Considering Transition

[KellyJameson]

There are things you can start doing now if you are going to go on HRT. One is lose all excess body fat particularly around the belly area and if you are a smoking I strongly urge you to quit.

You want to work toward being in the best possible physical condition you can be.

Exercise and nutrition are crucial and if you abuse alcohol or drugs this will only add to your problems

Your mind and body must be built up to have the strength to go forward.

It is a paradox that to survive the process you must be psychologically strong but to be psychologically strong you must transition.

It is an extremely invasive experience leaving you with no sense of privacy. It will strip you down like no other experience leaving you exposed in every sense imaginable.

Some commit suicide from living as a transsexual and some from trying to escape living as a transsexual.

Suicide is a shadow you always live within and even afterwards this shadow may haunt you.

You will have to fight for your life like you never have had to before.

You must go into this possessing a mental and physical strength or the very process will kill you.

Transitioning is not for the faint of heart and afterwards you will be shocked that you had the strength to do it.

You need to be brutally disciplined in all your life habits or you simply will not make it.

Think of it like surviving war because that is what it is.

You cannot afford to feel sorry for yourself when the enemy is shooting at you.

Mental toughness is mandatory.

[PaulaQ]

@arbon - yes, I realize suicide is no answer. It would devastate my family, and eliminate a promising life for me. I'm ashamed of myself, actually, for being so impulsive.

I'll do better at reaching out, I failed at that this weekend. I talked to my therapist and wife both about it, so they know to kind of watch me.

I am going to avoid getting close to that point again.

As for crying, I'd welcome being able to cry more.

[TeresaCD]

I'm just telling you - ashamed as I am of my behavior over the weekend, I can only conclude from it that - This. Shit. Is. Real.

Nothing to be ashamed of, Paula - we all have bad days. I am glad you are ok

[stefan37]

At least you realize transition is a marathon and not a race. Do what you can to feel comfortable and make progress. voice practice is free and the sooner you start the better. Electrolysis is another option to help you feel you are making progress.
Please seek help to quench thoughts and action on suicide. It will help no one and we would hate to see you expire so early. We will all die at some point, no use accelerating the process. We do care and will try ot help as much as possible.

I never thought of hrt as volatile. there are serious risks to consider for sure, but are easily managed with proper medical supervision. For me estrogen knocked my anxiety down from a 10-0 in 3 days, and I have yet to have a paralyzing anxiety attack since. I have been on estrogen for 1 years next week and for it was the best decision i have made in my life. It literally saved my life. I was poisoning my body and mind with unhealthy substances and have been alcohol and substance free for 18 months to date.

As for crying when the mood hits to cry, do not hold back let it go and let the tears fly. You will definitely feel better releasing the negative energy.