The love of my life and I have been at each others throats pretty much since she found out I was transsexual. On and off, good days and bad days, then really bad days where I spend way to much time on the internet looking for rooms to rent. Finally, we compromise. Here it is...from now and through the end of August, no leg or arm pit shaving. I get one night every two weeks to shave my face and wear makeup, get as girly as I can with monkey legs, whatever...I can wear pantyhose...ugghh......I have to get therapy, which is fine. I was planning that anyway cuz I need it (I'm crazy) and we are going to marriage counseling. Oh and shes making me have sideburns and a silly mustache for the times between shaving. :-/ Also I am no longer allowed to communicate with people on the internet without supervision.
I think I can do this. I mean, at least for the summer and if I can get through it without getting too depressed, who knows. I feel like I'm free falling through the sky right now. Like I'm in a dream and I just appeared in the sky already falling. I'm not sure if my parachute works and I'm not really even sure if I have one. I just know that at a certain point I'm going to have to pull the cord, pray to God and hope I do it before I splat on the ground.
I think about other peoples problems and I even took care of some people in the hospital who have legs and feet amputated from being morbidly obese and diabetic and I think about what issues they deal with. When I compare them to mine it just seems silly. I don't have cancer or any autoimmune diseases. I'm not starving to death in Ethiopia. I'm not in prison or a mental institution. I'm not disabled in any way shape or form except for the notion that my body isn't female, its male. Oh my friggin God why is this such an issue to me?
I ask myself this question, too...If the "world as we know it" ended and we were survivors hunting, gathering, trying to stay alive. Maybe zombies attacking, maybe just other starving people attacking...whatever the case may be..Where do I fit in? Am I really going to take the time to shave my legs or face?? Would I still even think about doing this with the goal of transition so far out of reach? Will there be any surgeons to fix my body? What about estrogen? OMG where the hell am I going to get hormones!? Will I seek out pregnant horses just to drink their urine and make this a priority over feeding my family? lol.....ok I get carried away...But anyway, its not the end of the world. Its just the end of smooth legs, and only for a while...I can do this...This is retarded....I can do this...other people go through worse every day....these are my mantras...I can do this...Because I love my wife.
xxxooo