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Thread: Dose of Reality

  1. #26
    Mary Tyler Moore wannabe MarinaKirax's Avatar
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    Take a breath. First, All they could possibly see was your face and shoulders, so That is a small part of your "look". The rest of you - your hips, legs, your clothing choices, could ring as completely female, so that when you walk around, people would not notice at all. I have caught myself scowling, and it transforms me into a man in a second. If your mouth turns naturally to a scowl, and you hunch over, then you will be read in a split second. Women rarely scowl, and most men dont walk around with a big smile on their face.
    Your hair looks very natural. Honestly, there are some very unattractive women out there in the world, and they don't get read as men. They smile, they dont relax into a scowl, and they dont hide from the world. I bet you just were relaxing into a bit of male posturing without thinking about it. Own it, girl. Go out for a nice walk at dusk, get your confidence back. MK
    God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met. Farrah Fawcett

  2. #27
    Member Christine.Lolita's Avatar
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    Yes passing is something I would love to do too. I know that there is no way that I can. This one of the reasons I wear Lolita clothes because it presents a very feminine image, some would say “Sissy”, which is a word I cannot abide.
    I know that if I wore everyday female clothes I would not pass, but I really wish I could. I really feel sorry that you got hurt like that. Most people just do not understand gender variant people so they think it is a big joke.
    I have never had the courage to go out of my house; you are inspiration just by being who you are.

  3. #28
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    When you first get out there it will seem like anybody that is laughing about something is laughing at you. Are you sure you weren't picking your nose at the time the cars were beside you?lol. Get back on your horse again and keep doing your thing.

  4. #29
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I wouldn't take it too hard Hon. The real reality of it is that since the economy is so bad, many people have nothing better to do than make life miserable for other people. They don't pay your salary in any case, right?
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  5. #30
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    I assume that I don't pass at all. I try, but I still want to keep reality firmly in sight. Therefore when I get a compliment or I'm acknowledged as a lady, I'm thrilled half to death.

  6. #31
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    Just do the best you can with what you have and try to keep improving. Don't worry about passing so much as just going out and not having the locals chase you with pitchforks and torches. I don't think I have ever noticed what people in other cars are doing so I cannot say if anyone in another car has clocked me. I have gone into stores and the only thing ever said to me by others was " excuse me" or something like that. Maybe I do not pass but I get by and no one has given me any cause to avoid dressing in public yet. I have the same right to do so as any other woman out there.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  7. #32
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    Dose of Reality?

    Neither you nor anyone else here can READ MINDS Aalynn. Doesn't matter how many times and how many people claim it. Unless they held up a sign saying "Yes we are laughing at you" while pointing at you.

    Even if they were laughing at you... Apparently you HAVE passed many people many times dressed en femme and "passed"? Certainly you can't expect to fool all the people all the time?

    Your friends? Most friends will tell you what they think you want to hear.

    If you just keep your eyes pointed straight ahead while stopped at lights, [like most people do?] I think your problem will go away.

    I've got a feeling that both cars probably contained teens which really shouldn't count and that it won't stop you from going out, so good for you.

  8. #33
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    I just found it hard to believe that, from a car over, through 2 panes of glass, you can tell I'm a man but you know when they know. Just sucks.
    Oh my gosh, I feel so bad for you right now. I know just how it feels because I have had a similar situation happen to me. It feels like I pass often as I just don't feel like people look at me much at all, and so it kinda gives a false sense of security, but I too had a "traffic light incident" once and it really dented my confidence pretty bad for a day or two. I am so glad that it's not going to stop you going out. I saw it as just "another page in the book of experience!"
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  9. #34
    Member ambigendrous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaKirax View Post
    Take a breath. First, All they could possibly see was your face and shoulders, so That is a small part of your "look". The rest of you - your hips, legs, your clothing choices, could ring as completely female, so that when you walk around, people would not notice at all. I have caught myself scowling, and it transforms me into a man in a second. If your mouth turns naturally to a scowl, and you hunch over, then you will be read in a split second. Women rarely scowl, and most men dont walk around with a big smile on their face.
    Your hair looks very natural. Honestly, there are some very unattractive women out there in the world, and they don't get read as men. They smile, they dont relax into a scowl, and they dont hide from the world. I bet you just were relaxing into a bit of male posturing without thinking about it. Own it, girl. Go out for a nice walk at dusk, get your confidence back. MK
    Absolutely! That was my first thought: when people pass you while walking they see the whole presentation and that is what they use to identify you; when you are seen in a car they see your shoulders and head so they don't get as much information to process to identify you.
    Ambigendrous
    Wealth should not be measured by how much you have, but by how little you need - anon

  10. #35
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    "just found it hard to believe that, from a car over, through 2 panes of glass, you can tell I'm a man but you know when they know. Just sucks".

    Hi,

    I don't "get it" either. Were the people laughing young men? My experience has been that very few people even look at people in other cars, unless one is doing something to attract attention or is really "over the top" in their appearance.

    It is good advice to not look at people in the cars around you. In any case, their laughing at you won't actually hurt you. Do take stock of how you were presenting yourself and try to determine what might have caused these people to react as they did.
    Hugs, Carole

  11. #36
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    What mystifies me is why some people think it's ok to look straight in your eye and laugh. Who raised these bums anyway?

    I once had a guy at a fast food window laugh right in my face. It didn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, it occurred to me that I must be a very kind and generous person. After all, here's a guy who probably gets looked down upon by a lot of people. (Not by me. All work is honorable.) and here I am giving him the opportunity to feel superior to someone.

  12. #37
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Aalynn,

    Yes, it's disturbing and deflating when something like this happens -- but these Yahoos might have had the same reaction toward Bea Arthur or Janet Reno. Look at it this way: it's their problem, not yours. Do follow MK's advice-- it's confidence and your own self-esteem/self-acceptance that do the trick!

    I'm out and about at least once a week, sometimes for several days at a time. I know I'm read -- and you know something? When people realize who I am -- and see this nice, pleasant, smiling person who seems very comfortable with him -- oops, I mean her -- self, THEY become more pleasant and comfortable! (Especially, I think, women.) As my signature says, I'm a big fan of Lacey Leigh and her book, The Emancipated Crossdresser. Let me quote two sentences from her chapter on "Passing": "A funny thing happens when you no longer care if you get clocked -- it doesn't happen as often." (Her emphasis.) And: "When others recognize you as a man in a dress, and they still treat you with repect and courtesy, it means one thing: they pass!" (Again, her emphasis.)

    One more point about this. I dress conservatvely, and try to wear what other women my age (well, maybe 10 years younger...) would be wearing under similar circumstances. Fishnets, miniskirts and bright red lipstick are definitely out for this lady. In other words, I try to blend in with, and be part of, the scene, and I find it so gratifying when I do.
    Last edited by Claire Cook; 04-21-2013 at 04:23 PM.
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  13. #38
    Aspiring Member kellyanne's Avatar
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    ... with help and or study of make up,proper wig selection, clothing styles to complement body type, selection of the proper colors for skin tones, dressing techniques and accessory strategies etc...


    ...any man can look extraordinarily feminine...and feel beautiful ... ever seen a supermodel sans make up? The look like my brother- LOL.
    it's easier to enhance what one has than worry about what we don't.

    Study technique and form. For example selecting the right color patterns and style when dressing will markedly dampen height, shoulder width etc.c etc.

    My challenges are to dampen height and increase apparent hip width - I don't wear the 1 piece color dresses anymore, layered colors dampen height better.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Based on your Avatar pic I really don't understand how someone could identify you as a man in drag when you were seated in a vehicle. My feeling is that most of us get 'clocked' because there are very few women who are six feet tall, wear a size 42 suit coat, and have 15-16" biceps, and my mantra has always been "Be Thin, Be Thin, and Be Thin." However, that shouldn't have been a factor in traffic. Were you wearing a muscle shirt, girl? :-)

    As other posters have noted, sometimes mannerisms give us away more surely than appearances. Women sit more erect in the driver's seat, their heads and necks are straight (just like they don't walk with their heads and shoulders thrust forward and their necks bowed), they smoke cigarettes differently, the talk on cell phones differently, they wear different sorts of glasses frames, they hold their hands on the steering wheel slightly differently than men. They even flip the bird differently when they get cut off by another driver, trust me on that one, I've watched my ex-wives do it many times.
    Last edited by StarrOfDelite; 04-21-2013 at 05:49 PM.

  15. #40
    heaven sent celeste26's Avatar
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    I guess I am lucky, I live in an area where people are more respectful. I rarely go out with any makeup on at all and yet I get no comments. Even in the local Walmart. People just go about their activities without saying anything at all, so I cant say I have ever been "clocked." There are some kids and even teens that who might point but that is the last of it.

    As Claire points out, fromThe Emancipated Crossdresser.
    Let me quote two sentences from her chapter on "Passing": "A funny thing happens when you no longer care if you get clocked -- it doesn't happen as often." (Her emphasis.) And: "When others recognize you as a man in a dress, and they still treat you with respect and courtesy, it means one thing: they pass!"
    The key seems to be to relax and just be yourself, walk with confidence and the rest takes care of itself
    Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain

  16. #41
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Aalynn, I can relate. My first full day out in the world dressed up, I was OMG'd by teenage girls, shouted at rudely by two guys in a truck, stopped by a cop for nervous driving, laughed at , at a drive thru, tooted at a few times, which was fine with me! The most embarrassing thing, was when i parked, and strutted around town, then returned to my car. The man parked next to me had a dead battery, asked me for a jump start. and told his kids not to look! I did not look as good as you do. i had a used too small wig, too short a sleeveless dress, huge hands, jutting man jaw. It was worth the experience though!

  17. #42
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    Alice - that is really, really rough first day out!

    When someone tells me I pass well or anything like that I know it is BS. If they spent some time in my shoes they would know better.

  18. #43
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    Just Smile

    When they look at you an Laugh ,,, Just do what I do ,,,Just smile back an Wave ,,
    Hell I love to Laugh an I will Laugh right along with them ,,,


    Attachment 202075

  19. #44
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    The passing thread of yours is B.S. as far as I'm concerned. In your Avatar and profile picture you are extremely passable. It all how you carry yourself and deportment. The deal with the car pulling up next to you can be easily explained liked has happened to be sometimes. Your profile side view that they see from a next door car may suck of you when your face on view looks much more believable. I have a prominernt eagle beak nose but try to face people amd get photos face on and no profile shots. Not to sweat it, Confiedence!, Sometimes it takes years and lots of practice
    Last edited by Megan70; 04-22-2013 at 01:49 PM.

  20. #45
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    Hi Aalynn, Don't feel bad I've seen a lot of GG that don't pass either.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  21. #46
    Aspiring Member Ceri Anne's Avatar
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    Passing is completely relative to the situation. I generally pass fairly well, but know I'm not 100 % In recent times, I have been in a bar and a guy asked me if I was a man. He wasn't sure, but when my voice gave me away , he figured it out. Just tonight, I had to walk the gauntlet betweeen a group of contractors standing along the sidewalk outside my hotel. I heard them chuckle after i passed. It's nice to know I pass cassually, but yes, I do get made, I'm a bit conscious about it, but it doesn't hinder me much.
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