slowly been collecting everything together and building the courage to go out for the first time,got me few friends willing to take me with them but may be in august when il meet with some members from here in the ukim excited but nervous,how did everyone get past their nerves?
stephy x
My first couple times out were to Halloween parties. Some say that doesn't count, but at least it will build up courage. Then, a friend asked if I would dress up as a gag for her husband's birthday party. I must admit, I put on a pretty good show. The first time out, trying to go as a female, was scary, my heart was racing, but I told myself that it was the next step, and I had to pass this test. It wasn't much, but I was out. Then my next two outings were with my wife. Since her death, I've been out as much as possible.
Leah
Be nice; It don't cost nothing.
Stephy, That's a tough question to answer. I've been out only a few times and mostly under cotrolled situations, darkness being one of them. The best I can describe it for myself is to compare it to walking into a lion's den. Have confidence, forget the potential hazards, and just do it. Yes, it will test your nerves. But it's like jumping out of a plane trusting your parachute will open landing you safely. Even now, I have to keep testing myself, and making sure the parachue will open. I don't know how to describe it any better. It's different for everyone.
Cheryl
Scared as. Didn't trust the night people so went to coffee shop which opened at 6.30 am.
Soon realized no one actually cared
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
I found I got more nervous the night before I was going out than on the day itself. I found it very reassuring to know that I was going with a good friend and that we could always get back in the car and drive to her (vacant) house if things were too much. In fact, never getting out of the car at all was an option in theory!
I got past the "nerves" by doing it...just going out.
It's like anything new...you have to take that first step.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I like the analogy (sp) to sky diving.
The anticipation and terror builds, you jump, the chute opens, euphoria reigns! The reality is much nicer than what our heads create out of nothing before we ever open the door. Get through the nerves by just doing IT.
Gut it out the first time and and you will be hooked!
Getting past the nerves is different for each one of us.. some jump right in (or out as the case may be) while others take a bazillion baby steps (that would be me). Started with getting the outfits right for the location. I'd scout the location (aka Mall) and see what other's are wearing. I'd pick out an outfit, spend way too much time in front of the mirror and then go. Okay, first time made it to a cemetery (figure no one there would complain) but in time, made it to drive troughs' and eventually the mall.
With practice, the butterflies started to leave and after a few months of 'outings', I was cured of them. Now I go out when I want, where I want and really have a blast. However, most of my out and abouts are now just errands, like going to the store for groceries and stuff... still love to just shop...
So from one that in on the other side of the wall, the biggest thing you have to 'pass' is the front door. Being out and about is 90% 'tude and 10% outfit, hair, makeup, gestures, walking, fashion.. etc...
Hope this helps....
Renne.....
Hi Stephy. Try to think of this, every time you approach the door: The fear is all in your own head. What might happen? Someone says an unkind remark? Hardly worth altering your life for, don't you think?
Going out with friends is a great way to go out. It really takes the pressure off. My first time out was only about two years ago. I went out with Allie and Rachel from this forum. It was really weird in that I never felt fearful. Here I was waiting in a hotel lobby in San Francisco for two other cross dressers and I was excited to be out! I even forgot I was dressed at times. Being with Allie and Rachel made the difference. Since then. I have been out with my wife on a few occasions and again with Allie and Rachel and my wife just last March. Like most things, commit to the idea and you'll get out the door. That's how I was able to jump out of an airplane. I didn't think of the ground, just leaning out the door. You can do it and have fun while doing it!
For me it was a bit like jumping off the high diving board....
Oh! well, here goes.......
And jump.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I took it in stages. First it was just walking outside to take out the trash. Then it was getting into the car and driving. Then I got out and went into a supermarket. I repeated that a couple of times. Then I went out to one of my meetups with other T-girls. Then a couple more. Now, after having had my hair done as Amy and then maneuvering through a crowded supermarket afterwards, the fear is pretty much gone. I managed one meeting, three Walmarts, and a supermarket yesterday, and I look forward to when I'll be able to go out again. (Next weekend, I'm sure.)
In the process, I may have discovered the "secret"...which really isn't one. If you have confidence in yourself, and confidence in your presentation, it will go a long way towards helping you blend in. I don't even worry about "passing," just about looking my best and being the best lady I can be.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
I agree. Plan ahead, scout out the area for bathrooms, ect. then just get yourself dressed and walk out the door like you've been a female all your life.Originally Posted by Cheryl T
edit:
Let me add a bit to my post. You don't have to "do it" all at once. Well, you have to do the whole dressing thing, going out half man and half woman is bound to get you some looks.
What I mean is, for the first time, you might just want to get dressed and drive around in your car. Next time you might get up the nerve to get out of the car and put something in a mall or gas station trash can. Or park and walk over to a soda machine, take some money out of your purse, and buy a soda.
Then, drive to the tourist or business part of a nearby city, get out of the car, and walk around. The trick here is to walk like you have a purpose, that you are walking somewhere. One thing to watch out for here, someone may speak to you. Be ready with a "good morning to you too" or whatever is appropriate.
Next, you can tackle the more social situations like shopping or eating in a restaurant. You'll need a female voice for this.
But as I posted above, decide what you're going to do, plan for it, and then just do it!
Last edited by linda allen; 05-20-2013 at 08:55 AM.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
I just went for it. Tackle Fear head on Sweetie. Once done, You'll see Fear for what it is.............A farce
Having talked to you already about it a bit I'd say you're less nervous than most about going out for the first time. The only way to get over your nerves really is to just do it as many people have said already. I've found the idea is oddly much more nerve racking than the act and the more you do it the more you'll realize how fun it is and that there isn't really anything to worry about.
Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British
thankyou everyone
stephy x
My nerves go away when I see someone smile. I hope they are smiling at me, not laughing inside.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Hi Stephy,
I first went out totally in public from the hotel I am in right now. Walking up the corridor, I saw a member of staff and hit a glass wall....BANG!
Collected myself and thought, "to hell with it" and just drew the courage to confront the situation and walked right on out, announcing I would be back a little later.
Amazing feeling! from your avatar, you appear to have that old passing trick on your side.....youth!
Who or where will you be meeting members, if you don't mind me asking here. I'm from south London so only a little way from your location. I'm also part of Croydon Trans Group.
Rebecca
Stephy
It is worth going through the fear! That first step out of the car was electrifying for me. I went out 3 months ago for the first time with my wife and another GG. I have since been out three times since. The last time my wife and I met Allie and Rachael in San Francisco. It was great to en with them and they were so gracious to me and my wife. They loved my wife! Have courage and go out and face the world if that is your heart's desire.
Suzanne
Leave the nerves at the door and go out and have fun.
My first time alone was trying but I made it thru it just fine.
I don't think about it now I get dressed and head out the door.
I wish you a splendid time out for your first time.
Stephy, you just take a deep breath, twist the knob, and open the front door. Then you step through that door with your head held high, a smile on your face, and wonder in your eyes as you experince the world in a whole new wonderful way!!!!
Go for it girl!!!!!
Hugs, Jules
PS Sometimes still I open the door and do an aboutface, but now more often than not I step through it. And when I do I am soooo content and happy about my experience in the real world.... Good luck!
Stephy you look great in your AVI so go for it. I dont have youth on my side anymore so i dont know if i will ever get out passably, certainly not until i can do makeup that suits me. One thing that i could take some security in knowing if i was confronted by neanderthals, is that in guy mode i can pack a quick punch if need be. Then i would have to take off my heels and leg it. Only joking I hope ! PS : Love your eyes.
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