Confused

[Paula DAngelo]

I don't know if this is the right place to be posting this, if not feel free to move it.

I've always thought of myself as a crossdresser but lately I'm beginning to wonder. I know I'm not overlly attractive wwhen made up but when I look in the mirrorwhar I see looks right to me, and it also feels right. I don't have an uncontrollable urge to be female yet if I had the option to have my male parts replaced with the corresponding female parts I'd do it in an instant regardless of the fact that I wouldn't. necessarily be an attractive female. Are these feelings normal for a crossdresser or is it possible that I'm beginning to realze that I'm. something else.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[suzy1]

You really can’t say “are these feelings normal” because we are all different.
To me its sounds like what is sometimes called “the pink fog” but only you know Paula.

I do know that going for sex change surgery is one h**l of a decision to make and that’s an understatement.
I would give it a few months/years and see how you feel. I took years to realise I was transgender.

[STACY B]

Best thing to do is go an see a therapist ,, Then after waiting for your app an talking to them you will have some cool off time an then just talk to them an they can lead you though it alot better an safer than we can ,, We are just here for trial an error ,,lol,,
Mostly error to test the waters for another generation to be a little closer to full acceptance an the world can find some one else to pick on an ridicule !!

[Beverley Sims]

I did fantasise about this in my early years crossdressing.

[flatlander_48]

Lots of variations in the population here in addition to significant fluidity. How we are now is probably different from how we were a few years ago and likely to be different again in a few years. Normalcy? It varies!!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Paula,

This could be an indication that you are more than "just" a cross-dresser or it could just be getting caught up in an idealised version of reality. The advice to talk to a reputable Gender Therapist is good.

Something else you could try is spending a long vacation with no male clothing at all and see how you feel at the end of 2 or 3 weeks en femme. If your feelings were just you getting caught up, you will probably tire of the dressing long before the end of the 3rd week.

[Paula DAngelo]

Thank you to everyone that has replied. I agree that talking to a therapist would probably be a good idea however with money being the way it is and no insurance to help out I don't. see that happening for a while. I also like the idea of taking a long vacation and seeing what happens but again there is the money issue. Guess at this point I'll have to ride it out and see what happens.

[docrobbysherry]

There's no over riding reason for u to see a therapist or take a fem vacation. As long as your situation isn't dire or causing u to be depressed by it.

Like Beverley, I also began dressing with thots of having breast implants and SRS. But, after a number of years those left and I appear to be a crossdresser. Plain, yet not so simple!

[ReineD]

This could be an indication that you are more than "just" a cross-dresser or it could just be getting caught up in an idealised version of reality. The advice to talk to a reputable Gender Therapist is good.

Totally agree with this!

Also, if it is more than just enjoying putting on the clothes for you, if you feel that you are expressing an innate femininity, this does not necessarily mean (although it could) that you are transsexual (have felt that you were born in the wrong body and want to have this fixed). There are many people who do not feel they are solidly on the male end of the gender spectrum, yet they do not feel they are solidly enough on the female end of the spectrum to justify living full time female with a legal name change and eventually SRS. The proof of the pudding will be in what you decide to do and how you will decide to live, more than any intentions or wishes.

If you decide that you will continue to switch your presentation back and forth between genders, this is rather proof that you are somewhere in the middle even if you feel feminine internally (compared to how you feel in male mode, more than comparing to how GGs feel) and the challenge will be to come to terms with this. We all very much live in a gender-binary (male/female) world, and it is difficult for most of us to define and accept any gender that is outside of this.

IMO.

[jenni_xx]

Seeing a therapist is only good if you understand exactly what it is that a therapist can do for you. They do not provide answers. They are merely an outlet for you to get what is troubling you off your chest. A good therapist will do no more than listen. They are not there to give answers.

I would say that you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself several questions. Do you cross-dress because it makes you feel happy or because it enables you to escape from yourself (in the sense of assuming a different identity)? Are you essentially happy with yourself and your lot in life, or do you crave for something different?

You say you don't have an uncontrollable urge to be female. Does that mean that you have an urge to be female that you are managing to control? Or to word this differently, that you are managing to suppress?

That you say you would replace your male parts with female parts in an instant - does this stem from a desire to be female or simply a desire to someone other than yourself?

You ask if the feelings you are feelings are normal for a cross-dresser. In some cases they may well be. In others they may not. They may be feelings of projection, feelings that are intent on distancing yourself from yourself in any way whatsoever. Anyone and everyone (irrespective of whether they are transgendered, male, female, gay, straight) can feel this way.

You are something else. We all are. I am something else from the person who posted above me and the person who posted below me. Feeling as though we don't quite fit in are common, irrespective of your sexuality, gender, whatever. The only thing we, whoever we are, can do is find things and do things that make us happy. If crossdressing makes you happy, then roll with it. If crossdressing isn't the answer, either in respect that it isn't enough (you want to go further and change your gender), or in respect that you are no longer gaining happiness out of it, then seek the answer elsewhere. But the answer can and only ever will come from yourself. And in that respect, the best advice I can give you is to listen, not to anyone else, but to yourself. Take your time, be honest with yourself, and you'll find the answer.

I wish you all the best.

[marlenesexton]

Lots of good advice. I'm a casual crossdresser. I don't do it often and prefer certain clothing to the whole enchilada (wig, make up, nails, etc.). I'm firmly masculine yet I've had periods where I wondered if I might not be happier living as a woman full time or even magically transform into one. I have come to believe that is part of who I am, a fairly weak but still present desire to experience the feminine, to feel like a woman, even be one at times. Is it merely pink fog, probably. I get all worked up, enjoy the feelings and sensations and the drive increases for a time and then fades.

IMHO, it's important to understand that like bisexuals, it's OK to be bi-gender. If you're a man and sometimes find men attractive you don't have to become gay. If your a man and find being feminine and experiencing life as a woman sometimes is satisfying you don't have to become a woman. It's OK to occupy the middle and enjoy it. It's OK if you decide to take it further. Do what YOU want and don't worry so much about labels and categories. Be who and what you want to be and if that's a transwoman, so be it but if that's a man who likes to crossdress and even dream a little, that's fine too.

[Eryn]

Paula, your feelings are in the normal range for crossdressers. CDing embodies a wide range of needs and desires and the definition is broad enough to accommodate everyone. You are in a state of change and you have plenty of time to explore and find the place in the spectrum that is comfortable for you. This isn't a competition!

[Jilmac]

I suppose you could call it wishfull thinking for me, but when I dress I would love for my female parts to be permanently attached. However I know how difficult it can be for a person going through the transitional process, and I'm almost certain that I could never do it myself. As far as the feelings being normal, I can't speak for all crossdressers but I believe to some degree that many of us have had the same thoughts and desires.

Perhaps if I were forty years younger and single, I may have considered M to F transition but even then it would have taken much forethought. Like you, I believe I wouldn't be a very attractive female, however when I look around and see some very young GGs today, I think as an unattractive girl, I could easily fit in.

[Paula DAngelo]

I've gone back an read/reread all the replies to by initial post, and again I want to thank everyone for taking the time to reply. What I'm getting from everything is sort of what I thought when I made the original post, the only one that can really decide where this is going is me. All I know at this point is that when I'm dressed, things feel right like this is who I am. The odd part is I don't have, as one person put it, the feeling like I was born in the wrong body, but at the same time I don't feel that I was born in the right one either. Fortunately for me I don't have to rush into any type of choice on this and can take my time and see where this is going. I do know that more of my feminine side is coming out on a daily basis and I'm ok with that, after all it's my life and I'm the one that has to be happy with it, not anyone else. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting journey and I'm looking forward to seeing where it will lead.