Can I cry a little bit?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I want to go out and be myself, blend in, go shopping, and not have the paranoia I have. I threw out a lot of old makeup because the dates had expired. My hair stylist has said she'd could come to my house to help me with my makeup during the day. I almost went out to today to go crazy buying all that I'd need but I got cold feet. I decided to be really good to myself and bought a couple maxi dresses and a beautiful floral bra online. I could easily step out in my rural neighborhood but I've been overwhelmed with a sudden fear of anything going wrong. I'm not really sure about how to carry myself as a woman and pass all of the tests with anyone I would encounter. Having a feminine voice would be ideal but it's hard for me. Sorry for leaning on my sisters this way but it's not easy for me.

Cheryl Ann

[Angela Campbell]

Join a group so you can go out in a more controlled environment. Once you get used to it it does get easier to fight the fear.

[Ressie]

Is it possible to drive to a nearby town where nobody knows you?

[boink]

You don't have to be perfect to be happy.

Things go wrong, few of us pass "perfectly" all the time, and some days you'll just run into that person who is a total jerk.

Have some confidence in yourself, let your stylist come and help you out, get the stuff you need, give your voice a little practice, and take that first step out of that door. It's not easy, but it gets easier.

[Nikki A.]

The fear of the unknown is the hardest. What is the worst that can happen, if no one knows you, who cares. You'd be surprised how accepting 99.9% of the population will be. Shopping is the easiest, salespeople want you to buy and will go out of their way to help you spend.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Ya know, you gals have given me some great insight. I only have a couple neighbors who could know the real me. And I really don't care about their opinions. They probably wouldn't find out anyway. Even if they did, I know one who would probably enjoy taking walks with me and her little dog. I've reconnected with past friends who now know about me. They love me the way I am! Give me some time and your prayers to fully be who I am! Love you all!

Cheryl Ann

[kimdl93]

My advice...quit building obstacles for yourself. Each of us has things about ourselves that we wish were different. And if we fixated on the imperfections we'd never get out the. Door. But, you know what, even if you don't pass or blend in well, there's less to,fear than you might think. If you let yourself relax and enjoy the moment, you'll forget about your fears.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

My advice...quit building obstacles for yourself. Each of us has things about ourselves that we wish were different. And if we fixated on the imperfections we'd never get out the. Door. But, you know what, even if you don't pass or blend in well, there's less to,fear than you might think. If you let yourself relax and enjoy the moment, you'll forget about your fears.

Thank you for what you've said! I know I am my own worst enemy. I need to build confidence from my sisters here. This is something I have to let go of and just let myself be me!

[Cynthia Anne]

I found it best to quit tryin' to please everyone else and just please yourself! Go out and have some fun!

[DawnD]

My SO and I had a conversation the other day. We asked ourselves how much fear was self generated. He told me he didn't know why he didn't go out sooner. It wasn't nearly what we thought it would be. Very few people noticed, those that did didn't say anything, and some people even checked him out.

[Kalista Jameson]

Which road is more relaxing to travel: The one filled with checkpoints or the long open road free of obstacles?

While no road is truly obstacle free, I think more and more that the worst check point we ourselves set up on the highway is the one called "passable". If we put it there, then we are obligated to do everything to get through it, no matter the stress, or to turn around and go back. If we can tweak our thinking and not make it about passing, but being presentable, then the checkpoint is gone. I will always be read as a man in a dress. It would be pointless for me to ever stress about trying to sneak though all the checkpoints of life. Instead, I focus on trying to look respectable and confident. I'm okay with folks knowing I am a guy. Hopefully I'll get a positive comment or two on how I put myself together.

So, Cheryl, I understand where you are coming from, and I have had all the same concerns as you. But I realized that they were stressing me out and robbing me of the joy of enjoying the open road. I've yet to go out, no longer based on fear, but just on timing and situation. I have a time and place I'm committed to and am looking forward to it without stress. If I, as an A-type personality can do it, who used to stress over everything, then there's hope for you and others.

Just remember, we are often our own worst enemies and create most of the obstacles we face. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but encouraging, so I hope that is coming across. I say this because I identify with what you shared and have found peace in making confidence, respectable dress and femininity my goals, and say to hell with pass ability.

Anyway, I wanted to hopefully add something to the conversation.

Cheers,

Kalista

[TeresaCD]

Hi Cheryl, good on you for even thinking about it. All in time, I am sure

[Nicole Erin]

First realize that yes, sometimes there will be pricks. maybe some hillbilly who wants to yell "homo" or maybe some younger brats who think it is necessary to laugh like a pack of hyenas. It happens, but not as often as you are imagining.
Realize also that those who do feel the need to mock or try to tear you down are almost always the types of people who are the butt of a lot more jokes than any TG person ever was. The vast majority of your outings will be without incident.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Haveing the confidence to interact with others, Talking with others, I have two wonderfull groups of women who suround me , to night i just met up with 14 women from our group Womens Institute , plus one other we went to Oamaru that is a Victorain town & two women run the Victorian shop that loanes out clothes so tonight we were all dressed in an outfit that gave us the chance to see what it would be like dressed up was lovely Now i know most dont wear those clothes it was a first for most.

For myself i have my own Edwardian clothes so get dressed a lot,

We had a sit down full on dinner as well so was a lovely evening out .tonight was the first time i have met 12 of those women . yet i interacted with each one ,

Now a good few looked lovely & suited the clothes,

okay heres the down side for myself , yes im a female just i ...DONT... have that passability nothing in my facial features that says ...female... so i have disadvantages, or lacks so i have to build on my good points & make them to be my advantages,

I work on .

Being out going , friendly , get to know you, enjoy being there with the others & talking about who i am . & about our family,

Okay you all get the idear, its about being who i am as a person now dont get me wrong iv struggled its been hard & yes felt like giveing up & not become a member of the many groups im part of, & yes i would have missed so much & more importaint not have those lovely neat friends i have,

You start out being very unsure, afraid to even think you could be accepted, well when you go & meet with others you find its so lovely & you grow with the confidence in your self ,

Okay tonight was about clothes & fellowship, & a bite to eat, another night we'll do something different,

...noeleena...

[Beverley Sims]

Yuo need a bit of moral support right now.
Listen to advice given here and find a friend who is sympathetic .

[Tracii G]

Solid advice from all here.

[NicoleScott]

I always wanted to try Ellen's (post #2) group idea, but it never happened for me. I am shy,too, but wanted to go out, My way was not to dive in, but to wade in from the shallow end. I went driving, then short walks, window shopping, always at night and close to a safe exit if needed (never was). I even went into a wig shp in a mall, and several times into a tg-friendly club. Not to JCPenney in the daytime, though. Baby steps. But if I had had a small group to go with, I would have felt emboldened far beyond going it alone.

[lucidique]

Hi all,

I went to the mall in Bellevue and i got my ears pirced
my god it hurt worse than any tatoo i have gotten.
I almost passed out... then agian im such a woosie.. anyways
I stoped at Bare Minerals just to look at what was going on
and they wanted me to come in for a make over... i tell you i was tempted,
i have no experience with make up and that i need to learn but
I was all by myself so i didnt go in hmmmm...

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Geez! The neighbors were gone and I could have sat in my front yard today! But the best was the call from my hair stylist this afternoon who knows all about me. On Thursday I have an appointment to get a trim and my brows waxed again to take it to the third level of arch to make them more feminine. We're going to experiment with color too. We enjoyed a long talk about the style of makeup I should work at. She has seen a picture of me dressed and says she has better ideas about a wig style and color. I felt like we've been girl friends forever! I told her if she should start her own CD friendly salon I could help her make a lot of money. LOL! Being a woman is great!

Cheryl Ann

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I'm sure many of us are happy for you dear! Get ready to start buying some really nice ear rings! Treat yourself to some girl fun!

Cheryl Ann

Hi all,

I went to the mall in Bellevue and i got my ears pirced
my god it hurt worse than any tatoo i have gotten.
I almost passed out... then agian im such a woosie.. anyways
I stoped at Bare Minerals just to look at what was going on
and they wanted me to come in for a make over... i tell you i was tempted,
i have no experience with make up and that i need to learn but
I was all by myself so i didnt go in hmmmm...