Porn Addiction, Rebooting & Crossdressing

[Julia Roze]

I've been reading up on ways to stop porn addiction and basically read that I have to stop all forms of sexual stimulation. Sexual fantasies, masturbation and orgasms to porn are not allowed during a reboot. Orgasms with real people or masturbation without porn is ok. After a successful reboot of say months or years, it's not recommended to ever go back to porn.

I was wondering if anyone here has gone through a reboot and how they dealt with their crossdressing side? I've accepted the fact that crossdressing is a part of my life, but how do I abandon it?

Or is crossdressing just a result of my porn addiction? I only got into crossdressing because of fetishes. Will my crossdressing lifestyle go away after this reboot?

Here is a tedx talk on porn addiction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82...layer_embedded

[Tracii G]

I'd say if your will is strong enough you could stop CDing.
As with some addictions just go cold turkey and take it a day at a time.
I kicked alcohol and cocaine cold turkey.

[whowhatwhen]

Some say you can abandon it, but I'd be hesitant to agree - especially someone as young as you I'd bet good money that the feelings/need will come back at some point.

Why do you want to abandon it?
Especially since abandon is a strong word in this context.

[Erica Marie]

Just a thought. Maybe a counselor could help you sort things out.
Why do you want to quit? Is the porn and dressing taking over your life? Is it interfering with your day to day? For alot of people crossdressing and porn go hand in hand and always will be a form of stimulation. For others it starts with porn and overtime the porn wears off and the dressing becomes more a part of who they are instead of a form of stimulation.
I guess till you find out what part rules it may be difficult to figure out.

[Jenniferathome]

Cross dressing and porn are totally unrelated.

If you cross dress for fetish reasons then you'll have to stop that. When I dress there is nothing "sexual" about it.

[Alice Torn]

I used to dress and be sexually aroused greatly. Now, it is not so much sexual, as sensual, attractive, but, i do have fantasies of being held, and carressed by men, sometimes.

[bomba]

you cant stop crossdressing....i hav been tying for 25 years...i have lots of reasons to quite...i cant. and i dont believe any crossdresser could.not forever.so save your stuff save money.

[Brooklyn]

Good for you trying to kick porn addiction!

Are you ashamed of your crossdressing, or does it negatively affect your life? I have found, like many others, that the consequences of completely abandoning that part of you are more destructive than allowing some crossdressing in your life. Reboot and purge as you might, it doesn't go away, and you may become angry and unpleasant from the repression.

Of course, you can become addicted to all kinds of ordinary activities, like sports, work, or restoring vintage cars, and no-one thinks any less of you - unless they get in the way of your relationships or responsibilities. Maybe consider crossdressing as an ordinary and fun activity that you just need to balance with the rest of your life. Good luck!

[Rhonda Ann]

It would be a per individual, as for me I have quit and stayed away for 8 years while I was dating a wonderful lady. After she moved to another part of the country 1000 miles+ (career reason) away we drifted apart. Eventually I started crossing again. If we would have been able to stay together.....who knows. As for you, it's up to you. I'm a lot like you, my crossing started as a fetish, now it's just something I enjoy doing.

[Julia Roze]

Why do you want to abandon it?
Especially since abandon is a strong word in this context.

Because I want to stop my addiction with porn. I feel like if I get back to dressing, I'll begin to start taking pictures and videos again and start getting back into the adult community. Crossdressing has always been a form of sexual stimulation for me. I have never dressed up just to do chores or to finish my homework. It has always ended in something sexual, and I feel like crossdressing is another outlet to porn for me.

I used to dress and be sexually aroused greatly. Now, it is not so much sexual, as sensual, attractive, but, i do have fantasies of being held, and carressed by men, sometimes.

Maybe because frequent dressing has numbed your sexual stimulation and now the fantasy of being with a man while dressed is the next level of achieving your dopamine. I'm not accusing, just trying to use what learned from here: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-...on-porn-series

Good for you trying to kick porn addiction!

Are you ashamed of your crossdressing, or does it negatively affect your life? I have found, like many others, that the consequences of completely abandoning that part of you are more destructive than allowing some crossdressing in your life. Reboot and purge as you might, it doesn't go away, and you may become angry and unpleasant from the repression.

Of course, you can become addicted to all kinds of ordinary activities, like sports, work, or restoring vintage cars, and no-one thinks any less of you - unless they get in the way of your relationships or responsibilities. Maybe consider crossdressing as an ordinary and fun activity that you just need to balance with the rest of your life. Good luck!

I am not ashamed of crossdressing nor do I feel guilty about dressing. I admire it and have fully accepted it.

And yes, I have a strong feeling that I am addicted to porn and that it has negatively affected my life socially. I have a hard time getting the motivation to go out with colleagues or ask girls out on dates. I've read success stories of people who haven't looked at porn for months and years and they all feel like they've improved socially.

[luca]

I have always felt weird about this because this started as sexual for me as well in my teens. It still is and I often get visibly excited when I dress and I find it embarrassing. I know that it is a fetish and I am becoming ok that it excites me, but I still watch porn sometimes and I don't like the idea of this being something that is such a habit that.i almost need to do it. It's almost like someone who just snacks when they are bored, all day long until it is not boredom that makes them snack but snacking that distracts them from doing other things. I'm okay that I have a fetish, but I want to be able to dress and enjoy myself for the pretty things that I am wearing and THEN enjoy it sexually when I can do it and when I am ready to. I agree with Jennifer that crossdressing and porn are unrelated.

[TeresaCD]

Hi Julia. Good for you, trying to stop!
I have struggled with pornography over the years, a couple of keys I have found are seeing the why you do it, and seeing the effect it has on you and your relationship with others. Not everyone is the same, some find it easier, others not so much.
Masturbation 'locks in' behaviours, so stopping that will certainly help (in my experience)
I, like Jennifer, see dressing and porn as separate things, more a part of who you are, rather than something you do.

[Anna Abwaerts]

I would bet 100$ that you will not abandon porn. Im platinum sure I would win this bet. And if I dont... then I would feel compassion.... then you can have the money.

[Julia Roze]

I would bet 100$ that you will not abandon porn. Im platinum sure I would win this bet. And if I dont... then I would feel compassion.... then you can have the money.

Why do you think this?

[Anna Abwaerts]

So you will have a gf/wife and maybe she proposes to watch something kinky or questions you about it. Or you watch a movie (together or alone) and a bed scene comes up and what will you do? Kick yourself because it is against your "no porn rules"?

And besides... even if you dont watch porn you will get aroused... on the street, in the mornings, everywhere. You will need to have an outlet. Again I am platinum sure it is harmful to your health to not have a regular orgasm. Your penis is a muscle, it needs to work.

[maxjohnson]

If you cross dress for fetish reasons then you'll have to stop that. When I dress there is nothing "sexual" about it.

Even women can feel sexy about themselves from dressing nicely, so I don't see why a guy can't. This is too close to berating people who enjoy bondage sex, I'm not into that, but I won't automatically judge those who like it either. Everyone have their own reasons why dressing certain ways, not just crossdressing alone. Well I'm not a psychiatrist so its all opinions, but for me I think its okay to dress or look at porn however you want as long as there is a balance to it and not harmful to your physical and mental health.

[Julia Roze]

So you will have a gf/wife and maybe she proposes to watch something kinky or questions you about it. Or you watch a movie (together or alone) and a bed scene comes up and what will you do? Kick yourself because it is against your "no porn rules"?

And besides... even if you dont watch porn you will get aroused... on the street, in the mornings, everywhere. You will need to have an outlet. Again I am platinum sure it is harmful to your health to not have a regular orgasm. Your penis is a muscle, it needs to work.

I think you misunderstood. Orgasms, sex or stimulation from real people aren't the problem. Even solo masturbation without looking at porn is ok once in a while. The problem is stimulation from a 2d image from the porn on your computer screen. The problem is the convenience of the internet, and how easily it can numb your senses and lead to addiction.

Accidentally running into a cue or trigger such as a bed scene in a movie is ok because you're not willingly looking for it.

I'm not saying porn is bad - do whatever you want with it. All I'm saying is that it's become a problem for me and that I no longer wish to see it if that's what it takes to fix the problem.

[Beverley Sims]

If you have the will power and can set a goal for each day, you can probably defeat both urges.
Dressing however does seem to be hard wired differently,\.
I think it is built into our psyche.

[DebbieL]

I've been reading up on ways to stop porn addiction and basically read that I have to stop all forms of sexual stimulation. Sexual fantasies, masturbation and orgasms to porn are not allowed during a reboot. Orgasms with real people or masturbation without porn is ok. After a successful reboot of say months or years, it's not recommended to ever go back to porn.

Been reading Fundamentalist Christian pseudo-science have we? Porn is relatively harmless unless we start rejecting our real-life partner because he or she can't live up to our porn inspired fantasies. In "Porn", professional models wear all sorts of cute outfits, or nothing at all, they take yoga and dance classes for 3-4 hours a day to maintain their shape, and even then, they have to plan their poses with the photographer so that they can pull their stomachs in at just the right moment while making that sexy face. After that, the photographer or publication does other photographic or photo-shop effects to make color issues go away. The woman you are jerking off to in the magazine isn't real, she doesn't "love" you, she doesn't even want to **** you, and even if she did, you would probably be disappointed with the experience.

Even in a pornographic movie, the poses to provide good camera angles are anything but natural, and are often even painful. This is one of the reasons they do all that yoga and dance, so that they can stretch to really awkward positions to provide that really hot camera shot you love so much. She may have to stop in the middle of the scene to relieve cramps.

And the man is also not necessarily having a great time the whole time either. Viagra causes the erection, and he has to be able to *** on queue, with a crew of 5-20 people moving around with cameras, microphones, and lighting equipment, and they all want to go to lunch.

Real women have curves, and lumps, and cellulite. They have bad days, they have their own wants and needs. It takes them longer to get aroused and they need you to take your time, to kiss their necks, to scratch their back where the bra would be, and you need to take your time. You need to ask her about her ROMANTIC fantasies as well as her sexual fantasies.

I was wondering if anyone here has gone through a reboot and how they dealt with their crossdressing side? I've accepted the fact that crossdressing is a part of my life, but how do I abandon it?

If they told you that you had to castrate yourself, would you do that too? If your are a sex offender, or are considering forms of sex that involve truly non-consensual sex, and involve your pleasure alone, without concern or interest in the pleasure of the partner, then you need some serious help from a professional, and not a fundamentalist Christian who has no ideal what he's dealing with.

Bottom line, your sexual desire is a natural and essential part of being a human being. If we didn't have sexual desire, we wouldn't reproduce, we wouldn't have children, and we wouldn't stay around to raise them. Some mammals simply make love because they smell a female in heat, mate, and then have no interest in what happens to the mother or their offspring.

Where we get into trouble is when we start wondering about things that we have no real intention of fulfilling, or we have no possibility of fulfilling. For example, a married man having fantasies about making love to another man's wife, or a much younger girl, such as a daughter's friend. We wonder about it, and the wondering is almost immediately followed by despair.

Or is crossdressing just a result of my porn addiction? I only got into crossdressing because of fetishes. Will my crossdressing lifestyle go away after this reboot?

When did you first start getting into the fetishes? Most males have most of their sexual preferences, including their sexual identity, gender partner preference, and activity preferences, by the time we are 4-5 years old. This is usually right after we are potty trained and have free and unrestricted access to our primary genitalia. Ironically, girls develop their sexual desires even earlier and can give themselves orgasms while wearing diapers.

Do you have a partner at the moment? You are 21 years old. You have probably had very little actual sexual experience, and even that is few and far between. If you are also a late bloomer, not losing your virginity until later, then you probably have even more of a fantasy rich sex life.

There is nothing wrong with having rich and varied fantasies if you enjoy them. The challenge is to be able to find others who have complimentary interests to yours. For example, if you like to be dressed up and wear special items of clothing, and maybe even be bound, then the challenge is to find a woman who really LIKES the fact that your submissive and want to dress up. There are actually women who seek out "Sissy boys" and really enjoy feminizing them, even humiliating them, and at the same time giving them pleasure. At the same time, they will want to teach you how to please her with a lot more than what's between your legs.

Unfortunately, MPAA ratings practices have created two forms of media. The romantic comedies or romances are full of romance and love, with no sex, which is a fantasy, and contrary to human behavior, as unnatural as porn, which is sex with no love and no romance.

You should balance your porn by watching romances and reading romantic and erotic novels. Go on Amazon and look up your fetishes, look up "Sissy" or "Transgender" or "Cross-Dressing". There are lots of stories that are nice romantic novels that have transgenders, cross-dressers, or "Sissies" as the featured character.

You should also spend some time watching "chick flicks", romances and romantic comedies, preferably with a girl who is a friend, or several girls who are friends. When you get to the point where you are crying because you are happy, along with the rest of the girls, you know that you have achieved a balance.

Finally, you need to understand that LOVE is not some feeling that is caused by a soup of hormones that happens when you are aroused or happy or both together, but is rather a commitment to love the other person just the way they are and just the way they aren't. When you can love a woman regardless of her figure, her mood, her time of the month, or her pains or joys, and you want to do everything you can to make her laugh and be happy, regardless of the circumstances, that's love. When you can see yourself standing by her bed when she is as old as your grandmother, and loving her every moment your are together, telling her how wonderful she is, that's love.

You also need to understand that relationships are NOT 50/50 but 100% you and 0% the other person. When you are worried about getting your share, of pleasure, of sex, of money, of anything else, you become selfish and you will want more than your share thinking it's owed to you. Instead, you need to focus on how you can please your partner and how you can make him/her happy, and expect nothing. This way, when you get love expressed, even if it's not in the form you were hoping for, you can be grateful for it and realize that sometimes "You're not going to wear THAT to work" is her way of saying "I love you more than anything and I want you to be happy at work".

You also need to give up notions of what your partner should look like. The playboy model may look like she'd be wild in bed, but the ones who are real tigers in bed are the ones who are not so physically beautiful. They know how to create a good time in any situation, their friends bring them to parties because they know she will create magic. They are often open to lots of different things and are much more interested in trying lots of different things. They have their own fantasies and desires, unfulfilled for a long time, and they are looking for a partner who wants to play, and wants to play for a long time, even for life.

A "porn purge" is good if you are looking for a fundamentalist Christian wife and want to live a life where sex is solely for procreation and not particularly enjoyable even then.

What you really need to do is look at all of your relationships with partners of your preference (let's assume women). This would include lovers, friends, girls you kissed but never took to bed, and girls you wished you could take to bed. You should also look at the girls who tried to pick you up that you rejected. Look at what you liked about each relationship, and what you didn't like.

You want to look at your sexual fantasies as well. Assume that you could have a partner who would do ANYTHING you wanted her to, what would you REALLY want to do. Then think about your limits. Are there things that you WOULD NOT do for a partner who pleased you? What are the things you WILL do, what do you LIKE to do - even if you don't get off on it. Would you be willing to play with toys? Would you be willing to do oral? Would you let her do you?

Then you need to look at where you have been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or evasive. Where have you hurt others? Where have you you been "lucky"?

Then, and only then, you can begin to create a safe and sane sexual ideal based on honesty, authenticity, and real relationship.

Next, you need to tell at least 12 people about your safe and sane sex ideal, what you really want and really could do. You can also put that on a dating site if you'd like. The 12 people is usually enough to create a network large enough that you will be introduced to someone who will introduce you to someone who wants EXACTLY what you want to offer and is willing to do EXACTLY what you want them to do.

Once you find a like-minded partner, you can explore each other's limits. Be willing to give up your limits and discover new things that you might enjoy. I was introduced to bondage (both dominant and submissive), pettycoat discipline, and pegging by partners I met this way. In each case, what started out as a "one night stand" turned into a mutually satisfying relationship that lasted for months or even years. This includes my current wife.

If you really want to deal with "Sex Addiction" these are the first steps in doing so. You don't have to give up your favorite fantasy porn, you just need to expand your horizons beyond your own self-centered desires and begin to explore how you would please others. You should probably get Cosmo and read it carefully, as well as novels such as "50 shades of Grey" - it's popularity as a best seller should be a good indication of how many women have these types of fantasies. Pay attention to the romantic aspects as well as the sexual aspects.

[ReineD]

I think you're wise to do this. There was a study in Italy you might be interested in. They surveyed thousands of young men under 30 (not older men), and they discovered that with the proliferation of available internet porn, there is an abnormally high percentage of younger men who are supposed to be at the peak of their sexuality, who have Erectile Disfunction when they are with women!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...rowing-problem

They do say that abstinence from porn is the only way to fix this.

Be careful though to not replace the porn with masturbating every time you dress. This can eventually lead to autogynephilia (AGP ... the love of oneself as a woman) which makes it just as difficult, if it is severe enough, to have sex with women, since your preferences and fantasies will lie elsewhere.

[whowhatwhen]

A therapist would probably be better able to help you more with the porn stuff, but don't expect a whole lot to try to "cure" you of crossdressing.
All anyone here can do is play armchair therapist and it's probably not going to help you much.

It seems super common that the sexual component diminishes after a while, but since you're 21 being horny all the time is pretty par for the course :P

The only thing I can suggest:
Try getting some non-sexy, casual clothes and see where that goes, if you gotta fap then take them off completely as to attempt to detach the sex from the clothes.

Note: I'm no professional, this is just my best guess.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Just out of curiosity, why do you feel the need to stop dressing (or anything else) for sexual stimulation? Is it causing problems in a relationship?

[Wildaboutheels]

MOST men are visual creatures compliments of Good Ol' Mother Nature. SImply EVOLUTION at work and nothing anymore complicated than that.

There are those here who say it has NEVER been sexual for them. Presumably they mean they have NEVER had an O wearing female clothing items???

NEVER? Probably common for those born with/in the wrong body who [most likely] go on to transition to "settle the matter".

I think most mean it has SELDOM been sexual and/or the O part was many moons ago. I would bet a years pay that the O part is what accounts for why the vast majority here feel "guilty and/or ashamed".

Porn, CDing and magazines are ALL avenues to the promised land but I don't think they are necessarily linked in any way or that one leads to another. Toys are another avenue but different because toys are NOT visual cues. You'll notice a marked absence of flats and granny dresses in the pic gallery. And you WON'T see hookers wearing such attire either. Granny dresses and flats are certainly FEMALE items but aren't "good"VISUAL cues.Throw in all the guests at this site plus the popularity of the photo gallery plus which topics always get the most responses and the conclusion is inescapable.

I would not worry too much about which causes what unless it's ruining your Relationship/s in some way or costing you too much money. There seems to be an attitude among some that water here that dressing without the O part is somehow "better" or makes a man dressing as a woman less "wrong" or offensive. I find that line of thought a bit silly myself.

Pavlov and his dogs got nothing on MOST CDers and their clothes. People trying to deny the things that push their buttons will have a mighty long row to hoe.

Ad as already mentioned, people can become addicted to anything. Apparently MANY females are addicted to their "battery powered devices" and can't get to the promised land w/o them.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hey Julia...

I have not gone through a reboot as you have described but I have gone through many internal self-examinations of my motives over the past two decades. Why do I do this? Why does that turn me on? Are these things related?

Like some others here I have learned that dressing and sexual stimulation can be very separate things even if they feel one and the same when dressed and enjoying sexual activity of any kind. I have learned to enjoy both approaches: dressing for simple comfort and preference as well as dressing for sexual fun. The fetish side still has a home but it's not overbearing nor all consuming.

It would seem obvious that your desire for porn is really a function of your lack of will power in accessing porn. Right, don't watch it...yet how do you avoid it? I do not need to search very hard to find it online which makes me grateful that the internet was not available when I was a teen (I am 43 now) even though it would have helped me feel more "normal" and less alone as a cross dresser. Perhaps the big secret is learning to restrict your use of technology to access porn. "Reboot" being a computer term may be the big clue.

Try finding the will power to turn off or limit the technology to start and see how things go. Discover other means of personal entertainment other than surfing the web (at home or on the phone). Going cold turkey would work but sometimes turning off one thing at a time in a system to see how it affects the system overall can help narrow things down. Or turn it all off and turn one thing on at a time. Does that make sense? Predetermine all the components that you feel are linked to your porn desires and give it a whirl. Yes, it will take some time but you already have made a good start by acknowledging what you want to change.

Good Luck!

[Frédérique]

I was wondering if anyone here has gone through a reboot and how they dealt with their crossdressing side? I've accepted the fact that crossdressing is a part of my life, but how do I abandon it?

I find it impossible to shake an addiction to porn, but the latter keeps unfolding, with new areas of interest opening up all the time. The pornographic “fog” that afflicts me is so pervasive that I employ crossdressing to combat it – there is no sexual fetish inherent in my CD’ing, and it really helps to create a calm space away from that other, somewhat debilitating world. But, you know, I really don’t wish to abandon my fun, either pornography or crossdressing – why should I? There’s not much on the menu in my dwindling life, or on this Earth, and these are the things that thrill and/or please me consistently. Why should I restrict my avenues of pleasure? To please others? I KNOW the time is going to come when all this will end, and I’d just like to make the most of the time I have left to me...

So, I don’t know how one would abandon crossdressing. You and I are very different, since crossdressing does not enhance my sexual pleasure one little bit. Also, I wouldn’t entertain the idea of a “reboot,” even though it may very well help me in some way – I would rather keep things just the way they are, and keep smiling...