Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 32

Thread: I'm T, not G!

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Brooklyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    563

    I'm T, not G!

    Most of my friends and family know I cross-dress for fun and am not ashamed of it. My ears are pierced, I dress well, and my personality is also slightly femme in daily life, so many people just assume I'm gay. Usually that's not a problem, and can be kinda fun, but it often leads to some big misunderstandings as my friendships develop. Being a ballroom dancer, interior designer, and now a cosmetology student pretty much cements any first-impressions.

    How and when should I gracefully let people know that I'm in the "T" category, and not the "G"? Or, should I just settle for "queer" and let them figure it out themselves? Most people don't understand the vocabulary currently used to describe TG people. Do any of you have plain words to describe yourself to straight or LGB people?

  2. #2
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Northeast U.S.A
    Posts
    3,946
    We all pick a spot on that gender spectrum of LGBTLMNOQWXYZ, and sometimes Y.......whatever that may be.

    We is what we iz...whatever that may be.

    My life advice: Make lemonade with the lemons you have. Personally I prefer limes. Sonic drive-in does a nice job with drinks, as I prefer their lime lime-aid with my Coney Island chili cheese dog.

  3. #3
    Sejd
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    711
    Just be who you are and let the world scratch their heads LOL :0)

  4. #4
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Mo. Ozarks
    Posts
    6,747
    My reply is always the same no matter who I'm talking to! ''If you don't like the way I'm liven' you just leave this long haired country girl alone''!!
    If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:

  5. #5
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Bridgewater NJ
    Posts
    1,428
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley Smith View Post
    Most of my friends and family know I cross-dress for fun and am not ashamed of it. My ears are pierced, I dress well, and my personality is also slightly femme in daily life, so many people just assume I'm gay. Usually that's not a problem, and can be kinda fun, but it often leads to some big misunderstandings as my friendships develop. Being a ballroom dancer, interior designer, and now a cosmetology student pretty much cements any first-impressions.
    There are at least 2 dimensions to sexuality. Gender identity, and gender preference. Beyond that is sexual identity and sexual preference.
    You might want to dress like a girl, and even be buddies with the girls, but want to relate sexually as a man to a woman. This is common with many cross-dressers. Or you might want to relate sexually more as woman to woman, a "male lesbian". Complicate things further by bringing the dominance/submission at social and sexual levels.

    Back in the 70's and early 80's we had the "hankie code". Different hankies or scarves had different meanings. Eventually, there were 30 different hankie types worn in up to four different places. On-line matching has made the process a bit easier, with some sites even doing "interviews" to determine these dimensions and degrees.

    How and when should I gracefully let people know that I'm in the "T" category, and not the "G"? Or, should I just settle for "queer" and let them figure it out themselves? Most people don't understand the vocabulary currently used to describe TG people. Do any of you have plain words to describe yourself to straight or LGB people?
    It's probably easiest to say you are transgendered (broadest term) and heterosexual or lesbian (het if you want to be "all man" in the bedroom.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
    Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
    See also:
    Open4Success

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    12,387
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley Smith View Post
    How and when should I gracefully let people know that I'm in the "T" category, and not the "G"?
    Having a well-stacked blonde on each arm while in drab will probably do the trick!

    Seriously, there is no need to explain anything. Your actions will clear up the situation with anyone close enough to you to matter. I used to worry about this a lot and it has been very liberating to no longer worry about being perceived as having a different orientation.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  7. #7
    Senior Member mikiSJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Silicon Valley, CA
    Posts
    1,945
    I would probably let them know when one of your male friends sez he has a brother who is gay and who thinks you look good in tight boy Levis.
    When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.

  8. #8
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    On the road in an RV, homebase Texas
    Posts
    6,751
    I've sometimes thought we should come up with an explainatory business card size thingy or maybe a brochure that introduces people to what CD/TG/TS is all about. If we made it look official and had some sort of organizational logo on it then folks would give it more credit. Bet we could get Kathleen Sebilius, Secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, to do a letter that could go in it. Maybe get a grant from her department to produce it.

    Forget I said the part about the grant. I'll go take care of that now.

    Quote Originally Posted by NathalieX66 View Post
    Sonic drive-in does a nice job with drinks, as I prefer their lime lime-aid with my Coney Island chili cheese dog.
    Ah! A girl after my own heartburn! *L*O*V*E* that Chili Cheese Coney! But love the All-American Dog even more! Love their low-cal limeaid too!

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  9. #9
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ft Lauderdale Fl
    Posts
    3,962
    I find people in general are very quick to make assumptions.Unless you are willing to take the time to explain AND they are willing to listen AND process it,you may as well just describe yourself as "a bit different than most". Many people that I talk with in the mainstream world focus on my appearance or "presentation" and never ask "what is it that makes you want to do this?". After UU church Sunday,I heard from three different ladies "you really have the best of both worlds"..obviously they never considered what goes on between my ears that makes me feel more comfortable around people in girl mode.There is no quick explanation so I just settle for being happy that they like me enough to tell me this!
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    907
    Believe me, it's all the same to them. You could try and break it down to 'em and maybe get thru. Probably not though.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Jana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    706
    I say be true to yourself and let them wonder. It's none of their business anyway, is it?

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1,207
    People are always going to believe what they want to believe no matter what. Personally,I'd just go on with my life and let them think what they want to.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Sabrina133's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Kansas City Mo
    Posts
    847
    Ashley, i know its easier to say than do but "why does it matter what they think?" Be who you are and be comfortable with it.

    Natalie - I love their lime aid as well but i prefer their Chicago dog

  14. #14
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Omaha Nebraska
    Posts
    1,582
    Ashley, I can relate. These assumptions are often the bane of our existence. We deal with them everyday....over and over again...in continuous repetition. It gets rather exhausting and frustrating, having to answer the same questions constantly. For ever one person that we educate there is a crowd of the under-informed standing behind them pointing fingers at us and laughing. We deal with it as best we can.
    Sometimes you just have to be
    GENERIC

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,967
    I often wonder whether you need to come out twice.
    Others will work it out eventually.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #16
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    6,608
    Just tell them you prefer women. No need to label yourself either T or G.
    DonnaT

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member tiffanynjcd24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    661
    I really consider myself as a t and a b and not a g. Btw I like girls more. Its just people especially dont understand I dress for fun and everything else

  18. #18
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,264
    I prefer to let people wonder what I am.LOL
    Most assume I'm gay I'm sure.

  19. #19
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,972
    Yeah, I usually say: "Hi, I'm Kate. What's your name?"
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  20. #20
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Posts
    495
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley Smith View Post
    How and when should I gracefully let people know that I'm in the "T" category, and not the "G"? (...) Do any of you have plain words to describe yourself to straight or LGB people?
    It's easier to demonstrate than explain. Show your affection for women rather than spending time denying being interested in men. It's easy enough for me to work in, as I talk about my wife and marriage equality pretty openly. I simply identify proudly in the "L" category. You just need a way to get a similar point across that suits your situation and identity.
    ~ Kimberly

    “To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard

  21. #21
    Member Contessa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    472
    I always say "you don't have to be gay to dress like a women but, you can be" I am not gay either I still like women so I have to be a lesbian.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  22. #22
    Member Jenny CD's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    I was lost, but now I'm found.
    Posts
    218
    Actually, I think it's kind of an important question. I have friends lesbian and gay, even they don't really understand the torment that we face. I do my best to explain it to them... They have a thousand questions! Goodness... And because they are my friends I don't mind talking about CD'ing with them. I told my co-worker (lesbian buddy) about my date and she must have asked 50 questions!! Is that how GG's talk to each other? They have to know every little detail? She even asked me if our wait-staff was male or female and if one of us got jealous? What!?!?
    Anyway, Ashley... My SA friend... I got a giggle out of this: "Being a ballroom dancer, interior designer, and now a cosmetology student pretty much cements any first-impressions." Uh, yeah. Silly.
    But see, you are gorgeous... Nothing to worry about.

    Question: Have you gone to school as Ashely? Maybe thinking about it? The reason I ask is because I am back in school and have been thinking of going as Jenny.
    Change is inevitable...

  23. #23
    My name is Carol Julogden's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Suburbs of Chicago, IL USA
    Posts
    3,670
    Quote Originally Posted by Sejd View Post
    Just be who you are and let the world scratch their heads LOL :0)
    I heartily agree with Sejd.

    Carol
    My name is Carol.

  24. #24
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,650
    From a purely tactical perspective, it would be better if everyone only thought you were "different" on a need-to-know basis; dealing with family and coworkers can be a real minefield; I understand the desire to be out and open though, some people can cause big problems if they know. However, since they already you dress, you might as well drop references to your orientation ("I went out with this girl once...", "It is so hard to find a girlfriend..." etc., and when they are surprised set them straight (no pun intended) about your orientation. You don't have to be rude or obnoxious, just set them straight with facts about heterosexual transvestism.

    Some of my family have wondered about me, not that I am feminine at all as a man, but why I have "never" had a girlfriend or shown interest in women; I have had a girlfriend etc., I just didn't want to discuss her (she is different and they would not approve of her) or talk about what kind of women I like, or why I can't find someone now (because I dress) with anyone unless they have a legitimate need to know about my private life.
    Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 07-29-2013 at 02:40 PM.

  25. #25
    Senior Member robindee36's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Chicago burbs
    Posts
    1,002
    Seems to me there are two elements here, sex and sexuality. The first covers the gender we gravitate toward and the second the gender we identify with. Am I missing something or could it be that simple?

    However, these days there seems a tendency or need to group, sub-group, sub-sub-group, etc everything. Not that long ago it was G or L or straight. Now we have the additional categories of B and T. As Nathalie showed, we could get the entire alphabet involved in making little boxes to fit into. Me, much more room in the closet than a box, unless its a whopping great big one

    Hugs, Robin

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State