe thats my true calling after all lol.

    http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com...17602b3fe1.jpg

    http://media-cache-ec4.pinterest.com...010b9d1299.jpg

    http://media-cache-ak1.pinimg.com/73...0f06688e72.jpg
    Last edited by Eryn; 04-17-2013 at 04:00 PM. Reason: Removed image tags are images exceed the 600x500 limit and appear to be hotlinked.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Alexis.j's Avatar
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    mmm, I actually started like that, (not saying the same applies to you though), wearing a skirt around the house, and I used the "woman wear mens clothes, why can't we do it the other way around" (deep down I think it was an excuse to actually get more into my fem side), after that started the eyeliner, then mascara, then........

    All I can say is enjoy doing whatever you are doing, you only live once!

  15. #15
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I will attempt to answer for one person - me. I can't say that I was attracted to women's clothing by fashion sense or the appeal of textures. For as long as I can remember a part of me wanted to dress as a woman. Much of my life that desire was marginally suppressed. My first wife was supportive of my underdressing and wearing lingerie in the bedroom. I never sought more - in fact I was scared that really I was "one of them". First marriage ends for reasons unrelated to CDing, except that all those years of repression and self loathing took a toll on my mental health. Then, with several years of cognitive therapy, I started to accept myself as transgendered, enough to share this information with a GF. She doesn't run screaming away, and we really were strongly attracted to each other, which lead to our present, long and happy marriage. Within the context of that marriage, I've been able to express my female side...and I now live nearly full time as a woman.

    We're different, but we do have the clothes in common. BTW, I don't prance

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Eva, you go as far as you feel comfortable, Despite what you might hear from some, being TG is not a competition. Some of us are happy with wearing panties occasionally, others might require a trip to Thailand to address their needs. Most of us live happily in the middle.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  17. #17
    Senior Member Barbra P's Avatar
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    For me it is all or nothing. Today I’m wearing a skort, a new drape-necked print blouse I bought yesterday at Kohl’s, full makeup, studded turquoise colored sandals, nail polish (toes and hands), a short (Bob) wig and some casual jewelry (bangles, necklace, a couple rings, and earrings). Just walked the dog around the block and stopped to say Hi to a woman up the street. Walking the dog is about as out as I get anymore – wish I could get out more but my Wife doesn’t like me going out and about. My Therapist mentioned that I hadn't been to see her in while as Barbra so next month I might go to see her enfemme. My Therapist is in a large medical center and walking in enfemme is a bit scary, but I always seem to enjoy my visits when I go enfemme.

    But what is important is what YOU are comfortable with. Me, I like to be seen as a woman, and being called ma’am always adds to my pleasure.
    Last edited by Barbra P; 04-18-2013 at 09:05 AM.
    Babs

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member TeresaCD's Avatar
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    Hii Eva. We are all different - me if I was going out, I would want tolook as femme as I could, but then makeup is one of my things. I'm sure you will work it out as you explore more

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