Are transsexuals broken?

[Angela Campbell]

It has nothing to do with how tranny or not someone is. The transsexual forum is geared towards those that are actively transitioning. There is a crossdressing forum that would be the place for all other posts..

I thought "This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex." was the purpose......where does it say "only for those actively transitioning"?

And to tell you the truth being afraid to take that first step is very much a part of being a transexual. Just because you have made it past that first step does not make you a transexual when you were not before.

[emma5410]

I thought "This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex." was the purpose......not only for those actively transitioning.

There is a line that everyone who is transitioning, or has transitioned, has crossed. I have stood on both sides of it. I am convinced that those who have not crossed it yet, for whatever reason, really have no understanding of what happens when you do. I think that is why there is a division on this forum. Why those that have crossed it sometimes appear mean to those who have not.

People can only transition when they are ready or run out of options. But going on HRT and living as a woman part time does not mean that you are transitioning. If you think it does then you really have no idea. Only if you cross the line will you understand.

I am not saying this forum should only be for those who are transitioning but if you are not you should appreciate the difference between you and those who actually are.

[Kathryn Martin]

Kerrianna, quite contrary! If you think everything is "A ok" with your body, and you think that having a penis is just peachy, but you have SRS because it gains you greater acceptance, then SRS is mutilation.

[Deborah_UK]

I thought "This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex." was the purpose......where does it say "only for those actively transitioning"?

In that case I'm obviously no longer welcome - my external genitalia now matches my personal identification and psychosocial configuration (whatever the heck that means!)

[Angela Campbell]

Exactly the point I was trying to make. The intro explanation to this part of the forum is what I put in my post. It does not mention transition or those who have completed it. Is it really that exclusive? I hope not.

"There is a line that everyone who is transitioning, or has transitioned, has crossed. I have stood on both sides of it. I am convinced that those who have not crossed it yet, for whatever reason, really have no understanding of what happens when you do."

Maybe that is a good reason for them to come here to talk about it.

[Deborah_UK]

But Stefan's reasoning I think addresses that or have I missed something?

But I do question why I'm still here if that's the criteria - but then again the whole site is called crossdressers.com and I'm definitely not a crossdresser, so perhaps it is time to cut loose and not provide the benefit of my experiences to those stepping out on the transitioning path. Let them make their own way?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

jeepers my point was there was already a forum where people that wanted to be "exclusive" could go... and nobody goes there .....

dont be such a bunch of babies...

[stefan37]

I thought "This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex." was the purpose......where does it say "only for those actively transitioning"?

And to tell you the truth being afraid to take that first step is very much a part of being a transexual. Just because you have made it past that first step does not make you a transexual when you were not before.

True not actively transitioning does not necessarily make you not transsexual. But if you are not actively transitioning would you disclose to your family, friends and employer you are a transsexual? See the distinction. For many years as long as I can remeber I thought I might be transsexual. Who in their right mind growing up in the time period I did would want to admit it. Hell it took me 40 years to even admit to myself I was a crossdresser. That said because I was not actively transitioning although I may have thought myself transsexual I could not proclaim to be. If you have true gender dysphoria, but can manage your life and the distress brought on by such a condition, then you probably are transgender, but not transsexual.

Most trans-variant individuals could probably mitigate their distress by adopting traits or dressing of the opposite gender. But because of fear take no action, so how would they know if they are truly transsexual and not transgender. Methods I used to mitigate my dysphoria were no longer working. I will not say those actions I took to relieve my distress did not upset my family, but those actions fell far short of transitioning. I went to therapy and after stripping it all away I took that first step and am now actively transitioning. That has certainly thrown a huge wrench into the cog of my 30 year marriage and I feel real distress from the pain and instability I have created in my wife's life.

Also if you take notice of the second part of the forum description "phychosocial configuration" I take that phrase to mean interacting with others as a member of the opposite sex. Say for instance you say you are transsexual and suffer real distress from your condition. But nobody knows but you. Not your family, not your friends, not your employer. You function daily and in all venues that count, other than going out at night to a club or bar as a male. How can anyone take you seriously when you say you are transsexual but take no action to prove otherwise.

Those of us that do consider ourselves to be transsexual have taken the first step. Hell it took me well over 40 years to get the courage and resolve to take that first step. We all have fears, but to alleviate your distress you must overcome those fears and take action. Have you tried or started electrolysis, worked on changing your voice? Certainly 2 steps that can be undertaken without anyone being the wiser. Have you gotten your ears pierced? Can you wear earring in both ears 24/7 in all social and professional venues. I understand with my last statement their may be professional reasons where earrings would be inappropriate.

That is why there is a distinction made between those that are transsexual and those that are transgender variant but believe and proclaim to the world they are. There are members of this form that believe you need srs to be considered a true transsexual. At the moment I am ambivalent about srs, 1 because it is at least a couple ears in the future and i have much more pressing priorities to get out of the way. I like Melissa's term transitioner and it fits me at this time beautifully. I believe and my therapist and endocrinologist think I am transsexual and I have the medical diagnosis to prove that. But I can not only admit to myself I am transsexual, but to others as well. My family, close friends, employees, and my close clients.

When one can admit to themselves and to those close to them this is what they are then one can be taken seriously as a transsexual.

[Angela Campbell]

So back to the original thoughts...are transexuals "broken"....There seems to be a point where something "breaks". That is when someone has to cross that line and take the path to transition.

[Kathryn Martin]

Ellen, I think you have completely misconstrued my OP. I was born broken, because my brain did not match my body, but it could be fixed.

[Angela Campbell]

I understand. But there was a time when something changed and you made the decision to fix it. If you consider yourself as born broken then I am glad you are fixing it. I am not sure if Broken is the right term for me but something was wrong from birth.

[Badtranny]

I thought "This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psycho-social configuration is that of the opposite sex." .

It is.

I think it was sort of assumed that if somebody identified as the opposite sex than they would probably be taking steps to work that out. Notice how Personal Identification is followed by PSYCHO SOCIAL configuration? Doesn't this imply that there should be an effort made to align the mind and the presentation?

[dawnmarrie1961]

Perhaps the reference for "broken" comes from the expression "If it ain't broke don't fix it." Since we seem to have the need to fix or alter ourselves from the original programming it would only be logical to assume that the first edition had some errors in it. Hence we need an upgrade in order to be fully functional. We can be very thankful that our genetic programming wasn't written by the morons over at "Microsoft" otherwise we would be having blue,or pink, screens all over the place!

[emma5410]

I think very few people are born ready to transition. As my therapist likes to say it is a process. Many go through denial, cross dressing etc. At some point after much doubt and soul searching they may come to terms with being transsexual. It may be after decades of being able to cope as a man. For transsexuals there comes a point when all the coping mechanisms stop working. Even then you may not be ready to accept you are transsexual. The fear of losing everything you know and making one of the biggest changes anyone can make in full public view may keep you struggling on. I think if you are transsexual then eventually you reach the point when you can no longer continue as you are. The cost of that is greater than any loss you can suffer.
If you have not reached that point yet it does not mean that you are not transsexual. Going on a TS forum and saying that you are TS does not make you transsexual either. This forum should be open and welcoming to people further back in the process but anyone joining should be ready to answer tough questions.

[Angela Campbell]

It is.

I think it was sort of assumed that if somebody identified as the opposite sex than they would probably be taking steps to work that out. Notice how Personal Identification is followed by PSYCHO SOCIAL configuration? Doesn't this imply that there should be an effort made to align the mind and the presentation?

It would (I think) include taking steps or an effort to align the body and mind. However there may be many varied degrees of this. It may be someone wearing the clothes is one of the first ways someone may do this. It was for me at around 4 years old. If they openly go out in public this way it is a step even further. HRT and SRS are just the most irreversable steps. I think there are many who are transexual and just have not come to terms with it or are frightened to go further, or are otherwise confused. And yes there are some who are not TS and would like to be thought of that way or are confused and think they are. Even the healthcare professionals have a hard time making that determination.

I spent 50 years thinking I could not do anything about it. It wasn't until I came to terms with it and realized I could do something that it seems the train started rolling. At that point I do not think I could stop it.

Perhaps it would be clearer if it said undergoing transition instead of PSYCHO SOCIAL configuration. I don't know.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sometimes its in the communication...
i am very sensitive to this..

i always said "i WISHED i was a girl"...i never said "I AM a girl">..i took those words with me to therapy and was "diagnosed" as a crossdresser...dont worry be happy and dress!!!...

plus i have always had that sexual tingle around anything trans...it felt shameful and took me years to admit...i came here and posted 1000 times to the cd section before even daring to click the ts section link...
my mathematical and analytical nature drew a hard line and it took me many years to cross it and even allow the thought that i was more than just wishing...

so in a forum of words, way too many times people are not let off the hook for statements that really end up not reflecting their inner dialog, or not reflecting enough true knowledge about what they are going through...

i was ts when i was 30...if i posted here then i would have been drummed out as a fetishist...when i went to therapy thats exactly what happened..

[Rianna Humble]

This is an open forum - for all the world to read and members to post in. The regulars in this forum voted to keep it that way, not even to restrict reading to members of cd.com

Whilst the header quoted clearly states who the main intended audience is, it is open for people who are questioning their status and for those who want to understand more about TS folks.

If you are TS and want a restricted discussion, use the Safe Haven - that is what it is for. No use complaining that it is not well used if you won't make the effort to use it yourself.

No more discussion about who can and cannot post in this forum will be allowed in this thread.

Rianna Humble
Moderator, Transsexual Forums and Safe Haven