I'm not a girl.

[Lucy_Bella]

Why do I emulate as female ? Is there a feminine side I hold hostage inside of me that I refuse to let lose? I would hope that's not the answer, I mean I am approaching 50 years of age and have always had the urge to dress and feel Feminine...But I have honestly never felt like I am a girl..

Oh.. I have tried to think I was a girl..Ha ha it never worked ..I felt like a fool to be honest.. So I have also done a lot of deep soul searching, do I really want to be a girl? Was I born the wrong sex? To be honest I am very happy to have been born a male.. This was the result I came up with and I would never change that..So why do I continue to dress and have the urge to feel feminine?

The " denial " as some will call it.. This has nothing to do with up bringing,religion or political beliefs there are no moral reasons that keep me from openly expressing the gender I sometimes express by appearance only..Sure I have dressed femme in front of people and I have even been out dressed as a female ( not halloween ) just to do it because I've had overwhelming feelings to do those things .How did I feel to clear that from the bucket list? Little regrets but very stupid..I am destine to stay in the closet..

Going through a failed marriage due to and because of my urges( so she says) to feel feminine I have found myself seeking a female partner that will accept my desires. I have even posted pics on dating sites that were suppose to have females who accepted folks like me .It was a disaster and all it brought me was a large amount of men who wanted to met me, not women.. I deleted my accounts.

I came here over 5 years ago ( because of the name) ..I thought I would find more people here with similar issues ( sorta did) ...What I did find here is how different we are, sure there will be some people here that can relate to this post ( many may not even reply to it) but the majority that do reply will be those who tell me I shouldn't define myself..I should accept who I am without labeling myself .. I am in a group and I should enjoy life and be satisfied with that..

That's fine go ahead and state your opinion that's what this Forum is all about I take no offense to anybodies opinion I know you are trying to help.. So why am I posting this? It's not to start a pissing match over labels I can assure you of that.. I just want to know am I alone? Am I the only person here who feels that crossdressing( or the act of it) happens to people who do not feel like they are a girl? I want to learn from those who feel the same way as I do because as it stands right now I feel like a total freak dressing to the nines without any desires to be a girl!

It started out as a sexual satisfying experience that has now grown to be a comforting and relaxing experience no sex is required now am I a freak or what? I mean who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one?

[Kate Simmons]

I've found, at least for myself, it's mostly about deep feelings that needed to be addressed and satisfied one way or the other.

[Beverley Sims]

Lucy,
Iam not a girl either.
We do not need to describe ourselves with labels if we do not want to.
It is a requirement to have a satisfactory descriptor for those outside this community so as we are not labelled as something unsuitable to ourselves.

I claim to be a X dresser to those that I come out to.
This means I am not a gay or transsexual person.
It is a process of elimination really.

[Lucy_Bella]

Transvestites wish they were women.

Most reasons for crossdressing do not involve transsexual desires, i.e., a wish to physically change sex. Although crossdressers uniformly enjoy wearing women's clothes, the majority seldom want to live their lives as women, nor do they want to become women. They simply want to be like women. A very few transvestites have chosen to crossdress all of the time and live totally as women, i.e., a transgenderist. But even these men have no desire to have sex reassignment surgery. It is true that prior to having such surgery, a transsexual must crossdress and live as a woman for a year or more. During this time they often receive female hormones and their secondary sex characteristics will become markedly feminine. These people are known as preoperative transsexuals, and should not be confused with transvestites or transgenderists.

Most transvestites, as opposed to transsexuals, enjoy being men. As spouses, they are content being husbands rather than wives. As parents, they are happy with the role of father and do not wish to become mothers. While they refer to other crossdressers as "sisters," this is an acknowledgment of the special bond which they share. Additionally, the preference expressed by many crossdressers for being referred to with female pronouns and for using feminine names is related to their appearance rather than to their basic gender identity

[SheriM]

Lucy, from your post, I think I feel much the same way as you although sometimes it would be nice to be female. I like who I am. However, if I were to be born again, I'd certainly be OK with being a girl - preferably an attractive one. Part of this (at least for me) is that I think I want to be admired as women are admired - for their beauty, for being female.

[Aly Cat]

For me, it is and has for a very long time been about the clothes. Like you, it started as a sexual thing but very quickly became something not sexually related. I love the fabrics, I love the feeling I get inside when I wear the clothes and that it. I don't act feminine, I don't wear forms or wigs or anything. Apparently I have the fem walk thing down, but that was not intentional lol. I grew up with 3 sisters and had a bit more fem exposure than most, but I like being a guy. The only reason I would even think about being a woman is how much easier it would make dressing in their clothes...though then I would have all the other stuff that goes with it that I don't care about. I think our views are very similar and I too feel somewhat alone thinking...am I the only one who likes this stuff just because I like it and not because I'm feminine or have some suppressed woman inside?

[Brynna M]

I can understand what you mean. The desire to emulate female appearance can only lead me to conclude that there is something feminine in my psyche. With that said I am still 80-90% guy. I can relate to the feminine identification but at the end of the day I am a man. I am happy with my life as a man and I think more like a typical man than I do a woman.
So I'll be a guy who wants to look and act (sort of) like a girl from time to time. I'm happy with that split.

[Sister Rachel]

Hmm .. did you never think, when you were a child, that you were, or should have been, a girl? I know I did .. still do, in fact, although I have no desire to change myself in either direction by hormones. Just accept and enjoy that I am what I am, androgyne, and determined to dress as I please.

[Joann Smith]

Not real sure WTF I am ...quit trying to un tangle that can of worm a long time ago ...But what I am sure of is that I and I alone will decide what and how I dress ...

Joann

[Lucy_Bella]

Hmm .. did you never think, when you were a child, that you were, or should have been, a girl? I know I did .. still do, in fact, although I have no desire to change myself in either direction.

Angela ,Funny you mention that..I think at a young age we are curious of gender differences but some boys at a young age( before puberty) really do think they should be girls..


Transgendered folk tend to be born with a female brain gender, but shortly after eight years of age begin to forsake it for a makeshift male brain type of response. It is like abandoning a four-lane highway and taking a little dirt road beside it -- and making the best of their choice. Why do such a thing? To fit in. Around eight or nine years of age, the differences between male and female behavior become obvious. In order to fit in, the physical male with a female brain begins to mimic and then perfect (as much as they can) a male response, leaving their natural female self unexpressed or underdeveloped.

[Norah_joy]

Debated with myself as to whether I should join in but here goes. If in fact, I truly believed that I am 80 to 90% male, why am I wearing a bra?

Norah

[Jenniferathome]

Lucy, I am not a girl either. As ironic as that would appear to any non-cross dressing human, I have never felt like a girl and when I am dressed, I do not think I am one either. I do not think I am expressing some hidden feminine side but maybe more of a female "me"

[arbon]

If in fact, I truly believed that I am 80 to 90% male, why am I wearing a bra?

Because you are a cross dresser and you do what cross dressers do

[Lucy_Bella]

Norah_Joy I found this and have using this article all day in bits and pieces ..Do you find this statement fitting?
Physically male gender dysphoric individuals have been described, either by themselves or by others, as falling into three distinct groups: crossdressers, transgenderists and transsexuals.

While these categories are the generally accepted classifications both within the gender community and among helping professionals, during my work with gender folk I have come to the belief that there is only one cause, one conflict, one condition — but there are many reactions and adjustments to it. I have gradually come to the conclusion that one's coming to terms with the conflict between one's knowledge of their true gender and one's need to be "normal" fosters the same conflict in all gender folk. Because a child's greatest desire is to be normal (like everybody else), the great majority of transgendered individuals create an artificial self which meets this goal. They are often so successful at this that they not only fool everyone else but themselves as well — at least part of the time, in some way.

Once created, physically male gender folk live in their male role — a 3-D personality with its own goals, likes and dislikes, values, hobbies, etc. Although indistinguishable from the "real thing," it isn't themselves. It is an artificial creation for them to be able to fit in. This is achieved at the expense of denying, locking away, their natural female self. (See Brain Gender and Brain Sex.) Their desire to be "normal" has denied them their natural selves. But, as the nagging reality of the deception becomes harder and harder to suppress, one has to express their true gender somehow, in some way.

[Alice Torn]

Lucy Bella. You could have wrote this thread for me, too, except i have not been married. I am part gald i was born a guy. I love to bicycle, fish, play sports, do guy type sometimes. I do know i have almost always been a square peg in a round hole, and a real misfit, and abnormal. I am artistic, but have always had non-artistic jobs, most i hated, but gave it 150% anyway. I feel like i wasted my life, in many ways, wanting a wife, but never being well enough off, and also having to help my toxic family of origin. I wish i could tell you why we do this, but there may be a number of reasons. Deep repressed feelings, unmet needs, lonliness, genetic set up? I would be more productive, without this compulsion. I feel like i am a man, with a strong desire to dress and present as the tall lady i wished i could have married. I saw a lady last night, that looks like Alice, (me). The pain hit me.

[Lucy_Bella]

Alice, That is the reason why I have been doing what I do ..Researching... For you ,me or anyone else, it's not to late to understand why we do what we do..I think it would make our life much easier .. If you want to believe what this article has to offer I will post the link here ..For me, most of it makes perfect sense ..

http://www.transgendercare.com/guida...gender.htm#top

[Tracii G]

In most articles you read on TG ism it is one persons opinion keep that in mind.
They may have done research in the field but its still an opinion nothing more.
I went thru the stage of trying to figure it all out and found I was falling into a giant hole of non conclusive information and general opinion.
I accepted that I indeed have a female side and I'm comfy with who I am.Now I don't feel the need to delved into any of the hows and whys I just live the way I choose.
I am a male that likes to dress as a female.I see no need to actually change my sex or take hormones.
I'm more than the occasional crossdresser I do feel and act more like a female than a male its just who I am.

[Stevie]

I do not feel like I'm a woman, but I do feel the desire to dress. I too feel out of place mostly because of my environment. I can relate to what you are saying.

[VAWyman]

Lucy, you are not alone in that issue, so rest your pretty little head.
I have also fought the same battles in my head and have arrived at the opinion that I am a crossdresser and that's final. My wife is aware but not accepting of it at all and I have to hide for her sake, but I do not deny what I am. However, I am not a wanna be a girl, no way, no how. Do I wish I were? Well, yes there are times that I daydream about that, but as I am right now, I'd be a rather ugly one.
So now I dress to find an escape from the world, or to relax, or to [you fill in the blank]. I do it because not doing it causes more frustration than I care to deal with. Plus, I get a kick out of the game of hide (my stuff) and (my wife will) seek.
I guess the bottom line is this, Lucy. Your questions are valid, don't deny them. But don't stress over them either. You will eventually get to the point that you just don't care what others think and just enjoy yourself. When that day arrives, you will be truly satisfied with who you are, a man who appreciates women in a truly unique way. And you will be happy.

[DaniG]

I believe I am a girl. I'll never have any guarantee, but I'm about 95% certain that this is true. I'm taking things slowly as I explore my options.

Alice, That is the reason why I have been doing what I do ..Researching...

I have to wonder about your motivation for starting the thread though. It seems like you're thinking this over quite a bit. You state that you're definitely a man, but it sounds like you have some doubts.

If you aren't suffering from dysphoria, then there's no pressing need to know. But if you feel like you need to, then only you can answer that question. If it's not coming to you, then consider finding a gender therapist. It's been very helpful for me.

Good luck! :-)

[Lucy_Bella]

I have to wonder about your motivation for starting the thread though. It seems like you're thinking this over quite a bit. You state that you're definitely a man, but it sounds like you have some doubts.

No , no doubts..None what so ever...I promise you that.. The real reason for this thread and my searching was learning...I think we fall victims of ourselves more than we do complete strangers most of the time..It's like trying to explore Mars when we know so little about our own planet to learn more about our own planet..Like I've said..In here anyways..I feel like an outcast because I dress but have no desire to become a woman.. That's all..No harm to anyone..

[docrobbysherry]

Don't research it, be it!

I notice u avoided answering the question, Lucy. Instead, inserting some clinical gobbledegook!

Angela ,Funny you mention that..I think at a young age we are curious of gender differences but some boys at a young age( before puberty) really do think they should be girls..


Transgendered folk tend to be born with a female brain gender, but shortly after eight years of age begin to forsake it for a makeshift male brain type of response. It is like abandoning a four-lane highway and taking a little dirt road beside it -- and making the best of their choice. Why do such a thing? To fit in. Around eight or nine years of age, the differences between male and female behavior become obvious. In order to fit in, the physical male with a female brain begins to mimic and then perfect (as much as they can) a male response, leaving their natural female self unexpressed or underdeveloped.

I'm just like u, in that I'm only interested in looking like a female, not becoming one. And, I had no interest in dressing until I was age 50.

U think you feel like a freak? Try going around wearing silicone and a mask! But, that's not the big difference between us. Despite the fact that I spend eons here discussing dressing, I go out and meet T girls. They may think I'm nuts. But, I enjoy their company enuff that I don't care!

Anyone that wonders about why they're dressing should get out there and make some girlfriends! U will learn a lot about yourself AND U may just have the time of your life!

[BillieAnneJean]

I have absolutely NO desire to be a woman. I get to spit, cuss, get dirty, break things, fix things, cut, weld, saw, hammer, fly, ride motorcycle, AND put on a dress, stockings, and heels when ever I want to. No cramps, plus the boobs are adjustable! What a DEAL!

THANK YOU MOM NATURE! I am a GUY with extras!

So there, you are NOT alone. Whaddayathnkofthatnow!?!??? Huh?

[VAWyman]

Lucy, you are not alone in that issue, so rest your pretty head. I am a hetero, born-again Christian CDer, married for 40+ years. I have two daughters, both married, and five grand children.
I have also fought the same battles in my head and have arrived at the opinion that I am a crossdresser and that's final. My wife is aware but not accepting of it at all and I have to hide for her sake, but I do not deny what I am. However, I am not a wanna be a girl, no way, no how. Do I wish I were? Well, yes there are times that I daydream about that, but as I am right now, I'd be a rather ugly one.
So now I dress to find an escape from the world, or to relax, or to [you fill in the blank]. I do it because not doing it causes more frustration than I care to deal with. Plus, I get a kick out of the game of hide (my stuff) and (my wife will) seek.
I guess the bottom line is this, Lucy. Your questions are valid, don't deny them. But don't stress over them either. You will eventually get to the point that you just don't care what others think and just enjoy yourself. When that day arrives, you will be truly satisfied with who you are, a man who appreciates women in a truly unique way. And you will be happy.

[allesha10]

Mnay of us do just that Lucy, get aroused through dressing, relaxed and even calmer when dressed. You are OK, I think you will find there is no one singular type here, except the type that is here to help each other.