Do youi have to be super-male in your male role ??

[flogo920]

Read an interesting article about why closeted are closeted- not just worry of community approbriam, with censure, ridicule, and loss of status in community.

This article noted that those whose masculine roles had to be heavily masculine kept in the closet so as to be more able to be ultra male in their male role with no crossover.

Your thoughts and opinions sought/.

Hugs,

Flo

[celeste26]

Well in my case I am not in the closet so I dont qualify

[Jaylyn]

I'm not sure what masculine roles you are talking about? Maybe if it is our employments then I can relate to a couple. I have been in a very masculine law enforcement role, a very masculine teaching / coaching role and also in a very masculine farming and ranching/ oil field role. I am to this day not totally closeted but only I'd say in hidden view. I can go outside some dressed. I can not be caught in public without losing some status in my community/ town. In small west Texas towns most CDs stay hidden. All of my previous places of employment are considered highly male or female only and the two never intertwine. I have. Contacted some of the cross dressers in this forum about all of us meeting. We might do so but as my wife says that I would have to really be passable even n a large, large city about three hours from us. I have never thought of myself as an ultra male but have had to be a masculine male in some of my professions... The opinions and thoughts on this one will be interesting. By the way Flogo your avatar is very lovely...Jaylyn

[Crissy Kay]

An interesting idea there. While I am in the closet, I am not "ultra" male in my drab life. This may very well apply to some cds, but as has been said before, we are all different.

[Alice Torn]

Very interesting thread! I am out of work now, but live in a rather red neckish macho area. I have been a security officer, window washer, gravedigger, and laborer, and I don't want my still living family of origin to find out. I got it bad enough for being a bed wetter till i was 20. My older brothers made life very hard for me, and if they found out about Alice, I would be in deep trouble. So, i try to be a regular masculine guy, but, am sensitive, and non macxho.

[Courtney . J]

for the people i have respect for i keep it away from them .. lets face it some people just dont want to see it and thats understandable ,. but for the other people i really enjoy pushing the envelope and making their heads go >>

[Beverley Sims]

I have seen it reflected in some peoples personalities where it is almost impossible to come out because of the male personna built up over time.

[Jessica Who]

I think it can happen if you are suppressing it, I've certainly done that in the past. Now that I am happy and comfortable with myself, I can be whoever I want in guy mode

[renee elizabeth]

no, ive never felt the need to be super male, i'm comfortable with myself for who i am

[Alison1842]

I think some of us are driven more into super male due to our surroundings - jobs. Whilst physically there's absolutely no reason a female could not do what i do for as a profession, to my knowledge i only know of one female that ever has done it, Even then it was because of staff shortages and she got called out of the office for a while.

Females are pretty rare things to find in any form of engineering over here in the uk. All the rearer when its in a multi discipline role involving a wide range of technologies from mechanical - electrical and pneumatic.

[mbmeen12]

I can totally relate, though urges to meet and explore more enfemme are strong today(see my avatar). I always feel the need to use ORM, Operational Risk Management which to anyone who does NOT know is, logistics, construction, medical, law enforcement analysis of situations/ paranoia to the 10th power. I too am in the small town and my job is not the place to be a Crossdresser. My wife is not employed and I need my job. Now once retired that will be a different subject and will let my hair down MtF/FtM, if you can explore, super fantastic/good on you. Some of us gurls, we can a bite of the pink buttercream frosted cake but not the whole slice.

[nacracat]

sadly thats me!! I would love to shave my arms but that would be a real no-no. One days hopefully

[jasmine57]

I seem to resemble that scenario. I feel like I need to be the ultra male around my kids and grandkids. Then when I'm at home alone I can live life as I want. Sometimes I get a little depressed about it because I feel like I'm betraying who I am but it seems easier to be who they think I am. My Kids both know about me but don't want to be a part of it and I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my kids or grandkids.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I lived in a male world dominated by male , work , church clubs though that was both male & female though not many women with the fire brgade or fire dept no women ,ooops apart from myself , plus many other parts of life,

Now this changes , how was i percived, as a male though not like other males, not masculine ,no way i just could not do that did not know how, simply no male brain.

How many knew i was differernt ill never know two i know of who told Jos & myself they knew i was female.

You have to remember i was trained by men & could i do my job what ever it was yes , was i competitive no my work & many of the things details i was trained for i enjoyed, i know had other women joined us they too would have liked & enjoyed being with us, i had one woman who wonted me to train her in woodwork machinery & the like,

Did i hide behind a image of being male no again, okay im going to get stuck into men & what i know should have happened, this goes back 46 years,

Now dont get me wrong i had some very lovely men who treated myself very well. okay they were so neat, so yes i have a soft spot for them im glad i was under them, my Boss many years ago.

Now this is my grip. many were hard not nice, i know would not accept had i told them i was female theres just no way everhow do i know because they degraded us in thier talk what they talked about & how they treated us what they thought of us, so what ever they said about other women it effected myself so when they started i walked out & i did not wont to be around them i cryed with in myself because they hurt me very deeply, unless your female at age 17 youll have no idear .

My thoughts about men hated being around them could not stand them & from what happened to Mom & i from one man 65 years ago , how do you relate with or to men when your female, i struggle with that, so its quite different .

Now you said status , then or a bit later i dont know really i could do my work though i did not have any thing to do with the communitys we lived apart from those iv said about, i would have been ridiculed had it been known i was female, it was not i hid or tryed to hide my femaleness that was open to every one just like you all know my facial features did not show that they show male ,

now i wonder why i never liked how i look from age 10 nothing has changed,

you try liveing in a male dominated world & your not male see how it is, bloody hard, i can tell you, okay some good points i was trained in many facits of work. good training that helped me through my life, its the other part, one of the boys, yea right, did not happen ever,

? then did i wont to be one of the boys, no need to answer, could i not posible,

Now heres the twist to my self you know im a member of many groups, whats my status, this will surprise you. heres this woman incharge of men telling them what to do. where to go & how to do it. yes i had men work for myself on the building sites, the next one is our Museum ill be in chage of all buildings & to maintain them ill do some work thats my domain & other work ill get the men from Rotary & Lions & maybe some others who will be helping,

So this bloody women has what it takes, & will be incharge, Oh love this when some find out whos the boss, so will that be okay for my status,

The tables have turned i just had to wait awaile thats all. & i have men come to me for advise so its pretty good.

okay back to earth,

im not that bad. or tough most know me so they are pretty good, now the other good think here is the women treat me as a normal woman & wont me around them as well & we work very well to gether, so that to me is whats so nice. really it comes down to my acceptance has been given to myself from those who i have got to know, so it works both ways,

...noeleena...

[Ressie]

I find men with exaggerated macho characteristics hilarious. But it's a man's world and we have to play the part.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I am definitely a case of someone who decided to go the ultra super masculine male route thinking I could bench press my way out of any desire to dress let alone want to be a woman. Including a career in which would make it impossible or at least a very big liability. It's nice to see how that game plan has basically blown up in my face!

[Kate Simmons]

I've never felt the need to be either super masculine or super feminine really, just kind of ease on down the road so to speak. I'm fully capable of fulfilling either role, however, if I choose to.

[Lucy_Bella]

Yes , just as non cders that have in time built an Alpha male role so do closeted cders( after all some of us do have masculine feelings) ..I think it's natural , I also think it's human nature..

By saying Alpha male isn't in anyway meaning "Tough Guy" ..It's were your role as a family member father ,grandfather ,husband and eldest sibling were people look up to you in respect.. That is a role many of us closeted Cders play and the goal is keeping our assigned role with our offspring and loved ones ..

What if the Alpha male gets outed ? Many here might suggest that would create a loss of credibility in the Alpha male role . True to a point but many of us would never take that chance by ensuring or teaching a diverse lifestyle. Many closeted Cders are not outed by prancing around everywhere dressed up it usually comes from other people ( ex wives or girl friends) we shared our cding with that doesn't mean okay the whole world knows and the gig is up, we still cling to our Alpha male role..

In fact unlike most of the non Alpha male Cders closeted Alpha male Cders are more likely to be open minded with diverse lifestyles ..So yes credibility could be lost but not always the case because many would rather know of you as the Alpha male first and consider the cding portion as a lesser role.Acceptance is more likely the case for many but not for all ..Why? Because cding could been seen as a selfish act .

Although those close to you may accept and understand your needs to cd that doesn't mean others outside your circle will..Lets face it the world is full of cruel people and those who are closest to you will receive the bunt end of the harassment . They will not enjoy comments you yourself as a cder will never hear or even care about .Lets keep in mind you are their Alpha male person they respect you and do not enjoy hearing terrible comments made on your behalf. Cding can be seen as a selfish act so consideration should be used (that is my opinion on my own lifestyle not that of any others).. Because cding is my issue and shouldn't become the problem of those who surround me..That is why it stays in the closet it's an act of protection for not only me but those who respect me it's not an act selfishness..

I only wrote this to reflect my opinion and my lifestyle I did not write this to suggest in anyway this is how other lifestyles should live.. But I am writing this on behalf of other Closeted Alpha males

[Emily83]

My transitioning wife was in several heavy metal bands in our city over 12 years. He was tough on stage & drank like a fish. He lived the rock star dream. So I guess everyone made presumptions about our home life.
I was raised by my father with my 2 brothers. I grew up kicking the football around, falling out of trees, swimming in the creek & camping without showers or toilets. Started driving & riding motorbikes on the farm when I was 6 & started shooting the same year. So I'm in my late 20's & am still a giant (6ft) tomboy.
When we had a lawn, mowing was my job (took 2.5hrs), while she did the inside of the house. Suited us both just fine. I've always grabed her to sit on my lap & pulled her towards me with my arm around her & her head on my chest for a cuddle watching dvds. I never really thought about it until a few weeks ago when she told me how relieved she is that I have these mannerisms.
My dad used to do all the house work & cooking, worked a full time job & put himself through uni @ night. I'm used to men who can do all the 'girly' stuff as well I guess.
Men don't have to be macho to be men & women don't have to be 'looked after' to be women.
My wife & I are very lucky. I love her so much. All the best. X