I kind of expected a little, but nothing like this...
As you may know from previous posts, I have been working very closely with the HR team at my company over the last 5 months to lay the foundation for a succesful transition. To anyone's knowledge, no one in my company of 30000 people has ever transitioned openly. We have accomplished a lot over a relatively short time and have managed to keep the entire situation confidential.
Over this past week we began the communication process to my co workers and external partners. This has been a real logistical challenge, as my role crosses many functional areas and I know andwork with hundreds of people, and am known well within my company by many more. The process started last Friday with me making a statement to 70 people in my inner circle via teleconference. I then spent Tuesday and Wednesday travelling to other office locations to hold face to face meetings. All meetings were supported by HR and included a comprehensive training module. The culmination came yesterday, when I released a written statement at 8 am to several dozen key leaders and addressed a senior leadership team with permission to cascade the message as necessary.
The response has just been amazing. While I had expected some support, i really expected mostly silence - a yawn. That has not been the case. I have received a literal avalanche of emails, texts, and phone calls, some from people that I have never met, with heartfelt expressions of support. I have responded to over a hundred emails so far, most since yesterday. I even received an email from the HR director of a MAJOR client of ours, one who has been in the news a lot this year around the possibility of having openly gay "employees", expressing congratulations and absolute support.
I wasnt really prepared for this. I have spent most of my life hiding my true self from the word out of shame and fear of rejection. I think my fears are well-founded- i know that many of you have had vastly differrent experinces. That makes me sad. A year ago I had fully intended to resign my position, complete transition, then figure out what to do next. However, a few conversations, with people in my HR and diversity organizations convinced my that i might actually be able to transition AND maintain my current role. I am sure glad that I listened to them!
I am acutely aware that this is just a moment in time. As the novelty wears off prejudices may kreep back in. It will not be all roses, and i have to be prepared emotionally. But, so far so good.
My point in sharing my experience is not to just tell a story with what appears to have a happy ending, but to share a few key pearls that i think has made my journey successful so far:
1. I had to reach the point in my life that I was completely at peace with who I am AND be willing to make major sacrifices to live my life "out loud". I have lost my wife, daughter, extended family, and was prepared to leave my job, but i had accepted these possible outcomes
2. A long range plan was essential. I committed to transition three years ago and have been methodically working towards today ever since. Some things just had to happen in the right sequence for me, and i had to plan for that
3. My relationship with my therapist was essential. While i started seeing her solely to get a "letter", our work together continued well past that, to this day, and has helped me through some rough spots.
4. Social integration was a must for me. Like many of us, i am a recovered crossdresser, and my experience being out in the world presenting female has made presentation a non-issue. I have very little concern that when i walk back into the office on June 24 (after ffs in 5 days) that i will look and act the role i identify with. I will be nervous as hell, of course! So for me, i had to get out in the world and get out as often as i could
5. I wouldnt have made it to where I am today without engaging with key HR and diversity leaders early. For me, it was almost a year in advance. And we needed all of that time to get here
6. Being the most valuable employee that I could be helped a lot. I think of myself as a hard worker anyways, but, knowing that this was coming years in advance, i went the extra mile (or 10) to stand out from my peers. When it came time to decide whether or not to support me, I can only assume that it was an easier decision to make being a valued contributor rather than a marginal employee
7. Similar to number 2 above, detailed planning in the work transition process was integral to success. We had a team, a written plan, and accountability for success. It wouldnt have worked if any one of those was missing
I am sure that there are more essentials, but this is what comes to mind now. I already see that having blazed this path in my company will help others. One of the emails that i received was from a co worker whom i have been on committees with but have never met in person. He confided in me that she, too, has been considering transition, and now has the courage to move forward. That was the best email of all.
Everyone's situation and experiences are different, and what led me to success may not work for you. However, i think there are some basics that, if considered, will make your journey a little easier. We all know how tough this is anyways
Thanks for "listening"
JG
