I pass pretty well, i mean randome guys to come up to me and start flirting and all that mess but still for some reason while walking around i cant help but think everyone clocks me. I see someone shoot a glance in my direction and my only thought is "they know!" so my question is, do you girls have this thought as well & could this just be all in my head?
Who can say? Some women certainly will read you, some men might. If they don't say something, you'll never know for sure.
The constant fear of being made is a pretty common malady among many of the best of us. It always surprises me that they actually worry about this stuff when they look so darned good. As for me, I'm quite well aware that I don't pass any kind of close scrutiny, but I do have the boldness to "own the place" where ever I go. I just don't do fear of any kind. Way too old for that nonsense.
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
Kylee,
When your eyes meet, do you smile back?
That is the most disarming thing you can do.
A smiling male face all of a sudden turns feminine with a dress on.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
People who make assessments on others using appearance alone clearly don't know the person. "Clock away" I say for all the good it does.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
My wife can pick a transwoman or crossdresser out of a crowd like Where's Waldo. I think it's just an innate thing, the proportions are off slightly, the hands are too big, whatever. I bet she's not the only woman who can do this. Women are probably programmed that way for some reason. Men aren't so observant. If she's got the general look, men can be fooled more easily.
In any case, I wouldn't worry about it. You'll always know you're not a natural woman and so you'll always wonder if others do to. You are what you are and feel lucky most people don't seem to notice or care.
Last edited by marlenesexton; 05-26-2013 at 09:24 PM.
Kylee , in your case , judging from your avatar photo , you look very passable and I'm pretty sure you are mainly suffering from paranoia. One thing to keep in mind is men blatantly check women out much more than vice versa. And also women check out other women's outfits all the time. GG women get used to this after a while. However having grown up being a guy you are not used to being constantly given the once over . So now you go out as a nicely dressed female and all of a sudden all these people are checking you out. You, being somewhat anxious, assume they are reading you but I think it's probably more likely just the same thing nice looking gg women get all the time. Get used to it, you're a cute girl . Just give em a smile and walk on by.
Now , in my case , I'm sure I'm being clocked and I'm not just being paranoid ! Lol
I must agree with Marlene however. My wife also has this innate ability. She'll notice trans people all the time and give me a discrete elbow and nod to point them out . I'll be totally clueless. She does this mainly to make me feel more at ease, sort of like , " see honey , there's lots of you around" and not in any disparaging way . Still, the fact remains, she's extremely perceptive.Originally Posted by marlenesexton
I assume everyone knows and if they really don't...... I still could care less! lol
Oh every once in a while when walking in the mall, I'll catch other's eyes scanning me. What I like to catch is the reaction. From a few GGs I'll get a little smile out of the corner of their mouth, while others just scan and keep checking out other carbon based units.... Really, most of the people that I walk by are so into their own little world, they don't even notice.
However, if you dress with style, just keep in mind, people will look. Most are just forming a mental note about your style others.... well who really cares.
Enjoy your time out and just go about your business..... have a blast. You really do look great.
Renne.....
I constantly have those thoughts when I'm out. I know I don't pass so I don't bother going out dressed anymore, unless its drab, of course.
I agree that even if you do pass most of the time, your worries are caused by yourself and not necessarily whether you are read or not. Once you get the attitude that everyone can read you (whether they can or cannot read you) and that you don't really care, you can move on from worrying about that to better enjoying your time when out as a woman, just like you enjoy your time when out as a male. I.e. you think and worry about other things. I also agree that from the little I can see in your avatar you should not be worrying about being read.
I'm not sure that whether you pass or don't pass is the question - the real issue is always how do you feel? If you are comfortable with yourself and your friends and surroundings, then what others think it pretty much irrelevant. I certainly do not pass and have only been in public a few times in my life as a woman - but actually this website has helped me gain the self confidence and capability to not worry - just be who I am so long as I'm not hurting others. Looking at it from another direction, I was in a department store this morning, as a man, and ended up in the women's section and bought a blouse, skirt, some lingerie and another swimsuit - they were clearly for me (at 2x they weren't for the svelt young ladies) - but no one gave a hoot and frankly I had great fun in the aisle with other women shopping (though I swear one of the women was a CD - she didn't say anything). You have the courage to find your feminine side so now just relax and enjoy the ride not worrying what others think about your looks, figure or sexual identity!
The Wise Ol' Momma Owl....Darla Jean
I usually feel i am not passing all that well - so i am pleased when i am addressed as a lady
I think you need to be practical. The number of men who can actually pass as a woman are exceedingly rare and it's even harder the younger you are. You can not hide bone structure: jaw line, shoulder width, basic geometries. So, yes, you are being read. The worry about it, however, IS in your head alone.
OK, she can do this, but with what confidence level? It's easy to say "that person is a CDer" privately, but can she be certain of her judgment? I have a GG friend who would easily set your wife's CD-alarm off. Her face is square, her voice is deep, her hands are big and she's nearly six feet tall in size 11 flats. Regardless, she is still a GG with a husband and two children.
My wife and I do tend to play "spot the CDer" when we are out and about. We will occasionally see someone whom we are 80% or 90% certain are a CDer but very seldom can we be 100% sure. There's almost always a bit of doubt and that is on the part of people who are in the know.
The usual thing we notice is behavior. GGs browse their way casually through a store. CDers tend to move too furtively and rapidly. Overly-concealing clothing and wigs also tend to give the impression that there is something being hidden.
I'm a tall girl and sometimes get a second look from others. If I were to shrink away from that look I would certainly inspire suspicion. I've learned to smile and even move a bit closer to the observer if appropriate. I think that attitude is the most important factor and heck, I don't look bad for a fiftysomething girl so why not give them more time to check me out?
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Yes i always smile back... And sometimes a little wink or small had wave
I'm getting to the point where I'm not concerned if I "pass" or not. I maintain confidence in myself and my overall presentation, something that's justified by the positive opinions of Sabrina, the ladies here, and the ones at my monthly meetups. I have walked through crowded supermarkets as Amy and not one person has reacted oddly. Most people, it seems, just don't really care; they have their own things to do and to deal with, and when they see something that approximates what they expect to see (another lady out shopping), it doesn't really register. "Hear hoofbeats, expect horses, not zebras." This zebra is thankful for that basic principle.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
Those that are looking at others will be able to spot most, but most people are too busy doing their own thing. Relax and enjoy.
She's pretty good. Obviously, we don't point and stare. But she does pick out trans that I don't. I bet she misses a lot too. Honestly, I'm amazed at the ability of some men to transfrom themselves into women. Even more so when it's just for an afternoon without the aid of surgery, hormones and all that. I can't see the hints but my wife can. Like I said, she's a woman and she probably is better at detecting those slight differences. Like Marlena said, they are always checking out other women.
But it doesn't matter. Passing is nice, but few of us can really do it. Like I said above, I'm amazed at some men's ability to transform, but I'm seeing them in a photo most of the time, looking their best, an image culled from maybe hundreds. I can't tell they are 6-foot-7 in those pumps. I can't see past the wig to the square jaw. But who cares? I think the key is to look less like man in a dress and more like a crossdresser if you get my drift. Not quite female, but a pretty good approximation. It's the whole package whether you get clocked or not. I will get clocked, I promise, but I just don't care anymore.
The truth is nobody cares that much, I mean, they have their own lives to be concerned about and if you don't make eye contact, don't worry about it.
Besides, very few of us can pass 100% of the time anyway so don'tmake a big deal if you're found out.
Life is too darn short to worry.
Here are a couple shots of me... i know judging from pictures is a bit hard to tell but i seen some of you saying "looking at your avatar" so i thought about giving everyone a better look at me.
The short answer is, in fact, "It's all in your head." The truth is if you're very genuine to people, it doesn't matter how you present yourself: What matters is the courage and attitude that you exude that pretty much wins people over. Now granted nowadays I pass easily, even when I'm not trying, but even when I was starting out I had to make sure that I was being true to myself and who I am as an individual and present that to people.
Brilliant! I actually try to do this in both personas. Smiles and laughter are infectious, and only stand to make a better interaction. Even if you're just at the bank or the Supermarket.
"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." -Mae West
I get this feeling too and I think it's really a sense of hyper awareness due to our circumstance. It sounds conceited, but there are lots of girls out n about who would kill to have my figure, plenty uglier than me and I console myself thinking if I'm being read by girls it's probably a touch o jealousy. As for guys looking, I look at every girl that goes past so I'd b a little worried if I didn't get checked out a bit. That helps me get by, miht b total crap but if it helps ya b yourself with confidence :-)
Btw ya look great!
I don't give a damn coz I am what I am, even if it's really, really bad
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