Does anybody know of a good ex-CD forum?

[Deedee Skyblue]

There is not such thing as an ex-CD. It is something that you are born with and no matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of it.

How do you know this is true for everyone? Have you followed every person who ever wanted to crossdress and stopped through the rest of their lives and in fact, seen each and every one of them fall off the wagon? Something may be impossible for you - but does that mean it is impossible for everyone? How can you possibly speak for everyone in the world?

It is quite alright to say "I don't believe there is any such thing as an ex-CD." It is not alright to state this as if it is a law of nature. How is this statement any different than saying 'Crossdressing is a choice and anyone who really wants to stop can stop'? Both are absolutes - and there are very few absolutes regarding human behavior and capabilities.

Deedee :cross:

Cheryl Ann, I am pretty sure the OP has received an ultimatum, 'me or crossdressing, but not both'. It doesn't matter if it is a crime, or something to be ashamed of.

Deedee

[MsJanessa]

This is definitly not a forum for people who want to stop crossdressing. Most of the folks here have accepted, even embraced their "gender duality" and are at peace with who and what they are. If you want to truly stop, then you have to control the desire, which you will always have--it never goes away (trust me on this). Coming to this forum and trying to "quit" dressing is like being an alcoholic and hanging around in bars---not a good way to stop. I have two pieces of advice for you---either accept who and what you are and learn to enjoy it, or don't put temptation in your way, if you truly want to stop---the former is what most mental health professionals would advise. The latter course of action will make you unhappy and frustrated.

CDing is not destructive like drug addiction or alcoholism, nor is it anti-social and harmful to others, like some types of sexual predators are. It is, in the final analysis, a trifle odd and a little out of the main stream, but not harmful to either us crossdressers ourselves or people who come in contact with us.

BTW, I know of no 12 step groups for "ex CDers"--you should consult a mental health professional if you want to follow this route. If, as has been suggested above, you have been told that it's "me or the crossdressing" a professional will help you work through that also.

[Kate Simmons]

A good number of us here are here for the support of our friends Leyna. Nothing more and nothing less. The degree of dressing or not dressing does not determine who my friends are Hon and my friendship is unconditional.

[MissTee]

I think that even if I wanted to stop dressing it would be very difficult, Leyna. I love the male and the female me and give both their space. Who cares if it makes sense. It just is.

I can understand your dilemma, though, and it sounds like you're reaching out in hopes of finding a group who have been successful giving up dressing. I can honestly say I've never heard of such. They may exist somewhere and we just don't know about it. Something in me says you might have a better chance of finding a herd of unicorns.

Good luck, sweetie!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Cheryl Ann, I am pretty sure the OP has received an ultimatum, 'me or crossdressing, but not both'. It doesn't matter if it is a crime, or something to be ashamed of.

Deedee

I tried to stop back in the 1980's, but with my core being, it was impossible. While I was single after the divorce I discreetly bought a nightgown, panties, and pantyhose and woke up in the middle of the night feeling wonderful like I went to heaven that I decided that this is who I am. Then I went back into therapy (some wasted money) to just accept, embrace, and love myself as I am. Then I met my wife who has been nothing short of awesome. Plus I've met others just like me who remain great friends. We all scream like girls on the dip of the roller coaster!!! And then we discuss things like makeup. LOL!!!!l

I have no regrets. I'm making the best of me!

Cheryl Ann

[RenneB]

Sure I can be an X CDr... just go back in time to a point 'pre-natal' preferred and rescramble my genes so that I come out all female (preferrable) or all male. Not half of one and part of another...

I did hear once of an ultrachristian site for CDrs. It was a trap to bring us in and 'cure' us. So since I know I can't be 'cured' because it would be like curing me of eating. Just won't work with the current carbon based unit I'm in.

Renne.....

[KateSpade83]

In Spring 2009 I had a full blown paranoid attack and I thought I would quit cding. I thought about doing something bad to get me banned here, but I changed my mind. I retitled the Bookmark to this website's pages as "Modded Anticrossdressers," and I thought about being an anticrossdresser preacher here, saying crossdressing is cursed by demons. But although I quit crossdressing temproraily then GOD did not bless me with a job, so instead of turning to women I went back to crossdressing. Yeah, my sad life...

I guess there are crossdressers here who feel guilty and want to quit too. If you want to talk stuff like that just post.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leyna, this is like the Mafia you just can't quit

[Emogene]

You can do anything if you want bad enough! Gee, nice to know that the prisons all were just emptied of inmates because everyone who use to use alcohol (illegal drugs) just stopped cold and started making good informed rational decisions! No murders, no DUI's, heaven on earth!

Personally, I've not met or heard of a CD who could permanently stop; lot of sad, stressed people who are trying but not one who was truely successful. Oh yeah, there was Charlie, he died!

If any of you have met the said alleged ex-CD, please let me know! I want the secret!

[Leyna]

I'm bothered by the alcoholism/CD comparison that keeps coming up. Not just because it treats CDing like an illness, but b/c it assumes that everyone who has ever gotten sh*tfaced as an alcoholic. I'm sure there a lots of people who have dabbled in CDing who are not "CDers", just as there are lots of folks who drink too much who aren't alcoholics.

For some people, yes, this is something you ARE. But for some people, maybe, it's just something you DO. And I desperately want to be in that second group. I don't mean that there is anything wrong with being in the first group (which is why the alcoholism analogy breaks down), but that's not who I want to be. Now, maybe I am, and I'm just in denial. But I wanna give it my best shot. As I said in the last thread, I love my wife more than I love dressing.

And as for posting here...where else can I go? As pretty much everybody has said, there are no legit ex-cd sites. And to most of the world, crossdressing is a joke. The only people who understand and can empathize are the people here.

Anyway, thanks for all the response. Even the "tough love" ones. It has been helpful. (Though, frankly, some of you might want to focus more on the 'love' part than the 'tough' part. Sorry if that offends! I'm just giving you some tough love!)

[Kathi Lake]

Leyna, whether it is something you do or something you are is immaterial. You have the power to be who you want to be. Use it.

As others have said, support groups or forums for people that used to crossdress are, as you might expect, few and far between. Why? Good question. I can't answer that. I imagine it is due to what some have said - if you want to stop thinking about a blue dress, don't think about a blue dress (not the best analogy, . . .). In other words, coming to a forum where crossdressing is discussed, obsessed over, and basically glorified may not be the forum for one trying their darndest to keep the feelings at bay. However, as Kate said, we're here to support you whichever way you choose.

If you have been battling clinical depression, I sure hope you've been battling it with the help of a licensed professional, the proper medication, and the help of those you love. I've not had personal experience with depression, but it does sound like it majorly sucks. Getting that managed should be priority one.

Finally, even though I am still here, I guess I am proof that it can be done. I'm coming up on 18 months without dressing. Why? Well, simply to show my wife that this is not an addiction, that I am in control of it, and that she is the most important thing in my life. I don't know if she'll ever be able to wrap her head around this thing we do. I do hope that it happens, though.

Good luck in whatever path you choose. Always remember that it is your choice!

Kathi

[Lady Slipper]

And to most of the world, crossdressing is a joke. The only people who understand and can empathize are the people here.

This quote makes me sad, and I fear that it accurately reflects societal views about us.

[PaulaQ]

I'm bothered by the alcoholism/CD comparison that keeps coming up.

There is one apt comparison between alcoholism and the compulsion to CD. Most people miss it - but most of the people who make the comparison aren't alcoholics, and don't understand this one simple, but powerful fact.

"An alcoholic is powerless over alcohol."
I feel that I am powerless over my cross dressing.
The way I deal with that powerlessness is different between the two situations. For alcohol, abstention from drinking, and a spiritual program, allow me to remain free of it. But I am unable to drink - if I do, all the good I've done reverts.

In the case of cross dressing, it is precisely the opposite - when I quit and suppress these feelings, I get really screwed up emotionally. I am powerless to stop this. So in fact what I have to do is accept it as a part of myself, and do it as I can to find relief.

Understanding powerlessness is extremely difficult. A lot of alcoholics never are able to really "get" this. It is a simple, but profound self-realization. But it is not easy. It is not easy to admit you are not in control. I know that *I* am not in control of my feelings over my gender. I'm not.

Obviously, if you manage to stop, and be happy, then you were never transgendered in any way, shape, or form, and so you should be perfectly happy and have a much simpler life. I do wish you luck - I really mean that.

[Eryn]

I think that the OPs question has been as well answered as well as is possible. None of the recent posts have addressed the question so I'll be closing the thread. I invite those who are interested in discussing the peripheral issues to start new threads with appropriate titles.