Hi girls

Well it looks final.
I'm getting separated. And the cause is crossdressing. It's not the dressing 100% alone, its the behavior that accompanied it, such as the hiding of stuff, the dishonesty about what it meant to me (which to be honest I have been suppressing and not dealing with) and what it's been doing to us and our trust in each other.

She just can't accept any part of this part of me. And i really haven't presented it in the best light a lot. There have been multiple finds of my clothes, each time chipping away at her trust.

I have to speak up here and say that I really can't believe that she couldn't accept a little part of me here. I've been a pretty great husband all around, and a lot of tech frustration and anger over the past have been my suppressing this part of me, and her complete and total unacceptance of this. I'm kind of amazed that our marriage is ending because of this, which althought there's loss of trust around crossdressing and my inability to completely cut it out of my life, is not that bad in my eyes.

I've been to more than a few therapists and they confirmed that its really not something that you can get rid of, yet my wife wants me to quit it.

We have two kids and my heart breaks when I see any of their toys lying around. I'll no longer be their father in the same way. They both are young and I'm really afraid how this will end up. I miss them so badly already.

This really sucks. Had I been an alcoholic or drug addict this would have at least sent me off to rehab clinic, but to be a crossdresser, heaven forbid.

I haven't slept all night. Most likely wont be able to. This was the only place where I feel like I can post this and know it'll fall on ears that have gone through the same thing.

Anyway, another example of how denying who you are and trying to "fix" yourself as a way to fit in just will not work. I didn't know who I was before I started this marriage. I'm closer now and it's going to cost me everything.

Love to you all,
Darla