Forced to purge.

[FionaO]

Exactly 10 weeks ago, I sympathised with a friend who was recently widowed and came home very drunk for the first time in 30 years of marriage. In the morning while I slept it off my wife (as a punishment I think) threw out all my female items which were openly in my closet. I lost my favourite dresses and lingerie, my best shoes and handbags, almost all my make-up and jewellery, all my expensive nightgowns, my breastforms and a few wigs. I had thought she was ok with my dressing but she now insists it is perverted and insists that I quit or leave. A week after this happened I was away for a few days and during that time she did a thorough search of the house and discarded any other items she found.
Here's the thing. I had anticipated the second purge and managed to hide a number of dresses and some lingerie in a very secret place that she has no access to. I deliberately left a few items in more obvious places for her to find. In total she chucked out around 30 dresses and commented that I had owned more than her.
My wife is now out of town for a few days and I have gone to my secret hiding place and purged a further 130 dresses including some wedding gowns and a load of lingerie and shoes. I haven't bought anything new during this time. All the items have gone to charity shops.
Thing number two: I am writing this post in my very private back garden. Anyone observing me (they can't though) would see a woman with long fair hair in a very pretty summer dress and red heels. I couldn't take it any longer and feel great. I still have around 60 dresses left in my secret place. (If you have been counting I had 220 dresses)
I now have to be very, very careful and will only dress when I have a few days on my own. In my heart I know the right thing would be to clear out everything but I'm not ready just yet. Throwing out 75% of my dresses today was pretty hard and I'm resolved to buying no more and possibly slowly purging a few more things.
I'd appreciate any observations.

[Sister Rachel]

You have( or had) a LOT of dresses!

I can count mine on my fingers, and if my wife threw any of them out,(she wouldn't) it'd be divorce!

[Alice Torn]

That has got to be tough. No small loss of investment. I thought my 25 dresses was too much! I empathize with you. It swounds like her way or the highway.

[jackie_p]

Good luck to you if you try to quit altogether but I have purged several times
And never been able to quit completely, at least not for long. For both your
sake, I hope she reconsiders.

[Jessica Who]

Nothing more to say than I'm sorry that happened to you, stay strong

[Tracii G]

I hope everything settles down soon that has to be tough to go thru.

[mikiSJ]

That's BS that your wife threw out your clothes and also that you let her!

Since you wife is out of town, why not put your clothes back in their proper place and pull all of your wife's clothes off the hangers and put them somewhere. Don't throw them out like she did, just give her notice that your clothes are yours and hands off.

[Kandy Barr]

Hard to know what to say. Your wife must of been building a resentment about your cding for a long time and it finally came to the surface. I hope you can resolve things with her and find a happy compromise. We don't seem to have much luck in purging and never returning. Wish you the best, and you still have more dresses than I do!

[AlyssaS]

I would be so incredibly tempted to throw out all of her pants, shorts, and socks.

[Julie Gaum]

I like Miki's idea but doing that would only bring the pot to boil that much faster. You have been on this Forum long enough to know
that planning to purge everything and stop completely is a fantasy that will never happen at least not for long. Personally I know it to be a fact. Unless you earn a huge income you must agree that the size of your wardrobe was way too large and probably pissed your SO off even more. The cruz of the matter, with the little we know about your situation, is there is total lack of respect for each other and
can only guess, yes only guess that it's communication time. Extremes in buying and extremes in acting out your mutual disdain, including all these secret hiding places is great for kids but not for adults in a great marriage. Isn't it obvious that a conclusion to this mutual misery has to be addressed quickly? It can't go on --- you already know that!
Julie

[Kathy4ever]

I did that myself but felt I had lowered my behavior to her childish behavior. This happened about three years ago and this year we have gotten along about dressing a lot better. Last week she even gave me knee high heel boots that she bought that ended up too big for her. Tonight I gave her a black dress that ended up too tight in the breast area for me. Give a little and get a little seems fair to me. My only issue I have is she keeps using my razor to shave her legs. It does work better but I bought us lady razors, but she keeps using mine and leaves the evidence. I jokingly will say you left your evidence again. This a take on if I left one of fem items in view which has not been an issue. Next pay period I'm buying another razor that we can shave our legs with but it is that time of year to start epilating again.

That's BS that your wife threw out your clothes and also that you let her! .

Since you wife is out of town, why not put your clothes back in their proper place and pull all of your wife's clothes off the hangers and put them somewhere. Don't throw them out like she did, just give her notice that your clothes are yours and hands off.

[KellyJameson]

Someone on this forum should start a business selling all this stuff that is being purged and splitting the proceeds

I would think it must run in the millions of dollars.

It makes me sick thinking about all those beautiful dresses going to charity and I do not even own a single dress.

You painted a very nice picture of yourself sitting in the garden dressed in a sundress.

If someone threw out my property without asking they would find themselves duct taped to the ceiling, sprayed with honey and than thousands of crazy ants from Texas released into the house.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Fiona,

There is more going on here then your dressing, Spouses don't just up and start throwing things out, Mayby your 'collection ' has gotten a bit out of hand ? Are there other thigs you two need to be talking about ? The drinking seems to be a catalyst for other things the two of you need to talk about.

Kelly

[Christina Horton]

Ok. I've never been married so take this with a grain of salt. I would sit her down and tell her if you were to purge 100% you'd start up later. Then I would tell her if she ever throws out my stuff again I kick her out. That's a line I would not cross with her stuff so why does she get special permission to do that to me. Sorry but that's my single , never been in love take on it. If you did that you might find your without a wife etc... But that's me 2 cents.

Good luck.

[Rachel Murphy]

That's BS that your wife threw out your clothes and also that you let her!

Since you wife is out of town, why not put your clothes back in their proper place and pull all of your wife's clothes off the hangers and put them somewhere. Don't throw them out like she did, just give her notice that your clothes are yours and hands off.

This. Only I wouldn't just hide her clothes, they would be gone!

[bomba]

my wife goes up and down like that.sooo i try to keep my whole crossdressing life private from her.she knows i do it and she treats me like shit because of it.wish i would have keep it totally secrete. i think i could have. but i let myself be caUGHT IN LITTLE WAYS HOPING FOR EXCEPTANCE.it was a big mistake

[mikiSJ]

I did that myself but felt I had lowered my behavior to her childish behavior.

I agree that my suggestion would be promoting childish behavior, but it appears we are dealing with two kids to begin with.

Only I wouldn't just hide her clothes, they would be gone!

Now, now!!

[CarlaWestin]

I would demand that she never wear pants, again!
Actually, I would wish her well with her new freedom as a single, financially independent woman.

[Brooklyn]

Stop purging and sit down like adults to discuss things, one issue at a time. And don't come home drunk anymore!

[Davena Doll]

All I can say is WOW! .........I only have 9 mini skirts.

[Christinedreamer]

I would consider the very real probability that your being so drunk is what made her so angry and in her mind, to teach you a lesson, she hurt you in a way that showed YOU how much she felt betrayed by your being drunk. Her tossing of your wardrobe may basically have had nothing to do with a change in her acceptance of your CDing.

[Beverley Sims]

It is sad that you have suffered a reversal by your wife.
I would not purge any further as it is probably futile.
Just store it all till times change.

[Lynn Marie]

Might I suggest that you avoid fighting fire with fire. The preferred method of putting out a fire is to cool it down with water. It's absolutely time to have some heart to heart communication with your spouse.

[Rianna Humble]

There definitely seems to be more here than meets the eye. You start by saying that your wife's action was a punishment for being drunk but then admit that you had seen signs of it coming and instead of addressing the underlying issue you chose to hide maybe 80% of your clothes.

To me, it seems that your wife saw that many clothes disappear and decided to join in what she thought (wrongly) was you purging.

The childish calls for you to be a macho man and retaliate are so much rubbish that they don't even deserve consideration.

I'm not sure what you expect to achieve by purging the rest of your stuff out of resentment for your wife's actions - it won't punish her and it will do absolutely nothing to cure whatever problems you two are having as a couple. Indeed, I would expect your resentment to spill out and make matters worse.

[mary something]

exactly what Rianna said with the following addition. Next time you want to purge that much stuff just put in a box, tape it up, and mail it to me I'll even pay the shipping and give half of it back to you later when you want it back.